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    Don’t Forget ASL, Too

    , | New York, NY, USA |

    (I’ve been exchanging emails with a woman all day. She tells me I should be expecting her call later in the afternoon. I give her my name and direct number so she won’t have to go through the receptionist switchboard.)

    Me: “Hello, this is [name].”

    Caller: “Oh, sorry, I must have the wrong number.” *click*

    (A few seconds later, the phone rings again from the same number.)

    Me: “Hello, this is [name].”

    Caller: “I can’t believe it! I can’t believe she gave me the wrong number!”

    Me: “Oh, well who are you trying to reach?”

    Caller: “I’m trying to call [my company], but I keep getting you instead!”

    Me: “Oh, this is [my company]. Are you looking for someone else?”

    Caller: “I’m looking for [my name]. I thought this was the right number.”

    Me: “Ah, that’s me! I’m [name]! How can I help you?”

    Caller: “Well, why didn’t you say that? You kept making me think I had the wrong number!”

    Me: “I answered the phone with ‘Hello, this is [name]‘. I’m sorry if you were confused, but what can I help you with?”

    Caller: “That is SO unprofessional! Why didn’t you answer the phone with [company name]?! How is anyone supposed to know they got the right number?”

    Me: “Um, because you’re looking for [name] and I said my name was [name], and you called my direct number?”

    Caller: “You should still always answer the phone with the company name, no matter what! I was about to hang up on you again and just call [competition]. At least they let you know who you’re calling when they pick up the phone!”

    Dealing With Customers Is Child’s Play

    | Eugene, OR, USA |

    Me: “Thank you for calling ****, this is ****, how may I help you?”

    Customer: *laughing hysterically* “Is there a grown-up there?”

    Me: “Excuse me?”

    Customer: *still laughing* “Is there a grown-up there? You sound like a child!”

    Me: “Oh, thank you ma’am, but I’m an adult. What can I help you with?”

    Customer: “Are you sure? You sound like you’re three! What do they do, hire children?”

    Me: “No, I’m 22 actually. What can I do for you?”

    Customer: “Pass me to someone who sounds like an adult.”

    Me: “I don’t think we’ll be able to help you.” *hangs up*

    Twice The Prongs, Half The Brains

    | New Jersey, USA |

    (My dad used to work part time at a tool and garden supply store; this happened around the holidays.)

    My dad: “Hello, sir, can I help you?”

    Customer: “Yeah, I need and extension cord, but I need one with prongs on both ends.”

    My dad: “We don’t sell them. It’s very dangerous to have copper exposed at both ends.”

    Customer: “Well, I need one. Can’t you make me one?”

    My dad: “No I can’t, sir. It would be extreamly dangerous and unethical for me to make that for you. What do you need this for? Maybe I can help you find something else.”

    Customer: “I NEED AN EXTENSION WITH PRONGS ON BOTH ENDS!”

    (My dad suddenly figures out why the guy needs a double pronged extension cord.)

    My dad: “Let me guess, you put the Christmas lights up backwards?”

    Customer: “Yeah…” *stomps off*

    Homework For Super Villainy 101

    | Salt Lake City, UT, USA |

    Customer: *on the phone* “Yeah, I found you guys on Google. I’m trying to find a laser gun that, you know, you can shoot a plane down with?”

    Me: “Um…we sell laser printer cartridges, not lasers…”

    Customer: “Oh…I guess I couldn’t really throw a cartridge that far at a plane, huh?”

    Me: “Uh…no?”

    This Quote Brought To You By The Number TWO

    | Burlington, Ontario, Canada | Top

    Customer: *on the phone* “I know you aren’t tech support, but I have an easy question.”

    Me: “Ok…”

    Customer: “How do you make the @ symbol…you know, for the email?”

    Me: “You hold the shift key and press 2.”

    Customer: “Won’t that just make a capital 2?”

    Me: “…”


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