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    Has A Limited Streetview

    | AZ, USA | Extra Stupid, Geography, Technology

    (I work as a salesman selling billboards all over the state, and have both national and local clients. I get a phone call on my cell phone.)

    Me: “Hello, you’ve reached [My Name]!    ”

    Client: “Hello, [My Name]; it’s [Client] from [His Business]. I bought a board from you?”

    Me: “Oh, yes! I believe it was installed last Monday and looks just great. I passed by it the other day. What’s going on?”

    Client: “Well, I’m looking at the board right now and it doesn’t have my design on it!”

    Me: *surprised, because I had just passed it the day before and it was there* “What do you mean? Is there another advertisement on there?”

    Client: *getting more mad* “Yes! I thought I was paying to be up there for three months!”

    Me: “Hold on, [Client]. I’ll go out there right now and take a look!”

    (I proceed to drive an hour from the office to go to the billboard. It’s located on a strip of highway between two cities, so there is nothing but desert around it. When I get there, I see that the client’s ad is up. I give him a call.)

    Me: “Hi, [Client], I’m standing here in front of the board and your advertisement is up!”

    Client: “That’s b******t! I’m looking at it right now too, and it’s for [Other Advertiser]!”

    Me: “…Where are you? Are you at the right board? I don’t see you here.”

    Client: “Well, of course I’m not there! I’m at my store, looking at it on [Website commonly used to view streets]!”

    Me: *trying hard not to be rude* “[Client], [Website] runs that service, not [My Company], and they don’t always update the images. What you’re seeing is an old advertiser. I promise you, I’m standing right here. I’ll take a picture with my phone and email it to you.”

    Client: “You better not be lying, because I’ll sue you for wrongful advertisement!”

    (I sent him a photo with his advertisement up, as well as a photo of me with the board in the background. He then renewed his contract with us for another year!)

    Universally Speaking

    , | UK | Extra Stupid, School, Technology

    (I work on a sales chat service for a large IT company. Customers come through and ask us questions about products, prices, etc. We offer a discount for students so this is something we get asked on a lot.)

    Customer: “I would like to buy a computer. How much is it with the education discount?”

    Me: “I’d be happy to help with that! If you can let me know where you’re studying and which computer it is you’re looking to purchase then I can certainly check if there is a discount available on that for you.”

    Customer: “[University], [model of computer].”

    Me: “Perfect, thanks! With your discount, that model would cost you £945.60. Are you happy that this is the best computer for your needs?”

    Customer: “I don’t know. I’m working in a budget. Is there a cheaper option?”

    Me: “What sort of budget did you have in mind?”

    Customer: “£1000.”

    Me: “Well, the model above does cost less than £1000, so it does come in under your budget.”

    Customer: “Okay. This model will be fine, then.”

    Me: “Are you sure that this model would be suitable for your university work?”

    Customer: “I don’t know. What can I not do on this computer that I can do on another?”

    Me: “Well, that’s a very difficult question to answer. If you can tell me what sort or stuff you’ll be using it for, I’d be happy to let you know if it’s suitable.”

    Customer: “Is [lower spec model] better?”

    Me: “Again, it really depends on what you will be using it for.”

    Customer: “University work.”

    Me: “Okay, and what sort of thing would that involve?”

    Customer: “Using software for assignments.”

    Me: “Can you clarify what sort of software you would be using?”

    Customer: “I don’t know. Things for university.”

    (I gave up asking at that point and wished him a nice day.)

    This Customer Is Phoney

    | Leeds, England, UK | Bad Behavior, Family & Kids, Liars & Scammers, Technology

    (It’s the early 2000s, and my dad and I are at my grandma’s house. We see a salesman making his way around the street, and my dad says he’ll deal with him when he gets to us.)

    Salesman: “Hello, sir! I’d just like to talk to you about your telephone service.”

    Dad: “Sorry, I don’t believe in phones.”

    Salesman: “You… don’t believe in phones?”

    Dad: “No, I don’t. I don’t think they’ll ever catch on.”

    (At this point, I’m not sure if the salesman is playing along or genuinely believes him.)

    Salesman: “Oh, but sir! Telephones are very popular now! Everybody uses them! Some people even have small ones they can carry around with them!”

    Dad: “That sounds ridiculous! Nope. Sorry, I’m not interested. Goodbye!”

    (He then returned inside, and picked up one of his three mobile phones to send a text message.)

    Don’t Forget ASL, Too

    , | New York, NY, USA | Uncategorized

    (I’ve been exchanging emails with a woman all day. She tells me I should be expecting her call later in the afternoon. I give her my name and direct number so she won’t have to go through the receptionist switchboard.)

    Me: “Hello, this is [name].”

    Caller: “Oh, sorry, I must have the wrong number.” *click*

    (A few seconds later, the phone rings again from the same number.)

    Me: “Hello, this is [name].”

    Caller: “I can’t believe it! I can’t believe she gave me the wrong number!”

    Me: “Oh, well who are you trying to reach?”

    Caller: “I’m trying to call [my company], but I keep getting you instead!”

    Me: “Oh, this is [my company]. Are you looking for someone else?”

    Caller: “I’m looking for [my name]. I thought this was the right number.”

    Me: “Ah, that’s me! I’m [name]! How can I help you?”

    Caller: “Well, why didn’t you say that? You kept making me think I had the wrong number!”

    Me: “I answered the phone with ‘Hello, this is [name]’. I’m sorry if you were confused, but what can I help you with?”

    Caller: “That is SO unprofessional! Why didn’t you answer the phone with [company name]?! How is anyone supposed to know they got the right number?”

    Me: “Um, because you’re looking for [name] and I said my name was [name], and you called my direct number?”

    Caller: “You should still always answer the phone with the company name, no matter what! I was about to hang up on you again and just call [competition]. At least they let you know who you’re calling when they pick up the phone!”

    Dealing With Customers Is Child’s Play

    | Eugene, OR, USA | Uncategorized

    Me: “Thank you for calling ****, this is ****, how may I help you?”

    Customer: *laughing hysterically* “Is there a grown-up there?”

    Me: “Excuse me?”

    Customer: *still laughing* “Is there a grown-up there? You sound like a child!”

    Me: “Oh, thank you ma’am, but I’m an adult. What can I help you with?”

    Customer: “Are you sure? You sound like you’re three! What do they do, hire children?”

    Me: “No, I’m 22 actually. What can I do for you?”

    Customer: “Pass me to someone who sounds like an adult.”

    Me: “I don’t think we’ll be able to help you.” *hangs up*

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