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    Universally Speaking

    , | UK | Extra Stupid, School, Technology

    (I work on a sales chat service for a large IT company. Customers come through and ask us questions about products, prices, etc. We offer a discount for students so this is something we get asked on a lot.)

    Customer: “I would like to buy a computer. How much is it with the education discount?”

    Me: “I’d be happy to help with that! If you can let me know where you’re studying and which computer it is you’re looking to purchase then I can certainly check if there is a discount available on that for you.”

    Customer: “[University], [model of computer].”

    Me: “Perfect, thanks! With your discount, that model would cost you £945.60. Are you happy that this is the best computer for your needs?”

    Customer: “I don’t know. I’m working in a budget. Is there a cheaper option?”

    Me: “What sort of budget did you have in mind?”

    Customer: “£1000.”

    Me: “Well, the model above does cost less than £1000, so it does come in under your budget.”

    Customer: “Okay. This model will be fine, then.”

    Me: “Are you sure that this model would be suitable for your university work?”

    Customer: “I don’t know. What can I not do on this computer that I can do on another?”

    Me: “Well, that’s a very difficult question to answer. If you can tell me what sort or stuff you’ll be using it for, I’d be happy to let you know if it’s suitable.”

    Customer: “Is [lower spec model] better?”

    Me: “Again, it really depends on what you will be using it for.”

    Customer: “University work.”

    Me: “Okay, and what sort of thing would that involve?”

    Customer: “Using software for assignments.”

    Me: “Can you clarify what sort of software you would be using?”

    Customer: “I don’t know. Things for university.”

    (I gave up asking at that point and wished him a nice day.)

    This Customer Is Phoney

    | Leeds, England, UK | Bad Behavior, Family & Kids, Liars & Scammers, Technology

    (It’s the early 2000s, and my dad and I are at my grandma’s house. We see a salesman making his way around the street, and my dad says he’ll deal with him when he gets to us.)

    Salesman: “Hello, sir! I’d just like to talk to you about your telephone service.”

    Dad: “Sorry, I don’t believe in phones.”

    Salesman: “You… don’t believe in phones?”

    Dad: “No, I don’t. I don’t think they’ll ever catch on.”

    (At this point, I’m not sure if the salesman is playing along or genuinely believes him.)

    Salesman: “Oh, but sir! Telephones are very popular now! Everybody uses them! Some people even have small ones they can carry around with them!”

    Dad: “That sounds ridiculous! Nope. Sorry, I’m not interested. Goodbye!”

    (He then returned inside, and picked up one of his three mobile phones to send a text message.)

    Don’t Forget ASL, Too

    , | New York, NY, USA |

    (I’ve been exchanging emails with a woman all day. She tells me I should be expecting her call later in the afternoon. I give her my name and direct number so she won’t have to go through the receptionist switchboard.)

    Me: “Hello, this is [name].”

    Caller: “Oh, sorry, I must have the wrong number.” *click*

    (A few seconds later, the phone rings again from the same number.)

    Me: “Hello, this is [name].”

    Caller: “I can’t believe it! I can’t believe she gave me the wrong number!”

    Me: “Oh, well who are you trying to reach?”

    Caller: “I’m trying to call [my company], but I keep getting you instead!”

    Me: “Oh, this is [my company]. Are you looking for someone else?”

    Caller: “I’m looking for [my name]. I thought this was the right number.”

    Me: “Ah, that’s me! I’m [name]! How can I help you?”

    Caller: “Well, why didn’t you say that? You kept making me think I had the wrong number!”

    Me: “I answered the phone with ‘Hello, this is [name]’. I’m sorry if you were confused, but what can I help you with?”

    Caller: “That is SO unprofessional! Why didn’t you answer the phone with [company name]?! How is anyone supposed to know they got the right number?”

    Me: “Um, because you’re looking for [name] and I said my name was [name], and you called my direct number?”

    Caller: “You should still always answer the phone with the company name, no matter what! I was about to hang up on you again and just call [competition]. At least they let you know who you’re calling when they pick up the phone!”

    Dealing With Customers Is Child’s Play

    | Eugene, OR, USA |

    Me: “Thank you for calling ****, this is ****, how may I help you?”

    Customer: *laughing hysterically* “Is there a grown-up there?”

    Me: “Excuse me?”

    Customer: *still laughing* “Is there a grown-up there? You sound like a child!”

    Me: “Oh, thank you ma’am, but I’m an adult. What can I help you with?”

    Customer: “Are you sure? You sound like you’re three! What do they do, hire children?”

    Me: “No, I’m 22 actually. What can I do for you?”

    Customer: “Pass me to someone who sounds like an adult.”

    Me: “I don’t think we’ll be able to help you.” *hangs up*

    Twice The Prongs, Half The Brains

    | New Jersey, USA |

    (My dad used to work part time at a tool and garden supply store; this happened around the holidays.)

    My dad: “Hello, sir, can I help you?”

    Customer: “Yeah, I need and extension cord, but I need one with prongs on both ends.”

    My dad: “We don’t sell them. It’s very dangerous to have copper exposed at both ends.”

    Customer: “Well, I need one. Can’t you make me one?”

    My dad: “No I can’t, sir. It would be extreamly dangerous and unethical for me to make that for you. What do you need this for? Maybe I can help you find something else.”


    (My dad suddenly figures out why the guy needs a double pronged extension cord.)

    My dad: “Let me guess, you put the Christmas lights up backwards?”

    Customer: “Yeah…” *stomps off*

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