I am visiting friends out of state and have rented a car. Since I don’t drink, I am the designated driver for my friends when we go to a party. After dropping everyone off, I get on the wrong freeway and am immediately lost.

As this is before the time of smartphones and GPS, I pull over to the shoulder and call my roadside assistance provider.

Roadside Assistance: “Let me put you through to the California Highway Patrol.”

She makes several attempts, but for some reason, the call never goes through. Hearing the panic in my voice, she comes up with a plan B.

Roadside Assistance: “Based on what you’ve told me, you’re actually near this office. I’m about to go off shift. Stay put, and I’ll find you.”

Me: “Are you sure? I can just—”

Roadside Assistance: “You’re a young woman in a car alone at night in a part of the country that’s strange to you. Stay put. Give me ten.”

Ten minutes later, she rolled up. She guided me not only to the right freeway but all the way to the correct freeway exit. And then, with a wave goodbye, she drove back into the night.

Caller: “I’ve locked my keys in the trunk!”

Me: “Are the doors locked?”

Caller: “Are you serious?”

Me: “It happens enough times that it’s our standard first question to your query.”

Caller: “I think I would have checked—”

I hear the sound of a car door opening

Caller: “—the… doors…”

Me: “Congratulations. Now just pop the trunk. Have I resolved your issue to your satisfaction?”

Caller: “…”

Me: “Sir?”

Caller: *Click* 

I took that as a yes.

I work in roadside assistance. I get a caller and verify their details and membership status.

Caller: “I need a tow.”

Me: “I can get that out to you.”

Caller: “But I don’t want them to damage my car!”

Me: “All of the towing companies we use are licensed professionals and are trained to take care of the cars they tow.”

About an hour later, a call is passed on to me; it’s the same caller.

Caller: “You said you hired professionals!”

Me: “What is your issue, sir?”

Caller: “The guys you called are refusing to tow my car!”

Me: “Are they there right now, sir?”

Caller: “Yes!”

Me: “Can you pass me on to them?”

He mutters a little but passes me over to the tow truck driver.

Tow Truck Driver: “Yeah, we have an issue here.”

I can still hear the caller in the background loudly moaning, “Don’t damage my car!”

Me: “What’s the issue?”

Tow Truck Driver: “His car is currently wrapped around a telephone pole. I can, of course, haul the car away, but it’s totaled.”

Me: “I… see.”

Tow Truck Driver: “I’m assuming he didn’t tell you that?”

Me: “No, he did not. He simply said he needed a tow.”

There’s the sound of a scuffle, and the caller grabs the phone back.

Caller: “He’s telling me he can’t tow my car without damaging it! You said they wouldn’t damage it!”

Me: “Sir, you didn’t tell me you were involved in a crash. I’m afraid this changes things somewhat. We will need to get a police report, talk to your insurers, and—”

Caller: “I’m going to sue the towing company if they damage my car!”

Me: “Sir, your car is totaled! You deliberately didn’t tell me that, and I suspect you did so to try to shift the blame to other parties. I will be contacting the authorities on your behalf, and I recommend you contact your insurer. Goodbye!” 

I hung up and went through the process. It turned out that the guy thought if he didn’t say anything on the phone, the tow truck driver would be liable. The things people think they can get away with!

I get a call from a caller who has left their key inside the car.

Me: “Can I get your membership number?”

Caller: “Oh, I don’t have my card to hand.”

Me: “That’s okay. I can take your name and—”

Caller: “Oh, wait, it’s in my bag!”

I hear the sound of a car door opening, a bag being rummaged in, and then a car door closing.

Caller: “My membership number is [number].”

Me: “Wait, sir, how did you get to your bag?”

Caller: “It was in the back seat.”

Me: “The back seat of the car you’re locked out of?”

Caller: “Yes.”

Me: “…”

Caller: “…”

Me: “…” 

Caller: “…F***’s sake.” *Click*

I am on the phone with a customer who is calling for roadside assistance.

Me: “What color is your vehicle?”

Customer: “Coquelicot.”

I blink in silence for a moment.

Me: “So… is like a yellow?”

Customer: “No! It’s red!”

I am asking for information on how to find you on the side of the road somewhere. How is “Coquelicot” more beneficial to a provider than “red”?