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    Caribbean There, Done That

    | London, England, UK | Bizarre, Family & Kids, Geography

    (I’m a volunteer lunch-server in a nursing home, but I’ve spent the last month working in the south of France. I’ve picked up a slight tan, but usually my skin is as white as it gets. One lady stares at me oddly as I bring her her food.)

    Lady: “Where are you from?”

    Me: “From here, ma’am. I live a few roads away.”

    Lady: “No, I mean where were you born?”

    Me: “Finchley, originally, but I moved—”

    Lady: “No, no, no. Where are you from?”

    Me: “Uh. London, ma’am. Britain.”

    Lady: “And your parents?”

    Me: “Also from London.”

    Lady: *squints at me* “No, you’re lying. There’s no shame in being Jamaican, you know. You can tell me.”

    Me: “I… What?”

    Lawless And Clueless

    | FL, USA | Crazy Requests, Criminal/Illegal, Transportation

    (I work as a receptionist at a retirement home.)

    Resident #1: “I want you to call the police right away.”

    Me: “Um. May I ask why?”

    Resident #1: “I called for a taxi and it still isn’t here. I want the police to arrest the driver.”

    Me: “Ma’am, I’m sorry about your wait but I don’t think the police should be involved with something like that.”

    Resident #1: “I don’t care. I’m a very important person. I have connections. Call the police.”

    Me: “Why don’t I call the taxi company to see where it is? I mean, it’s not like the driver can break traffic laws just to pick you up.”

    Resident #1: “I am above the law. With one word I can get this whole company shut down. I can—”

    Resident #2: *slowly walks up to desk with walker* “Is that your taxi outside?”

    Resident #1: “Ah, yes. Goodbye.”

    Resident #2: *waits until the first resident leaves* “What a b****.”

    George Foreman Would Not Be Happy

    | Jacksonville, FL, USA | Food & Drink

    Me: “Good afternoon. What can I get for you?”

    Resident: “I will have a grilled cheese without the bread.”

    Me: “I’m sorry. Our grilled cheese only comes on bread.”

    Resident: “Well, I don’t like bread. Your menu says I can have a grilled cheese, and I want it without bread!”

    Me: “Okay, I will be right back with that.”

    (I walk into the kitchen, and tell the cook the request. She puts two slices of cheese on a plate, and microwaves it. I then take it out to the resident.)

    Me: “Here you go.”

    Resident: “What is this? This isn’t a grilled cheese. Where are the grill marks?”

    Shout Until You’re Bleu In The Face

    | Newberg, OR, USA |

    (I work in the dining room at a retirement home. I’m offering an elderly woman soup.)

    Me: “Hi there, Susie! Would you like some soup tonight?”

    Elderly Woman: “What?”

    Me: *raising my voice* “Would you like some SOUP?”

    Elderly Woman: “WHAT?”

    Me: *I put mouth right by her ear and basically yell at her* “DO YOU WANT SOUP?”

    Elderly Woman: “Why are you speaking French?”

    The 8th Sign Of The Apocalypse

    | Tampa, FL, USA |

    Grumpy Old Man: “There’s too much salt in the shakers.”

    Me: “…”

    G.O.M.: *picks up shaker to demonstrate*

    Me: “I’m…sorry?”

    G.O.M.: “THERE’S NO SHAKE ROOM!”

    Me: “I’ll get right on that.”