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    Should Have It Pinned Down By Now

    | ME, USA | At The Checkout, Extra Stupid, Technology

    (I am cashing out a customer who has just slid her debit card.)

    Customer: “This number pad is so big. Everyone can see me entering my PIN!”

    Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am. I assure you that I can’t see it from here.”

    (In addition, I make an obvious attempt to look away. The customer finishes typing in her PIN, and then taps ‘cancel.’)

    Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am. You did tap cancel, so it’ll just have you slide your card and enter your PIN again.”

    (She sighs dramatically, grumbling about the size of the number pad and how everyone can see. She finishes entering the PIN, and then taps ‘cancel’ again.)

    Me: “I’m sorry. It looks like you tapped cancel again. Slide your card one more time, then enter your PIN and make sure to tap the green ‘enter’ button.”

    (She gave me an ‘are you kidding me?’ look, and then reluctantly slid it again. As she typed in her PIN for a third time, she mumbled something along the lines of ‘after all this, you’ll have it memorized’…)

    Turns Out Not To Be Sweet Nothings

    | NY, USA | At The Checkout, Awesome Customers, Food & Drink

    (I am working the register, and it has been a bit slow. A man approaches with two shirts. I ask him all the usual questions, like if he found everything and if he’d like to sign up for our rewards card, and we get to the total.)

    Me: “Okay, your total is $27.94.”

    Customer: *looking at the candies by the counter* “Hmm, chocolate covered blueberries?”

    Me: “Yeah, I’ve had something like those before. They were weird, but pretty cool. Are you going to get those? If you are, I’ll need to add them to the total.”

    Customer: “Okay, sure. And I’ll share them with you guys!”

    (I look at my coworker who is standing behind me, trying to figure out if he’s serious or not. I can’t tell, so I just laugh awkwardly and add them to his purchase.)

    Me: “Okay, your total now is $35.05.”

    (The man swipes his credit card, and I give him his receipt. Then, he rips open the bag and offers some to me.)

    Me: “Wait, you were serious?”

    Customer: “Yeah! Hold out your hand and say when.”

    (He gave a couple to my coworker and me, then left. They were very good, and the gesture made my night!)

    Trying To Do A Double Take With A Double Take

    | NH, USA | At The Checkout, Bad Behavior, Family & Kids, Liars & Scammers

    (I work in an ammo store. I’m working a morning shift, unpacking some newly arrived freight with 3 other workers. We’d just received some highly in-demand ammunition, in bulk packages, which is limited to 1 per customer per day due to its popularity. It comes in 325 round boxes, which is good for 1 to 3 trips to the shooting range. An older customer, gray haired and in his 60s, comes in.)

    Customer: “Hey, you have .22 ammo! Lemme get three boxes!”

    Coworker: “Sorry, we have a limit of one box per customer.” *hand him one box*

    Customer: “Oh, c’mon! No one cares. Just let me get three!”

    Coworker: “Sorry, I can only give you the one.”

    Customer: “What if I pay for this, leave, and come back?”

    Coworker: “I couldn’t give you another.”

    Customer: “You’re kidding me!”

    Coworker: “Nope, sorry. Strict policy, because it sells so fast.”

    (Customer walks away. After a few minutes, the guy who was behind the counter goes in the backroom to work there, and a suspiciously identical customer appears. He then speaks to a coworker who saw/heard none of the previous.)

    Identical Customer: “Hey, was my brother just in here?”

    Other Coworker: “Huh?”

    Identical Customer: “My brother! Looks just like me!”

    Other Coworker: “Uh…”

    Identical Customer: “Well, whatever. Hey, can you sell me some .22 ammo?”

    Other Coworker: “Um, sure…”

    (My other coworker begins walking to the ammo counter. I look over at my manager and shake my head ‘no.’)

    Manager: “Did he just leave here with .22 a minute ago?”

    Me: “Yup.”

    Manager: “Sir, we can’t sell you anything.”

    Identical Customer: “What?! That was my brother!”

    Manager: “No, it wasn’t. You need to leave.”

    Identical Customer: “Really!? You can’t hook me up?”

    Manager: “No. Leave.”

    Identical Customer: “Oh, well. Hey, you know I was just kidding, right?”

    Manager: “No.”

    Afraid Of Them Dropping By

    , | Round Rock, TX, USA | Bad Behavior, Health & Body, Liars & Scammers

    (I work at a popular national home improvement store, and started out as a temporary cashier. This was a particularly busy Sunday afternoon and, as usual, we were short-staffed for cashiers. A customer comes up to me and asks me to page a lot loader to help her load mulch. I do and the lot loader calls me on the register phone and tells me that he’ll help the customer when he’s done loading another customer. Later, the customer comes back with her mulch inside a large wheelbarrow as well as other items inside of it.)

    Me: “Got everything you need?”

    Customer: “Yes, but I’m not happy. The loader never showed up to help me. I had to use this because there’s no flat carts left!”

    Me: “Well, ma’am, there are carts under the annuals and perennials tables—”

    Customer: “There weren’t any when I needed them!”

    Me: “Well, I apologize for the inconvenience, ma’am. I’ll call the lot loader again and get him to help load the wheelbarrow and the rest of your purchase.”

    Customer: *annoyed* “Didn’t you hear me? There weren’t any flat carts left. I don’t want this. I’m not paying for it.”

    Me: “All right, then. I’ll grab a flat cart and I’ll just put your items on there and—”

    Customer: “Why? It’s already in here. Just ring me up.”

    Me: “Ma’am, if you’re not going to buy the wheelbarrow, you can’t take it out of the store. That’s why I offered to get a flat cart to—”

    Customer: *throws her hands up* “Just ring me up! I’ll bring the d*** wheelbarrow back.”

    (The customer continues to ramble as I ring her up. I call an associate, but tells me he’s busy with another customer. I explained my concern over the fact that the customer could steal a $200 wheelbarrow. Since the customer was urgent to leave and another cashier had come to relieve me for a break. I told the customer I would load her purchase for her. She led me to her mini-van and opened the back door. She had bought an iron rod used for hanging plants which sat on top of the pile of mulch. I placed it at the far side of the wheelbarrow so that I could load her mulch. Just as I load the first bag—with my back to the wheelbarrow—I hear a loud clang.)

    Customer: “Ow!” *holds her right ankle*

    Me: “Are you okay? What happened?”

    Customer: “The iron rod fell on me. I’m sorry. I have a low tolerance for pain. That really hurt.” *heavy tears begin to well up in her eyes*

    (I pick up the iron rod and scratch my head, perplexed at how it could’ve fallen when I put it out of the way. At this point, my coworker comes and finishes loading the customer’s purchase and lets her fill out an incident report. I continue working, but the assistant manager calls me into his office. Note: this manager is the asset protection manager.)

    Manager: “Hey, do you mind filling out the incident form?”

    Me: “Sure. Is the customer okay? She was crying pretty bad.”

    Manager: “She has a small bruise on her ankle, but she’s claiming that you dropped it on her.”

    Me: *staring, stunned* “Are you serious? After going to the whole trouble of helping her load her purchase? I didn’t want her to steal that wheelbarrow!”

    Manager: “Oh, I know. I checked the cameras that survey the parking lot. She dropped it on herself.”

    Me: “…seriously?”

    Manager: “Hey, you have no idea how far some people will go.”

    (Now that customer goes out of her way to let me ring her up. I’ve since been promoted to a higher ranking position, but I steer clear of her to make sure she can’t drop anything else on herself and blame me again.)

    The Service Industry Can Drive You Crazy

    | Tilton, NH, USA | Bizarre

    (We wear headsets at my work place to hear each other across the store. I tend to talk to myself while I put away clothes or tidy up, i.e. ‘Where do you go? How did you get on the floor?’ etc. This all happens over our headsets.)

    Manager: “So we just got a customer complaint that one of the girls putting away clothes was talking to herself.”

    Coworker: “Seriously?”

    Manager: “Seriously. This is not a joke.”

    Me: “So, that was me.”

    Coworker: “Great job, [My Name]. Way to scare the customers!”

    (Now every time I talk to myself at work, we joke that I should be careful or else someone will complain.)

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