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    A Real Humdinger Of A Solution

    | Bryan, OH, USA | Awesome Customers, Bad Behavior, Bizarre, Top

    (Even though I don’t work in this store anymore, I still have friends that do. I am there getting fabric with my daughter. The fabric area is in the middle of the store. We start to hear a bell ringing on the other side of the store. Every 30 seconds the bell rings, and goes on for a good five minutes.)

    Employee: *looking at me* “He doesn’t even bother to look up, just keeps hitting it!”

    Me: *calling across the store* “He is busy. He will be with you in a moment!”

    (The customer just looks at me, and dings the bell more. This time, he doesn’t stop, and just keeps hitting the bell for a solid two minutes. At this point, I’m angry, I have a headache, and the employee is too nice to do anything rude, so I walk across the store, and grab the bell right out from under the customer’s hand.)

    Me: *holding the bell* “I said he was busy.”

    Customer: “HEY! You took my DINGER!”

    Me: *walking away* “Yes. I am now in possession of your ‘dinger.’”

    (The employee is trying to hide his laughter as I come walking back with the bell in my hand. The customer is following me and yelling the whole time.)

    Customer: “I demand service! I’ve been here before and I want someone to help me!”

    Me: You will get help as soon as he is available to help you. He is busy with me right now.”

    Employee: “Sir, I’m the only person on this half of the store, everyone else is on break. If you can just wait a moment, when I’m done with her I will come help you!”

    Customer: *looking at me* “What is your name?!”

    Me: “[My Name]. I’m not sure why that matters to you.”

    Customer: “I’m talking to your manager!”

    Me: “I don’t work here.”

    Customer: “Then why did you take my dinger!”

    Me: “Because you pissed me off!”

    Customer: “I have the right to ding the dinger!”

    Me: “Yes, you do! But you abused that right! So I have now banned you. BANNED!”

    (He storms off. About 10 minutes later, he comes back with a manager.)

    Customer: “HER! See, her! She is the one that took my dinger!”

    Manager: “Sir, I do not know this woman. She doesn’t work here.”

    Customer: “She was rude to me!”

    Manager: “Sir, she has that right.”

    Customer: “I demand you fire her!”

    Manager: “Sir, seriously, I do not know who she is. She doesn’t work here!”

    (The customer stomps away. The manager looks at me and laughs as she starts talking.)

    Manager: “He told me he wanted to complain about a customer, and I didn’t believe a customer would complain about another customer! I’m so sorry! He is always so rude, but this is a new low even for him!”

    Me: “It’s all good. I did what I know everyone has always wanted to do, and it felt soooo right!”

    Used And Useless

    | MT, USA | At The Checkout, Crazy Requests, Technology

    (A customer is coming through my line with a series of energy drinks and several bags of chips. He is also holding a game with a receipt. I figure that he bought it in our game department.)

    Me: “Oh, [Game]! I have been waiting for that to go on sale. It looks like a good game.”

    Customer: “It’s okay. I finished the game in like a day though.”

    (I’m puzzled by this, as he is holding the game.)

    Me: “Really? Huh.”

    Customer: “Yeah. I just tried to return it. It was too short. I can’t believe you guys didn’t take it back.”

    Me: “So you bought a game and tried to return it because you finished it?”

    Customer: “I was really dissatisfied after I finished it. Do you know where I can take it to return it? Or do I have to file a complaint or something?”

    Me: “Well, it’s now a used game… so, [Used Game Store]?”

    Customer: “They’ll only give me used game price.”

    (We stand there for 10 minutes while he tries to grasp the concept of returns. He leaves in a huff. After, my boss comes over.)

    Boss: “Did that just happen?”

    Me: “Doesn’t it always?”


    | WA, Australia | At The Checkout, Bizarre

    (I am having a pretty good day, with no bad customers. A middle aged customer comes up to my till.)

    Customer: “Mhhhhrmrrm.”

    Me: “… Okay. Would you like a bag?”

    Customer: “Mhhrrrrmrmr!”

    Me: “…  Do you have a rewards card?”

    Customer: “Mhhrrrrmrmr.”

    Me: *concerned* “Will that be credit or cash?”

    Customer: “HISSSSSSS!”

    (I jump back in surprise, but act as normally as possible for someone who has been spat on and hissed at.)

    Me: “Have a nice day!”

    Customer: “Mhhhhr!”

    Me: *to Boss* “What was that?”

    Boss: “Oh, she comes in here a lot. If you say the wrong thing she hisses at you.”

    (I transferred off tills very quickly after that!)

    Doesn’t Drink, Period

    | Scotland, UK | At The Checkout, Food & Drink, Top

    (I’m second in a queue to pay and the customer in front of me is an older lady wanting a bottle of whiskey. They are kept behind the counter. The owner of the store is a very polite Muslim gentleman in traditional dress. I love this store; it has a little bit of everything and the owner has a great sense of humour. The woman is asking lots of questions about the strength of the whiskey and the prices.)

    Customer: “But what about the Glen Moray? What percentage is that?”

    Owner: “Its 40.”

    Customer: “And the price?”

    Owner: “£20.”

    Customer: “And the Jameson?”

    Owner: “It’s also 40% and £20.”

    Customer: “And how much is the Teachers?”

    Owner: “£20.”

    Customer: “But is it stronger?”

    Owner: “No, it’s 40% as well.”

    (Each time she asks about a whiskey the owner has to climb up a little ladder to check and he’s not a young gentleman. But he does it smiling all the time.)

    Customer: “What’s that there? Canadian Club?”

    Owner: “Yes it is also £20 and 40% proof.”

    Customer: “I just don’t know. What do they taste like? Which one’s the nicest?”

    (I should point out at this point that it became obvious that this lady was not a connoisseur. But was looking for the strongest whiskey to add to the 4 bottles of cheap strong wine she had in her basket.)

    Owner: “I’m sorry. I do not drink so I don’t know the taste.”

    Customer: *looking disgusted* “How on earth can you sell alcohol when you don’t even drink?”

    Me: *taps lady on shoulder* “Well, he sells tampons, too. I hope you don’t expect him to use them!”

    (The customer quietly pays and leaves.)

    Can Tell You Are Closed With My Eyes Closed

    | Victoria, BC, Canada | At The Checkout, Extra Stupid

    (I am at the end of my nine-hour shift as a cashier on a busy Saturday, and am just finishing up with the last customer in my line. My register’s light is off, there is a closed sign at the end of my belt, and my last customer has kindly put up a large closed sign that stretches across the entrance of the lane and blocks access to my till.)

    Customer #1: *as I ring up his items* “You look tired. You must be excited to go home?”

    Me: “Yes. It’s been a long day.”

    (I look up to see a customer climbing over the large closed sign, nearly tripping and spilling his overflowing basket of the items, and heading towards my belt.)

    Me: “Sir! I’m sorry but my till is closed.”

    Customer #2: “Well, how was I supposed to know that?”

    Customer #1: “Seriously?”

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