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    Trying To Get Through Her Thick Helmet

    | UK | Crazy Requests, Health & Body, Tourists/Travel

    (I worked in a chain of high-end ski and mountain sports stores. On this occasion, I was standing at the till whilst my assistant manager was moving some items nearby. A lady in her mid-60s comes storming into the store with a ski helmet in her hand; it’s obvious it’s taken a heavy hit on the back and there’s a big dent in it.)

    Me: “Hi there, madam. How can I help?”

    Customer: “You sold me a faulty product. I demand to see the manager.”

    Me: “Sorry to hear that, madam. Our manager’s just on a conference call with our head office at the moment, but our assistant manager’s over the—”

    (She stormed over to my assistant manager before I could finish, and I listened to the rest of the conversation whilst I carried on with my work.)

    Customer: “You sold me a faulty product. I bought this [ski helmet] for my grandson last month, and it broke on his first trip. I want a refund and compensation.”

    Assistant Manager: “Okay, madam, may I take a look at the helmet and see what’s wrong with it?” *the lady hands over the helmet*

    Assistant Manager: “Madam, could I ask if your grandson took a fall at any point during his trip?”

    Customer: “What? Yes, of course he did. He was on a school trip and they were learning. He told me they did some off-piste skiing on their last day and he fell and hit his head on one of the chair lift pylons. What’s this got to do with anything, though? The helmet’s clearly failed and is faulty, I want a refund!”

    Assistant Manager: “Madam, I understand your frustration considering you only just bought this, but company policy is that we don’t refund damaged helmets in any way. Essentially, the helmet’s done its job by protecting your grandson’s head.”

    Customer: “HOW DARE YOU TRY AND BRUSH THIS OFF! YOU WON’T GET AWAY WITH THIS! I DON’T CARE IF YOUR MANAGER’S ON THE PHONE TO THE SULTAN OF BRUNEI, I WANT HIM OUT HERE, WITH MY MONEY, NOW!!!”

    (My assistant manager goes to the office where my manager’s just finished the call. She’s a rather petite woman, but has a very strong personality and is not known for backing down easily.)

    Manager: “Hello, Madam. My name is [Manager] and I’m the store manager here. What seems to be the issue?

    (The customer re-rants her story and the manager stands there looking at the helmet briefly.)

    Manager: “So, what you’re saying is, your grandson took a tumble, hit his head on a ski lift pylon, and the helmet suffered damage as a result of this?”

    Customer: “Yes!”

    Manager: “So your grandson’s still alive then?”

    Customer: “I… What?”

    Manager: “Madam, if your grandson had gone off piste without the helmet on and hit the pylon, he wouldn’t have come back at all. The helmet did its job in protecting his head from the impact. I appreciate the fact you’ve spent money on a protective device and it has become damaged so quickly, but that’s what it’s for: protection. I’m afraid there’s nothing I can do.”

    Customer: *practically bellowing* “THIS IS DISGUSTING! I’VE SPENT THOUSANDS IN YOUR STORE SINCE IT WAS OPENED AND I’VE NEVER BEEN TREATED LIKE THIS BEFORE! THIS PIECE OF C*** IS BROKEN, AND YOU’RE TELLING ME YOU WON’T REFUND IT?! WHAT THE H** CAN I DO WITH IT NOW, USE IT AS A PAPERWEIGHT?! I’LL TAKE THIS TO HEAD OFFICE AND GET TREATED CORRECTLY AND HAVE YOU FIRED FOR YOUR IDIOCY!”

    (My manager doesn’t like being shouted at by anyone, and looks directly at the customer.)

    Manager: “Madam, I’m sorry, but your outburst has just cost you a store credit I was considering offering by way of a goodwill gesture. I’ve been manager since this store has been open and I have never seen you here before, let alone on regular occurrences. Please feel free to contact our head office to discuss this further; their details are on our website. But for now I would like you to leave, please.”

    (The customer stormed out without another word. Later that week, we heard from head office that she’d managed to get the contact details for the CEO who then proceeded to provide a replacement helmet, free of charge, plus about £100 worth of vouchers to use at any store as compensation “for the utter humiliation” she suffered in our store. Nice to know that despite standing by what you believe is right, the customer can still get what they want if they go high up and moan loudly enough.)

    Bow To Their Crazy Demands

    | UK | Bad Behavior, Extra Stupid

    (I am going about my business as a shop assistant at a mid-range high street retailer when a large family comes in looking for a party dress for a little girl. The dress they pick has a ribbon around the waist to give it the correct fit, tied with a bow at the back, which has to be untied to get it on the child.)

    Customer: “Excuse me; do you have any more of these?”

    Me: “Did you need a different size or would you like to see the other colours in the range?”

    Customer: “Oh no, I want more of this one in the same size. The ribbon is not tied correctly on this one.”

    (I stared blankly in disbelief but my manager was watching.)

    Me: “I’ll run down to the stockroom and find out.”

    (I took the dress she had and re-tie the ribbon, but also brought two other dresses.)

    Customer: “Ooh, this one looks like it’s tied far better.”

    (She took one of the other dresses and UNTIED THE RIBBON to put it on her child.)

    Having A ‘Hey’ Day

    | MN, USA | Awesome Workers, Funny Names

    (I work in a store that sells various parts for various machines. It’s a policy/allowance that customers can bring in items that need a replacement to help us better identify what they are looking for at the store. This particular customer brings in an item I’ve never seen before.)

    Customer #1: “Hello, can you help me find a replacement part for this?”

    Me: “I can definitely try; do you know what it is?”

    Customer #1: “Yes, it’s a fuel tank cap.”

    Me: *after looking through the book to see if we have anything like it* “I’m afraid we don’t sell that in our store, but we can order it for you special if you’d like.”

    (The customer now turns extremely rude.)

    Customer #1: “You know what, I’m just gonna go find a store that actually sells what they say they are going to sell, and actually has it in stock. Okay, missy?”

    (She turns to walk away, and I go to finish a task I had started.)

    Customer #1: “Hey! Hey you in the shirt!”

    (I turn around to see the customer who had the tank cap is talking to me again.)

    Customer #1: “Hey, my husband needs help here.”

    Me: “How can I help you, sir?”

    Customer #2: “Yea, I’m looking for [spray] for my cattle.”

    (I lead him to the aisle that has the items he is looking for.)

    Me: “Is that it for you, sir?”

    Customer #2: “Yes, thank you.”

    Customer #1: *under her breath* “At least she found what HE was looking for!”

    (I start to walk away again when I hear shouting from the same customer.)

    Customer #1: “Hey, HEY YOU! MY HUSBAND HAS A QUESTION!”

    (I go and help Customer #2, with Customer #1 making very rude comments about my service to her. Finally, I turn and face her.)

    Me: “Ma’am, I would love to help you order that part you are looking for; however, I will have to wait until you are not negatively commenting every move I make. I am very sorry we did not have the part you wanted in the store, but I offered you another option which you clearly stated was not in your interest. If you change your mind, I will be down aisle four. Have a nice day.”

    (I start walking away now, being the husband is done.)

    Customer #1: “Hey—”

    Me: “My name is not ‘Hey,’ and I would like it very much if you referred to me properly, as I have with you. If you do have any more questions, I will be down aisle four.”

    (I never did get a complaint.)

    Went Beyond Their Reason

    | Newtown, PA, USA | Bizarre, Crazy Requests

    Me: *answering phone* “Thank you for calling Bed Bath & Beyond [Location]. This is [My Name]. How can I direct your call?”

    Customer: “Hi, yeah, is this Bed Bath & Body Works?”

    Me: “This is Bed Bath & Beyond; Bath & Body Works is a different store.”

    Customer: “Oh…”

    Me: “…is this the store you meant to call?”

    Customer: “I don’t know.”

    Me: “What were you calling about, sir? What were you looking for information about?”

    Customer: “Uh. I don’t know?”

    Me: “I’m afraid I can’t do much for you without more information, especially if this isn’t the store you meant to call!”

    Customer: “Well, you’re NO help, are you now?” *click*

    Drug Test: Scoring A Big Fat ‘D’

    | St. Louis, MO, USA | Crazy Requests, Criminal/Illegal, Rude & Risque

    (I am doing to pre-closing activities when a young man runs up, puts his hands on the checkout desk, and leans toward me in a panic.)

    Customer: *under his breath* “Where do you keep the penises?”

    Me: “I must have misheard you, sir. The what?”

    Customer: *still mumbling, looking around* “You know what I’m talking about. The penises.”

    Me: “I… know what those are. I’m not sure why you would think we’d carry them.”

    Customer: *getting agitated* “Not, like, real ones. You know, they come in… like… black, and white, and Asian.”

    Me: “Wait, you’re looking for a fake penis?”

    Customer: *relieved that he’s gotten through to me* “Yeah, like, so you can fill it with urine. From someone else. For a thing. Where are they?”

    Me: *now realizing this is one of our many ‘help me pass a drug test’ customers* “We don’t carry anything to help you pass a drug test, or perform any other illegal activity. I can’t sell you ANYTHING now. Store policy. Please leave.”

    Customer: “Who said anything about a drug test?”

    Me: “Sir, for what legitimate purpose could you be filling a fake penis with someone else’s urine?”

    (The customer struggled for a moment, looked around, and left.)

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