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    Get In Line Or Get Out

    | Duluth, MN, USA | Bad Behavior, Extra Stupid, Theme Of The Month

    (It is the Christmas season, when our store closes at midnight. A shopper is still shopping in toys at 12:15 when we approach her.)

    Me: “Ma’am, can I help you find something? We are closed now and need you to check out so we can go home.”

    Customer: “No, I’m just looking.”

    Me: “Well, then, we need you to check out. The store has been closed for 15 minutes.”

    Customer: “Well, there was a line up there!”

    Me: “So… uh… get in it?”

    Let Me Know When You’re Really REALLY Closed

    | WA, USA | Bizarre, Theme Of The Month

    (Our mall closes early on Sunday, though some people don’t quite get the message. My coworker has gone to take out the trash and left a door unlocked but closed so she can get back in, as we normally do while my manager is closing the registers. A couple walks in after letting themselves in.)

    Manager: “O-oh, hey, guys. How are you doing tonight?” *stops her counting and shuts the drawer to go around the counter*

    Customer #1: “Hey there. We’re just looking.”

    (My manager is confused but follows them, doing her normal sales thing until the couple finally catches on.)

    Customer #1: “Are you guys closed?”

    Manager: “Yes, we are.”

    Customer #2: “No, like… Are you guys REALLY closed? Not just saying it?”

    Manager: “… Yes. I’m closing down the registers and I can’t process any more transactions.”

    Customer #1: *snippy suddenly* “Well, we just want to look, anyway!”

    Trying To Drive Home The Sale

    | St. Louis, MO, USA | Crazy Requests, Theme Of The Month

    (This store is actually the second store of this chain I have worked at; the first closed down, and this was the very last day for this store, too. The assistant manager has been positioned outside the doors for the last 10 minutes to shoo very last minute customers, since we’re closing the doors about four hours early to begin cataloguing the entire store to get it all packed up. A family of four walks up, and starts to argue with him about wanting to come in to look.)

    Assistant Manager: “I’m sorry, but we’re closing in 10 minutes, for good, and we can’t be open any later.”

    Father: “But we drove three hours across state lines to visit THIS exact store.”

    Assistant Manager: “Then, really, you should have been here earlier today, or earlier in the week, because we’ve been making everyone aware that this store was closing permanently today, at this hour, for months now.”

    Committing Battery With Battery

    | LA, USA | At The Checkout, Bad Behavior, Wild & Unruly

    (I work in an appliance parts store. In order to complete a transaction, we must fill out the name and phone number fields on the invoice. There is no way to continue if they are left blank. A man comes in and places a small pack of batteries on the counter.)

    Me: “Is that all you need, sir?”

    Customer: “Yep.”

    Me: *starts typing* “Okay, the price is [price] plus tax. Can I get your name?”

    Customer: “You don’t need that! I’m just getting batteries!”

    Me: “Actually, sir, I have to—”

    Customer: *THROWS the pack of batteries at me* “Keep your d*** part! You don’t need to know my name!”

    Me: *catches the pack* “Sir, you don’t have to give me YOUR name. I just have to fill in a name or I can’t complete the transaction.”

    Customer: “Okay, okay, fine…” *obviously making something up* “Sam Jones! This is ridiculous. Why do you people always want all kinds of information?”

    Me: “I suppose it would be pointless for me to ask you for a phone number, right?”

    Customer: *SIGH*

    Me: “It’s fine, I’ll use our store number.”

    Customer: “What do you people need all that for?! Its bull—”

    Me: “The number is so that we can look up your invoice if there is a problem with your purchase.”

    Customer: “I don’t need that! It’s just batteries!” *continues to grumble as I finish the transaction*

    Me: “Okay, your total with tax is [total].”

    Customer: *calmed down some* “Okay. Listen, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to get all ugly. It’s just I don’t like giving out all sorts of private information. I apologize.”

    Me: “Thank you. I didn’t think you really needed to throw the batteries at me.”

    Customer: “Oh, of course not. I’m so sorry.”

    (He pays me and I give him his receipt.)

    Customer: “You have a nice day now. And you know, that information stuff should really be optional. Most people aren’t ever gonna need you to pull up their invoice.”

    Me: “Honestly, sir, most people really don’t have a problem with telling me their name.”

    (He sputtered a bit, turned and left in a huff. I would have hated to have seen his reaction if he had paid with a credit card and I asked for his ID!)

    I Don’t Work Here, Does Not Work Here, Part 15

    | Leeds, England, UK | Bad Behavior, Crazy Requests

    (I am 17 and have finished my shift at a supermarket, and go straight to a consumer electronics shop. I am still wearing my work uniform, which is similar in colour to the shop that I am in. A customer comes up to me, obviously angry, carrying a bag with a laptop in it.)

    Customer: “Excuse me. I bought this laptop last week and it has stopped working already. This is disgraceful for a £500 piece of—”

    Me: “Sorry, mate, I don’t actually—”

    Customer: “Don’t you interrupt me, and I am certainly not your mate. I paid £500 for this and it won’t even turn on now. I want you to fix it right now or—”

    Me: “Woah, woah, woah! I don’t actually work—”

    Customer: “Listen to me! Fix this now or give me my money back!”

    Me: “But you need to speak to someone who actually works at—”

    Customer: “Don’t fob me off with this s***. You work here. You sort it out. I’m not going to be passed from one member of staff to the other. This is typical of this company. Employing young, inexperienced idiots who don’t give two f***s!”

    Me: “Okay, sir. What I suggest you need to do is get your laptop. Open it up, turn it on, and wait for Windows to load up. Once it has loaded up, we’ll put the recovery disc in. Then, I want you to take your laptop, and stick it up your a**, you ignorant c***.”

    Customer: *inaudible explosion of expletives and demands to speak to the manager*

    I Don’t Work Here, Does Not Work Here, Part 14
    I Don’t Work Here, Does Not Work Here, Part 13
    I Don’t Work Here, Does Not Work Here, Part 12
    I Don’t Work Here, Does Not Work Here, Part 11
    I Don’t Work Here, Does Not Work Here, Part 10
    I Don’t Work Here, Does Not Work Here, Part 9
    I Don’t Work Here, Does Not Work Here, Part 8
    I Don’t Work Here, Does Not Work Here, Part 7
    I Don’t Work Here, Does Not Work Here, Part 6
    I Don’t Work Here, Does Not Work Here, Part 5

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