October Theme Of The Month: Halloween!

She Can’t Get With The Program(mers)

| NY, USA | Crazy Requests, Extra Stupid, Technology

(I am browsing in a large, well known office supply store, in the computer section.)

Customer: “Do you like computers?”

Me: “Yeah. I actually want to start learning [Programming Language]. I like—”

Customer: “Oh, so you’re a coder?”

Me: “Not really—”

Customer: “Cool. I was looking for someone to code me a website!”

Me: “I can’t do that.”

Customer: “Why not?”

Me: “Because, A: The most complex thing I know is Scratch, and B: Even if I did know [Programming Language], it’s used for apps. So I can’t help you.”

Customer: “Can’t you just do it in, I dunno, 2-math?”

Me: “You mean base 2? Like, Binary Code?”

Customer: “NO! 2-MATH!”

Me: “Um, no. I can’t code a website for you in bi- um, ‘2-math.'”

Customer: “I’ll pay you twenty dollars…”

(She continues to follow me around the store, asking me to do various tasks for her. Keep in mind, I AM NOT A PROGRAMMER. And that wasn’t all; she wanted graphic design, too.)

Employee: “Oh great.”

Me: *still with the customer behind me* “What?”

Employee: “Her again?”

(He proceeded to kick the annoying customer out.)

Employee: “I have no idea why she thinks everyone in the computer section can design a website for her. Really, who looks for a programmer in [Store]?”

Cancel My Previous Statement

| USA | At The Checkout, Technology

(I work at a well-known retail store. We work with pin-pads for debit and credit. I like to walk people through each step, because if you select the wrong thing you’ll have to slide the card again and this annoys customers.)

Customer: *swipes card*

Me: “Now if you could select debit or credit.”

Customer: *selects debit*

Me: “Now then—”

Customer: “EXCUSE ME! I’M NOT STUPID! I don’t need you to walk me through this. I know how to do it!”

Me: “Oh, I’m sorry; I didn’t mean—”

Customer: “I use my card all the time. I think I KNOW HOW TO USE A PIN-PAD!”

(I decide to let it go. I don’t talk again until I look at the screen.)

Me: “Um, excuse me, ma’am—”

Customer: “WHAT!”

Me: “Did you find something wrong with the price?”

Customer: “No. Why?”

Me: “Because you just cancelled the entire transaction.”

Lack Of Register Does Not Register, Part 6

| CA, USA | At The Checkout, Crazy Requests, Time

(At my store, the place you punch in is at the registers. However, the storage for the employee’s items is in the back. You need to go to the back to put your items in before punching in. I have just clocked in and am going up to my supervisor to see what register I’m on and what duties I have. Before I get to her, I’m stopped by a customer.)

Customer: “Are you an employee?”

Me: “Yes.”

Customer: “Why aren’t you at a register?”

Me: “I just clocked in two seconds ago. I’m going to—”

Customer: “Well, I saw you walking past. Why weren’t you on the register?”

Me: “I’m sorry. It’s store policy for the employees to put their things in the back before clocking in.”

Customer: “Have you seen this line? I want your manager. There need to be more employees on the register. What I want to know is why you aren’t on a register now.”

Me: “Because I’m busy talking to you.”

(In the time it took for her to complain, I could have gotten on my register and checked her out.)

Lack of Register Does Not Register, Part 5
Lack of Register Does Not Register, Part 4
Lack of Register Does Not Register, Part 3

In Line And Out Of Line, Part 9

| Chicago, IL, USA | At The Checkout, Crazy Requests

(I’ve just started scanning a customer’s purchases, which are coming at me on a belt from the left, when an older woman approaches me from the right – the bagging area.)

Woman: *holding newspaper and money* “I just want a paper.”

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am. I’ve already begun scanning this customer’s purchases. I can’t ring you up until this transaction is complete.”

Woman: *twitches her offerings at me* “But I just want the newspaper! Can’t you scan it quick?”

Me: “No, ma’am. I’ve already begun this person’s transaction and cannot start a new one now. If you step behind her in line, I can ring up your purchase next.”

Woman: *grumbling and stepping into line* “Well, SOME stores let you just do it quick…”

(She keeps mumbling to herself as I scan the first woman’s items, and addresses me a few seconds later:)

Woman: “It’s true, some stores WILL just do it quick…”

Me: “Ma’am, as I’ve already explained, I cannot void an ongoing transaction. This customer was here before you, and I had already started when you walked up.”

Woman: *points rudely at customer I’m still ringing up* “So what you’re telling me is that if I had gotten here before her, you would have rang me up first?”

Me: *still cool as a cucumber* “Yes, ma’am. That’s generally how lines work.”

(She was dead silent as I rang up her paper, and left without her receipt. I’m glad I could provide her with such an important teaching moment, as she seems to have missed when it was given in kindergarten!)

In Line And Out Of Line, Part 8
In Line And Out Of Line, Part 7
In Line And Out Of Line, Part 6

Pepsi Max-imum Idiot

| Macomb, MI, USA | At The Checkout, Food & Drink

Customer: “Um, excuse me. I was rung up wrong. These cases of pop are supposed to be 3 for $12.”

Manager: “Ma’am, only Coke products have that deal.”


Manager: “Pepsi isn’t a Coke product.”

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