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  • August Theme Of The Month: Best. Customer. Ever!

    You Are Not In The House Of Cards

    , | Olympia, WA, USA | Food & Drink, Money

    (I work in the food court of a warehouse store. We have signs that clearly say ‘cash or check only’ above the registers. Someone comes up and orders their food.)

    Me: “All right, let me get that for you!”

    Customer: *attempts to hand me a card*

    Me: “I’m sorry, but we only take cash or check on these registers.”

    Customer: “What? Since when?”

    Me: “I don’t think we have ever taken cards because we don’t have a card reader.”

    Customer: “Well, why not? It would make life so much easier!”

    Me: “They charge us every time the card reader is swiped, and since we make very little profit on our food, we would have to raise the price.”

    Customer: “Well then, raise it! I don’t see why people would get so upset!”

    Me: *gets food* “All right, that will be $1.63.”

    Customer: “WHAT? It’s $1.50 up on the board.”

    Me: “There is tax on it.”

    Customer: *grumbles about ‘raising prices on food being ridiculous’ as he hands over the money and stomps off*

    Jon Snow Ordering Online

    , | NY, USA | Extra Stupid, Technology

    (The customer has ordered incorrectly. It is an item he cannot return because it’s final sale and it’s marked down.  All policies are in the FAQ.)

    Me: *after explaining the policy* “You’re supposed to choose the color and size you need.”

    Customer: “I didn’t know that!”

    Me: “We have the steps on how to place an order in our FAQs.”

    Customer: “I didn’t know that!”

    Me: “With all due respect sir, but we hold you responsible in placing your orders correctly. You’re aware that you placed an order ONLINE, right?”

    Customer: “I didn’t know that! Someone’s supposed to assist me, like in a real store!”

    Me: “We’re an online store sir. Like in every website, we have the policies in the FAQ and the chat room if you have questions. It is never advisable that you avail of something you have no idea of.”

    Customer: “I didn’t know that!”

    Doesn’t Know Zip About State Secrets

    | CO, USA | At The Checkout, Extra Stupid

    (I’m currently standing at the register. At this time, we have to ask for a customer’s zip code before proceeding with their transaction, and we are expected to get 70% of customers per day to give us one.)

    Me: “Hello, how are you today?”

    Customer: “Fine.”

    Me: “Can I get your zip code, please?”

    Customer: “No. I work for the Secret Service and it would be a breach of national security for you to know anything like that about me.”

    Me: “Um… okay.”

    (I proceed to ring him out for a transaction over $100. We have to ask for ID on any transaction over a certain amount being charged to a card. The guy pulls out a card and swipes it.)

    Me: “Sir, I do need to see an ID if you are using that card.”

    Customer: “Okay.”

    (He then proceeded to take out his ID and show it to me – which had his zip code along with all his other information.)

    Refuses To Walk A Mile In Full Price Shoes

    | Melbourne, VIC, Australia | At The Checkout, Money, Spouses & Partners

    (We are currently having a shoe sale which is ‘buy two and get a third pair half price.’ The sign also states they have to be purchased in the one transaction. A woman comes in; her English is not very good so communication is a little difficult. She has bought two pairs on a previous day and now wants a third pair half price. I try to explain to her about the one transaction rule, but she looks very confused. She is very nice and I feel bad for her. She leaves looking confused and disappointed. Only after do I think of returning the two pairs she previously bought and then selling them back to her together with the discount. A little while later she comes back with her husband, who speaks better English. I’m happy to see her since figuring out a solution, until her husband opens his mouth and is extremely rude.)

    Husband: “You need to sell these to my wife at half price like your sign says.”

    Me: “Oh, I’m sorry, sir. I tried to explain that the deal is—”

    Husband: “—I don’t care what the ‘deeeaaalll’  is. My wife bought two shoes so she gets a third pair half price.”

    Me: “Okay, I understand. Like I was saying they have to be bought in the same transaction but—”

    Husband: “I. DON’T. CARE. You refused to serve my wife. Now you will give them to her half price or I want to see a manager!”

    Me: “I’m sorry if I have upset your wife, and I’m happy to help. Just let me just explain first. I can’t override the system but what I can do is—”

    Husband: “NO! This is ridiculous.” *he rants for a while longer, then smiles weirdly* “You know what, I just want to return these two shoes for a full refund.” *he then turns and murmurs to his wife* “Then we’ll just buy them back and get the half price.” *sniggers*

    Me: *inwardly sighing* “Okay, I can refund them if you like.”

    (As I’m doing the refund he is murmuring nasty things under his breath and I’m tempted to refuse service, but I feel bad for his wife so just keep smiling and decide to kill him with kindness. I finish the refund and then straight away put the sale back through with all three items, with the half price included.)

    Me: “Sir, the refund is all done.”

    Husband: *talking down to me very smugly* “Excellent. Now here is what we’re going to do. I’m going to buy all three of these back, with the half price. What do you think of that?”

    Me: “That’s a very good idea, sir. I did try to tell you I could do that for you before. In fact, I’ve already put the sale through for you, I just need you to sign here for your card and I can print the receipt for you.”

    (The shock on his face was priceless. I sincerely hope his wife enjoyed those shoes… and found a better husband.)

    Unable To Make-Up

    | Concord, CA, USA | At The Checkout, Bad Behavior

    (I have recently quit my job and am working the cash register on my last scheduled day. I’ve made it to my last half hour without incident. At the time, the shift supervisor and I are the only people on the floor as our coworker is on lunch. A middle-aged customer walks up to my register, cuts in front of a regular customer, and throws a plastic bag onto the counter.)

    Customer: “This makeup I bought is terrible. I hate it. It doesn’t bring out my eyelashes like it should and I want you to do something about it.”

    Me: “Err, I can definitely give you a refund if you’re unhappy with the product.”

    (I open the plastic bag to find that not only does she not have a receipt, but she also doesn’t have the original packing, which means the product doesn’t have the necessary bar code.)

    Me: “Ma’am, I do require both the receipt and the original packaging. Do you happen to have either of those?”

    Customer: “No, I don’t! I want my money back!”

    Me: “I can give you a store gift card with the amount of the refund, but without the bar code I can’t go any further with this. I’ll call my supervisor and have her find the product packaging.”

    (I call my supervisor who leaves to find the product on the shelf. We have a large cosmetics section, so this takes a few minutes. The line is growing longer and people are beginning to stare at me expectantly.)

    Me: “Ma’am, would it be okay if I helped the customers in line behind you? It will take a few minutes for my supervisor to find the correct product.”

    Customer: *completely ignoring the fact that she had cut to the front of the line* “I was here first and you will help me first!”

    (My regular customer, an older woman, gives me a knowing nod. Just then my supervisor returns and hands me the product.)

    Customer: “I can’t believe your store is so unorganized!” *continues ranting as I complete the return*

    (I try my best to ignore the rudeness spilling from her mouth, but it becomes increasingly difficult. I finish her return as best I can.)

    Me: “If I could just have you sign the return slip ma’am.” *hands her a pen*

    Customer: “I am NOT signing anything! It’s YOUR fault, anyway! Your customer service skills are terrible, your products are terrible, and I’m never shopping here again!”

    (At this point the customer throws the pen at me and hits me directly in my eye. I lose my cool, but before I can act my regular customer steps up.)

    Regular: “Listen here, lady. I’ve watched you mistreat this young man for the last 5 minutes. Verbal assault is one thing, but now you’ve physically assaulted him. I have half a mind to call the police, but you’re a special case and should be dealt with accordingly.”

    (To my complete surprise, my regular begins beating the customer with her purse and runs her out of the store. As the rude woman leaves, my regular follows her out and calls after her.)

    Regular: “Make-up can’t fix ugly like yours, honey!”

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