(I work for a company that sells musical equipment. I am taking a call from an older gentleman who tells me that he is a priest. He has been very nice for the duration of the call, and we are almost finished placing his order.)

Priest: “Now, could you give me 15% off on this? You would be doing the Lord’s work if you could get me 15% off my order!”

Me: “Well, I don’t think I have a 15% off coupon, right now. I’ll check and see.”

(I put him on hold, and check my available coupons. There is only a 10% coupon. I return to the customer with this.)

Me: “So, I couldn’t get you 15% off. I do have a 10% coupon, though!”

Priest: “Child, do you what to go to Hell?!”

(I am taken aback.)

Me: “I’m sorry?”

Priest: “Hell, Child. If you don’t give me 15% off my order, your soul will rot in Hell for all eternity!”

Me: “I’m a red-head, sir; I don’t have to worry about that. Now, is there anything else I can add to your order today?”

(I am a cashier at an office supply chain. A man and his teenage son come up to my register. Our PIN pads are very clearly labelled with instructions.)

Me: “Hello, sir, did you find everything all right?”

Customer: “Yes, everything was fine.”

(He runs his card through.)

Me: “Oh, sorry, the machine makes you wait until the end to slide your card. It’ll be just a second.”

Customer: “Ah, okay.”

(The son points to the label on the pad that says ‘PLEASE WAIT FOR GREEN LIGHTS TO SLIDE CARD’.)

Customer: “…ah.”

Me: “All right, your total is [price]; you can go ahead and slide now.”

(He slides his card and puts it back in his wallet.)

Me: “Oh, I just need to see your card numbers for a second if it’s credit.”

Customer: “Oh, okay.”

(He hands over his card. His son points out the label that says ‘FOR CREDIT, PLEASE HAND CARD TO CASHIER’. The customer turns to his son.)

Customer: “You’re making fun of me for not reading directions, aren’t you?”

Son: “Kind of.”

(I am Swedish, and visiting friends in the US. I see a bag with some peanut butter and chocolate dipped pretzels.)

Me: “Really?”

(I show the bag to my friends.)

Friend #1: “You don’t have that in Europe?”

Me: “Nope, and I’m glad we don’t. You Americans are silly.”

(We laugh a bit together, when suddenly an older man comes up.)

Old Man: “You f****** communist! You think you can come here and demean us!?”

Me: “Excuse me? I was ju—”

Old Man: “Shut up, d*** Russian! Go back to Siberia, and pray to Stalin!”

Friend #1: “Umm… he’s actually Swedish.”

Old Man: “Are you a f****** commie too?”

Friend #2: “None of us are! And frankly, we’ve had quite enough of your bull-s***, so p*** off.”

Old Man: “Whatever, we still won the cold war!”

(We just leave. Later on by the cash register, we see the same old man about to pay for his things. When he spots us, he points his finger towards us and shouts.)

Old Man: “Watch out for the commie b*******!”

Related:
Needs To Work On His Socialist Skills

(I have just gotten off of work, and am enjoying my meal as I wait for my ride home to finish their shift. I get a call in the break room from the customer service clerk; he seems a bit flustered.)

Customer Service Clerk: “Are you okay to clock back in for an emergency sale to a hostile customer?”

Me: “I’ll be right up.”

(I put my uniform back on, and clock in. I go to the main desk.)

Customer: “About f****** time someone helped me properly!”

Me: “I’m sorry for any confusion or undue hassle, sir. What can I help you with?”

Customer: “My f****** truck won’t start, and I think it’s the battery. The lights don’t even come on, and I sure as h*** don’t want to be stranded in this f****** place’s parking lot! Get me a new battery!”

(I lead him back towards my department to get the proper car battery for him.)

Me: “Can I ask for the year, make, and model of your vehicle?”

Customer: “Why?”

Me: “It is our usual policy to find the exact battery.”

(He gets into more of a huff. We find the right battery and I ask for his info to do up the proper paperwork.)

Customer: “What the h*** do you need all this for, anyway?”

Me: “Well, we just need to make sure we take care of our customers properly. When it comes to vehicle maintenance, we take it seriously, so we don’t end up messing things up and making you have to deal with more trouble.”

(He gets huffy again, but I take down the required info.)

Customer: “Well, that’s over. Oh, wait… d*** it!”

Me: “What’s wrong, sir?”

Customer: “I don’t have any tools to take out the old battery and stuff!”

Me: “Well, hang on for another moment, and I can go get them. Then I will take your old battery out, and replace it with the new one. That way you can get out of here, and back home to do what you planned on doing.”

(He narrows his eyes at me, but nods and waits for me at the desk. I go get the tools, and come back so he can lead me out to his vehicle. I do just as I said I would. I even wish him a good evening after all is said and done. The next day he comes back in. I see him making his way back to my department while I’m still working. He’s smiling somewhat sheepishly.)

Me: “Hello again, sir! Is everything okay?”

Customer: “Yeah, everything’s great! Heck, the truck runs a bit better now, too. It’s been years since I had to change the battery. I just wanted to apologize for how angry I was last night, and for how I treated you.”

Me: “Well, it’s no big deal, sir. I can imagine you’d had enough hassle form the situation.”

Customer: “Yeah, you got that right. Look, I think you’re an outstanding young man, and I want to thank you for helping me out in a pinch.”

(He shakes my hand, but I notice the feeling of paper also being handed to me in the handshake. I look down in my hand and see a $20 bill.)

Customer: “That’s for dealing with my grumpy old a**. Thanks again!”

(I speak with a woman about her lost cell-phone, which she left in the store. She is very worried that her identity will be stolen. I take her information in case the phone shows up. She has come back two nights in a row, looking for her phone.)

Me: “Hi, the phone still hasn’t turned up?”

Customer: “No, I called loss prevention, and he told me he saw some…” *she does air quotes* “‘activity’ on the security video, but no phone being left or picked up. That is just not good enough for me; I need to know what kind of activity he saw.”

Me: “Well, sometimes it is hard to focus on exactly what you want because we are only looking at a recording.”

Customer: “Well, can’t he just move the cameras around and see where I left my phone?”

Me: “Well, as I said, it is only a recording. We can only see footage of where the camera was focused at the time.”

Customer: “I know, but why didn’t he just move the camera and tell me where I left my phone?”

Me: “It occurred in the past; he can’t go back in time and move what the cameras were looking at.”

Customer: “I don’t think you understand what I am saying.”

Me: “Okay.”

Customer: “Well I am going to be filing a police report; maybe they can see more than your loss prevention person!”