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  • April Theme Of The Month: Losing My Religion!

    The Breast Awareness, Part 2

    | SA, Australia | At The Checkout, Bad Behavior, Family & Kids, Rude & Risque

    (I work in the store my parents own, when my father, who works at a hardware store up the road, comes in for lunch like he usually does. He proceeds to match stories with me about what we call ‘Thickhead Thursday’ customers. He tells me about a particularly rude man who abused all the assistants in his hardware store. No more than five minutes after, said customer walks into our store.)

    Customer: *looks at dad* “OH, GOD!”

    Me: “Hello, sir. How can I help you?”

    Customer: *still looking at my father* “I bought this watch band and I need a new crimp clip for it.”

    Me: “Sorry, sir. We don’t keep them, but I can give you the maker’s details and you can contact him. He lives here in town.”

    (The customer finally looks at me and notices I have decent sized breasts. His eyes do not move from them for the rest of the conversation.)

    Customer: “Thank you for your help. You’re a lovely girl.”

    (He leaves.)

    Dad: “Shame, I wanted him to have a go at you.  I wanted to tell him to f*** off. Why didn’t he?”

    Me: “I have breasts.”

    The Breast Awareness

    Toiling In The Toilet

    | TX, USA | Crazy Requests, Rude & Risque

    Me: “Thank you for calling. My name is [My Name]. Whom do I have the pleasure of speaking with tonight?”

    Customer: “Listen, this is going to be an odd request, but I need you to bring me some toilet paper.”

    Me: *already knowing this is a prank call* “I wish I could, sir.”

    Customer: “Well, why can’t you?”

    Me: “Because I’m not at your house, sir.”

    Customer: “No, see, I’m not at my house. I’m in the back.”

    Me: “In the back… of one of our stores?”

    Customer: “Yes. And there’s no toilet paper back here, so I need you to bring me some.”

    Me: “Okay, sir. And which store are you located at?”

    Customer: *sighs* “Listen… why are you playing games with me?”

    Me: “I’m not, sir. I’m simply asking because the store you are in may not be located in the same place, or the same state, that I’m in.”

    Customer: *long pause* “F*** it, I’m just going to use my hand.”  *click*

    I Don’t Work Here, Does Not Work Here, Part 17

    | Fort Hood, TX, USA | Crazy Requests

    (I am browsing the video game section of a big box retailer wearing normal clothes, with my five-year-old son in tow.)

    Customer: “Excuse me; can you unlock this iPad for me?”

    Me: “Oh, I don’t work here. But the guy over there—”

    Customer: “Why not?!”

    Me: “I’m… sorry?”

    Customer: “Why can’t you unlock it for me?!”

    Me: “Because I don’t work here?”

    Customer: “THAT’S NOT AN EXCUSE!”

    I Don’t Work Here, Does Not Work Here, Part 16
    I Don’t Work Here, Does Not Work Here, Part 15
    I Don’t Work Here, Does Not Work Here, Part 14

    Should Draw A Line In The Sanding Machines

    | The Netherlands | Bigotry, Home Improvement

    (I am a female employee at a hardware store. An older male customer comes to the service desk.)

    Me: “Good afternoon, sir. How can I help you?”

    Customer: “I just looked at the sanding machines.”

    Me: “All right, so what would you like to know?”

    Customer: “I just looked at the sanding machines.”

    Me: “Yes, and what is your question exactly?”

    (The guy just looks at me and repeats himself once more.)

    Me: “Do you need any help?”

    Customer: “Yes.”

    Me: “With what, exactly?”

    Customer: “The sanding machines.”

    Me: “What part about sanding machines exactly do you need help with?”

    (The customer doesn’t answer my question and says, yet again:)

    Customer: “I was just looking at the sanding machines.” *after a short pause, he says* “Is there anyone here who can help me find the right one?”

    Me: “Oh, well, I can’t leave the register, as there is nobody else here to take care of that, but if you ask my colleague over there, he’ll be happy to help you.”

    Customer: “Yes, he does look like he knows a little something about that.”

    (My male colleague was just standing there, the only visible difference between me and him being that he’s a man. The customer also greatly emphasized the ‘he.’ The customer walked up to my colleague and right off the bat started telling him exactly what he was looking for.)

    Racing To Prevent Theft

    | CT, USA | Bad Behavior, Bigotry, Criminal/Illegal

    (I work at a well-known ‘tween’ girl’s clothing store. I am half black, though I am very light-skinned, so most people just assume I’m white or Hispanic. During training, we’re taught about some of the common ways people shoplift, such as lining empty shopping bags with tinfoil. On this particular day, two black women come into my store carrying a number of shopping bags, at least two of which are empty and I can see tinfoil poking out of one. We are trained to be extra friendly and helpful to people we suspect of trying to shoplift. Since I am up front, I greet them.)

    Me: “Good afternoon. Thanks for shopping at [Store]. May I help you find anything today?”

    Customer: *brusquely* “I’m all set! Leave me alone!”

    Me: “Okay, ma’am, but please let me know if I can help you with anything.”

    (I go back to folding jeans, but keep a close eye on the customers. I notice them getting abnormally close to the jeans display, as though they might try to knock them into the empty bag.)

    Me: “Just so you know, we’re having a special on these jeans right now. If you buy two pairs, you get $10 to spend on a future purchase.”

    Customer: “I told you I didn’t need any help! Why are you following me?!” *I haven’t moved at all throughout this interaction*

    Me: “I was just trying to tell you about the sale we’re having.”

    Customer: “You’re racist! I don’t see you following anyone else in the store. You think I’m shoplifting! Racist!”

    Me: “Ma’am, I can assure you I’m not racist.”

    (At this point a coworker of mine, who is also black, but noticeably so, has come over, as has one of my managers.)

    Manager: “Is there something I can help you with today?”

    Customer: *storms out of the store in a huff*

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