Gunning For A Return

| Titusville, FL, USA | At The Checkout, Extra Stupid

(I work at a large retailer that sells firearms. This conversation takes place over the phone.)

Customer: “What’s your returns policy on guns?”

Me: “No returns on guns. All sales are final.”

Customer: “Oh. hey, you wanna buy a gun?”

Me: “No.”

More Than Morgan

| NS, Canada | Awesome Customers, Funny Names

(I have recently been hired and the manager has been having trouble getting a name tag for me. Since it is required to wear one, he gives me a choice between two old tags that happen to be in the office, and I choose to be ‘Morgan’ for the time being. I am helping a very sweet customer locate an item.)

Customer: “Thank you so much for all of your help.” *looks at my name tag* “Morgan. You’ve been great. And I’ll remember you because I have a niece named Morgan!”

Me: “I guess I shouldn’t tell you that my name’s not really Morgan then, should I?”

Customer: “It’s not? Oh, no! Well, don’t tell me what it is; you’ll just confuse me!”

Me: *laughing* “Okay, I won’t!”

Customer: “Thanks again for your help, “Morgan”” *makes “air quote” motion with her hands* “I’m sure I’ll be in again!”

(She came in a few more times before I got my proper name tag, and she always called me “Morgan” using her hands to do the air quotes. She never asked for my real name!)

Wasting Time To Calm Down

| Foley, AL, USA | Bad Behavior

Me: “Customer service, how may I direct your call?”

Customer: “I need to know when my delivery is coming.”

Me: “Okay, Do you know if it’s being delivered today?”

Customer: “Don’t give me that s***, b****! Just ask my d*** name! You’re only going to be delivering to one [Name]! I already talked to the manager because I had problems with your stupid customer service rep yesterday! So stop wasting my d*** time!”

Me: “Okay, sir. How do you spell your name?”

Customer: “It’s [Name].”

Me: “Well, sir. According to my records, you do have a delivery today. The guys will call you and give you a two-hour window.”

Customer: “And they don’t have the d*** schedule yet?”

Me: “Sir, it’s an hour before the store even opens. No, they don’t.”

Customer: “But they will call?”

Me: “Yes.”

Customer: “Well, why didn’t you just tell me that instead of asking a bazillion questions? Stupid b****! All you want to do is waste my d*** time!”

Me: “Well, sir, if you’d answered my first question instead of throwing a tantrum, this call would’ve ended much more quickly. Would you like to speak to my manager?”

Customer: *click*

Said With The Breast Intentions

| Arlington, VA, USA | Bad Behavior, Health & Body

(I work at a maternity store. I arrive and go behind the counter to clock in. A pregnant customer I have never met is draped over the counter, complaining to my coworker about back pain from her large breasts. She looks at me, glares, and says loudly to my not-large breasts:)

Customer: “Of course, SOME PEOPLE don’t have that problem!”

Me: “Thanks for that.”

Can’t Re-Coup The Plastic

| NY, USA | At The Checkout, Extra Stupid, Money

(It is nearing the end of my shift and so far everybody has been wonderful. A customer comes up to my till, wanting to do multiple transactions. She believes this will get her the best deal with coupons, even though it makes no difference.)

Me: “I can ring it up all together; it would be easier and faster.”

Customer: *in a snippy tone* “No! Separate! But you can bag it together.”

(Not wanting to cause an argument I say nothing else and start ringing her items up, I move to put the first three items into the same bag. It’s a bit snug but still very easy to carry and not at all heavy. But the customer decides to snap at me.)

Customer: “Would you want your items to be bagged like this?”

Me: “Yes, I would. I believe in saving plastic.”

Customer: “I don’t care about saving plastic. Just put it into separate bags.”

(I do so and continue on with her multiple transactions in silence as I’m a bit upset by her rudeness at this point. I finish up and realize that she did not get the best deal that she could have, so trying to be nice I tell her this.)

Me: “Just to let you know, if you have three items and they add up to $45 you could use three $5 off coupons instead of three 20% off coupons…”

Customer: *still incredibly rude* “Do you think I can’t count? I know how to do this. I know what works best.”

($5 off $15 is 33% and 20% of anything is only 20%, it appears as if she cannot count.)

Page 7/467First...56789...Last