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    Knock Your Socks Off

    | IL, USA | At The Checkout, Bad Behavior, Bizarre

    (I’m the cashier. The store has a rewards loyalty card. The transaction has been normal up to this point.)

    Me: “Do you have a [Store] rewards card?”

    Customer #1: “No, I do not! I was fired from this store because I wore the wrong colored socks! So I refuse to get a rewards card.”

    (The customer suddenly throws her credit card at me. I’m speechless so I just finish the transaction in stunned silence.)

    Me: “Have a good day.”

    (Customer #1 huffs out of the store. The customer behind her comes up to the register with a dumbfounded look on his face.)

    Customer #2: “I have a feeling wearing the wrong socks wasn’t the reason she was fired.”

    It’s Made With Watership Down

    | NH, USA | Bizarre, Pets & Animals

    (We have for sale a really soft brand of throw blankets. They’re called ‘Bunny Soft’ to reflect just how soft they are. A customer comes up to my register with one.)

    Customer: “These aren’t made from real bunnies are they?”

    Me: “No, they aren’t. It’s all polyester. I don’t even think real bunnies are this soft.”

    Customer: “Well, I don’t want it if it’s made from real bunnies. That’s just not right.”

    Acrimonious Acronyms

    | Middletown, RI, USA | At The Checkout, Technology

    (A customer pulls out his credit card to pay for his purchase. We cashiers have to push a button on the computer before the card reader will work.)

    Me: “Will that be debit or credit?”

    Customer: “Credit.”

    Me: “Okay, wait for the green light then slide your card through the machine.”

    Customer: *slides card before the green light comes on then stares at the machine* “It didn’t work.”

    Me: “That’s okay. Just slide your card again now that the green light is on.”

    Customer: “Oh, yeah. You did say to wait for the green light. I have an acronym for that. FTFD!”

    Me: “FTFD?”

    Customer: “Follow the f****** directions!”

    Time To Call It A Day

    | Chicago, IL, USA | At The Checkout, Bad Behavior, Technology

    (We have a sign posted on the counter informing customers to hang up their phones before conducting business. Often, they ignore this. A customer comes up, talking on his cellphone. I am not required to address him while he’s on the phone. He talks and talks for minutes, staring at me. Finally…)

    Customer: “Hold up, baby.” *to me* “Yo, you gonna help me?”

    Me: “Oh, sure, sir. Once you’re finished with your phone call.”

    Customer: “I can do both!”

    Me: “Sir, perhaps you missed the sign, but we will not conduct business with you while you are in the middle of a personal phone call.”

    Customer: “You a rude motherf*****! I wanna talk to your manager!”

    (I walk over tell my manager what’s up. The manager comes over and the customer is on his phone AGAIN.)

    Customer: “Hold on, baby.” *to manager* “Yeah, this guy was very rude to me and is refusing to help me. He should be fired!”

    (My manager looks at him.)

    Manager: “Who are you talking to?”

    Customer: “My wife.”

    Manager: “Can I speak to her?”

    Customer: “Why you wanna talk to her?”

    Manager: “Well, if I’m going to fire this guy, I need another witness, and since you ignored the sign that explicitly tells you to hang up your phone we have a second witness, and I want to get her account of what happened.”

    Customer: “Y’all’s a bunch of ignorant motherf*****s! I hope this motherf***** burns down! You just lost a customer!”

    (The customer storms off. An hour later I get a call from another dealership saying a guy came in and was cursing us out. But apparently, he learned to stay off his phone!)

    Completely Off His Trolley

    | Perth, WA, USA | Crazy Requests, Extra Stupid

    (I am opening the supermarket. A customer drags two locked trolleys over to me from the trolley bays.)

    Customer: “I’ve got two trolleys, but I only want one.”

    Me: “It’s okay. Just take them back to the bays, put the plug back in, and then put your coin in the first trolley, not the second one.”

    (I continue to unlock the bollards blocking the front door and as I take it inside I see the customer is still standing there.)

    Me: “I can’t help you here. You need to take it back to the trolley bays.” *gesture to where he’d gotten his trolley*

    (The customer just stands there, right in front of the door, where I needed to place the mat.)

    Me: “Sir, just take the trolleys back to the trolley return and I’ll help you in a sec. I just need to put the mat down.”

    (After several seconds, I give up waiting for him to move and guide him and his trolleys back to the bays, carrying the rolled up mat.)

    Me: “Now, just pop the plug back in, take your dollar, and put it in the first trolley.”

    Customer: “What plug?”

    Me: “The one from the next trolley. It’s on the chain in front of you… The red thing… on the chain… The one you pulled out after you put your coin in…”

    (I give up completely. Juggling the mat in one hand, I manage to take the plug, insert it back into the trolley with his coin, take his returned dollar coin out, put it in to the first trolley for him, and remove the plug. I turn back to the door and just as I’m about to roll out the mat he comes over with his trolley and stops, RIGHT IN FRONT OF THE DOOR.)


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