July Theme Of The Month: Great Timing!

A Very Sharp Customer

| Portland, OR, USA | Home Improvement, Language & Words

(I used to work at a semi-popular retail store. On my first day of working customer service I get called up to the registers, where I see a foreign man standing by the till.)

Coworker: “[My Name], can you help this gentleman here?”

Me: “Sure, no problem.” *turn to the man* “What can I help you with?”

(The man holds up his hand, obviously asking me to wait. He pulls up his phone and types something down, then hands it to me. He’s opened a translator app, and the word he’s put in directly translates to ‘meat processing board.’)

Me: “Right this way.”

(I lead him over to the kitchen appliance section and show him our selection of cutting boards.)

Me: “Is this what you’re looking for?”

Customer: “Ah, yes! Tacktacktack! Thank you!”

Me: “You’re welcome; if there’s anything else you need just let me know!”

(Later that night after closing my coworker comes up to me while I’m sweeping the floors.)

Coworker: “So, what did that man want? He wasn’t speaking any English!”

Me: “Oh, he wanted to know where our cutting boards were.”

Coworker: “I was wondering why he was pretending to brandish a knife at me!”

Can’t Re-Coupon The Difference

| Indianapolis, IN, USA | At The Checkout, Bizarre, Money

Me: “Okay, your total comes to $219.79; do you have any coupons?”

Customer: “Oh, yes, I have a $10 coupon and a 20% coupon.”

Me: “You are able to use one coupon per transaction, so with the 20% off, your new total is $179.83. Go ahead and slide your card.”

Customer: “Well, can I use the $10 coupon instead?”

Me: “Um…sure.” *deletes the 20% coupon, uses the $10 off coupon* “Your new total is $209.79. Go ahead and slide your card, please.”

Customer: *voice rising* “Wait! Why is it more now?!”

Me: “Because you are deciding to use your $10 coupon instead of your 20% coupon, which will give you more off.”

Customer: *slightly hysterical* “So are you telling me I can NEVER use my $10 coupon?!”

Me: “Ma’am, you can use your $10 coupon whenever you want, but in THIS transaction, you save more with the 20% off coupon.”

Customer: *looking crazily at both coupons*

Me: “Sooo…. with the 20% coupon, you save $43.96. With the TEN DOLLAR coupon, you save TEN DOLLARS.”

Customer: “Wow. I’m NEVER gonna be able to get rid of this $10 coupon! Why do you guys send them to us if we can’t use them?”

Me: *finishing transaction with the 20% off coupon and bag clothes, all the while smiling brightly* “Thanks for shopping with us. You have saved $43.96. Have a great day!”

Customer: *still muttering as she’s leaving* “I just CAN’T get rid of this $10 coupon!”

Good Clean Money

| IN, USA | At The Checkout, Bizarre, Money

(I am the customer.)

Me: *handing money to the cashier* “Wait. First, I have to warn you: this money is wet.”

Cashier: *freezes*

Me: “I swear it’s because I’m an idiot and washed my wallet in the laundry. I promise, it’s the cleanest money you’ll handle all day!”

Cashier: “Thanks for the warning!”

A One-Sided Argument

| USA | At The Checkout, Criminal/Illegal, Extra Stupid, Money

Me: “Your total is $15.50.”

Customer: “Here you go.” *hands me a $50 bill*

Me: “Uh… I’m sorry, sir. I can’t accept this. Do you have another form of payment?”

Customer: “What? Why not?!”

Me: “It’s fake.”

Customer: “No it’s not!”

Me: “It’s only printed on one side…”

Customer: “That’s how they make them now!”

Me: *buzzing security* “Sir, I can assure you that is not at all how ‘they’ make $50 bills.”

Customer: “Do your pen thing! Watch. When it shows up real, you’ll feel stupid.”

Me: *facepalm* “Sure, let’s try the counterfeit pen.” *I make a mark on the fake bill and it turns black* “See? You printed it out on computer paper.”

Customer: “Well… I… THAT’S JUST HOW THEY MAKE THEM NOW!”

(The customer was soon picked up by security who held him until the police showed up. I don’t know what happened to him after that.)

An Unrewarding Realization

| FL, USA | At The Checkout, Bizarre

Me: “Welcome to [Store].”

(Customer waves and walks past me, goes shopping, and then comes up to the counter to check out.)

Me: “Do you have your [Store] Rewards card?”

(The customer looks around then at my name tag.)

Customer: “What store am I in?”

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