I Hail From Unenthusia

| Sydney, NSW, Australia | Awesome Workers, Language & Words

(I witness the end of this conversation between a customer and my coworker. The customer sometimes comes in drinking alcohol, and my coworker is usually very sweet and polite.)

Customer: “What’s your accent?”

Coworker: “Sorry?”

Customer: “Where’s your accent from?”

Coworker: “…I’m from here. Australian.”

Customer: “Oh… You sound more American or something…”

(The customer finishes his transaction and leaves.)

Coworker: “More like my accent was unenthusiasm…”

Pounding Out A Deal

| UK | At The Checkout, Money

(I work in a charity shop. Everything is very cheap but we also have an ‘everything £1′ rail for clothing with minor issues; small marks, loose buttons etc. or for clothing that’s been in the shop for a while. A customer comes to the counter with a few items from the £1 rail.)

Customer: “This has a mark. Look.”

(She points out a tiny black speck, like a dot from a pen.)

Me: “Yes, I see. It’s £1.”

Customer: “I don’t know if the mark will wash out.”

Me: “Okay…”

Customer: “Can I get a discount?”

Me: “It was on the £1 rail. It’s already discounted.”

Customer: “But it has a mark!”

Me: “Yes, that’s why it’s only £1.”

Customer: “Can’t you just take something off for the mark?”

Me: “Uh, no. It’s £1. That IS the discount.”

Customer: *sighing heavily* “Oh, all right, then. I’ll take it. I just hope it comes out.”

(The kicker? Her total was just £4, and she had to sort through a bunch of £20 notes in her purse until she found a £5 to pay with!)

The Breast Awareness, Part 2

| SA, Australia | At The Checkout, Bad Behavior, Family & Kids, Rude & Risque

(I work in the store my parents own, when my father, who works at a hardware store up the road, comes in for lunch like he usually does. He proceeds to match stories with me about what we call ‘Thickhead Thursday’ customers. He tells me about a particularly rude man who abused all the assistants in his hardware store. No more than five minutes after, said customer walks into our store.)

Customer: *looks at dad* “OH, GOD!”

Me: “Hello, sir. How can I help you?”

Customer: *still looking at my father* “I bought this watch band and I need a new crimp clip for it.”

Me: “Sorry, sir. We don’t keep them, but I can give you the maker’s details and you can contact him. He lives here in town.”

(The customer finally looks at me and notices I have decent sized breasts. His eyes do not move from them for the rest of the conversation.)

Customer: “Thank you for your help. You’re a lovely girl.”

(He leaves.)

Dad: “Shame, I wanted him to have a go at you.  I wanted to tell him to f*** off. Why didn’t he?”

Me: “I have breasts.”

Related:
The Breast Awareness

Toiling In The Toilet

| TX, USA | Crazy Requests, Rude & Risque

Me: “Thank you for calling. My name is [My Name]. Whom do I have the pleasure of speaking with tonight?”

Customer: “Listen, this is going to be an odd request, but I need you to bring me some toilet paper.”

Me: *already knowing this is a prank call* “I wish I could, sir.”

Customer: “Well, why can’t you?”

Me: “Because I’m not at your house, sir.”

Customer: “No, see, I’m not at my house. I’m in the back.”

Me: “In the back… of one of our stores?”

Customer: “Yes. And there’s no toilet paper back here, so I need you to bring me some.”

Me: “Okay, sir. And which store are you located at?”

Customer: *sighs* “Listen… why are you playing games with me?”

Me: “I’m not, sir. I’m simply asking because the store you are in may not be located in the same place, or the same state, that I’m in.”

Customer: *long pause* “F*** it, I’m just going to use my hand.”  *click*

I Don’t Work Here, Does Not Work Here, Part 17

| Fort Hood, TX, USA | Crazy Requests

(I am browsing the video game section of a big box retailer wearing normal clothes, with my five-year-old son in tow.)

Customer: “Excuse me; can you unlock this iPad for me?”

Me: “Oh, I don’t work here. But the guy over there—”

Customer: “Why not?!”

Me: “I’m… sorry?”

Customer: “Why can’t you unlock it for me?!”

Me: “Because I don’t work here?”

Customer: “THAT’S NOT AN EXCUSE!”

Related:
I Don’t Work Here, Does Not Work Here, Part 16
I Don’t Work Here, Does Not Work Here, Part 15
I Don’t Work Here, Does Not Work Here, Part 14

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