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    The Crystal Is Not Clear

    , | Ottawa, ON, Canada | Crazy Requests, Home Improvement

    (This takes place over the phone.)

    Customer: “Hi, I’m considering buying a [Very High End Brand] crystal chandelier from you guys. I was wondering… is there a way to tell by looking at it what the brand is? Like, is there a signature etched into the crystal, or something written on the metal part?”

    Me: “No, I’m sorry; I haven’t seen anything like that.”

    Customer: “But if I spend all this money on the best crystal, how are my guests supposed to tell? I’d want everyone to know!”

    Me: “Well, each chandelier comes with a certificate of authenticity you could display, or a [Brand] tag you could hang on it if you wanted.”

    Customer: *sarcastically* “Oh, that wouldn’t be pretentious at all now, would it?” *hangs up*

    Enough Barking Crazy For One Day

    | Savannah, GA, USA | Bizarre, Crazy Requests, Pets & Animals

    (I’m a supervisor working a closing shift, helping out for another department, since we’re short on people that night, and doing my work at the service desk. My coworker, who is manning the service desk that night, is on the phone with someone, looking slightly perplexed.)

    Coworker: *mouths toward me* “Take this! Please!”

    (She passes the phone over to me.)

    Me: “Thank you for calling your local [Store Name]. How may I help you?”

    Customer: *in a very forced high pitched voice* “Do you have any doghouses.”

    (It’s pretty difficult to understand, as they’re clearly disguising their voice to sound like a woman.)

    Me: “I’m sorry. Did you say doghouses?”

    Customer: “Yes, doghouses.”

    Me: “Oh, no, I’m sorry. We don’t carry doghouses. We do have dog cages and dog carriers, though.”

    Customer: “Do you think a little boy could fit in them?”

    Me: *hangs up* “Nope. Not tonight. I do not have the patience. They asked if a little boy could fit in them. F*** that!”

    Said It Without Batting An Eye

    | Reno, NV, USA | Bizarre, Health & Body

    (I was born with a very rare degenerative eye disease which, after several corrective surgeries, has left me with some very unusual eyes (off-centered pupil, over-sized green-gold iris). I’m used to how they look, but a lot of people are taken aback by them, sometimes even asking if they’re real. This incident takes place while I’m hanging up clothing.)

    Me: “Hello, sir. How are you today?”

    Customer: “I’m fine, thank you. We’re looking for— Are you wearing contacts?”

    Me: “No?”

    Customer: “Your eyes look really weird.”

    Me: ” …Thanks.”

    Look Out For The Always Looking

    , | Chicago, IL, USA | Bizarre

    (It is 10 minutes to closing time on a Saturday night. I am the only one in my department tonight, and I notice a customer walk in to the store.)

    Me: “Hi, welcome to [Company]! What brings you in today?”

    Customer: “Just looking around, thank you.” *starts to walk over to our tool chest section*

    Me: “Was this your first time purchasing or were you looking to upgrade your tool chest?”

    Customer: “No, thank you. Just looking.”

    (I leave the customer so they can look around a bit while I make sure there are no other customers are in my department.)

    Me: “Alrighty, then. If you need anything, please let me know.”

    (I help and ring up the other customers that were in my department, and I notice the customer is still looking around the same section.)

    Me: “Hello again. Were you able to make a decision?”

    Customer: “No, still just looking.”

    Me: “Okay.”

    (I give them some useful product information about the various tool chests before walking away again. I go to prep the registers for closing time, and lock the doors. Immediately after locking the last door, I turn around and see the customer staring at me with wide eyes and planted feet. I open the door and greet the customer.)

    Me: “H… Hi there, were you able to make a decision?”

    Customer: “Yes. Where were you?”

    Me: “I do apologize. It is 20 minutes after closing time, and I had to start locking up. Which one were you looking at purchasing today?”

    Customer: “Oh, I wasn’t going to purchase today… I just needed to know if this was in stock.”

    (I check stock on the register, and we have several available.)

    Me: “Yes, sir. We do have them in stock.”

    Customer: “Will they still be here on Tuesday?”

    Me: “Unfortunately, since it’s Saturday, I cannot guarantee that it will be in and I can only place items on hold to be picked up on the same day of inquiry.”

    Customer: “Okay, well, I’ll be back on Tuesday.”

    Me: “Certainly. Here’s my card, and make sure to let them know you spoke to me when you pick it up. Also, feel free to ask them any more questions.”

    Customer: “Thank you!”

    (I unlock one of the doors, let the customer out, lock it back up. I start closing down the registers, and see one of our cool supervisors walk up to the one I’m counting.)

    Supervisor: “Hey, you all right?”

    Me: “Yeah. Hey, do me a favor.”

    Supervisor: “Yeah?”

    Me: “Remind me to never play Silent Hill before coming to work ever again!”

    (We both laughed.)

    Hurt By His Own Hand

    | Hervey Bay, QLD, Australia | Bad Behavior, Crazy Requests

    (We have been closed for about 15 minutes. Our store manager always stands at the door to let workers out to make sure they are safe.)

    Drunk Guy: “Hey, are you guys closed?”

    Manager: “Yes, sir, for about 15 minutes.”

    Drunk Guy: “But I need my smokes, mate.”

    Manager: “Sorry, sir, we have locked up the smoke shop.”

    (The drunk guy starts getting really hostile towards my manager.)

    Drunk Guy: “I need my f****** smokes.”

    Manager: “Sorry, sir, but we are closed.”

    Drunk Guy: “Well f*** you.”

    (He walked out and hit the glass with his palm and it left a massive crack. He ran off, jumped in his car, and sped away.  Luckily, one of the other customers got his number plate. What he did not realise is that he left his hand print on the glass. The police came and it turned out he had a criminal record for being drunk and disorderly. Payback is sweet.)

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