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    Got To Give Him Credit For Persistence

    , | Beltsville, MD, USA | Bad Behavior, Crazy Requests, Money

    (I work for an online retail store. Our website charges customer’s credit cards automatically when they place their order, and we often have to handle refunds for a variety of reasons. One customer decides we are taking too long to ship his order and demands we refund his card.)

    Customer: “I’ve been asking for a refund for weeks and you promised me it was done last Friday!”

    Me: “Sir, you cancelled your order last Thursday and the refund was put through on Friday.”

    Customer: “I don’t see anything on my credit card yet!”

    Me: “Sir, this is Monday. Transactions can take five to seven business days to process by the card issuer. I can provide you with the transaction ID number and you can talk to them, but as far as we’re concerned the refund is complete.”

    (Customer is given the information and rudely hangs up. About one hour later, he calls back, even more furious.)

    Customer: “I want to talk to your manager! You lied to me!”

    Me: “Sir, please calm down. What seems to be the problem?”

    Customer: “You gave me a bogus number! My credit card company says that number is useless and they haven’t seen anything. You’re probably scammers and I’m going to report you to the BBB!”

    Me: “Sir, I assure you the transaction was put through. Please just give it five to seven—”

    Customer *interrupting* “That’s bull****! I asked them and they assured me that all transactions were immediate! I’m going to file a chargeback against you and report you!”

    Me: “I’m not sure who told you that, sir, but that is how long it can take. If you wish to file a chargeback you are free to do so, but understand that this may lock the funds up even longer while they investigate your claim.”

    (Customer curses us out and hangs up. About 30 minutes later, he calls back, calmer but with an attitude.)

    Customer: “I want you to stay on the line. I’m putting this through on a three-way with my bank.”

    Me: “Certainly, sir. I’ll stay on the line with you.”

    Bank Teller: “This is [Major Credit Card]. How can I help you?”

    (Customer proceeds to go on a rant about how we took his money and how he wants to take legal action to regain the funds.)

    Bank Teller: “Okay, so you want to check on a chargeback claim. What is the case number?”

    Customer: “No, I don’t have a case number yet. I just want them to refund their money?”

    Me: *to Bank Teller* “Ma’am, we have already performed the refund. I see the transaction in our processing statements and have an ID number.”

    Bank Teller: “Wait, so this is a credit card refund?”

    Me: “Yes, ma’am.”

    Bank Teller: *to Customer* “Sir, if they’ve already refunded the card, you should see the transaction in five to seven business days.”

    Customer: “WHAT?! That’s not what they told me when I last called in! That’s bull-s***!”

    Bank Teller: *sternly to Customer* “Sir, please do not use foul language. That is how long it takes to process the refund on our end.”

    Customer: *much quieter* *sighs* “I see.”

    Bank Teller: *in a serious voice* “Is there anything else I can help you with?”

    Me: “No, ma’am. Thank you.”

    Customer: *quietly* “No.”

    (Bank Teller hangs up.)

    Me: “Sir, is there anything else I can do for you?”

    Customer: *unhappy but quiet* “No. I guess I’ll wait.”

    Me: “Certainly, sir. You have a nice day.”

    (Customer hung up without a word.)

    Email Fail, Part 4

    , | MA, USA | Extra Stupid, Technology

    (I’m currently in the process of signing up a customer for a rewards card.)

    Me: “I’m gonna need an email address to finish the process of signing you up.”

    Customer: “I don’t have one.”

    Me: “Oh, well maybe your husband does?”

    Customer: “Oh, yeah, he does. It’s yahoo.com.”

    Me: “Ah, well, it needs the first part of the email. Do you have that?”

    Customer: “It’s yahoo.com.”

    Me: “Right, well it still needs the beginning part. For example, if I were to make an account I might do “[My Name]@yahoo.com” or something like that.”

    Customer: “Oh oh, then let’s do “[Husband]@yahoo.com.”

    Me: “Well, he would have to create the account like that.”

    Customer: “Oh.”

    Me: “You can sign up next time, once you get your email created and stuff.” *begins to ring up her items*

    Email Fail, Part 3
    Email Fail, Part 2
    Email Fail

    Tastes Like Bad Parenting

    | Florence, KY, USA | Bizarre, Family & Kids, Rude & Risque

    (A woman and her roughly 14-year-old daughter are standing in front of the family planning section.)

    Mother: “Here, taste this one.”

    Daughter: “Ew, it tastes like rubber bands!”

    Me: *walking over to see what is going on* “Can I help you?”

    Mother & Daughter: *simultaneously* “No, nothing is going on!”

    Me: *perplexed as to what I’m seeing* “Why are all these packages of condoms open?!”

    Mother: “We just wanted to taste them before we bought them!”

    Me: “Uhm, no. You can’t just open them!”

    Mother: “Well, geez! You don’t have to get mad about it! I want to speak to a manager!”

    Me: “Ma’am, my manager will tell you the same thing. Please stop tasting the condoms with your daughter. You should pay for all of these!”

    Mother & Daughter: *giggles and runs out of the department leaving behind all the open condoms*

    (For what it’s worth, we sold flavored condoms, but they didn’t taste any of those!)

    Not On Top Of Modern Technology

    | MA, USA | Extra Stupid, Technology

    (An older gentleman approaches me in my department.)

    Me: “Hello, sir. What can I help you find?”

    Customer: “You advertised a set of mixing bowls on sale for $19.99. Where are they?”

    Me: “I’m sorry, sir, I’m not sure which ones you’re talking about. Did you see them in the most recent flyer?”

    Customer: “Yes.”

    (I start looking through our flyer, searching for the bowls in question. After a few minutes, I’m still not seeing anything, and the customer is becoming agitated.)

    Customer: “They were right at the top on the website!”

    Me: “Oh! So they weren’t in a flyer? Let me pull up the site. Did you search for them with any particular keywords?”

    Customer: “No! I told you, they were just at the top!”

    Me: “Sir, the top of what?”

    Customer: “The top of the Internet! I don’t see what is so hard about this!”

    (The customer didn’t see anything wrong with telling me to check the first page of “the Internet” for an item he knew no details about. I found him the mixing bowls, no thanks to him.)

    Gunning For A Return

    | Titusville, FL, USA | At The Checkout, Extra Stupid

    (I work at a large retailer that sells firearms. This conversation takes place over the phone.)

    Customer: “What’s your returns policy on guns?”

    Me: “No returns on guns. All sales are final.”

    Customer: “Oh. hey, you wanna buy a gun?”

    Me: “No.”

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