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    It’s All Peachy

    , | St. Paul, MN, USA | Bizarre, Health & Body, Spouses & Partners

    (I work as a sales associate at a large chain bath product store that caters mostly to women. I am stationed at the front of the store, greeting customers and handing out shopping bags. A huge, tough-looking man walks into the store and looks around awkwardly. He looks like a motorcycle gang member from a movie: tattoos, leather, and a bandanna.)

    Me: “Hi! Welcome to [Store]. I’m [Name]. Can I help you find anything today?”

    Customer: *shifts uncomfortably* “Yeah, I need lotion and shower gel.”

    (I knew he felt as out of place as he looked so rather than just pointing, I walk him over to the largest display of bath products.)

    Me: “Are you shopping for someone special?”

    Customer: “Yeah. Me.”

    (He was pointedly not making eye contact with me so I allowed myself a split-second look of shock.)

    Customer: *mutters* “My girlfriend likes it when I smell like a peach.”

    (Needless to say, I walked around the entire store with him. I even introduced him to some new fruity fragrances!)

    Taxing Faxing, Part 13

    | London, England, UK | Extra Stupid, Technology

    Customer: “Did you get the order I faxed you over?  I haven’t heard back from you.”

    Me: “Yes, I did get it and tried to fax you a pro forma back, but it kept ringing out.”

    Customer: “Yeah, I always unplug the fax machine after I send a fax.”

    Related:
    Taxing Faxing, Part 12
    Taxing Faxing, Part 11
    Taxing Faxing, Part 10

    Gunning For That Sale

    | USA | Bad Behavior, Criminal/Illegal, Politics

    (I have been working with this customer for a little over an hour and a half. He picks out his rifle, ammo, cleaning kit, scope – the whole nine yards. I am excited because we get commission on what we sell. We finally get to the point where we fill out paperwork, background check, etc.)

    Me: “Okay, sir. Now that we have everything ready, if you can, please let me see your ID so we can get the paperwork started?”

    Customer: “No, I don’t need to do paperwork.”

    Me: *thinking he’s joking, I laugh*

    (Awkward silence.)

    Customer: “So… are you gonna ring me up?”

    Me: “You need to fill out the paperwork so I can perform a background check first.”

    Customer: “Look, I’m a police officer. I don’t need to do the paperwork.”

    Me: “Uh, yes, you do. Everyone needs to do paperwork for a firearm purchase, even the president.”

    Customer: “I don’t give a s*** about the president. Now, are you going to sell me the rifle or not?”

    Me: “Are you going to fill out the paperwork?”

    Customer: “Nope. *turns and leaves*

    Me: *screams internally*

    (He came back the next day trying to buy the same rifle but with another employee. I told him the story from the day before. He told the customer to leave. Never saw him again.)

    It’s Curtains For Closing Time

    | Seattle, WA, USA | Bad Behavior, Crazy Requests, Family & Kids

    (I work in a small, locally owned business in an old building. Connected to our store is another small shop. Our owners have agreed to leave the passage between our stores open to promote business. We understandably get customers wanting to purchase the other store’s goods at our register, and other similar confusions. Most days, our hours are the same. One day a week my store closes an hour before our sister store. We have large, heavy curtains that can be drawn across the entrance between our stores. I am in the middle of closing procedure, have drawn the curtains, turned out most of the lights, and locked the front door. Our space has two adjoining rooms, so I can hear what’s happening in the other room, but can’t see. I hear loud thumping noises and footsteps. It is a woman and her seven- or eight-year-old son.)

    Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, but we are closed. Today we close an hour earlier than [Adjoining Store], but feel free to browse further there.”

    Woman: “Oh? You’re closed?”

    Me: “Yes. As you may have noticed, all the lights are off in this store, and our hours are clearly posted on the other side of the curtains separating us from [Other Store.]”

    Woman: “Well, it’s all so unclear. It looks like you’re open.”

    (Meanwhile, her son is bounding around, disarranging the displays and generally being disrespectful of the space.)

    Me: “I’m sorry, but we are closed. Our register is no longer open. Feel free to look at [Other Store]‘s stock. They are open for another hour.”

    Woman: *grumbles in direction of son* “Well, I guess this b**** won’t let you have a toy.”

    Giving You An Earful Over The Ears

    | Melbourne, VIC, Australia | Crazy Requests, Geeks Rule, Theme Of The Month

    (For those that don’t know, LARP is Live Action Roleplay. We sell a lot of realistic looking weapons that are safe to hit people with, but are actually foam. Some are historically based, others are pure fantasy. We are at a convention.  I’m helping another customer when a guy on the other end of the table starts getting agitated by something.)

    Customer: “No, these aren’t right at all.”

    Me: “Sorry, I’ll be with you in a minute.”

    Customer: “They’re just not accurate.”

    (Finishing with the other customer, I move over.)

    Me: “Well, it’s LARP, not re-enactment, so some of our weapons won’t be historically accurate. In fact, many are outright fantasy weapons that would have been amazingly impractical for real use.”

    Customer: “Not the weapons, idiot! These!”

    (The customer holds up a pair of prosthetic elf ears.)

    Customer: “Moon Elves’ ears DON’T look like THIS.”

    Me: “Uh… I’m pretty sure with elves being fantasy they can look like whatever the designer wanted them to, so long as they’re kinda pointy at the end.”

    Customer: “BUT THEY’RE NOT ACCURATE!”

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