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    Flea To The Devil

    | SC, USA | Bad Behavior, Pets & Animals

    (I am an assistant manager of an extremely popular supermarket. A middle-aged woman stops me as I pass the pet department.)

    Customer: “Hey! You! I need some help.”

    Me: “Sure thing, ma’am. I’m off the clock right now but I’ll see what I can do.”

    Customer: “Tell me if this will work on puppies.” *thrusts box of flea medicine at my chest*

    Me: “Well, it depends on the weight and age of the puppies. What breed are they?”

    Customer: “Oh, my god! I don’t know! Some mutt my daughter found! I made her put it in the shed and it had puppies!”

    Me: “Okay, not a problem. How old are they?”

    Customer: “Three days.”

    Me: “Wait, come again?”

    Customer: “Are you deaf?! I said three days!”

    Me: “Ma’am, you can’t put flea medicine, especially medicine for a dog ten pounds or heavier, on a puppy that’s three days old.”

    Customer: “And why the h*** not!? I don’t want them getting fleas. Then they’d be all over my shed!”

    Me: “Wait, they don’t even have fleas?”

    Customer: “NO! You’re such an idiot!” *grabs the box back from him* “They’re at my house and I’ll put whatever I want on them!”

    Me: *somewhat frantically* “Ma’am, they’ll die.”

    Customer: “GOOD! I want those f****** ugly dogs dead! Those mutt, mix-breed dogs are a sin and will go to hell! I have a purebred Yorkshire Terrier and can’t risk having fleas in MY shed! I’m calling corporate about you trying to tell me what to do!”

    (She then grabbed a second box and stormed out of the aisle, shouting about “mix-breeds are the devil’s work.”)

    An Unrewarding Exchange

    | Fort Pierce, FL, USA | At The Checkout, Bad Behavior

    (At my job, cashiers are required to go through a spiel for every transaction such as offering extended warranties or store credit cards. The big thing we push is the free store Rewards program. Mostly it’s a points/rewards program, but occasionally it also gets the customer a discount as well on certain items.)

    Me: “Okay, ma’am, would you like to sign up for our [Rewards Program]?

    Customer: “No, you people always want me to sign up for some s***!”

    Me: “Not a problem, ma’am.”

    (We continue with the transaction. As I hit total, the register prompts me that the customer would save five dollars on her sweaters if she signs up for the program, which I am required to inform her.)

    Me: “And ma’am, I know you said you didn’t want the rewards program, but if you sign up today at no charge, you would save $5 on your sweaters! Would you be inter—”

    Customer: “NO! God-d***! I already said I don’t want your f****** card! God! Don’t you know how to listen?!”

    Me: “That’s perfectly fine, ma’am. I am—”

    Customer: “Just let me pay and get the h*** out!”

    Me: “Okay, your total is [total]. Sorry I couldn’t help you save some money today.”


    Me: “All right. Apologies, ma’am.”

    (I finish the transaction and the customer leaves. The woman in line behind her has been very quiet but glaring at the previous woman.)

    Me: “Hello, ma’am, how are you? Would you like to sign up for [Rewards Program]?”

    Next Customer: “I’ll do it, but just so I can get the discount on these sweaters. And before you ask, no, thank you, I would not like the credit card, but unlike that woman, my mother taught me manners.”

    Not Feeling Neutral About Those Colors

    | New Zealand | Home Improvement

    (I have a customer in our specials book to call when we receive new stock of a certain style of shoe in. We have a note by her name that said ‘likes navy and grey.’ Like a lot of people that shop with us, she obviously likes neutral tones that go with everything. I ring her yesterday when we receive a new shipment in grey. When I tell her, she says, ‘oh, grey,’ in a disappointed voice.)

    Customer: “I was hoping for a bit of colour.”

    The Mother Of All Fake Complaints

    | Chicago, IL, USA | Bad Behavior, Language & Words

    Older Older Guy: “Do you guys have [item]?”

    Me: “I believe it’s on [aisle], but let me confirm real quick.” *asks manager, who is two registers away and answers that we don’t carry the item in question*

    Older Guy: “Oh, no, don’t ask HER!”

    Me: “That person is my manager, sir. She knows this store like the back of her—”

    Older Guy: *cuts me off* “Oh, no, I spoke with her earlier! She’s… well, she’s not very professional at all.”

    Me: *dumbfounded* “I don’t see how you could have gotten that impress—”

    Older Guy: *cuts me off again, eyes cast down* “Oh, when I went to talk to her, she was on the phone with her mother! I had to interrupt her! That’s not very professional at all. I know, you see, I was in business for seventeen years.”

    (I HAVE seen my manager, who does the work of three people and still manages the store and a burgeoning staff with a smile, take brief calls to round up the next shift for schedule changes – but only while stocking shelves and never for more than a few moments. She’s been very patient and kind with me, so I’m quite fond of her.)

    Me: *breaks out college vocabulary, something I’ve found shuts down snobby customers* “Well, sir, I’m very sorry you garnered such an impression of her. She’s always been eminently professional in my interactions with her.”

    (It works, but he keeps forlornly grumbling about “seventeen years in business” and “never acted that way myself” until I finish ringing him up. When I have to do returns, I find my manager and tell her what he said. She bursts out laughing.)

    Manager: “Yeah, I remember that guy! He wanted me to walk him to a hundred items on his list individually and got mad when I wouldn’t… And my mother’s been deceased for years!”

    (I joked that she should take the guy’s behavior as a compliment: since she doesn’t make mistakes, people have to make things up if they want to complain about her!)

    Customers With Very Specific Baggage

    | Tigard, OR, USA | At The Checkout, Bad Behavior, Crazy Requests

    (I work at a large retail store. On the credit card machine, at the end of every transaction, a one question survey would pop up for the customer, asking to rate our customer service, from 1 to 5. I’ve just finished ringing up a customer and put her items in a plastic bag. She has been fairly normal so far, until…)

    Customer: “Do you have any bags with handles?”

    Me: “Yes, all our bags have handles.”

    Customer: “No, I mean a paper bag. I don’t want plastic.”

    Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am. All we have are plastic bags.”

    Customer: *angrily replies* “Well, I don’t want a plastic bag!”

    (She then picks up the stylus pen and chooses “1” on the customer service questions, deliberately pushing down so hard on the screen that it permanently leaves a mark.)

    Customer: “Next time have paper bags!”

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