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    You’ve Been Framed

    | UK | Bad Behavior, Theme Of The Month

    (I am a manager of an independent retail store with strict refund/exchange policies.)

    Customer: “Hello, I purchased this frame the other day and would like to swap it as it’s the wrong one.”

    Me: “Okay, do you have a receipt?”

    Customer: “No. I just want to swap it.”

    Me: “Okay, well, without a receipt I can’t really exchange it. It’s also not recognised on our till so I don’t know how much it was originally, therefore can’t swap it as I don’t know if it’s equal value.”

    Customer: “THIS IS DISGUSTING! You are meant to support local businesses! This is disgusting!”

    Me: “I’m sorry; if you have a bank statement perhaps we can do something.”

    Customer: “NO, THIS IS DISGUSTING! I CAN’T BELIEVE THIS. YOU KNOW WHAT? I DON’T EVEN WANT YOUR F****** PHOTO-FRAME!”

    (The customer proceeded to throw the glass photo-frame across the store at my head. I swerved and avoided being hit with the frame and the customer stormed out of the shop. I stood, shocked by what had just happened. The customer then came back into store and demanded the photo-frame back, shouting that she would be making an official complaint about me!)

    I Hail From Unenthusia

    | Sydney, NSW, Australia | Awesome Workers, Language & Words

    (I witness the end of this conversation between a customer and my coworker. The customer sometimes comes in drinking alcohol, and my coworker is usually very sweet and polite.)

    Customer: “What’s your accent?”

    Coworker: “Sorry?”

    Customer: “Where’s your accent from?”

    Coworker: “…I’m from here. Australian.”

    Customer: “Oh… You sound more American or something…”

    (The customer finishes his transaction and leaves.)

    Coworker: “More like my accent was unenthusiasm…”

    Pounding Out A Deal

    | UK | At The Checkout, Money

    (I work in a charity shop. Everything is very cheap but we also have an ‘everything £1′ rail for clothing with minor issues; small marks, loose buttons etc. or for clothing that’s been in the shop for a while. A customer comes to the counter with a few items from the £1 rail.)

    Customer: “This has a mark. Look.”

    (She points out a tiny black speck, like a dot from a pen.)

    Me: “Yes, I see. It’s £1.”

    Customer: “I don’t know if the mark will wash out.”

    Me: “Okay…”

    Customer: “Can I get a discount?”

    Me: “It was on the £1 rail. It’s already discounted.”

    Customer: “But it has a mark!”

    Me: “Yes, that’s why it’s only £1.”

    Customer: “Can’t you just take something off for the mark?”

    Me: “Uh, no. It’s £1. That IS the discount.”

    Customer: *sighing heavily* “Oh, all right, then. I’ll take it. I just hope it comes out.”

    (The kicker? Her total was just £4, and she had to sort through a bunch of £20 notes in her purse until she found a £5 to pay with!)

    The Breast Awareness, Part 2

    | SA, Australia | At The Checkout, Bad Behavior, Family & Kids, Rude & Risque

    (I work in the store my parents own, when my father, who works at a hardware store up the road, comes in for lunch like he usually does. He proceeds to match stories with me about what we call ‘Thickhead Thursday’ customers. He tells me about a particularly rude man who abused all the assistants in his hardware store. No more than five minutes after, said customer walks into our store.)

    Customer: *looks at dad* “OH, GOD!”

    Me: “Hello, sir. How can I help you?”

    Customer: *still looking at my father* “I bought this watch band and I need a new crimp clip for it.”

    Me: “Sorry, sir. We don’t keep them, but I can give you the maker’s details and you can contact him. He lives here in town.”

    (The customer finally looks at me and notices I have decent sized breasts. His eyes do not move from them for the rest of the conversation.)

    Customer: “Thank you for your help. You’re a lovely girl.”

    (He leaves.)

    Dad: “Shame, I wanted him to have a go at you.  I wanted to tell him to f*** off. Why didn’t he?”

    Me: “I have breasts.”

    Related:
    The Breast Awareness

    Toiling In The Toilet

    | TX, USA | Crazy Requests, Rude & Risque

    Me: “Thank you for calling. My name is [My Name]. Whom do I have the pleasure of speaking with tonight?”

    Customer: “Listen, this is going to be an odd request, but I need you to bring me some toilet paper.”

    Me: *already knowing this is a prank call* “I wish I could, sir.”

    Customer: “Well, why can’t you?”

    Me: “Because I’m not at your house, sir.”

    Customer: “No, see, I’m not at my house. I’m in the back.”

    Me: “In the back… of one of our stores?”

    Customer: “Yes. And there’s no toilet paper back here, so I need you to bring me some.”

    Me: “Okay, sir. And which store are you located at?”

    Customer: *sighs* “Listen… why are you playing games with me?”

    Me: “I’m not, sir. I’m simply asking because the store you are in may not be located in the same place, or the same state, that I’m in.”

    Customer: *long pause* “F*** it, I’m just going to use my hand.”  *click*

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