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    Putting The Screwed Into Screwdriver

    | Chicago, IL, USA | Bad Behavior, Crazy Requests

    (I work in the hardware department of [Major Company]. I get a call 5 minutes to close.)

    Me: “[Major Company] hardware department. This is [My Name] speaking. How may I help you today?”

    Customer: “Hi, yes. I was looking to see if you have [item number] screwdriver set in. I have been looking at it for weeks, but have been waiting for the price to drop.”

    Me: “Certainly, ma’am. Would you mind if I put you on hold for a minute while I go check?”

    Customer: “Sure thing.”

    *I put them on hold, find the set, and get back on the call*

    Me: “Hello, ma’am? We do have the set in stock.”

    Customer: “Oh, great, could you hold it for me?”

    Me: “Are you in the parking lot?”

    Customer: “No, why?”

    Me: “Well, we can only hold items at our registers until we close for the night on the same day.”

    Customer: “Well, how many do you have left?”

    Me: “This would be the last one, ma’am.”

    Customer: “Last one? What the hell?! Can’t you put it in back or something?! I’ll be there in 10 minutes to pick it up!”

    Me: “Unfortunately, I cannot. We can only hold items until we close for the night and we closed about, oh…” *looks at clock* “… 5 minutes ago, now. There is no way you would be able to pick it up tonight, even if you ordered it online. We can always order it to the store or even to the house if we don’t have any in when you stop by. Might I suggest ordering it onl—”

    Customer: “Don’t you dare mention that Internet hocus pocus! My husband needs this ASAP, and I’ll be there in 10 minutes AND IT. BETTER. BE. THERE!”

    Me: “Certainly, ma’am.”

    Customer: *hangs up*

    Coworker: “What was that about?”

    Me: “Some angry lady who’s going to be more pissed off than usual in about 10-15 minutes.”

    (I found out two days later that the angry lady did come to the store 10 minutes later and found the building closed. She came in the next afternoon, demanded the set, got upset when it was no longer available, proceeded to throw merchandise around the department looking for it, and had to be escorted out by security.)

    Are Jew Crazy?!

    | San Diego, CA, USA | Bad Behavior, Bigotry, Holidays, Religion

    (It’s mid-morning on Black Friday. A jovial customer comes in, hits on the young lady I’m ringing out, and then walks around the counter after being rejected. He sees my coworker.)

    Customer: “Hey! Hey, man. Are you Jewish?”

    Coworker: “What? No?”

    Customer: “Oh, good. So you’re American!”

    Coworker: “…what?”

    (The customer then quite happily left the store.)

    Doesn’t Fit The Bill

    | Scotland, UK | At The Checkout, Money, Tourists/Travel

    (I work in a gift shop at a castle. A puzzled customer comes up to the till.)

    Customer: “How much are your postcards?”

    Me: “They’re 50 pence.”

    Customer: “So 50p means 50 pence?”

    Me: “Yep, they’re the same thing.”

    Customer: “Okay, so, I have a certificate for 5.”

    (We don’t do gift certificates to the best of my knowledge, so…)

    Me: “Sorry; when you say certificate, what exactly do you mean?”

    Customer: “It’s like a… bill?”

    Me: “A five pound note?”

    Customer: “A what?”

    Me: *baffled* “May I ask where you’re from?”

    Customer: “I’m from California.”

    Me: “Right, well, basically, our pence are like your cents, and our pounds are like your dollars. It’s 100 pence to a pound.”

    Customer: “OH! That makes so much more sense of all of your shops!”

    Trying To Get Through Her Thick Helmet

    | UK | Crazy Requests, Health & Body, Tourists/Travel

    (I worked in a chain of high-end ski and mountain sports stores. On this occasion, I was standing at the till whilst my assistant manager was moving some items nearby. A lady in her mid-60s comes storming into the store with a ski helmet in her hand; it’s obvious it’s taken a heavy hit on the back and there’s a big dent in it.)

    Me: “Hi there, madam. How can I help?”

    Customer: “You sold me a faulty product. I demand to see the manager.”

    Me: “Sorry to hear that, madam. Our manager’s just on a conference call with our head office at the moment, but our assistant manager’s over the—”

    (She stormed over to my assistant manager before I could finish, and I listened to the rest of the conversation whilst I carried on with my work.)

    Customer: “You sold me a faulty product. I bought this [ski helmet] for my grandson last month, and it broke on his first trip. I want a refund and compensation.”

    Assistant Manager: “Okay, madam, may I take a look at the helmet and see what’s wrong with it?” *the lady hands over the helmet*

    Assistant Manager: “Madam, could I ask if your grandson took a fall at any point during his trip?”

    Customer: “What? Yes, of course he did. He was on a school trip and they were learning. He told me they did some off-piste skiing on their last day and he fell and hit his head on one of the chair lift pylons. What’s this got to do with anything, though? The helmet’s clearly failed and is faulty, I want a refund!”

    Assistant Manager: “Madam, I understand your frustration considering you only just bought this, but company policy is that we don’t refund damaged helmets in any way. Essentially, the helmet’s done its job by protecting your grandson’s head.”

    Customer: “HOW DARE YOU TRY AND BRUSH THIS OFF! YOU WON’T GET AWAY WITH THIS! I DON’T CARE IF YOUR MANAGER’S ON THE PHONE TO THE SULTAN OF BRUNEI, I WANT HIM OUT HERE, WITH MY MONEY, NOW!!!”

    (My assistant manager goes to the office where my manager’s just finished the call. She’s a rather petite woman, but has a very strong personality and is not known for backing down easily.)

    Manager: “Hello, Madam. My name is [Manager] and I’m the store manager here. What seems to be the issue?

    (The customer re-rants her story and the manager stands there looking at the helmet briefly.)

    Manager: “So, what you’re saying is, your grandson took a tumble, hit his head on a ski lift pylon, and the helmet suffered damage as a result of this?”

    Customer: “Yes!”

    Manager: “So your grandson’s still alive then?”

    Customer: “I… What?”

    Manager: “Madam, if your grandson had gone off piste without the helmet on and hit the pylon, he wouldn’t have come back at all. The helmet did its job in protecting his head from the impact. I appreciate the fact you’ve spent money on a protective device and it has become damaged so quickly, but that’s what it’s for: protection. I’m afraid there’s nothing I can do.”

    Customer: *practically bellowing* “THIS IS DISGUSTING! I’VE SPENT THOUSANDS IN YOUR STORE SINCE IT WAS OPENED AND I’VE NEVER BEEN TREATED LIKE THIS BEFORE! THIS PIECE OF C*** IS BROKEN, AND YOU’RE TELLING ME YOU WON’T REFUND IT?! WHAT THE H** CAN I DO WITH IT NOW, USE IT AS A PAPERWEIGHT?! I’LL TAKE THIS TO HEAD OFFICE AND GET TREATED CORRECTLY AND HAVE YOU FIRED FOR YOUR IDIOCY!”

    (My manager doesn’t like being shouted at by anyone, and looks directly at the customer.)

    Manager: “Madam, I’m sorry, but your outburst has just cost you a store credit I was considering offering by way of a goodwill gesture. I’ve been manager since this store has been open and I have never seen you here before, let alone on regular occurrences. Please feel free to contact our head office to discuss this further; their details are on our website. But for now I would like you to leave, please.”

    (The customer stormed out without another word. Later that week, we heard from head office that she’d managed to get the contact details for the CEO who then proceeded to provide a replacement helmet, free of charge, plus about £100 worth of vouchers to use at any store as compensation “for the utter humiliation” she suffered in our store. Nice to know that despite standing by what you believe is right, the customer can still get what they want if they go high up and moan loudly enough.)

    Bow To Their Crazy Demands

    | UK | Bad Behavior, Extra Stupid

    (I am going about my business as a shop assistant at a mid-range high street retailer when a large family comes in looking for a party dress for a little girl. The dress they pick has a ribbon around the waist to give it the correct fit, tied with a bow at the back, which has to be untied to get it on the child.)

    Customer: “Excuse me; do you have any more of these?”

    Me: “Did you need a different size or would you like to see the other colours in the range?”

    Customer: “Oh no, I want more of this one in the same size. The ribbon is not tied correctly on this one.”

    (I stared blankly in disbelief but my manager was watching.)

    Me: “I’ll run down to the stockroom and find out.”

    (I took the dress she had and re-tie the ribbon, but also brought two other dresses.)

    Customer: “Ooh, this one looks like it’s tied far better.”

    (She took one of the other dresses and UNTIED THE RIBBON to put it on her child.)

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