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    Rebirth And Return

    | Seattle, WA, USA | At The Checkout, Crazy Requests, Top

    (I am working behind the counter at a high end department store when a customer comes up with a bundled up wad of faded fabric under her arm.)

    Customer: “Excuse me. I need to return this dress I just bought. It doesn’t fit right.”

    Me: “No problem. Do have the tags or receipt?”

    Customer: “Of course! Here.”

    (She hands me what I’ve asked for. They’re both incredibly old; the paper is actually yellow with age. The brand of the dress is one we haven’t carried in years.)

    Me: “I’m sorry. I can’t return this.”

    Customer: “What are you talking about? This store always takes returns!”

    Me: “This dress is too old for me to return.”

    Customer: “Impossible! I only bought it a few months ago. I live far away so I haven’t had a chance to return it until now. Here, I even have the business card of the woman who sold it to me.”

    (She hands me the business card, which, while legitimate, has the company’s old logo which was switched out in 2000. It is now 2012.)

    Me: “Ma’am, I’m sorry, but the sale is too old for the computer to recognize. I can’t return it.”

    Customer: “This is unbelievable! I just bought this dress and it looks awful on me so I want to return it.”

    Me: “This receipt is from 1985. You bought this dress before I was born.”

    If I Know Him I’ll Eat My Hat

    | CA, USA | Extra Stupid, Geography

    (I vend at local arts and craft shows, selling handmade hats.)

    Customer: “These hats are great! Do you know Sandy?”

    Me: “Sandy? I don’t think so.”

    Customer: “Oh c’mon! Sandy! He makes hats, too! Y’know, in Arizona? He’s famous!”

    Me: “Nope. Can’t say I’ve met him.”

    Warning: IQ May Be Inversely Proportional To Wavelength, Part Two

    , | Australia | Extra Stupid, Funny Names, Technology

    (I work in the sporting department with another coworker. A customer comes up.)

    Customer: “Hey, uh, do you have that thing? Where you put stuff in the thing and the thing turns it?”

    (My coworker and I exchange confused glances.)

    Me: “Sorry. What do you mean?”

    Customer: *attempting to use confusing hand gestures* “You know, that thing where you put the stuff in the thing, and it turns and gets hot?”

    Coworker: “You mean a microwave?”

    Related:
    Warning: IQ May Be Inversely Proportional To Wavelength

    You Wouldn’t Beliebe It

    | TX, USA | Extra Stupid, Musical Mayhem

    (We have pre-teen Justin Bieber cut outs in our store, along with party accessories.)

    Customer: “I was wondering if you have any ‘Justine Bieber’ stuff.”

    Me: *thinking nothing of how she said the name* “Right this way! We have the pre-teen Bieber, if that’s what you’re looking for.”

    Customer: “No, I was wanting the cut out stand. You know, the cardboard ones you can buy.”

    Me: “OH! Yes, I don’t think we have any set up in the store, but we have some in the back. They’re $34.97 for one.”

    Customer: “That’s really high!”

    Me: “I agree. It’s a bit much for some cardboard, but girls seem to love owning them.”

    Customer: “That’s true. My granddaughter keeps asking for one.”

    Me: “Well, let me just look in the back to see if we have one.” *goes to back and brings out a still-packaged cut out*

    Customer: “Oh, this one is pre-teen, too.”

    Me: “Yes. I’m afraid we don’t have any new Bieber items.”

    Customer: *frowning at the cut out* “Just as well. I don’t really like my granddaughter having this Bieber stuff. Have you see how she looks?”

    Me: “Sorry? Your granddaughter?”

    Customer: “No, ‘Justine Bieber.’ She’d be so much prettier if she’d grow her hair out, is what I mean. With her hair all spiked up how it is, she looks like a lesbian!”

    The Game Of Life

    | TN, USA | Bigotry, Crazy Requests, Technology

    Customer: “Sir, do you know anything about video games?”

    Me: “Yeah, I do, but it depends on which games. I haven’t played them all yet.”

    Customer: “You shouldn’t be playing video games! You are a young man. Go make a d*** family!”

    (I look down at the floor at this point as the customer is scolding me.)

    Customer: “Were you just looking at my daughters a**!?”

    Me: “No, ma’am. I wouldn’t!”

    Customer: “Is she not GOOD enough for you?”

    Me: “No, ma’am. I’m gay…”

    Customer: “You shouldn’t be that either!”


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