This is a question I get annoyingly often while putting fabric away; this is the one time I decide to have a little fun with it since the customer seems friendly enough to not presume I’m trying to just get rid of her.

Customer: “Hey! Where’re your Muslims?”

I am smiling widely, thinking the joke is obvious and knowing she’s looking for muslin.

Me: “Have you checked your local mosque?”

The customer looks at me blankly and a few seconds of awkward silence happen.

Me: “The muslin is right over here.” 

I take the customer over and we chat about the widths she needs and possible yardages. Right as we part ways, she asks what I’m sure was on her mind the entire conversation.

Customer: “Why would muslin be at a mosque?”

Me: “You called it Muslim instead of muslin; Muslims go to mosques the way Christians go to church.”

The customer then nodded and made her way to the cutting counter. I still don’t think she got the joke.

A customer is trying to purchase a product from one of our stores. She gives me the zip code for me to check.

Me: “Your local store has zero in stock, I’m afraid.”

She tears me a new one.

Customer: “Another source told me they had twelve in stock! Why was I lied to?!”

After some back and forth, I realize she totally botched the zip by three digits. Once I confirm the correct quantity, she goes:

Customer: “Now, was that so hard?”

I wanted to scream, “Yes because you’re a f***** moron!” but I need this job. So in my warmest, most gag-worthy customer service voice:

Me: “I apologize, ma’am. Are there any other questions I can help you answer today?”

Customer: “Not if it’s gonna take as long as you did, no.”

Me: “Have a good day.”

Yeah, had to step away for a breather after that.

Related:
Knows Zip About Zip Codes, Part 2
Knows Zip About Zip Codes

I’m at a bulk store that offers an option to scan and pay for items with their app, allowing you to skip the checkout line and just go straight to the exit. There’s an attendant at the doors to scan your receipt and make sure everything matches up, so it’s relatively difficult to steal. Despite this, another customer comes up to me after I walk past the checkout.

Customer: “So you’re just gonna steal a whole buggy of groceries?”

Me: “What?”

Customer: “You’re stealing! I saw you go past the checkout line!”

Me: “No, I used the app.”

Customer: “Thief! You’re a thief!”

I pushed past her because she was scaring my children and making them question if we’d stolen anything. I went to the attendant, who scanned my receipt and my cart and let me through. Of course, I still had to explain everything to my children.

To the lady who scared my kids and harassed me because she can’t keep up with technology: mind your own business.

I come in to work the day after a huge event to find an item with a note on it, saying it was left by a customer. It gets put in the lost-and-found drawer. Two weeks go by, and we all but forget about it, when someone walks in.

Coworker: *To me* “Hey, [My Name], there’s a guy here who says he left something.”

Me: “Sure, over here. How’s it going? What was the item you left?”

Customer: “It was [item].”

Sure enough, it’s the item that was left two weeks ago.

Me: “Oh, what did it look like?”

Customer: “It was black and had—”

Me: “Right, here you go.” *Jokingly* “Now don’t do it again.”

Customer: *Smiling sheepishly* “Right.”

He then wanders around the store a bit with his item, and finally stops to ask if we sell a product. We do, we finish the transaction… and then he goes and buys more things. A few minutes later, I see him walking out, and notice…

Me: “Have a good night! Wait… did you remember your [item]?”

The customer turns around immediately and throws an even more embarrassed grin at me.

Customer: “No!”

He had set the item down on a table and had forgotten it… again. We had a good laugh about it.

I’m at a store buying things for a weekend away with my girlfriend. I stock up on condoms, soda, snacks, lotion, sunscreen, and, as an afterthought, I grab some pads because her period is irregular.

When I go through the line, I’m given the occasional odd look, which I ignore, until I feel a tap on my shoulder. 

Woman: “Aren’t you a teenager? What are you doing with condoms? Put them back!”

Me: “First of all, I’m twenty-five. Secondly, it’s none of your business what I buy with my own money.” 

Woman: *Turns tomato red* “What about these pads? You don’t need pads; you’re a boy!” 

Me: “But my girlfriend’s not a boy.” 

The woman shut up.

This story is part of our Best Of March 2021 roundup! This is the last story in this roundup, but if you’d like to read more of our favorite stories, you can always check out February’s roundup next!

Read the next Best Of March 2021 roundup story!

Read the Best Of March 2021 roundup!