I spot a woman who has been walking around the store for a while now, and now she is eyeing up one of our windows, so I ask her if she needs any help.

Customer: “I can’t find your exit.”

Me: *Pointing* “Same way you came in, ma’am. Straight down this way.”

Customer: “Oh, good!”

Suddenly, she hands me a hammer.

Customer: “I grabbed this from your hardware aisle. Thanks to you, I don’t need it anymore!

Smiling, she trotted off toward the exit as I suddenly realized what she was planning with our window.

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Per management, staff has to park at the back of the lot so that customers can park closer. None of us like it, because if you get off at night, you have to walk past about fifty cars before you get to the associate parking area.

One day, I work until about 8:00 pm, change out of my uniform so that customers won’t stop me on my way out and walk to my car. Upon getting in, I realize that my passenger window is smashed. My car was made in the mid-1980s and has only a stereo for music, crank windows, and no power locks — and, as I learn today, no car alarm. I see that there is a drink I didn’t purchase sitting in the cup holder and my glove compartment is open and empty. Thankfully, I didn’t have anything important in the car, but I still feel violated.

I call the police and they come out to investigate. We go inside to talk to management.

Officer: “We’re going to need the security tapes from that area.”

Manager: “Where were you parked?”

Me: “Straight out from those doors—” *Points toward the exit* “—at the back of the lot, under the last lamplight.”

Manager: “Oh.”

Officer: “What?”

Manager: “Yeah, the cameras only work back to, like, two-thirds of the lot.”

Me: “What?!”

Officer: “So, you have no video security for the last third of your parking lot?”

Manager: *Shrugs* “Well, it’s a big parking lot. It would be expensive to wire up the whole place.” *Laughs uncomfortably* “Sorry.”

Me: “So, now what?”

Officer: “Without the video, it’s hard to say anything will come from it.”

Me: *To my manager* “How can you tell us to park back there and not care if we’re protected?”

Manager: *Angry* “I never told you where to park. You choose where you shop!”

Me: “[Manager]. Are you serious?”

I pull my uniform shirt out of my bag.

Manager: *Staring at me* “Oh, s***, [My Name]. Oh, f— Oh, I’m so sorry. I didn’t recognize you.”

Officer: “You know her?”

Me: “I work here. I saw [Manager] ten minutes ago to clock out.”

Officer: *Long pause* “Wow…”

Manager: “[My Name], I’m so sorry. Our cameras aren’t strong enough to see out there. I don’t know what to tell you.”

Me: “I quit.”

The manager tried to stop me as I turned to leave, but the officer blocked him from grabbing me. I filed a report but nothing ever came from it. I didn’t lose anything with monetary value, but I have always been wary of parking away from security cameras. I told everyone I could that the back third of the parking lot was not secure. I heard that nearly every employee refused to park in the back until the store upgraded its security.

A minor celebrity is in town to do a pantomime. We’re required to offer a store card to everyone.

Me: “Would you like to sign up for our store card? You’ll get a five-percent discount!”

Celebrity: “I don’t need five percent off. I could pay your wages for ten years from one job. Don’t you know who I am?”

Me: *Lying* “Not a clue. Hey, [Boss], do you know who this man is?”

I know my boss doesn’t watch any soaps.

Boss: “Sorry, no. Should I?”

Me: *To the next customer in line* “Do you know who this is?”

Customer: “No.”

The celebrity lists several shows, growing more incredulous as we look at him blankly.

Me: “Nope. Still don’t know you. Are you sure you don’t want to take advantage of the five-percent discount? It means you save £3.55!”

He walked out. My manager complimented me on my store card pitch. It was a good afternoon.

Any customer satisfaction survey that is filled out with a 0/10 requires the employees involved in the transaction to be spoken to and see what we could do better next time. After this, management writes back to the customer to tell them what action we will be taking. This has to happen, regardless of the complaint.

My store manager calls me to the office about a survey. The customer has written:

Customer: “I told the cashier to stop listening to music. She said she wasn’t and wouldn’t take off her earphones. She said it was for the radio. I don’t care if she was listening to the radio or to an iPad. She shouldn’t be listening to music when she’s at work.”

I have hearing loss and wear hearing aids. People sometimes ask me about my radio headset, so I don’t have a specific memory of this customer interaction.

Manager: “Maybe make a point to say, ‘walkie-talkie,’ instead of, ‘radio,’ so people don’t get confused?”

I say that’s fine because I know this meeting is required and we have to suggest something. The manager writes back:

Manager: “The associate in question is hard of hearing. She was wearing her in-store radio walkie-talkie headset and was not listening to music. She has a special walkie-talkie headset because of her disability, but it does the same job as the earpieces that you see every team member wear. Team members are not allowed to listen to music on the sales floor. We are sorry for the confusion.”

The complaining customer also got a gift card and some special coupons for her trouble, but they still wrote back to us with another 0/10 survey:

Customer: “Do not hire deaf people. That is bad service. Customers deserve better.”

My manager said he’s going to send this survey to corporate and ask if the survey system can be changed.

We are doing curbside pickup only. It’s a small store with only one person working at a time. I have to go to the washroom, so I put a “be right back” sign on the door and do my business. Of course, the phone starts ringing. By the time I come back to the front, it’s been four minutes and there’s an angry man at our door with a phone in his hand.

Me: “Can I help you?”

Customer: “Well, you can now! I’ve been waiting here for service for ten minutes!”

Me: “Sir, I’m the only one working and I was in the back for less than five minutes. Do you have an order waiting?”

Customer: *Ignoring my question* “You should be at the door at all times! It’s stupid enough we have to do this call-ahead s***, and I get here and you won’t answer the phone! Ridiculous!”

It’s been a rough day and this man has just broken me, so I admit my filter is off at this point. In the most sickly sweet tone I can muster:

Me: “Of course, sir! I apologize that I am not a robot and thus have bodily functions I have to attend to. Now, do you have an order put aside for you?”

Customer: *Red in the face* “I’ll be calling the store tomorrow to complain about you!”

After he left, I texted my manager, who I thankfully have a great relationship with, to let him know what had happened and apologize for losing my cool. He laughed it off and said not to worry. As far as I know, the man never called back to complain that an employee dared to have to pee on company time.