Straight Into The Lion’s Den

, | Israel | Uncategorized

Customer: “Hi, can you help me?”

Me: “Sure, what seems to be the problem?”

Customer: “I have Windows on my computer and it’s not booting up properly anymore.”

Me: “Did you buy the PC here?”

Customer: “No.”

Me: “Did you buy Windows here?”

Customer: “No.”

Me: “Then I’m afraid I can’t really help you with that.”

Customer: “Look here, you sell Windows. I downloaded and installed Windows, and it’s not working. You’re supposed to help me.”

Me: “Let me just get it right. You’ve downloaded a copy of Windows, installed it and now it’s giving you problems.”

Customer: “Yes, and it’s your job to help me.”

Me: “Oh, okay. Here’s Microsoft Israel support phone number. Call them and tell them exactly what you told me.”

Like A Dog Chasing Its Own Tail

| Ottawa, ON, Canada | Uncategorized

Customer: “Do you have this shoe in a size 6? My son needs a size six.”

Me: “Ahh… no, I’m sorry. It seems we’re all out of that size.”

Customer: “But, there’s a size six right there.”

(She points to a shoe that is a completely different style.)

Me: “Yes, but that’s a different style shoe. We stock them alphabetically on the riser, but on the shelves we show them by price.”

Customer: “Just give me that six, then!”

Me: “Sure thing.” *hands her the box*

Customer: “This isn’t the shoe I wanted.”

Me: “I know. Even though I just told you that we are out of size six in the style you wanted, you still asked to see this one.”

Customer: “I don’t want this one. Put it back.”

Me: “Okay…”

Customer: “What about this style shoe?”

Me: “Unfortunately, there aren’t any size sixes left in that style either.”

Customer: “But there’s a six RIGHT THERE.”

(Note that she is pointing to the box I JUST put back.)

Me: “That is a different shoe style, and you already looked at that EXACT box.”


Me: “Okay.” *hands her the box*

Customer: “This isn’t the style that I wanted!”

Me: “…”

Childhood Dream, Meet Retail Nightmare

, | Los Angeles, CA | Uncategorized

(We often get fashion design students in our store to get samples of fabric for school projects.)

Student: “Can I get some swatches? I go to the *** fashion school and need them for a class project.”

Me: “No problem. That’s the school I went to.”

Student: “Oh, cool! What do you do now?”

Me: “… I work here.”

Student: *their dreams crush before my eyes*

Iraq, Land Of Crappy Return Policies

| St. Louis, MO, USA | Uncategorized

Customer: “Hi, I wanted to return this set of knives and your cashier wouldn’t let me.”

Me: “When was the original date of purchase, ma’am?”

(She hands me a receipt.)

Me: “Oh, I’m sorry ma’am. Since you bought these over 60 days ago, we won’t be able to refund your money.”

Customer: “But I don’t want them anymore. Just take them back and give me my money.”

Me: “I’m not able to do that, ma’am.”

Customer: “But I don’t want the g**d*** knives! Take them!”

Me: “Ma’am, it is not in my power to do a return for you.”

Customer: “Well, then get someone who can, g**d*** it!”

Me: “Ma’am, you don’t understand. After 60 days, the system locks out the transaction. It is in nobody’s power to refund you.”

Customer: “You g**d*** incompetent pieces of s***! I don’t want these f***ing knives, and I want you to take them back now!”

Me: “There is nothing I can do to help you, ma’am.”

Customer: “It’s because of f***ing fascists like you that we’re at war in Iraq! Do you realize that? THIS IS YOUR FAULT!”

Welcome To Retail

, | Houston, TX, USA | Uncategorized

Me: “Hello this is Kevin.”

Customer: “YOU SON OF A B****, YOU SOLD ME A DEFECTIVE MONITOR! I never in my life have had to deal with such bull s*** in my life. I don’t know what type of f***ing black magic you did to make it work at the store, but–”

Me: “Ma’am, did you push the power button?

Customer: “… Oh, thank you.” *click*

Me: *sigh*

Supervisor: “Yo dude, what’s up?”

Me: “I need a raise…”

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