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    Because Everything On The Internets Is Private

    , | Stroudsburg, PA, USA | Top

    (On Black Friday…when EVERYTHING is on sale.)

    Customer: “Excuse me, sir?”

    Me: “Hey, can I help you find something?”

    Customer: “Hi, I’d like to know what’s on sale today.”

    Me: “Well, it depends on what system. You see, the DS only has three games on sale, while the XBOX has about 10. Not to mention, almost every console is running some sort of deal.”

    Customer: “No, I meant the secret sales.”

    Me: “What do you mean?”

    Customer: “The stuff in the catalog.”

    Me: “Oh, that’s all posted.”

    Customer, suddenly angry: “It better not be!”

    Me: “Why not?”

    Customer: “Because I looked online for those sales.”

    Me: “What’s your point?”

    Customer: “Because I wouldn’t have done that if I’d known it was public!”

    Me: “The point of a sale is to make it public.”


    Zero Short Term Memory

    , | Costa Mesa, CA |

    Customer: “Hi, I have my car down the loading dock and I’m parked where it says to park, but there’s no button to call your store or anything down there.”

    Me: “No, there’s not because the elevator is shared with 3 levels of stores; we don’t own it, the mall does. So you have to call us when you’re there.”

    Customer: “How do I call? There’s no button.”

    Me: “With your cellphone…”

    Customer: “Oh pfft, I never bring a cellphone with me.”

    Me: “But didn’t you just call? How did you call earlier?”

    Customer: “With a cellphone!” *looking at me like I’m stupid*

    Always Right, Even When Calling The Wrong Store

    , | Norman, OK, USA |

    Me: “Thank you for calling *******, how may I direct your call?”

    Customer: “Lumber, please.”

    Me: “Sir, we do not have a lumber department.”

    Customer: “Yes you do. I was just in there and I bought 4 boxes of roof shingles.”

    Me: “Sir, I think you have us mistaken for *****.”

    Customer: “Don’t correct me. I know where I just left from buying roof shingles.”

    Me: “Sir, we do not now nor have we ever sold roof shingles.”

    Customer: “I have my receipt right here. It says *****.”

    Me: “That’s fine sir, but this is *******, not *****.”

    Customer: “Let me speak to your manager!”

    (After another 30 minutes of arguing with my manager we just transfered him to hardware so he could yell at them for not selling shingles.)

    Misplaced Responsibility

    | Vancouver Island, Canada |

    Customer: “Do you guys do price matching?”

    Me: “Yes we do.”

    Customer: “Ok, well Wal-Mart has this vacuum on sale for $27.99 and you have it on for $34.99. Will you match that?”

    Me: “Yes, that’s no problem. I just need to see a copy of the Wal-Mart flyer with that vacuum.”

    Customer: “You don’t have the flyer?”

    Me: “…No. We don’t carry Wal-Mart’s flyer.”

    Customer: “You want me to drive all the way home to get Wal-Mart’s flyer and come all the way back here? Are you sure you don’t have it here?”

    Me: “No, we don’t have Wal-Mart’s flyer.”

    Customer: (angrily) “Well, you SHOULD! Jesus Christ, do I have to do everything?”

    (Customer mutters and walks away.)

    On The Need For Consumer IQ Requirements

    | Suffolk, UK |

    Customer: “Hello, I’d like to return this gas cooker…”

    Me: “Sure, what’s the problem with it, madam?”

    Customer: “The picture on the front of the box shows meat, although when I opened the box there was no meat inside…”

    Me: *In astonishment* “Okay, I’ll just go and get my manager…”

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