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    Has Beef With And In The Grill

    , | Beavercreek, OH, USA | Bizarre, Food & Drink

    (A customer walks up to the register with a [Famous-Name Brand] grill.)

    Me: “Is this a return?”

    Customer: “Yes, I bought this two days ago and it does not work.”

    Me: “I’m sorry; do you want a replacement?”

    Customer: “No, I would never buy that product again.”

    (I process the return, apologize to the customer, and he walks away. I go through the grill to process the defective merchandise ticket when I notice a funky odor. I open it up, and there is a steak on the grill. My coworker peers over my shoulder.)

    Coworker: “Free food!”

    Leaving Your Luggage Baggage Behind

    | Kansas City, MO, USA | Bad Behavior, Tourists/Travel

    (I work at one location of the world’s largest retail chain. My department carries luggage, furniture, lamps, and photo frames. Although known for a lower-class clientele, my particular store was in an affluent suburb. A woman comes in and approaches for help with duffel bags.)

    Me: “I’ll be happy to help you with that. They are right over here with our luggage. Are you looking for any specific features?”

    Customer: “It’s going to be an airline carry on, so it can’t be too big, and I’ll need to carry it around a lot, so it has to ride well on my shoulder.”

    (I point out the bags that fit the carry on restrictions. There are six. She proceeds to take the paper and inflatable stuffing out of all six and walk up and down the aisle with each. Then she picks one.)

    Customer: “I’m going to take this one. Thank you.”

    (She looks down at the pile of trash she left littered up and down the aisle.)

    Customer: “Looks like you won’t be bored for a while.” *she leaves*

    This Family Business Is A Joke

    , | Calgary, AB, Canada | Bad Behavior, Funny Names, Theme Of The Month

    (I work at a well known shoe store. We wear tags bearing the name of the store, but not our names. A customer comes in and looks at my tag.)

    Customer: “So… your name’s Rockport?”

    Me: “Yep, it’s a family name. My dad started the business, and he wants me to learn it from the ground up.”

    Customer: “Really? That’s so admirable!”

    (I gesture to a few coworkers wearing the same name tag.)

    Me: “Yup, all the Rockport kids learn the business this way.”

    Customer: “All of you? Wow!”

    (I can’t quite believe she hasn’t caught on by this point, so I take pity.)

    Me: “What can I help you find…?”

    Going Gaga For Shoes

    , | ACT, Australia | Bizarre, Crazy Requests

    (A young woman comes bursting into the store, flustered. She runs around all the aisles, frantically, at least three times. I watch her and go to walk over to help her, but she beats me to it and runs straight up to me, panting, sweating, red-faced, and a look of stress in her face.)

    Customer: “DO YOU HAVE LADY GAGA’S SHOES?! I NEED THEM!”

    Me: “I’m sorry, I don’t even know where you could even buy Lady Gaga’s shoes to start with. We don’t sell them here though…”

    Customer: “UGH! Not good. Not good… I ABSOLUTELY NEED LADY GAGA’S SHOES RIGHT NOW!”

    (She then bolted out the door, as if she was running from a pack of lions. The other customers and I just stood there for a moment to take in what just happened.)

    The Joke Is Invisible To Him

    | Adelaide, SA, Australia | Extra Stupid, Theme Of The Month

    (After seeing a funny image online, I decided to replicate it in our store. I hung up an empty clothes hanger from our art smocks behind the counter with a large sign reading ‘Invisible Cloaks, half price!’ Two teenage customers come up to the counter.)

    Customer #1: *excitedly* “Hey! Is that a real invisibility cloak?”

    Customer #2: *sarcastic* “Yes, it is.”

    Me: *grinning ear to ear* “Sure is!”

    Customer #1: “Why’s it half price?”

    Customer #2: *incredulously looks at [Customer #1]*

    Me: “Well, it’s slightly damaged on the hem.” *holds up imaginary edge* “See?”

    Customer #1: “No? Where?”

    Customer #2: “Are you for real?!”

    Me: *bursts out laughing*

    Customer #1: “What?”

    (We stand looking at him for a good 10 seconds as the cogs turn.)

    Customer #1: “OH!”


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