November Theme Of The Month: Black Friday!

The Lawnmower Man

, | Manassas, VA, USA | Crazy Requests, Extra Stupid, Home Improvement

(I am working at the store and witness a coworker have this exchange with an older male customer.)

Customer: “I want to return this lawnmower. It doesn’t work.”

Coworker: “What seems to be the problem with it?”

Customer: “I told you: it doesn’t work. It did when I first bought it and then it stopped. It’s a lemon.”

Coworker: “Okay, well, we would typically attempt to get it repaired even if you return in so that we can still try and resell it. Is there anything specific about it not working that you can tell me?”

Customer: “No! It’s just a piece-of-s*** machine which is all this company seems to sell anymore! I want to return it for cash and take my business elsewhere!”

Coworker: “Sir, I appreciate that you’re upset but you need to mind your language. I will do my best to help you but you will need to calm down. Now, I have to ask a few basic questions in order to determine whether this machine really is defective. Did you use new gas when you filled the gas tank?”

Customer: *still irritated but calmer* “Yes, yes, of course I did. I’ve been using lawnmowers longer than you’ve been alive. I know how they work!”

Coworker: “And you used the proper weight and amount of oil as well?”

Customer: “What? I’ve never heard of putting oil in a lawnmower before! You don’t know what you’re talking about. Why would a lawnmower need oil?!”

Coworker: “Because it’s an internal combustion engine just like the one in your vehicle it just happens to be a smaller version.”

Customer: “That’s bulls***! Just refund my money so I can take my business somewhere with intelligent employees and decent products!”

Coworker: “I’m sorry, sir, but every person who’s ever run a lawnmower knows that they require oil as well as gas and because you ran it without oil, you destroyed the engine. You invalidated the warranty by neglecting basic maintenance.”

Customer: “This is such bulls***! None of you are worth your pay! You’re all idiots! I’m going to [Competitor] and never shopping here again!”

Doesn’t Understand The Custom Part Of Customer, Part 5

| VT, USA | Bizarre, Crazy Requests, Extra Stupid

(I work at a somewhat upscale clothing store. Lately customers have been coming in and refusing to even acknowledge my greeting, let alone let me help them.)

Me: “Hello, welcome to [Store]. What can I help you find today?”

Customer: “I’m not telling you what I’m looking for.”

Me: “Okay. If you need anything let me know.”

(Customer proceeds to look around for about 20 minutes. I check on her several more times. She lets on that she is looking for something specific to wear to a graduation. She will not tell me what it is.)

Customer: *leaving* “Well, I guess you just don’t carry cardigans anymore!”

Me: “Yes, we do! They are right here on this table! What size or color would you like?”

Customer: “White, medium.”

Me: “That was pretty fast, right?”

Customer: “Sorry, I just didn’t want you to try to SELL me anything.”

Me: “Then why are you shopping?”


Doesn’t Understand The ‘Custom’ Part Of Customer, Part 4
Doesn’t Understand The ‘Custom’ Part Of Customer, Part 3
Doesn’t Understand The ‘Custom’ Part Of Customer, Part 2

Wad A B****

| Winnipeg, MB, Canada | At The Checkout, Bad Behavior

(I’m 16 and I’ve been working at a dollar store for a little over a month. A customer in her 60s comes in and tells me she is buying eight bottles of iced tea and four bottles of lemonade. She keeps them in her cart as she is checking out.)

Me: “Ma’am, would you please put the bottles on the counter? I need to count and ring them up.”

Customer: *gives me an exasperated look* “But I just told you that I’m buying eight iced teas and four lemonades!”

Me: “Well, I still have to count and scan them.”

Customer: *glaring at me as she puts the bottles on the counter, one at a time* “You think we’re all thieves!”

Me: “No, I don’t, ma’am; I just need to count the bottles. It’s store policy.”

Customer: *patronizing* “Well, I’ve been counting long before you were born, honey.”

(I ring up the bottles and there are in fact eight bottles of iced tea and four of lemonade. She glares at me again.)

Me: “Yes, you are right. There are eight iced teas and four lemonades. So that’s $10.45.”

(After she pays, she gives me another stare-down. I give her the receipt.)

Customer: “Well, since you wasted my time, I’m going to take my time putting all these bottles back in my cart.” *she then proceeds to slowly put each bottle back in her cart, one at a time, causing the line behind her to grow*

(After she left, the customer that is behind her, a young guy in his early 20s, comes up to the counter.)

Customer #2: “Some people really have their panties in a wad, don’t they?”

Me: “Very true. I should’ve told her that we have some wad-less ones in aisle three…”

Not The Four-Man For The Job

, | OR, USA | Crazy Requests, Home Improvement

(I work on a delivery truck for an appliance store. We work in teams of two to carry sometimes very heavy appliances through tight spaces and install them. Today, we have an exceptionally large fridge to deliver, and it needs at least 30 inches of space to get in. The customer’s doorways into the kitchen are 29 inches. The only other way in is through the back door, but we would have to lift the 400-500 pound fridge over a counter to get into the kitchen. For obvious safety reasons, we are supposed to call in to schedule a four-man delivery team to take care of tough jobs like this.)

Coworker: “Sir, unfortunately your fridge is too large for us to get it in. It will fit one way but we need to reschedule to have four guys come out to lift it.”

Customer: “No, it’s going in that house today.”

Me: “I’m sorry, sir, but we don’t have another team that can come out to help us today, and we still have five more deliveries to take care of today anyway.”

Customer: “I don’t f****** care! We aren’t rescheduling. You two are going to put that in the f****** kitchen right now!”

Coworker: “Sir, this isn’t something we can do with just two guys. And if you continue to yell and curse at us, I’m declining this delivery and we’ll leave right now.”

Customer: “I don’t see how that is my problem. You two just need to do your d*** job!”

Me: “Actually, it is your problem because YOUR house is too small to fit the fridge YOU selected. We’re trying to make this work, but you are being very uncooperative.”

(The customer continues to yell, curse, and threaten us, so we call in to our warehouse to tell our boss what’s going on. He gives us the ok to leave and says he’ll call the customer himself.)

Coworker: “Okay, sir, we’re putting the fridge back on our truck and leaving. Our boss will be calling you in the next few minutes to explain the situation and set up a four-man team.

Customer: “Don’t you dare put my fridge on that truck!” *to his wife, who has been standing there only marginally less belligerent the whole time* “If they touch that fridge, call the cops!” *to us again* “I’m gonna sue you for this!” *disappears inside house*

(My coworker and I start to put the fridge back on the truck, not too worried about the cops since the product is technically still ours, when he comes back out with an appliance dolly.)

Customer: “You leave that fridge right there! If you two f***s won’t carry it in I’ll do it by myself!”

(I look at my coworker, who’s been working here longer, to see if we can actually do that, and he shrugs.)

Coworker: “All right, sir, you’re welcome to try, but you’re probably going to dent and scratch the h*** out of your machine and house.”

(We left the fridge and drove off while the customer continued to curse at and insult us. A few days later I heard from another coworker who was on the four-man team. When he got there the fridge was still sitting in the customer’s garage and the doorways had been completely torn apart, but the customer apparently couldn’t manage to do it himself after all.)

Doesn’t Have A Good Frame On Pricing

| MD, USA | Money, Spouses & Partners

(I work in the framing department of a big name arts and crafts store. I’ve just finished an order for a female customer that comes out to about $170 total. (We have a good sale on; her original total was about $450). She realizes her husband has her wallet and groans a bit.)

Customer: “Shoot. My husband will never go for this. I knew I should have taken my wallet with me.”

(She calls her husband and he comes over.)

Customer’s Husband: “Wow, that looks good!” *he sees the total* “It’s going to be how much?! Are you kidding me?”

Customer: “Honey, it’s for [Son]’s college graduation. We were going to give him that much on a gift card anyway.”

(They argue for a while, while I stand there feeling horribly awkward.)

Customer’s Husband: “No, that’s ridiculous. I bet I could get this guy I know to do it for $50. I work on his boats; he’ll do it for me.”

(Note that $50 isn’t even enough to cover the discounted glass, let alone frame and assembly.)

Customer: “Fine. Talk to your guy.”

(As he stomps off the wife turns back to me.)

Customer: “I’ll be back tomorrow.”

(I worked the next night, and yes, she did come back.)