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  • Bigotry Comes In All Shapes And Sizes
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    The Land Of The Free From Thought

    | USA | Bigotry, Geography

    (I am the manager at a discount department store, and one of our regular customers is a little bit flaky. She often talks to herself, repeating herself over and over.)

    Customer: “Where are you from? What country do you come from?”

    Me: “I was born in Colorado.”

    Customer: “You need to go back to your country at once. America is for Americans.”

    Me: “Colorado IS in America.

    Customer: “You must go back! You must go back! You must go back!”

    (She continues this ad nauseam until she finally leaves. A few weeks later she returns and purchases some items. Her total is $7.60 or so, and one of the coins she hands me is a Canadian quarter. I calmly inspect said quarter, and hand it back.)

    Me: “I can’t accept this coin. Here in America, we only accept AMERICAN currency. If you want to spend the Canadian currency, perhaps you should, you know, go back to Canada to do so.”

    (I haven’t had a problem with her since.)

    Time To Play The Trump Card

    | Canberra, ACT, Australia | At The Checkout, Technology, Themed Giveaway

    (I am at the register at work putting through a sale. The customer’s card has declined twice but instead of getting embarrassed or giving me another card like most people, this guy decides to get angry.)

    Customer: “No, I don’t want to use another card!”

    Me: “Then how would you like to pay sir? I do accept cash.”

    Customer: “This is ridiculous! Your machine is broken!”

    Me: “I assure you it isn’t broken. The person before you paid by card and it went through perfectly.”

    Customer: “Then you’re not doing your job!”

    Me: *losing the friendly retail face and looking him dead in the eye* “Sir, I’ve worked in retail for 10 years. I have bought goods and services for 15 years. I know how to use an eftpos machine. I cannot be held responsible for your card. Perhaps you should contact your bank on Monday?”

    (The customer leaves in a huff after throwing some cash at me.)

    Next Person In Line: “Jesus, what was HIS problem? It’s an eftpos machine, not a freakin’ tardis!”

    A License To Kill Hope For Humanity

    | Rochester Hills, MI, USA | At The Checkout, Technology, Themed Giveaway

    (I work customer service desk at a local retail store. Sometimes I cashier when we’re busy.)

    Me: “Okay, your total is [total].”

    Customer: “Okay.”

    (The customer starts swiping her card, but it won’t read)

    Me: “Go ahead and swipe the card again. It didn’t catch it the first time.”

    (The customer swipes the card again, but it still won’t read. She keeps swiping it, and on one of these swipes I catch a glimpse of the card she’s using. She is getting increasingly frustrated.)

    Customer: “WHY. WON’T. THIS. SWIPE!?”

    Me: *trying not to laugh* “Ma’am, take a look at your card for me, please?”

    (The customer looks at her card. It’s her driver’s license.)

    Customer: “Oh…”

    Not Even Remotely Close, Part 2

    | UK | Extra Stupid, Technology, Themed Giveaway

    (I work in a TV shop. We take calls for sales and tech support.)

    Caller: “No. It still won’t work”

    Me: “Okay. Try pressing menu.”

    Caller: “There is no menu button.”

    Me: “Try going to channel 123 and tell me what the screen looks like. You should see the numbers appear in the top right corner.”

    Caller: *beep* *beep* *beep*

    Caller: “No, still nothing.”

    Me: “Just try pressing ’1.’”

    Caller: *beep*

    Me: “Um… you’re pressing the numbers on your telephone. You need to press them on your TV remote.”

    Not Even Remotely Close

    Crappy Management

    | NV, USA | Funny Names, Language & Words, Rude & Risque

    (I work as a cashier. One evening, two customers walk into the store and ask for an exchange. One of the men walks around the store to find what he wants while his friend stays with me. We make small talk while he waits.)

    Customer’s Friend: “You’d make a good manager here.”

    Me: “Thanks, but I don’t think so. I don’t have enough experience here.”

    Customer’s Friend: “You shouldn’t say that about yourself. You’re a wonderful person.”

    Me: “Thank you. But I’ve only worked here for less than a year. I don’t think corporate would let me become a manager yet.”

    Customer’s Friend: “Stop that! You can do anything you want.”

    (At that moment, the customer’s friend returns to the counter. His friend goes over to the other counter to wait with him as one of my managers processes the return. Just as they’re about to leave…)

    Customer’s Friend: “You have to stop being so negative about yourself. It’s not good.”

    Me: “Okay, sir. I won’t.”

    Customer’s Friend: “I’m serious. Don’t self-defecate!”

    Me: “… I won’t, sir. I promise.”

    (I had to wait until they left before I could start laughing. I’m sure his intentions were good, and that he meant to say ‘deprecate’, but his small mistake made my night.)

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