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    Total Recall

    | WI, USA | At The Checkout, Math & Science, Money

    (Whenever a customer hands me actual cash, I always recount it and repeat the sum back to them to ensure they have given me the right amount, The customer is in a rush and not listening to me.)

    Me: “With your coupons, your total is $12.34.”

    (The customer hands me $21 and some change while looking at the display.)

    Me: “Out of $21.46?”

    (She ignores me so I enter the amount into the computer, take out her change and close the drawer.)

    Me: “Your change is $9.12. Would you like your receipt with you or in the bag?”

    Customer: “What? I didn’t want change back! That’s why I gave you exact change! I should be getting $5 back!”

    Me: “No, Ma’am. I told you the total was $12.34 after your discounts and repeated how much you gave me back to you.”

    Customer: “But the display says $16.46! Give me the right change back; I’m trying to lighten my purse and I don’t want coins!”

    Me: “That was before the discounts. The display shows the amount due after discounts on this side of the display.” *I reach over the monitor to point*

    Customer: “Open the register back up and get me the correct change! NOW!”

    Me: “The register will only open for a cash transaction.”

    (The lady continues to yell at me, disregarding her own stupidity until another customer eventually pushes in front of her while giving her a dirty look.)

    Next Customer: “She told you the correct total and you didn’t bother paying attention.”

    The Power Of The Lanyard

    | Portland, OR, USA | Bizarre, Theme Of The Month

    (I am shopping at a popular punk/pop culture outfitter for some new shirts. I have recently moved onto a nearby college dorm and am wearing a lanyard with my keycard and keys on it that clearly have my school logo on them. I am also wearing a t-shirt referencing a popular rock band and an animated series and have a purple streak dyed in my hair. As I’m stepping out of the dressing room with several shirts, I am approached by two fellow customers.)

    Customer #1: “Hi, is it okay if I try these clothes on after I buy them?”

    Me: “…what?” *thinking she may be asking the employee nearby*

    Customer #1: *looking me in the eye* “Yes, I want to try them on AFTER I purchase them.”

    Me: *deer in headlights* “Uh… I guess there’s no harm in that.”

    Customer #1: “Excellent, thank you!” *goes to pay*

    (Immediately behind her, Customer #2 approaches me, having heard the entirety of our conversation.)

    Customer #2: “Do you have dressing rooms?”

    Me: “Yes…?” *points to the room I just exited*

    (He leaves, and I turn to my friend.)

    Me: “They both thought I worked here!”

    Friend: *laughing* “Maybe you should apply here!”

    (Considering the stupidity of those two customers, maybe I should NOT.)

    Benefitting From A College Education

    | UT, USA | Crazy Requests, Theme Of The Month, Wild & Unruly

    (I’m the customer here, looking at body jewelry in a popular alternative retail store. To be fair I have several facial piercings and my hair is pink. I’m right out of school so I still have my ID badge hanging out of my pocket.)

    Lady: “Excuse me!”

    Me: “Whoops, sorry, hon.”

    (I move out of the way. She follows me and gets in my face.)

    Lady: “I said EXCUSE ME! I need something out of that case.”

    Me: “No, I don’t work—”


    Me: “I don’t work here! Find someone who does, or better yet, don’t, you nutcase.”

    (She grabs my ID out of my pocket and heads deeper into the store screaming for a manager. Of course I follow, now pretty upset myself.)

    Lady: “I want you to fire this god d*** b**** of an employee right now! I did not come in here to be disrespected by some brat who doesn’t know how to respect her elders!”

    Manager: “Ma’am, she does not work here.”

    (The lady waves my ID at him with a triumphant look.)

    Manager: “Okay, go ahead and give me her ID. Hmm, well, doesn’t look like I can fire her from being a college student, but I can try if it will make you feel better.”

    (The lady takes a closer look, turns bright red, and runs out of the store, almost knocking over a display in her rush.)

    Me: “Well, that was something.”

    Manager: “If it’s not women like her it’s twelve year olds trying to sneak into the back. You’re fired. How about I take your discount card and give you those last three punches?”

    (He gave me my ID back and let me pick out a free piece of jewelry with my purchase.)

    Even The Batcave Has A Woman’s Restroom

    | Gainesville, FL, USA | Bizarre, Theme Of The Month

    (I’m the customer in this story. I am with my girlfriend and her sister checking out one of the many Halloween stores that just opened up. I have purple and blue hair, a snapback on, facial piercings, and my arm was around my girlfriend’s shoulders. An older woman approaches me.)

    Woman: *says something I don’t catch*

    Me: “I’m sorry?”

    Woman: “Women’s restroom?”

    Me: “Uh, I don’t know. I don’t work here.”

    Woman: *walks off*

    (I didn’t realize until she left that she must have thought that the fact that I was wearing a lanyard meant I was working. It was a Batman lanyard with my girlfriend’s car keys on it.)

    Must Have Just Come From The Dark Side Of The Moon

    | CA, USA | Extra Stupid, Theme Of The Month

    (I am a customer in a store known for employees wearing uniforms of tan khakis and red polo shirts. I am shopping for just a birthday card when another customer comes up to me.)

    Customer: “You! CLEARLY you are a manager here. I’m trying to find some printer paper. Can you help me?”

    Me: *looks down at my blue jeans and Pink Floyd t-shirt* “Uh, actually I don’t work here, so I can’t help you.”

    Customer: *gives me a blank stare*

    Me: “I’m just looking for a card for my mother?” *shows him the cards I’m holding in my hand*

    Customer: “Oh! That’s why you don’t have a shopping cart, because you don’t need one for something small like that!”

    Me: “…yeah. Good luck finding what you need.”

    (Don’t know why no shopping cart + rock band shirt = manager in his mind).

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