That’s How You Wish The Cookie Crumbled

| Acton, MA, USA | At The Checkout, Awesome Customers

(I am on checkout.)

Customer: *notices the shopping carts full of items other customers didn’t want* “What are all those?”

Me: “These are things other people decided they didn’t want.”

Customer: *looks confused* “That’s strange.”

Me: “Well, it’s better that they bring them up here for us to put away then leave them on a random place on the shelf.”

Customer: *looks confused and surprised* “Why would people do that? Why not just put it back where they found it.”

Me: “They’re lazy? Or they can’t find where it goes.”

Customer: *quietly looks confused*

Me: “Have you ever worked retail?”

Customer: “No, never.”

Me: “…Huh. Normally it’s only people who’ve worked retail that do that, because they know what it’s like.” *I finish bagging their stuff and give them their receipt* “Here you go. Have a good holiday.”

Customer: “Thank you. You, too.”

Me: *to myself* “We need something like cookies we can give out to good customers.”

A Significantly Delayed Light-Bulb Moment

| MO, USA | Bizarre

(Due to new government regulations, a number of light bulbs have been discontinued. We still sell them but will not get more in stock once the ones we have are gone. Because of this, a number of people have been buying them in large numbers. A customer approaches my register with his arms full of them.)

Me: “Oh, stocking up, eh?”

Customer: “Everyone is going to get mercury poisoning from CFL bulbs. And LED bulbs don’t work.”

Me: “Oh, I don’t know, I have LED bulbs in my house, and they work fine—”

Customer: “Global warming is a farce!”

Me: “Um… what?”

Customer: “We are seventeen years into an ice age! Soon people will be wishing they had these light bulbs to heat their houses!”

Me: “Oh… okay… Well, you have a good day, sir.”

Babying The Customers

| LA, USA | Crazy Requests, Family & Kids

(I used to own a small shop that made custom t-shirts. I am now retired… Customers like this one are one of the reasons:)

Customer: *holding up a child’s tee shirt* “Do you think this will fit my baby?”

Me: *looking around, no child in sight* “Sure. Perfect fit.”

Acting Bright At The End Of The World

| Norway | Bizarre

(It’s a few weeks before Christmas and I am helping a customer carry a very heavy floor lamp out to her car. It’s been raining most of December, instead of snowing, which is unusual in Norway.)

Customer: *in a sing-song voice* “Oh, I just love the rain!”

Me: *smiling* “Yeah? I kind of prefer snow this time of year myself.”

Customer:  *looking both happy and serious* “Oh no, snow messes up the view! The world is going under, it’s ending, and it is important that the view is clear so everyone can see it go down!”

Me: “…”

Customer: “Here’s my car. Thanks for the help! Bye!”

Me: “You’re welcome.”

(I was left wondering why she needed the lamp when the world was ending anyway. Maybe to see it happen more clearly?)

If You Put Your Mind To It

| Switzerland | At The Checkout, Bizarre, Money

(I work part time in a store that sells sweets and little toys. A man in his mid-twenties walks in.)

Customer: “I’d like to buy this. How much would that be?” *points at an item*

Me: “That would be [Price].”

Customer: “So. I’m thinking about [Price] right now. I take it out of my mental savings account and mentally transfer it to you. How about that?”

Me: *puzzled* “Uhm…”

Customer: “Did you get it?”

Me: “Uhm… No, I didn’t get it. I work with real money here.”

Customer: “But I want to buy it with my mental money! Can’t I buy it like this? I’m imagining it really, really hard right now! I WANT THIS!”

Me: “I’m sorry; I can’t help you with that.”

Customer: “Well, at least I tried.”

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