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    Very Time (Un)Conscious, Part 2

    | Ottawa, ON, Canada | Bizarre, Time

    Me: “Hi, it’s [My Name] from [Store]. I’m just calling to let you know your special order has arrived, and you can pick that up at your convenience.”

    Customer: “Can I come in tomorrow afternoon?”

    Me: “Absolutely! Whenever it’s convenient for you. We’ll see you then!”

    Customer: “But what time?”

    Me: “Whenever you wish, sir. We close at six tomorrow, if that helps.”

    Customer: “But I want to come before then! Can’t I come in the afternoon?”

    Me: “Absolutely! You don’t have to make an appointment. We’ll hold it as long as you need us to. We won’t sell it or send it back, I promise. You’ve already paid in full, so it’s yours.”

    Customer: “But what TIME should I come?”

    Me: *giving up* “How about two?”

    Customer: “Two in the afternoon?”

    Me: “Yes.”

    Customer: “Tomorrow?”

    Me: “Yes. Have a good day!”

    Customer: “Bye. I’ll be there tomorrow at two.”

    (He didn’t show up to claim his item for three weeks.)

    Very Time (Un)Conscious

    Been Ladle-fed Her Entire Life

    | New Ulm, MN, USA | Bad Behavior, Crazy Requests, Family & Kids

    (I am called over by a customer to the kitchen department.)

    Customer: “I’m looking for a metal ladle. I need it to match my other utensils.”

    Me: *showing her the three plastic ladles we have, no metal ones* “Sorry, it seems we only have plastic ones, not metal. You could possibly check online.”

    Customer: *clearly annoyed* “No, I need a metal ladle. I don’t want to go online for any crap you’re trying to sell me.”

    Me: “I’m sorry. We’re a lot smaller than other stores. We don’t have as large of a variety as the other ones do.”

    Customer: “I need my ladle. You’ll order one for me and I’ll be here to pick it up in three days exactly.”

    Me: “We can’t do that, ma’am. We have thing shipped to us through a system. We get bulk orders of items that the systems recognizes we need, whether we have run out or they are sent for a new season.”

    Customer: “I’ll be back in three days.” *to her daughter in the cart* “The customer is always right, sweetie. You demand, and then you get. Don’t let anyone tell you otherwise. I’ll get my ladle and they can’t do anything about it.”

    (She walked away while I tried to explain there was no way we could order one of an item, again…)

    Bring You Bach To The Future

    , | MN, USA | History, Musical Mayhem, Theme Of The Month

    Me: “Thank you for calling. How may I help you?”

    Caller: *has a strange, whistly and whiny voice* ” Hi, I’d like some organ music by Bach, played by Bach.”

    Me: “Well, we have a lot of recordings of Bach’s organ music but we don’t have any of him performing it.”

    Caller: “Well, why not?”

    Me: “Recording technology hadn’t been invented when Bach was alive.                 ”

    Caller: “Well, why not?”

    Me: “Well, in the late 1800′s, Thomas Edison invented—”

    Caller: “[My Name], it’s [Coworker].”

    (One of my coworkers had played the perfect music nerd prank on me!)


    | Avon, CT, USA | Rude & Risque, Technology, Theme Of The Month

    Me: “Thank you for calling [Retail Store]. How may I assist you?”

    Young Male Caller: “Yeah, do you guys got any purple XBox’s?”

    Me: *not sure if prank or real* “No. I’m sorry, sir, but there are a lot of online sites that offer custom paint jobs for consoles!”

    Young Male Caller: “Well, do you think they would be able to put a picture of my butt on one?”

    Me: *now convinced it’s a prank* “Well, I’m not sure if the image will fit but I’m sure they can try!”

    Young Male Caller: *click*

    Acting Irregular Over Regular Price

    | Santa Cruz, CA, USA | Crazy Requests, Holidays

    (We are a discount store that never has sales because our prices are already low. This year we open on Thanksgiving evening and stay open through Black Friday, though everything is regular price. A customer walks into store about an hour after we open.)

    Me: *at cash counter* “Good evening, ma’am!”

    Customer: “I heard you guys are opening now and aren’t closing until midnight on Black Friday!”

    Me: “Yes, we’re going to be open all night tonight and all day tomorrow.”

    Customer: “Great! I’m surprised there’s nobody here. So, what are the specials?”

    Me: “Well, we actually aren’t having any sales; our prices are already rock-bottom.”

    Customer: *confused* “So everything is regular price?”

    Me: “That is correct.”

    Customer: *shouting* “Then why the h*** am I here? I should be at home spending time with my family, not wasting time shopping at full price! I only came because I thought there’d be a good sale! You wasted my time and took me away from my family!”

    Me: *pointedly* “I agree. I don’t like being away from my family on holidays either. Have a nice night.”

    Customer: *leaves in a huff*

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