In Praise Of Your Baggage

| Edmonton, AB, Canada | Bizarre, Health & Body

(I work in a soap company based out of Canada, and business is usually very slow. I don’t get a lot of sleep, so I have bags under my eyes. A female, middle-aged customer walks in.)

Me: “Hello, welcome to [Store]!”

Customer: “Are you wearing eyeliner?”

Me: “No, I’m not. Why do you ask?”

Customer: “It’s just unusual to see men with eyes like yours. Are you sure you don’t wear eyeliner?”

Me: “No, I’m sure those are just bags under my eyes.”

Customer: “Oh… well, they look great!”

Me: “Thank you?”

All Talk And Literally No Trousers

| Atlanta, GA, USA | Bad Behavior, Rude & Risque

(I am working the cash register while the other cashier is on lunch. I get a heads-up over the head-set.)

Fitting Room Attendant: “I’ve got a customer coming up. They’re wearing a pair jeans that she is intending to purchase, but she refuses to take them off.”

Me: “Okay, thanks for the heads up.”

(This isn’t the first time a customer has wanted to wear the items out if the store but it becomes difficult when there is a security tag on them. The customer walks up and hands me the tag at my register.)

Me: “Hi, how are you doing?”

Customer: “HI, I need to purchase these jeans”

(She hands me the price tag of the jeans she was wearing. I confirm the description of the jeans but notice the security tag on them.)

Me: “I apologize, ma’am, but I will need you to return to the fitting room. tale the jeans off, and change into your other pants, in order for me to take the security tag off of them.”

Customer: “Are you f****** kidding me? I just changed into to these to purchase them. This is f****** ridiculous! I don’t understand why you can’t just take it off without me taking the jeans off.”

(At this point I’m imagining trying to straddle her up under the register, where the security tag remover is, to be able to take it off.)

Me: “I’m sorry ma’am but I am unable to remove the security tag while the jeans are on you.”

Customer: “Where is your f****** manager? This is extremely poor customer service.”

Me: “I am a manager and there is nothing I am able to do to help your situation unless you take off the jeans in the fitting room and bring them back up here. You are able to return to the fitting room and put them back on after the security tag is removed.”

(The customer settles and returns to the fitting room to remove the jeans but surprisingly does not put her original bottoms on.)

Fitting Room Attendant: “Oh, my God! Incoming. I repeat, incoming.”

(Upon seeing the customer angrily return to my register, I was speechless as she was without pants and only in a thong.)

Me: “Ma’am, I understand your frustration but I just feel obligated to let you know that not wearing pants in a retail store is extremely frowned upon and against policy.”

Customer: “Honestly, by now I don’t give a f*** about your stupid policies. Here are the jeans, take the f****** alarm off of them, and let me be! Okay?!”

(I rang up the pants and immediately gave them back to her. After, she put the jeans back on in front of me and stormed out of the store.)

You Are Not In The House Of Cards

, | Olympia, WA, USA | Food & Drink, Money

(I work in the food court of a warehouse store. We have signs that clearly say ‘cash or check only’ above the registers. Someone comes up and orders their food.)

Me: “All right, let me get that for you!”

Customer: *attempts to hand me a card*

Me: “I’m sorry, but we only take cash or check on these registers.”

Customer: “What? Since when?”

Me: “I don’t think we have ever taken cards because we don’t have a card reader.”

Customer: “Well, why not? It would make life so much easier!”

Me: “They charge us every time the card reader is swiped, and since we make very little profit on our food, we would have to raise the price.”

Customer: “Well then, raise it! I don’t see why people would get so upset!”

Me: *gets food* “All right, that will be $1.63.”

Customer: “WHAT? It’s $1.50 up on the board.”

Me: “There is tax on it.”

Customer: *grumbles about ‘raising prices on food being ridiculous’ as he hands over the money and stomps off*

Jon Snow Ordering Online

, | NY, USA | Extra Stupid, Technology

(The customer has ordered incorrectly. It is an item he cannot return because it’s final sale and it’s marked down.  All policies are in the FAQ.)

Me: *after explaining the policy* “You’re supposed to choose the color and size you need.”

Customer: “I didn’t know that!”

Me: “We have the steps on how to place an order in our FAQs.”

Customer: “I didn’t know that!”

Me: “With all due respect sir, but we hold you responsible in placing your orders correctly. You’re aware that you placed an order ONLINE, right?”

Customer: “I didn’t know that! Someone’s supposed to assist me, like in a real store!”

Me: “We’re an online store sir. Like in every website, we have the policies in the FAQ and the chat room if you have questions. It is never advisable that you avail of something you have no idea of.”

Customer: “I didn’t know that!”

Doesn’t Know Zip About State Secrets

| CO, USA | At The Checkout, Extra Stupid

(I’m currently standing at the register. At this time, we have to ask for a customer’s zip code before proceeding with their transaction, and we are expected to get 70% of customers per day to give us one.)

Me: “Hello, how are you today?”

Customer: “Fine.”

Me: “Can I get your zip code, please?”

Customer: “No. I work for the Secret Service and it would be a breach of national security for you to know anything like that about me.”

Me: “Um… okay.”

(I proceed to ring him out for a transaction over $100. We have to ask for ID on any transaction over a certain amount being charged to a card. The guy pulls out a card and swipes it.)

Me: “Sir, I do need to see an ID if you are using that card.”

Customer: “Okay.”

(He then proceeded to take out his ID and show it to me – which had his zip code along with all his other information.)

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