November Theme Of The Month: Black Friday!

Unholier Than Thou

| Stockton, CA, USA | Uncategorized

Me: “Thank you for your purchase, Mr. [customer’s name]!”

(Out of nowhere, the guy literally goes insane and starts to jump over the counter, screaming…)

Customer: “How dare you take my name in vain!”

(Luckily, my manager is a bouncer for his second job and walks over.)

My manager: “What’s going on?”

Customer: “Nothing…” *back to normal, leaves quietly*

This Can Not End Well, Part 2

| Huntsville, AL, USA | Uncategorized

Me: “Thank you for calling ***, how can I help you today?”

Caller: “Do y’all sell erotic films?”

Me: “… No, sir.”

Caller: “Hmm. You know where I can get some bullets?”

Me: “Nowhere within a hundred miles of here!” *click*

Related: This Can Not End Well

Please Burn Before Returning

| Phoenix, AZ, USA | Uncategorized

(I work at a large outdoor equipment store. ¬†I had an older woman approach the register with a female urinary device — which is used for winter mountaineering, so that women can use pee bottles in their tents.)

Me: ¬†”Howdy. Did you find everything you were looking for?”

Customer: ¬†”Well, I’m looking at this — do they work well?”

Me: ¬†”Uh, well, I imagine so, but I don’t have any experience with that product.”

Customer: ¬†”Can I return it if it doesn’t work?”

Me: ¬†”We have a 100% satisfaction guarantee on everything we sell here in the store. I will ask, however, that if you return it, you clean it first and double bag it!”

Yes, Boarded Up Windows Will Send The Right Message

| Halifax, NS, Canada | Uncategorized

(Our store was recently renovated with big glass front windows.)

Customer: “Wow, they renovated.”

Me: “Yes.”

Customer: “Aren’t you afraid someone might come and shoot out the windows?”

Me: “No, actually, it hadn’t really crossed my mind.”

Customer: “Well, you should be concerned!”

Me: “I’m not. I can’t say I’ve worried over that.”

Customer: “Well, this IS downtown. These things happen! You should be worried!”

Math Saves The Day Yet Again

| Wisconsin | Uncategorized

Me: “Welcome to ***, how may I help you?”

Customer: “Yes, I was calling about a corner fireplace you are supposed to have on sale.”

Me: “Yes ma’am, let me get you a price on that and check our stock.”

(I leave, check the sale price ($299), and come back to the phone.)

Me: “Ma’am?”

Customer: “Yes?”

Me: “Looks like the unit is $299.99 on sale.”

Customer: “WHAT? I have a piece of paper right here that says it should be $315!”

Me: “Oh, sorry. I said it’s on sale for $299.”

Customer: “What the h***, it says it right here on my piece of paper! Corner fireplace for $315!

Me: “Ma’am, $299 is less than $315.”

(There’s a very long silence.)

Customer: *click*