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  • February Theme Of The Month: Hazardous Customers!
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    Dora The Exploder

    | Connecticut, USA |

    Customer: “Hi, I’d like one of those balloons. The Dora one, please?”

    Me: “Sure thing!”

    Customer: “What do you fill those with? Propane?”

    Me: “(!?) Uh, no. Helium.”

    Customer: “Is it going to explode in my car?”

    Me: “No, it shouldn’t…”

    TMI Redux

    | Belgium |

    (An older woman in her 50s needed some help picking out a new MP3 player.)

    Me: “Okay, so you got any preferences?”

    Woman: “Well, do you have any that are waterproof?”

    Me: “Not really…”

    Woman: “I had one before, but it’s broken.”

    Me: “Oh, okay.”

    Woman: “Yeah, it was my own fault though, I think.”

    Me: “How come?”

    Woman: “Well, I put it in here–” *points and looks at her breasts* “–while I was at the gym. I guess I was sweating a bit too much!”

    Me: “…”

    Related:
    Way Too Much Information
    TMI (Too Much Information)

    One Loses His Allowance, The Other His Immortal Soul

    | Kane, PA, USA |

    (I was in high school working at a dollar store. It’s a small town so Sundays are usually busy after church services. This man, his wife, and his young son were in line.)

    Me: “That will be $25.30.”

    Man: “I’ve only got $15… we gave twenty at the offering today. You think you could give me a break?”

    Man’s young son: *innocently* “We didn’t give any money at church today.”

    Who Needs History When You Have Hollywood

    | Myrtle Beach, SC, USA | Bigotry, History

    (A tourist walks up to my register with a handful of trinkets. I ring her up, she pays, I bag the items, and hand her the coin change. As she steps away, I see a dollar still on the counter.)

    Me: “Ma’am, you forgot the rest of your change.”

    Tourist: “Oh! I guess I did, unless you were paying me in pesos.”

    Me: “Excuse me?”

    Tourist: “Pesos. The money in Mexico.”

    Me: “I know what a peso is, ma’am, but I’m not Mexican.”

    Tourist: “Puerto Rican?”

    Me: “Not even close.”

    Tourist: “Cuban?”

    Me: “No.”

    Tourist: “What are you, then?”

    Me: “I’m Native American.”

    Tourist: “So am I.” (She’s white as notebook paper.)

    Me: “No, I mean the people here before white people.”

    Tourist: “What do you mean?”

    Me: “You don’t know about Natives? Indians?”

    Tourist: “Oh, you mean the people John Wayne killed off.”

    Me: “Just take your change.”

    Related:
    … And We Wonder Why Everyone Hates Us

    Why It Pays To Listen

    | Jyväskylä, Finland |

    (A customer reserved an expensive feather blanket a week before, and it was on sale when he came to pick it up.)

    Customer: “This blanket is on sale!” *waves his reserve slip*

    Me: “Yes it is, sir.”

    Customer: “I’m not taking it, since I have to pay double the price!”

    Me: “You automatically get the discount even though your reservation slip says the price is higher.”

    Customer: “I’m not paying the full price for this blanket!”

    Me: “Sir, you don’t have to. You get the discount.”

    Customer: “Are you a f***ing idiot? I’m not paying the full price! It’s on sale, and I’m only paying the sale price!”

    Me, trying not to laugh: “Sir, I’ve been trying to tell you that our system will automatically sell it for the sale price.”

    Customer: “You don’t get it! Let me speak to your manager!”

    (I call the manager, and after about 5 minutes of this, he and I finally got the customer to believe he was getting his blanket for the sale price. We laughed a good ten minutes after the guy had left.)

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