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  • A Caffeinated Christmas Miracle
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  • Geez, I Wonder How It Broke

    | Mount Laurel, NJ, USA |

    (Man walks up to repair counter and puts computer on the counter.)

    Man: “I need to get this fixed.”

    Me: “Okay, if you can just start by filling out these forms, I’ll plug in the unit in and see what’s up.”

    Man: “It just doesn’t turn on at all anymore.”

    (At this point I can’t help but notice the bay of connectors on the system appears to have been KICKED in. My co-worker notices this and silently laughs.)

    Me: “Sir, I’m afraid that the system is physically damaged, and our warranties don’t cover this. I can price up a non-warranty repair if you like, but it’s likely to be pricey because the logic board appears to have been, er, cracked.”

    Man: “WHAT?! What in the **** are you talking about?”

    Me: “As you can see there is a large dent in the back of the unit, and it has damaged the logic board.”

    Man: “Well I didn’t ****ing do that, it must’ve happened in the ****ing car! I had to stop hard and it slid off the ****ing seat.”

    Co-worker: “Actually, sir, it seems as if it was damaged by impact, such as a boot, or a hammer. Regardless, even if that were the case and it did happen in the car, it’s still non-covered physical damage.”

    Man: “That’s ****ing bull****! It didn’t work before that happened in the ****ing car like I’m telling you it did, so you need to fix it!”

    Me: “I’m afraid that any type of physical damage voids your warranty.”

    Man: “So what the **** are you telling me?!”

    Co-worker: “Well, we could fix it, but it’s likely more cost-effective to buy a new system.”

    (The man, showing clear anger-management issues (which we assume is what happened), shoves the computer over causing it to slam down and the side to break.)


    Co-worker: “Well, sir, as we said, physical damage isn’t covered by the warranty…and now we have the cause of physical damage on the camera too.”

    Man: “Oh **** this **** and **** all of you.”

    (Man picks up computer and walks over to the customer service counter, slamming it down on that counter, causing more damage. He demands to speak to a manager, who told him the same thing we did.)

    Man, suddenly shouting: “**** this ****ing place to ****ing hell. I’m gonna ****ing sue the **** outta y’all!”

    (The man storms out, leaving his computer at the counter.)

    The Thing On The Thing With The Thing

    | Woonsocket, RI, USA |

    Me: “Thank you for calling ***. How can I direct your call?”

    Customer: “Do you have any of those things you can put on tables?”

    Me: “Like a table cloth?”

    Customer: “No. They’re those things you can put on tables.”

    Me: “Ma’am, you can put a lot of things on tables.”

    Customer: “Well I don’t know what they’re called! You’re the one who should know!”

    Me: *face on desk*

    Shoulda Filled It With Apples

    , | Tampa, FL, USA | Top

    Customer: “I want to return this computer.”

    Me: “Ok, I can help you with that. Where is it?”

    (The customer puts a badly damaged computer box on the counter. I open the box and find that it’s filled with oranges.)

    Me: “I’m sorry sir, I’m unable to accept this for return.”

    Customer: “When I opened the box, it was filled with oranges! I want my money back.”

    Me: “Can I see your receipt?”

    (The customer hands me a hand written receipt from a generic receipt book.)

    Me: “I’m sorry sir, this is not a store receipt. I’m unable to accept this.”

    Customer: “The guy I bought it from said he got it here for $99 dollars and if I didn’t like it, I could return it here. I want my money back, I got ripped off!”

    Me: “Sir, I apologize that you gave this guy your money, but it seems he gave you a box of oranges and a fake receipt. I’m unable to help you…”

    (At this point customer gets very loud and starts throwing oranges around the store. Someone calls the police and he is eventually arrested. To this day, I’m unsure if I should laugh or feel sorry for the guy.)

    Conscience: We Loves It

    | Madison, WI, USA | Top

    (Background story: This is around Halloween, and Halloween parties in Madison is THE biggest event of the year. My store had many Halloween costumes and other Halloween-related products during that time. I was at my cash register for check-out when a customer came to me.)

    Customer: “Hi. Uhh… I’d like to buy these.”

    (The customer puts down a wig, make-ups, a pantyhose, condoms, and lubes on my register.)

    Me: “Ok.” *starts scanning*

    Customer: “…”

    Me: *still scanning*

    Customer: “DON’T JUDGE ME!!!!” *runs out*

    Me: “!?!”

    Note To Self: Stop Wearing Ninja Outfit To Work

    | Mission Viejo, CA, USA |

    Customer: “Excuse me sir, where are the Exacto knives?”

    Me: “They’re on aisle 24, ma’am.”

    Customer: “Thank you, you do seem like someone who would know where the knives are.” *walks off*

    Me: “…”

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