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    It Only Goes Downhill From Here

    | Bellingham, WA, USA |

    (Me standing between the CDs and DVDs sections of my department.)

    Me: “Is there anything I can help you with today?”

    Customer: “Yeah, I cant find [insert artist here], how are your CDs organized?”

    Me: “…alphabetically.”

    (Next Customer.)

    Customer: “Hi, do you guys sell DVDs?”

    Me: *Slowly turns head left and points* “Yes.”

    Sue Happy

    | North Carolina, USA |

    Customer: “Yes, I’m calling to complain. Your store has false advertising. You say you have the cheapest VHS prices in town, and I just came from a store who is selling them cheaper.”

    Me: “Really? Well let me call, and you can call back in 5 minutes, okay?”

    (I call the store & soon she calls back.)

    Customer: “Well?”

    Me: “You are correct, We sell for $5.00 and they’re selling for $4.81.”

    Customer: “Like I said, false advertisement. I could sue.”

    Me: “It’s a $0.19 difference.”

    Customer: “With 4 of those, that would be a dollar!”

    Me: “Correction, that would be $0.76. Would you like to sue me for that complete bill or should be round it up to a whole dollar?”

    Customer: “I will never shop with you again!”

    Me: “There will never be a need.”

    Please Let These Questions Be Rhetorical

    , | Costa Mesa, CA, USA |

    Customer: “Why don’t you have any more??”

    Me: “…because everyone else bought them all.”

    Customer: “BUT WHY??!”

    Me: “I don’t know…maybe for the same reason you want to buy them?”

    Customer: “And what reason is that?!”

    Math Is Your Friend

    , | Toronto, Canada | Top

    (Customer approaches cash desk with two t-shirts with a price tag of $14.99 each. I scan the t-shirts.)

    Me: “Oh, they scan at $7.99 each.”

    Customer: “The sign on the table where I found them says that they’re 2 for $20.00.”

    Me: “I know, but they scan at $7.99.”

    Customer: “…but the sign says 2 for $20.00.”

    Me: “I know, but head office must have changed the sale and updated the computer before we had a chance to change the sign. So you can buy the shirts for $7.99 each.”

    Customer: “I don’t care what price comes up in the computer. The sign says 2 for $20.00 so you have to sell them to me at that price!”

    Me: “Okay.”

    (I override the $7.99 price in the computer and change it to $10.00. The customer pays two dollars more per shirt than he has to and smugly goes on his way.)

    Think Unsexy Thoughts

    | Tillsonburg, ON, Canada |

    Elderly Female: “I didn’t know they had digital scales.”

    Me: *rings through scale* “Yup, they’re pretty cool.”

    Elderly Female: “Are they accurate?”

    Me: “I believe so, they measure to one decimal place too so it’s more accurate to read than a normal scale.”

    Elderly Female: “Oh that’s so lovely!!! I’m going to go home now and weigh myself naked!!!”

    Me: *bad bad image in head*

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