Airheaded, Part 2

| Massapequa, New York, NY, USA | Uncategorized

Customer: “My son let go of the balloons. I need more.”

Me: “I’m sorry, sir, that takes a long time to do and were very busy now. It will take at least an hour.”

Customer: “But the party is now! What the f*** am I supposed to do with no balloons?”

Me: “I’m sorry, sir, it takes a while. I will do them as fast as possible.”

(He leaves and I start to fill up so many balloons my fingers are red.)

Customer: “About time!”

Me: “Okay, sir. I’m sorry you lost the balloons, so I took 25% off.”

Customer: “You’re charging me for these?!”

Me: “Yes, you are buying more balloons.”

Customer: “But I just paid for balloons, and they flew away.”

Me: “I’m sorry, but you bought them and you’re buying more. I need to charge you.”

Customer: “But this was your fault! You shouldn’t have made them so… floaty!”

Me: “… I’m very sorry, but these are less… floaty.”

Customer: “Really?”

Me: *sarcastically* “Yes!”


How Men Shop

| Bakersfield, CA, USA | Uncategorized

Customer: “Can you help me find the uh… uh…” *trails off*

Me: “The…”

Customer: “You know, the refrigerator stuff.”

Me: “Our refrigerators are–”

Customer: “No! The stuff that uh, you know, is…” *trails off again*

Me: “Ice cube trays? Mini fridges?”

Customer: “No, no. You know, like the stuff in the refrigerator… the stuff… like tea!”

Me: “You mean the food?”

Customer: “Yeah, the refrigerator stuff. The teas.”

Me: “Food is under the sign marked food, over on the other side of the store.”

Customer: “How do you know if food is in the refrigerator?”

Me: *gives up* “I have no idea.”

Ah, Managers

| Philadelphia, PA, USA | Uncategorized

Customer: “Does this camera come in different colors? I really want blue.”

Me: “Yes, but I’m sorry… I don’t have any blue ones. I only have black, red, and bronze.”

Customer: “Blue takes better pictures.”

Me: “I’m sorry?”

Customer: “Yes, my brother takes pictures and says the blue ones are best.”

Me: “Well, to be honest, the color only affects how it looks. It has nothing to do with the performance.”

Customer: “Are you calling my brother a liar?!”

Me: “No, I’m just saying he’s misinformed–”

Customer: “I SAID he’s a photographer and he knows what he’s talking about. He’s been published.”

Me: “I’m sure he has, but I’ve done hundreds of weddings myself and I’ve been selling for years.”

Customer: “Stop it! I want to see the manager.”

(I get my manager and explain the situation.)

Manager: “So, I understand you want a blue camera because it’s supposed to be better?”

Customer: “Yes, I thought you guys would know that!”

Manager: “You know, I think your brother was mistaken.”

Customer: “But–”

Manager: “Let me explain. You see, sports cars come in all colors, right? You ever notice that they always seem to sell the red ones most? Porsches, Lamborghinis and Corvettes?”

Customer: “Well, yeah…”

Manager: “So, I think it’s an obvious choice.”

Customer: “I’ll take the red one!”

Me: “…”

Welcome To Retail, Part 3

, | Alberta, Canada | Uncategorized

(I’m a 16 year old, new to the job at a pet store. An elderly woman comes up to the front counter with a shopping cart full of tiny tins of cat food. None of them are stacked, and they are different brands and flavors.)

Customer: “I’d like all of these, please.”

Me: “Uh… alright. Are they sorted by brand?”

Customer: “Why should I count them? I’m the customer!”

Me: “Good point, ma’am.”

(I finally get all her cans sorted and I scan them all. She then proceeds to pay for over 40 dollars of cat food with change.)

Me: “There you go, ma’am. Do you want a hand out to your car with those bags?”

Customer: “No, thank you.”

(She gets to the door and she drops her bags. Cans go rolling everywhere.)


(Needless to say, I cried.)

Welcome To Retail, Part 2
Welcome To Retail

A Heady Proposition

| Pennsylvania, USA | Top

Customer: “I have a big problem. You cut off my head!”

Me: “I’m sorry? How did I cut off your head?”

(The customer shows me an obviously self-taken picture, with the top of his head removed.)

Me: “Sir, it looks like it was taken that way.”

Customer: “No it wasn’t! My whole head was there when I took it. I’m sure!”

Me: “Okay, let me see your memory card…”

(The customer hands it to me, and I go in the lab and pull it up on the computer. Sure enough, he chopped his own head off in the picture.)

Me: “Sir, that is the whole image, and the top of your head isn’t in it.”

Customer: “But it’s DIGITAL, can’t you fix it?”

Me: “You can’t create something from nothing.”

Customer: “But… but… but… I need a photo for a dating website!”

Me: “Give me the camera and go stand over there.”

Customer: *excited* “Hot d***! You can be my best man!”

Me: “A thank you card will be enough.”

(Skip ahead 9 months…)

Female customer: “Is your name ***?”

Me: “Yes, can I help you?”

Female customer: “My husband wanted you to have this.” *hands me an envelope*

(I open the envelope, and sure enough there’s a thank you card with a picture of him and his wife. He actually got married and sent her in with the card!)

Also seen on: Not Always Romantic.

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