July Theme Of The Month: Great Timing!

Eggs, Milk, Bondage Gear…

| Panama City Beach, FL, USA | Uncategorized

(I was working for a grocery store in Panama City Beach, which is a big tourist spot. I was bagging this couple’s groceries – which included condoms – when this exchange occurred.)

Me: “So, you must be from out of town, then?”

Customer: “Yeah, we’re only here for a few days. Just getting the necessities, y’know?”

(Just then, a pair of handcuffs comes rolling down the conveyor belt.)

Me: “Just the necessities, eh?”

Off To A Great Start

| Akron, OH, USA | Uncategorized

Customer: “Hi, can I talk to a manager?”

Me: “I’m the manager on duty. What can I help you with?”

Customer: “YOU’RE the manager on duty?! You look like you’re about 16! *laughs with disbelief & scorn*

Me: “Well, I’m 24, and I am a manager here. How can I help you?”

Customer: “Can I have a job application?”

Me: “Um…sure.”

A New Form Of Payment

| Fort Lauderdale, FL, USA | Uncategorized

Customer: “I’ll make you a deal.”

Me: “Ok…?”

Customer: “You give me these glasses, and I’ll let you take a picture of me wearing them, and hang it up in your store.”

Me: “Um…what?”

Customer:“Yeah, like all these pictures you have of people hanging up.”

Me: “Those are professional models.”

Customer: “Well, I’m a model.”

Me: “…”

That’s Commitment

| New York, USA | Uncategorized

Me: “Thank you for calling your local 24-hour pharmacy, how may I help you?”

Customer: “Yeah, what time do you close?”

Me: “Sir, we never close. We’re open 24 hours.”

Customer: “Well, that’s just ridiculous. How can you put up with that?”

Me: “Sir?”

Customer: “So if I show up at 4 in the morning with a prescription, you’d be there?”

Me: “Yes sir, we’d be open.”

Customer: “And what time do you open?”

Me: “Sir…we never close, we are always open. Think of it like a 24-hour diner; there’s always someone here to help you.”

Customer: “Oh man, that must stink – when do you get time to go home and sleep?!”

Me: “Er…we have cots in the back.”

Airtight Conclusions For Windbags

| Washington, DC, USA | Uncategorized

(A customer comes in attempting to return a worn, filthy $39 dress that’s covered with hair.)

Me: “Our company’s policy states that we cannot return worn merchandise. I’m sorry, but we can’t give you your refund.”

Customer: “I never wore this. I want my money back.”

Me: “Ma’am, the dress is stained with your makeup, and has your hair on it. I refuse to take this item back.”

Customer: “Let me speak to your store manager.”

Me: “I am the store manager.”

Customer: *takes a few steps back* “Look at me. I’m dressed head to toe in your clothing. I make more money in a year than you will in a lifetime.”

Me: “That may be so, but I’m still not taking your dress back. It seems that the price shouldn’t be an issue for you.”

Customer: “You don’t know who I am. You’ll be lucky to have a job in the morning!”

Me: “If you earn as much as you say, wouldn’t my year of unemployment cost more out of your income taxes than the price of the dress?”

Customer: *storms off*

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