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    Imperialism At Its Finest

    | Yukon, Canada |

    Customer: *hands over US Currency while trying to buy a T-Shirt*

    Me: “I’m sorry sir, we don’t take US Currency. We do, however take debit, all major credit card–”

    Customer: *cuts me off* “Why the hell can’t you take my money?! This is the U. S. OF A!”

    Me: “No sir, this is the Yukon Territory, in Canada.”

    Customer: “No it’s not! This is the USA! Alaska! I’ve been driving on the Alaska Highway for hours so that makes this Alaska!”

    Me: “No sir. This is the Yukon…we’re part of Canada…the Alaska Highway LEADS to Alaska and–”

    Customer: *again, cutting me off* “Don’t you ever look at a map?! The Yukon is IN Alaska, and that’s part of the United States! You HAVE to take my money!”

    Me: “The Yukon is part of Canada, we are NEXT to Alaska, which is part of the United States…”

    (The customer gets angry, slams his item on the counter and storms out, muttering something about “stupid kids.”)

    Oooh, I’m Quaking In My Boots

    | Toronto, ON, Canada |

    (At the store where I used to work, most of our bags didn’t have handles. Only the largest size did. A woman was buying a greeting card, which, after scanning, I gave to her in a small paper

    Woman: “Don’t you have any bags with handles?”

    Me: “I’m sorry. The only bags we have with handles are these big ones.”

    (I show her the large bag with handles.)

    Woman: “Well THAT’S stupid!”

    (She then proceeded to call a few other things stupid.)

    Woman: “Fine, just give me the bag without handles.”

    Me: “Do you want your receipt?”

    Woman, looking at me as in disbelief: “NO, I don’t want a RECEIPT!”

    Me: “Have a nice day!”

    Woman: “Well…you…DON’T have a nice day!”

    Stupidity Exemplified

    | Niagara Falls, NY, USA | Top

    (I was working in the seasonal section of a large bulk retail chain. It was Christmas time and we sold large sets of decorative houses with lights in them.)

    Customer: “Hi, I would like to purchase one of these…” *points to a house set* “…but there aren’t anymore underneath it. Where are the others stored?”"

    (I use my price gun to check the quantities of said item.)

    Me: “I’m sorry, it appears we are sold out.”

    Customer: “Oh, well then I’ll just take this one.” *points to the display unit*

    Me: “Oh, that’s just a display unit. That one isn’t for sale.”

    Customer: “Why not?”

    Me: “Well, this is one of those specific items that we are given a temporary display unit from the vendor that we have to send back at the end of the season.”

    Customer: “So why can’t I buy it?”

    Me: “Well, it’s not ours to sell. It is rented from the people who made the set.”

    Customer: “I don’t understand why I can’t buy it!”

    Me: “It does not belong to us. We cannot sell what does not belong to us.”

    Customer: “Why not?”

    Me: “…what kind of car do you drive?”

    Customer: “A 2000 Focus, why?”

    Me, to a passing customer: “Sir, would you like to buy a 2000 Focus?”

    Customer: “What are you doing?”

    Me: “Selling your car.”

    Customer: “Why? It’s MY car!”

    Me: “Well, I didn’t think ownership made a difference to you.”

    (She then stormed off to talk to a manager who told her I would be taken care of. He then proceeded to buy me a piece of pizza for making his day.)

    The Joy Of Sex(ism)

    | Reykjavik, Iceland | Top

    (I’m a 28 year old female and work for a computer store. I’m alone in the store when a middle-aged man walks in.)

    Me: “Hi there, can I help you?”

    Customer: “Are there any computer guys around here?”

    Me: “Just me at the moment, anything I can help you with?”

    Customer: *tries to look behind me to the stock room and repair area* “Well, aren’t there any computer GUYS here?”

    Me: “No. Look, is there anything I can help you with?”

    Customer: “Well um…I need this fixed.” *holds a multimedia

    Me: “Well, I work in repairs as well so just tell me what’s wrong with it and I’ll take a look at it for you.”

    Customer: “Listen, I just need to talk to a computer guy! I did everything right. I put the hard disk in but it still won’t work. Just get a guy to fix it!”

    Me: “Well, the most common mistake is when people forget to format the hard disk. I can have that fixed in 5 minutes.”

    Customer: “Yeah sure. Get one of the tech GUYS to do it and call me when it’s ready.”

    Me: “Sure, no problem.”

    (I went back and of course he hadn’t formatted the disk. I fix it and call the guy who shows up immediately.)

    Me: “Here you go. As I thought you had just forgotten to format the disk. I did that for you and it’s working fine now.”

    Customer: “No, that can’t have been the problem. I KNOW computers.”

    Me: “Well, this isn’t a computer, and it’s a common mistake to make when you put the hard disk in yourself. Anyway, I fixed it for you so everything should be fine now.”

    Customer: “Look, isn’t there a computer GUY I could talk to?”

    Me: *losing will to live and considering a sex change*

    A Pain In The Ask

    | Santa Barbara, CA, USA |

    (This customer bought a couple packs of white t-shirts and socks.)

    Me: “Your total is $28.77.”

    Customer: “Were the shirts on sale?”

    Me: “Yes, they were $2 off.”

    Customer: “How do you know?”

    Me: “…because that’s what the sale price is. See? It shows it here on the register screen.”

    Customer: “Oh okay. But were they on sale?”

    Me: “Yes.”

    Customer: “Okay. Were the socks on sale?”

    Me: “No.”

    Customer: “Why not?”

    Me: “Our sales change weekly and this week these socks aren’t on sale.”

    Customer: “Why not?”

    Me: “Because they aren’t on sale this week.”

    Customer: “But why?”

    Me: “I don’t know…corporate decides the sales.”

    Customer: “Oh okay. What’s the total?”

    Me: “$28.77.”

    (The customer gives me $40 and I give him his $11.23. I used two $5 bills instead of a 10 because I didn’t have any 10s in my till.)

    Customer: “I want a 10, I don’t want two fives!”

    Me: “Sorry, I don’t have any tens in my drawer. I only have fives.”

    Customer: “Why do you think that is?”

    Me: “Well, when I get change from my supervisors they just give me fives. They don’t usually have any tens. And also customers just don’t usually pay with tens.”

    Customer: “But why do you think that is?”

    Me: “I don’t really know. Probably because the customers usually get money from ATMs and they only give out twenties.”

    Customer: “Why do you think that is?”

    Me: “I don’t know. I guess the banks just think that people really just need twenties.”

    Customer, frustrated: “Wait, why are we talking about banks?”

    Me: “I don’t know, you brought it up.”

    Customer: “I don’t want two fives, I want a ten!”

    Me: “Go ask at customer service. They might have some.”

    Customer: “Why do you think that is?”

    (I call the manager who gets the guy his ten. He finally leaves after asking me again if the socks were on sale.)

    When They Ask Why, It’s Time To Run

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