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    Like Comic Book Guy, Except Much Prettier

    , | Missouri, USA | Top

    (Background: I’m the only female employee at the comic/card shop, and I was hired for my comic knowledge.)

    Customer, to my male co-worker: “Did Booster Gold have a series before the new series?”

    (Male coworker looks to me because he’s the card guy.)

    Me: “Yeah. Early nineties. We’ve got a couple of back issues in the dollar box.”

    Customer, to my male coworker: “So you guys have it?”

    Coworker: “If she says we have it, we have it.”

    Customer, finally looking at me: “Oh, you know about comics?”

    Me: “That’s why they hired me.”

    Customer: “But you’re a girl!”

    Yet Still They Come

    | Ontario, Canada |

    (Due to a power outage we had to close our store. The lights were all out and there were 2 large green bristol board signs displaying “CLOSED, NO POWER, SORRY”. A woman walks up, walks through the entryway and tries the door to the store proper, which is locked. She then turns around goes to the exit door, pulls it open and walks in. I stop her.)

    Me: “I’m sorry ma’am, there is a power outage. We’re closed.”

    Woman: “Does that mean I can come in?”

    Me: “No. ‘Closed’ means you can’t come in.”

    Woman: “Then how come THEY’RE allowed in?” *points to people behind cash registers all wearing store aprons*

    Me: “Uh…they work here.”

    Woman: *leaves angrily*

    Scamming In Plain Sight

    | Edmonton, AB, Canada | Top

    (A customer ‘drops’ a brick, giving it a little chip. He then proceeds to join the line.)

    Cashier: “Hello, sir, how can I help?”

    Customer: “There’s a chip in this brick. I’d like to get a discount please.”

    Cashier: “I’m sorry, sir, only cracks or serious fractures would warrant a discount on bricks. A chip won’t damage the function or stability of the brick.”

    (The customer proceeds to lift up the brick and forcefully drops it on the ground.)

    Customer: “Now it’s broken! Can I get a discount now?”

    Cashier: “No, but you can sure as h*** pay for that.”

    Why Dracula No Longer Bites Crackheads

    | Richmond, KY, USA |

    (A very old man with a Dracula Transylvania accent comes into the store. I am standing in an aisle restocking something, easily spotted by anyone entering the store.)

    Dracula: “HO HO HO!” *it’s summer btw* “Where is everybody? All hands on deck! Can’t I get some f**king help here?!”

    Me bewildered: “Uhm, I’m right here. What can I help you with sir?”

    Dracula: “I need new razor blades.”

    Me: “Okay, they are right over here.” *leads him to display* “What kind of razor do you have?”

    Dracula: “I don’t know! Why does that matter? How am I suppose to know that?”

    Me: “Well, there are different blades for each kind of razor. If you can look through the razors we have and show me what it looks like, I’ll get you fixed up.”

    (Dracula finds his razor and I find his blades.)

    Me: “Do you want the 4 count or the 8 count? The 8 count costs a bit more.”

    Dracula: “Give me the 8 count! You think I want to come back here everyday? No one works here!”

    (I get the blades for him and start heading toward the checkout. He stops me and snatches the blades from me.)

    Dracula: “I need to see them first to make sure they’re right! *starts to open them*

    Me: “Sir, I’m sorry, but you can’t just open things. We matched them up to your razor. I’m sure they are right.”

    Dracula: *opens them anyway* “They’re right!”

    (He hands them to me and again I move toward the checkout. Again, he stops me.)

    Dracula: “What are you doing? Those are open. I’m not buying them!”

    Me: “Sir you were the one to open them after I clearly told you not to. So you are buying these. Next time, don’t open things you don’t want.”

    (He grabs another box of the shelf and snatches the open box from me. He tosses it onto a lower shelf and says…)

    Dracula: “You need a display anyway! You should have a display so people know what they are buying!”

    Me: “Sir, I’m fairly certain that our customers with children would not appreciate an open razor blade display!”

    (I snatch them up and sell him the unopened box; at this point, I just wanted him out of the store. We dealt with Dracula twice more.)

    At Least She’s Being Honest

    , | Hanover, MD, USA |

    (A lady comes in with a bag of shirts.)

    Lady: “I need to return these.”

    Me: “Sorry we can’t take those back, they’re opened…”

    Lady: “Why the hell not!?”

    Me: “You can only return the shirts if they’re unopened. It’s the store policy.”

    Lady: “Bulls**t, you’re trying to rip me off! You’re suppose to take these back–they don’t fit my husband!”

    Me: “If you read the policy you would know you couldn’t bring them back, ma’am.”

    Lady: “What store policy?!”

    (I point to the store policy above and behind me on a red sign in big white letters. The lady snatches the bag of shirts and starts stomping off. My manager, who was watching the whole time, finally says something.)

    Manager: “I’m sorry ma’am, next time you should read the policy–”

    Lady: *cuts off my manager* “I DON’T F**KING READ!!”

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