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    Two Words, Both Rhyme With Celebrate

    | Rohnert Park, CA |

    Me: “Anything else I can get for you today?”

    Female Customer: “Oh yeah! I need batteries?”

    Customer’s Boyfriend: “What do you need batteries for?”

    Female Customer: “I just need batteries, ok?”

    Me: “D Cells?”

    Female Customer: “Yeah…”

    Customer’s Boyfriend: “But really, what do you need batteries for?”

    Also seen on: Not Always Romantic.

    Fun With Mistaken Identities

    | Perth, Australia |

    (I was a customer in a certain large toy store during Christmas and it was crowded. I’m on my lunch break, but still have the name tag on from my job. Note I am not in a uniform–I’m in jeans and a t-shirt. I get to where the queue is, and a woman accosts me.)

    Her: “It’s about time you opened another register! It’s disgraceful you keep us waiting like this, we’re busy people!”

    Me: “You know, you’re right. It IS disgraceful. I quit!”

    (I take off my badge before she realises I’m not an employee, and walk out of the store.)

    Proof That Men Will Say Anything

    | Metrowest, MA, USA | Top

    (I’m a lesbian who works in a seedy area of my town, and I’m hit on constantly by these really old guys, or crackheads…or drunks…)

    Drunk guy: “Hey…are you single?”

    Me: “Nope. Gay too.”

    Drunk guy: “Oh. So you like women?”

    Me: “Yep.”

    Drunk guy: “I can be a woman!”

    Me: “I have standards.”

    (The drunk man leaves, and my coworker nearly pees herself laughing.)

    Also seen on: Not Always Romantic.

    Corporate To The Rescue

    | Dorset, UK |

    (I work in a shop that sells nothing other than boxes of chocolate, in various shapes and sizes. A customer strolls into the shop holding a very expensive box.)

    Customer: *brandishing the box* “I want to return this.”

    Me: “Okay…could I ask you why?”

    Customer: “Chocolate’s too soft.”

    Me: “Excuse me?”

    Customer: “Chocolate’s too soft. Gimme refund.”

    (I should point out here that the customer was a male forty-something.)

    Me: “Maybe it was just the single chocolate that you tried?”

    (To my absolute horror, he opened the lid to reveal that every single last chocolate had been eaten. Both layers.)

    Customer: “See? Too soft. Want refund. Give me now.”

    (I was about to say something, though I’m not entirely sure what. Thankfully, the day was saved by another customer.)

    Customer 2: “You just ate all the chocolates..?”

    Customer 1: “Uh?”

    Customer 2: “Are you mentally ill?”

    Customer 1: “Wha?”

    Customer 2: “How about you f**k off and leave this poor kid to do his job?”

    Customer 1: *suddenly talking normally* “I don’t think it’s any of your business–”

    Customer 2: “I do.”

    Customer 1: “Why!?”

    Customer 2: “Because I’m from Head Office.”

    We Need One Of These In Every Store

    Granny Git Your Groove On

    | Rohnert Park, CA |

    Old Woman: “Excuse me sir…I need some batteries.”

    Me: “Of course. What kind do you need?”

    Old Woman: “I…I’m not sure.”

    Me: “Not a problem. What do you need the batteries for? I might be able to match them up to the product.”

    Old Woman: “…I need them for my ghetto blaster.”

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