The Queen Has Left The Building

| Hanover, MA, USA | Uncategorized

Customer, to a female employee: “You know who you look like? Elvis…”

Female employee: “…Thanks?”

Jason Voorhees Finds Work

| St Paul, MN, USA | Uncategorized

Customer: “You’re scary.”

Me: “I’m sorry?”

Customer: “You’re scary. Your face is scary.”

Me: “I’m sorry, I can’t change how my face looks.”

Customer: “You need to. You work in a store. You need to be less scary. Change your face.”

Me: “…again, I’m sorry my face scares you. Have a good day.”

Speaking Of Analog To Digital Transitions…

, | Savannah, GA, USA | Uncategorized

(An elderly man walks into my cellphone store.)

Customer: “My phone doesn’t work.”

Me: “Okay, sir, what is it doing?”

Customer: “It’s not calling.”

Me: “Did anything happen before it quit working?”

Customer: “No, it just quit.”

Me: “I’m going to do a test call. Can I call your phone, sir?”

Customer: “Yes. It rings, it just wont call.”

Me: “Hmm, okay. If it takes calls, it should send calls.”

(I call his phone and it works.)

Customer: “Well, it doesn’t call out! Are you stupid?”

(I call my phone with his and it works. I show him my ringing phone)

Me: “Sir, it seems like your phone is working. It’s calling my phone now.”

Customer: “NO! Call [phone number].”

Me: “So, it’s only not working when you call that number?”

Customer: “YES!”

Me: “There must be a problem with that person’s phone…”

Customer: “NO! I have to call them! It must be YOUR fault!”

(I call the number and hear an electronic signal.)

Me: “Sir, it’s a fax number.”


, | Calgary, Alberta, Canada | Uncategorized

(A lady came in to buy an iMac computer. After leaving, she called me 30 minutes later.)

Me: “Yes ma’am, how may I help you?”

Customer: “I thought these things came with a monitor? You told me it had a monitor.”

Me: “Yes ma’am, it’s one big monitor with a keyboard and mouse.”

Customer: “Well this one doesn’t have one.”

Me: Um…it’s the big black square on the front.”

Customer: “There is NO big black square on here.”

Me: “What do you mean? The whole machine is just a monitor; it’s the big black square above the CD Slot and speakers.”

Customer: “There is NO big black square. There are no speakers. You told me it came with a monitor.”

Me: “Ma’am…the whole computer is just a monitor with speakers and a CD Drive built in. Spin it around; it’s the big black square on the front.”

(I can hear her turning the machine around and around, and she starts getting angry with me.)

Customer: “Listen, there is no big black square, there are no speakers, and there is no slot for a CD.”

Me: “Ma’am…do you have the computer face down on your desk?”

(I can hear a big clunk as the flips the computer upright on the desk.)

Customer: “Um…I have to go now.” *click*

Related: PEBKAC (Wikipedia definition)

Better Safe Than Smart

| Chicago, IL, USA | Uncategorized

Customer: “What is this?”

Me: “It’s a neoprene laptop case.”

Customer: “For what?”

Me: “It’s just a more snug case for your laptop.”

Customer: “For what?”

Me: “It’s just to protect your laptop if it’s put in a bag or briefcase.”

Customer: “You mean, to protect all of my other stuff?”

Me: “Well yes, to protect all your other stuff from damaging your laptop.”

Customer: “No. Will this case protect my computer from damaging all my stuff?”

Me: “It is padded…”

Customer: “Good, because it’s cheaper than the anti-virus software.”

Me: *gives up* “…it will definitely protect the things in your
backpack from getting viruses.”

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