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    The Proud And Stupid

    , | Indiana, USA |

    (This one came from my manager. A customer called Target and asked about a jacket that was on sale.)

    Customer (very snooty): “Hello, I would like to know if you have any Corbin Wells jackets in stock.”

    My Manager: “Corbin Wells? I don’t think we sell that brand.”

    Customer (getting angry): “Well, it’s on page 10 in your ad!”

    My Manager: “Let me see.” *she turns to page 10* “Ma’am, page 10 is electronics.”

    Customer (extremely angry): “You DO have the ad in front of you, don’t you?”

    My manager: “Yes, I have the TARGET ad in front of me.”

    Customer: “Oh, Target? That’s not the ad I’m looking at.”

    My manager: “What ad are you looking at, ma’am?”

    Customer (still snooty): “Kohl’s.” *click*

    Like, Oh My God!

    | Fargo, ND, USA |

    College Girl #1: “Our friend is registered here, but we can’t find her name on the computer.”

    College Girl #2: “Yeah, it’s broken.”

    College Girl #1: “She’s like one of our best friends and we need to get her a present.”

    College Girl #2: “Yeah.”

    Me: “Oh, okay, well let’s try it again.”

    (We walk over to the gift registry kiosk.)

    Me: “So is your friend registered for a wedding or baby shower?”

    (The two girls look at each other confused.)

    College Girl #2: “…Wedding?”

    Me: “Okay…what’s her first name?”

    College Girl #1: “Sarah…”

    Me: “Is that with an ‘h’ at the end, or is it just S-A-R-A?”

    (The two girls look at each other confused.)

    Me: “Okay, well the computer can search using the first two letters of the first name, so we’ll just put in S-A. And what is her last name?”

    College Girl #1: *says something unintelligible that sounds like “Pheuyben”*

    Me: “And how do you spell it?”

    (The girls look at each other confused.)

    College Girl #2: “Um…”

    College Girl #1: “Uh…”

    Me: “Does it start with an ‘f’ or a ‘p-h’?”

    College Girl #1: “P-h.”

    College Girl #2: “F.”

    (The girls look at each other confused.)

    (Oh. My. God. If I had “best friends” like that I’d swallow some Drano.)

    TMI (Too Much Information)

    , | Ireland |

    (I was working on the customer service desk and answered a call from a customer inquiring about a special order they had placed)

    Customer: “Yes my name is ****. The name of the DVD is ‘Spring Break’.”

    (I put the customer’s details into the computer, and the search results say the full name of the DVD was “Spring Break Sex Riot” which also had an…. explicit cover on it. I assumed that there must have been a mistake and the wrong title was ordered)

    Me: “Um……. I think I found your order here on the system, but it hasn’t arrived in the store yet. I think there might be a mistake here–could you give me some more details about the film?”

    Customer: “Ah man, you’re missing out!! You have to see it!! Its about all these hot chicks who go on spring break and have lots of sex! Its excellent!”

    Me: *glad I have never been this desperate*

    July, November, It’s All The Same

    | Kansas City, MO, USA | Top

    Customer: “Where is your jewelry?”

    Me, standing behind 3 counters filled with jewelry: “Right here, ma’am.”

    Customer: “No, the jewelry on sale!”

    Me: “I’m sorry, but we aren’t having a sale on jewelry this month.”

    Customer: “But I was here in July and it was on sale.”

    Me: “Yes ma’am, and now it’s November and it’s not on sale.”

    Customer: “Well can’t you give me the sale prices anyways?”

    Me: “Ummm, no.”

    The Problem With Analogies

    | Eureka, CA, USA | Top

    (A customer wanders down the paint aisle I’m working on and asks for advice on which paint to use. I tell him, and he asks for the differences between brands)

    Me: “Brand A is just a bit thicker than Brand B. But other than that, they’re pretty much the same.”

    Customer: “What do you mean ‘thicker’?”

    Me: “The paint has a thicker consistency.”

    Customer: “I don’t understand.”

    Me: “Do you know what cake batter looks like? And water?”

    Customer: “Yes.”

    Me: “Cake batter is thicker than water, like Brand A is thicker than Brand B.”

    Customer: “Brand A is cake batter?”

    (It goes on like this for awhile. I ended up leaving him there to contemplate)

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