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    Fun With Hypocrites

    | Melbourne, Australia |

    Me: “That’ll be $49.95, thank you sir.”

    (Customer takes out his credit card and his reward benefits card from his wallet and pointedly separates them before handing them over. I take the cards.)

    Customer: “No, you can’t touch the cards together like that, it ruins the magnetic strip.”

    Me: “Oh it’s okay, the strips on these cards are very durable.”

    (I continue on with the transaction.)

    Customer: “Are you deaf? I said don’t touch them together!! You’ll ruin my cards!”

    Me: “Sir, trust me–you could put a strong magnet on these cards and they wouldn’t be damaged. Touching them together is not going to affect them.”

    Customer: “Well, the customer is always right, so don’t touch my cards together, okay?!”

    Me: “Okay, okay, geez.”

    (I make a big show of keeping the cards separate.)

    Customer: “The service here is terrible.”

    Me: “Whatever.”

    (I hand his cards back, still making a show of keeping them separate. The customer then proceeds to put them back in his wallet, in the same flap, so they are rubbing against each other through a thin piece of material.)

    Me, trying not to laugh: “You just put them together in your wallet.”

    Customer: *embarrassed* “Yeah well…shut up and do your job!”

    Word Of The Day: Owned

    | Eau Claire, WI, USA |

    (As I am working in the department, refilling betta containers, dressed in company attire and name tag clearly displayed.)

    Customer: “Do you work here?”

    Me: “Yes ma’am, I do. What can I help you with?”

    Customer: “I was standing here for 10 minutes, waiting for someone to help me.”

    Me: “Oh, well I have been here for the last 20 minutes.”

    Customer: “Could you help me find this [competitor's can of cat food]?”

    Me: “I am sorry ma’am, we do not sell that brand here.”


    Me: “I’m sorry, we don’t.”

    Customer: “FINE THEN, PROVE IT!!”

    (I turn to the back of the can and read it.)

    Me:Marketed and sold by [competitor]. Anything else I can help you with?”

    Customer: *turns and walks away*

    Me: *smile*

    Yes, I’m 12 Feet Tall, With Horns And A Pitchfork

    , | South Carolina, USA |

    (A customer calls in 30 minutes before our store actually opens.)

    Customer: “Do you have [style of shoe] in a size 11?”

    Me: “Yes ma’am, we do. Would you like me to hold it for you?”

    Customer: “No. I want to pay for it over the phone, and then come pick it up on my lunch break.”

    Me: “I’m sorry ma’am, I can’t do that transaction over the phone.”

    Customer: *yelling* “WHY NOT?! I’ll come in for it sometime between noon and two; it’s for my son, I want to be sure I can get this for his birthday.”

    Me: “Like I said, I can hold it for you–”

    Customer: “I heard you, but you aren’t hearing me! I want to buy it NOW.”

    Me: “I can’t do that over the phone, I would have to see your ID along with your card to verify that it’s yours.”

    Customer: “Can’t I just tell you my name?”

    Me: “No, because anyone could read the name off the card. I have to see a photo ID.”

    Customer: “Well, can’t I tell you what I look like then?”

    Me: “Are you serious?”

    Customer: “I want to speak to your manager.”

    Me: “I am the manager, ma’am.”

    Customer: “You’re a terrible manager then. You are SO rude!”

    Me: “Yes, you’re right.” *hangs up*

    (I can’t really say I’m all that surprised she never showed up for that shoe…)

    Easily Puzzled

    | Pennsylvania, USA |

    Me: “****** Frame Shop, how can I help you?”

    Lady: “Hi. I have a problem with a mat I ordered.”

    Me: “What is the problem?”

    Lady: “Well, I wanted the mat to fit over a puzzle and on the puzzle box it says it is supposed to be 20″ by 28″, so that is what we ordered.”

    Me: “Okay.”

    Lady: “But I am putting the puzzle together and it is only 20″ by 23″.”

    Me: “Well, if there is a problem I can always re-order the mat for you…”

    Lady: “But the puzzle is supposed to be 20″ by 28″! Now it won’t fit in the frame I bought from you!”

    Me: “Do you have the puzzle all put together?”

    Lady: “No, not yet.”

    Me: “…then how did you measure it?”

    Lady: “I measured the edges!”

    Me: “Are there any pieces with flat sides left?”

    Lady: “Yes, but they don’t fit.”

    Me: “Hmm, I see….”

    (I spend the next 15 minutes trying to explain to the customer that all of the flat pieces belong on the edges of the puzzle, without offending her or snickering.)

    When Mood Swings Attack

    | Durango, CO, USA |

    (Where I work, all cashiers are taught to ask how the customer’s day was, and if they found everything alright. Simple, easily answered and pleasant…usually.)

    Me: “How is your day, ma’am?”

    Customer: *quite happily* “It’s great, I can’t complain.”

    Me: “That’s good, did you find everything okay today?”

    Customer: *suddenly angry* “NO, I couldn’t find product X or product Y, nor did you have any of product Q in stock, so far in the past three weeks of me shopping here, I have come in and you haven’t had ANY in stock!”

    Me: “Well, I’m sorry about that, I could get a manager over and see if we could solve this prob–”

    Customer, cutting me off: “NO, this is absolutely unacceptable! I guess I’m just going to have to go to competitor A from now on!”

    Me: “I’m very sorry about that, ma’am.”

    Customer: “YOU should be, it’s YOUR paycheck!”


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