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    Big Ticket Items Will Require A Goat

    | Boston, MA, USA |

    (It was late into my eight hour shift at a huge retail drugstore chain, and I was getting tired of dumb questions.)

    Customer: “Do you take credit cards here?”

    Me: “No, ma’am. We only take live chickens and large rocks.”

    (The customer actually had a sense of humor and started laughing, while my manager was laughing too hard to yell at me.)

    The Pope Might Have Something To Say About That

    | Virginia Beach, VA, USA |

    Customer: “Sir, it is a sin to sell these Halloween decorations.”

    Me: “How else could folks get them?”

    Customer: “That’s not the point. Halloween is for Devil Worshippers.”

    Me: “No, it’s a Christian holiday, ushering in All Saints’ Day.”

    Customer: “No, that’s Catholic. I’m a Christian.”

    When In Doubt, Kick ‘Em Out

    , | Inglewood, CA, USA |

    (A customer comes in to a video game store, obviously angry.)

    Customer: “Hello, I’m here to return these two games.”

    (Hands me the two games and the receipt.)

    Customer: “For this game, I want my money back; for this DS game, I want a different game. It’s the same price so I don’t have to pay the difference.”"

    Me: “Okay, ma’am.”

    (I scan the receipt and fill out the return information.)

    Me: “Ma’am, your total will be $19.56.”

    Customer: “What?!?!?! Why is it going to be so much if it’s the same price as the other DS game?”

    Me: “Well, ma’am, you got this game for free.”

    Customer: “If I would’ve paid for it, it would have been the same price so I don’t owe nothing!”

    Me: “You didn’t pay anything for this game, so you won’t get anything back.”

    Customer: “But if I would’ve paid for it, it would’ve been the same price. Let me speak to your manager.”

    (I call my manager.)

    Manager: “Well ma’am, as my employee was saying, you didn’t pay anything for this game. Therefore, you will not get your money back for something you didn’t pay for.”

    Customer: “But if I would’ve paid for it–”

    Manager: “You paid nothing for this game.”

    Customer: “But if I would’ve paid–”

    Manager: “Get out of my store.”

    Customer: *walks out in a huff*

    A Customer And A Blowtorch: This Cannot End Well

    | Prince George, BC, Canada |

    (At our store, we sell mostly tool related items. At the time, I worked in the welding section, and was letting a customer try out a few welding. He was trying a MIG welder, which requires you to be quite close to the work.)

    Customer: “Why isn’t this working?” (Holds torch about three feet from work.)

    Me: “Well, you have to hold it about an inch away from the work for it to work.”

    Customer: “Why isn’t it working?” (He has it about a foot away now.)

    Me: “Closer…”

    Customer: (Six inches.)

    Me: “Closer…”

    Customer: (Three inches.)

    Me: “Closer…”

    Customer: “Why isn’t it working!” (He has just welded the torch to the work.)

    Me: “Not that close!!!!”

    (This goes on for a good 20 minutes, even after I ran a beautiful bead for him at the right distance.)

    Like Comic Book Guy, Except Much Prettier

    , | Missouri, USA | Top

    (Background: I’m the only female employee at the comic/card shop, and I was hired for my comic knowledge.)

    Customer, to my male co-worker: “Did Booster Gold have a series before the new series?”

    (Male coworker looks to me because he’s the card guy.)

    Me: “Yeah. Early nineties. We’ve got a couple of back issues in the dollar box.”

    Customer, to my male coworker: “So you guys have it?”

    Coworker: “If she says we have it, we have it.”

    Customer, finally looking at me: “Oh, you know about comics?”

    Me: “That’s why they hired me.”

    Customer: “But you’re a girl!”

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