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    Mindless Consumerism, How I Love Thee

    | Tucson, AZ, USA |

    Kid: “Mommy mommy, I want those shoes!”

    Mom: “Why do you want those shoes?”

    Kid: “Because everyone else is wearing them.”

    Mom: “Wouldn’t you want to get something different and be more original?”

    Kid: “No…then I wouldn’t be original like everyone else!”

    How A DS RPG Killed The ESRB

    , | Cincinnati, OH, USA | Top

    (Customer brings a mediocre role playing game for the Nintendo DS up to the counter.)

    Customer: “Hey, would this game be good for an eight year old?”

    Me: “Well, does he like RPGs?”

    Customer: “Oh, I don’t let him watch anything rated R.”

    Me: “Oh…I mean, does he like role playing games?”

    Customer: “Whats that? That like one of them Mario games?”

    Me: “No, it’s one where you follow a story line and usually has a lot of reading, like Final Fantasy. Has he ever played anything like that before?”

    Customer: “Oh, he don’t read books. And I don’t like that it’s rated R and PG.”

    Just Wait Until Congress Hears About This

    | Houston, TX, USA |

    Me: “Yes, how can I help you today?”

    Customer: “Well I need one of those things that go in back of my phone. What’s it called?”

    Me: “I’m not sure what it is, ma’am.”

    Customer: “Oh yeah, I remember what it is. A stem cell…”

    Me: “A what????”

    Customer: “You know, a stem cell so I can make calls…the little card thing…”

    (She was thinking of a SIM card; I died laughing when she left!)

    Sticking To Your Guns

    | Denton, TX, USA |

    *customer hands over a tree skirt for her Christmas tree*

    Customer: “Thats all! And I have a coupon…”

    Me: “I’m sorry ma’am, but it appears that the tree skirt is already on sale, so you can’t use the coupon.”

    Customer: “Really? It doesn’t say anywhere that it’s on sale.”

    Me: “Well, the ad that the coupon comes in also says that ‘All Christmas decorations’ are on sale for 30% off. Your coupon is for 40% off, so its not that big of a difference. It says on the coupon that you cannot use it on sale items…”

    Customer: “Can’t you just give me the regular price and discount it with the coupon?”

    Me: “Ma’am, you’re only losing out on…6 dollars. I really don’t want to lose my job over your 6 dollars.”

    Customer: “I BELIEVE I’M BEING CHEATED! I’M NEVER SHOPPING AT THIS ESTABLISHMENT AGAIN!”

    *customer comes back 2 hours later to buy the exact same tree skirt*

    Dirty Minds

    , | Seattle, WA, USA | Top

    (Customer calls requesting a cable.)

    Customer: “Hi. I am trying to connect my iPod to my stereo.”

    Me: “Okay. Do you have a receiver, a small shelf system, or a boombox?”

    Customer: “It’s a smaller stereo.”

    Me: “Okay. Do you have a small plug that looks like a headphone plug that is labeled AUX, Audio IN, or anything of the sort?”

    Customer: “Yes, there is a small round plug that says AUX.”

    Me: “Okay, that’s easy. All you need is a 3.5mm male-to-male RCA cable.”

    Customer: “Male-to-male as in boy-to-boy.”

    Me, knowing what is coming next and not caring: “Yes, it is just referring to whether it is a plug or a receptor of a plug.”

    Customer: “Well, you are just disgusting!”

    Me: “Sorry ma’am, that is just an industry standard term.”

    Customer: “That is just one of the most disgusting things I have ever heard!”

    Me: “Sounds good.”

    Customer: *hangs up*


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