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    Today, All My Questions Shall Be Stupid

    | Somerset, UK | Top

    Customer: “What size is this rug?”

    Me, reading label: “54″ x 72″.”

    Customer: “So how big is that?”

    Me: “In centimetres? It’s…”

    Customer: “No, in inches.”

    Me: “It’s 54 inches x 72 inches.”

    Customer: “OK. And what colour is it?”

    Me: “Lilac.”

    Customer: “Right…and would it look good in my lounge?”

    Me: “I don’t know…I’ve never seen your lounge.”

    Customer: “No, I guess you haven’t. Do you think I have room for it?”

    Me: ?@#!

    A Good Time To Excuse Yourself

    | Tucson, AZ, USA | Top

    (This conversation between a Returns Employee and a customer was overheard by me and others.)

    Employee: “Hello, how may I help you?”

    Customer: “Yes, I would like to return this.” (Heaves a large propane tank, the kind used for barbecue grills onto the counter.)

    Employee: “Why?”

    Customer: “It’s leaking.”

    (At this point me, 4 managers, the employee, 2 other customers, and 3 other employees all within earshot, slowly turn their heads towards the leaking tank careful not to make any sudden movements.)

    Y, Will, Y Will, Rock U!

    , | Unknown Location |

    Me: “Thank you for calling ****, how may I help you?”

    Customer: “Hi, I wanna know if you have any Y’s (pronounced “why”) in stock?”

    Me: “Y’s? I don’t know what that is.”

    Customer: “The Y’s! You know, the Y’s!”

    Me: “You mean the Wii?”

    Customer: “Yea, whatever.”

    Because Everything On The Internets Is Private

    , | Stroudsburg, PA, USA | Top

    (On Black Friday…when EVERYTHING is on sale.)

    Customer: “Excuse me, sir?”

    Me: “Hey, can I help you find something?”

    Customer: “Hi, I’d like to know what’s on sale today.”

    Me: “Well, it depends on what system. You see, the DS only has three games on sale, while the XBOX has about 10. Not to mention, almost every console is running some sort of deal.”

    Customer: “No, I meant the secret sales.”

    Me: “What do you mean?”

    Customer: “The stuff in the catalog.”

    Me: “Oh, that’s all posted.”

    Customer, suddenly angry: “It better not be!”

    Me: “Why not?”

    Customer: “Because I looked online for those sales.”

    Me: “What’s your point?”

    Customer: “Because I wouldn’t have done that if I’d known it was public!”

    Me: “The point of a sale is to make it public.”

    Customer: “GET ME YOUR MANAGER YOU A**HOLE!”

    Zero Short Term Memory

    , | Costa Mesa, CA |

    Customer: “Hi, I have my car down the loading dock and I’m parked where it says to park, but there’s no button to call your store or anything down there.”

    Me: “No, there’s not because the elevator is shared with 3 levels of stores; we don’t own it, the mall does. So you have to call us when you’re there.”

    Customer: “How do I call? There’s no button.”

    Me: “With your cellphone…”

    Customer: “Oh pfft, I never bring a cellphone with me.”

    Me: “But didn’t you just call? How did you call earlier?”

    Customer: “With a cellphone!” *looking at me like I’m stupid*


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