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    Cumulative IQ: Two. And A Half.

    | Sterling, VA, USA |

    (I approached a youngish looking husband/wife couple checking out our bedroom furniture to see if they needed any help.)

    Wife: *pointing to a headboard* “Do you have this in stock?”

    Me: “Give me just one minute, and I can go check that for you.”

    Husband: “But before you do that, what is it?”

    Wife: “I was wondering that too.”

    Me: “It’s a headboard.”

    Husband: “But what IS it?”

    Me: “It’s a headboard. For your bed. You attach it to the top.”

    Wife: “But what does it do?”

    Me: “It makes your bed look nice.”

    Wife: “But does it DO anything?”

    Me: “Makes your bed look pretty?”

    Husband: “But WHY?”

    Me: “Some people like the added touch.”

    Wife: “But why should WE buy it?”

    Me: “If you think it would look nice in your room, then it would be a great addition to your decor.”

    Wife: “You still haven’t told me what it does.”

    Me: “Um, it helps your bed match the color scheme of your room.”

    Husband: “What’s a color scheme?”

    Wife: “Does that have something to do with carpets?”

    Me: “Um…kind of. Carpets, curtains, bedspread, furniture. People generally like them to match. The overall color is called the color scheme.”

    Wife: “Oh. I had heard of that, but no one ever told me what it was.”

    Husband: “So we would need a real bed for this?”

    Me: “Well what do you have?”

    Husband: “A futon.”

    Me: “A headboard wouldn’t work with that.”

    Wife: “So I can’t get this?”

    Me: “Well you could, but you wouldn’t be able to use it with your bed.”

    Wife: “Why not?”

    Me: “It only attaches to a regular mattress bed frame.”

    Wife: “Oh. But what does it do?”

    Me: “Let me go find someone that can better help you.”

    (I ran off to find my manager because I couldn’t contain the laughter anymore. It took her 15 minutes to explain to them what exactly a headboard was, and why you couldn’t use it with a futon. We’re pretty sure they still didn’t really get it.)

    Night Vision Might Be Good Too

    , | San Diego, CA, USA | Top

    (I’m selling a camcorder to a man and his girlfriend. The guy is clueless about cameras and the girl knows a little bit more.)

    Guy: “I don’t really know too much about cameras, she knows more than I do. I just want something good.”

    Me: “Well this one is good because…” *explaining*

    Guy to girl: “Honey, do you understand any of this?”

    Girl: “Yeah, don’t worry. I think I know what we want.”

    Guy to me: “Look, if you had to choose a camera to take naked pictures of her *points to girlfriend*, which would you choose?”

    Me: “Well…this one has a built in hard drive so you can tape for longer without changing tapes.”

    (The guy’s phone rings and he leaves me alone with girlfriend.)

    Girl: “Do you get that a lot?”

    Me: “More than you would think.”

    Postal Paranoia

    | St. Louis, MO, USA |

    Me: “Alright, ma’am. And may I have your zip code?”

    Woman: “No.”

    Me: “Well, it’s something I have to take. Don’t worry, we–”

    Woman: “No!”

    Me: “I, uh–”

    Woman: “No! You’re not getting my zip code.”

    Me: “Right. Because I’m going to TAKE that zip code and knock on the door of EVERY house in the code just to FIND YOU!”

    (The customer left, but I felt a lot better.)

    Even Owners Have A Stupid Quota, Part 2

    | Pennsylvania, USA | Top

    (A customer spent about 15 minutes asking every employee where the 9 inch taper candles were located that she bought the last time she visited the store. All the while, she was holding onto a 10 inch taper candle. Our store never carried a 9 inch taper candle–they only come in 6, 8, 10, 12 and 15 inches. The store owner is observing the customer during this whole time.)

    Customer: “I want to talk to the manager!”

    Manager/wife of the owner: “How may I help you?”

    Customer: “I know I bought 9 inch taper candles here before. Show me where they are located.”

    Wife of the owner: “I am sorry, but we have never sold a 9 inch taper candle. They do not come in that size.”

    Customer: “I know you had them, where are they!”

    (The owner reaches out and grabs the 10 inch taper from the customer’s hand. He bites off 1 inch of the taper and hands it back to the customer.)

    Owner: “THERE IS YOUR 9 INCH TAPER CANDLE!”

    Customer: *to the wife of the owner* “I want to talk to the OWNER!”

    Wife of the owner: “You just did.”

    Related:
    Even Owners Have A Stupid Quota
    Even Bosses Have A Stupid Quota

    At Least She’s Not Returning Used Diapers

    | Michigan, USA |

    (I was working checkouts the other day when I overheard this happening at the service desk.)

    Customer: “Hi, I’d like to return these outfits.”

    Coworker: “Alright, may I see your receipt?”

    (The customer hands over a receipt dated about 7 months ago.)

    Coworker: “I’m sorry, we can only accept returns within the first ninety days.”

    Customer: “But my child outgrew these! Am I supposed to just lose money on them?”

    Coworker: “Ma’am, children do tend to outgrow clothing.”

    Customer: “Well, what am -I- supposed to do with them? Why should -I- lose money because of this?!”

    Coworker: “…”

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