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    Worst. Advertising. Ever.

    | Georgia, USA |

    (My first day on the job my manager decided that we weren’t getting enough business and proceeded to hand me a plastic pitchfork, wrap a feather boa around my neck and shove me out onto a street corner in the ghetto with a sign.)

    People in a passing car: “SATANIST B***H!” *throws ketchup packets at me*

    (A short time later, a white car driven by an older man pulls up.)

    Older Man: “Miss?”

    Me: *walks over* “Yes?”

    Older Man: “How much?”

    Me: “…excuse me?”

    Older Man: “Well I don’t usually go for the satanic looking type. I guess you could get out of all that black…”

    Me: “What the…oh….” *I start laughing hysterically*

    Older Man: “What? You aren’t?”

    Me: *I point up towards the store* “Mister, I work for the Halloween shop…”

    Older Man: “Oh, when do you open?”

    Me:I don’t. The store is open now though.”

    (The older man blushes and speeds away. After that, I picked up my sign, went back to the store and told my manager that I refused to do that ever again.)

    Speaking Stupidese

    | Santa Rosa, CA, USA |

    (A customer comes in and goes to a display rack of boots.)

    Me: “Can I help you?”

    Customer: “Where are the boxes with all the shoes in them?”


    Her Friend: “She means, do you have these boots in a size 8…”

    Why Don’t We Stamp It On Your Forehead
    Egocentrism Meets Geocentrism
    You Be Telepathic So I Can Be Lazy
    (Telepathic) Help Wanted

    The Epitome of Lazy

    | Canada |

    Me: “Thank you for calling ***, how may I help you?”

    Lady: “I would like to make a return.”

    Me: “Alright, that should be fine. We allow returns on regularly priced clothing as long as it has the tags on it.”

    Lady: “Alright, great. So do I give you my phone number?”

    Me: “Pardon…?”

    Lady: “To do the return?”

    Me: “I’m sorry, you need to come into the store to do returns. We need to get the item you’re returning back.”

    Lady: “That’s ridiculous! You mean I need to get gas for my car and COME DOWN THERE?!”

    Me: “Yes…”

    Lady: *click*

    It Only Goes Downhill From Here

    | Bellingham, WA, USA |

    (Me standing between the CDs and DVDs sections of my department.)

    Me: “Is there anything I can help you with today?”

    Customer: “Yeah, I cant find [insert artist here], how are your CDs organized?”

    Me: “…alphabetically.”

    (Next Customer.)

    Customer: “Hi, do you guys sell DVDs?”

    Me: *Slowly turns head left and points* “Yes.”

    Sue Happy

    | North Carolina, USA |

    Customer: “Yes, I’m calling to complain. Your store has false advertising. You say you have the cheapest VHS prices in town, and I just came from a store who is selling them cheaper.”

    Me: “Really? Well let me call, and you can call back in 5 minutes, okay?”

    (I call the store & soon she calls back.)

    Customer: “Well?”

    Me: “You are correct, We sell for $5.00 and they’re selling for $4.81.”

    Customer: “Like I said, false advertisement. I could sue.”

    Me: “It’s a $0.19 difference.”

    Customer: “With 4 of those, that would be a dollar!”

    Me: “Correction, that would be $0.76. Would you like to sue me for that complete bill or should be round it up to a whole dollar?”

    Customer: “I will never shop with you again!”

    Me: “There will never be a need.”

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