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  • Getting Owned By The Owner, Part 7
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    They Should Also Slice, Dice And Julienne Fries

    , | Davis, CA, USA | Top

    Customer: “I am looking for some heels, in white. They also have to be dressy, like for a wedding…”

    Me: “No problem… we have some over here.”

    Customer: “But I need to be able to hike in them because it’s outdoors.”

    Me: “Uhh, maybe if we looked over here…”

    Customer: “It also has be open, kind of like a sandal.”

    Me: “We have some nice hiking sandals…”

    Customer: “But it has to be waterproof because it rains a lot where we are and I need something to keep the water out.”

    Me: “This might be difficult.”

    Customer: “Oh! And it has to be super comfortable, with excellent arch support.”

    Me: “We’re kind of limited here…”

    Customer: “And no backstraps, because I have plantar fasciitis and backstraps will just hurt all day.”

    Me: “So you are looking for a white pair of waterproof hiking sandals with no backstrap, but with heels and excellent arch support?”

    Customer: “You forgot comfortable.”

    Me: “I am sorry, could you repeat that?”

    Customer: “I said I needed them to be super comfortable.”

    Me: “And you’re serious? Have you ever seen shoes like this anywhere else?”

    Customer: “Well, I would think that’s your job.”

    Me: “I thought so too, but then again I am not a magician.”

    Customer: “That is very offensive! I demand to speak to your manager!”

    (Naturally, the manager was called, who promptly proceeded to laugh her out of the store.)

    Sorry I Asked

    | Gorham, ME, USA | Top

    (I notice an older woman and her twenty-something long-haired son struggling to find a certain brush in our hair care aisle.)

    Me: “Can I help you with anything?”

    Mother: “Help me? Help ME? The only way you could help me is to make my Fabio son over here stop dating thirteen year old girls!”

    Also seen on: Not Always Romantic.

    I Can So See This On Broadway

    , | Willow Grove, PA, USA |

    (I’m hurrying to the bathroom as an Asian couple starts flailing at me.)

    Me: “How can I he–”

    Customers: “FAXMACHEEEEE!”

    Me: “A fax machine?”

    Male Customer: “FAXMACHEEEEEE!”

    Me: “Okay… well, if you follow me over here, I’ll show you what we have.”

    (I lead the customer over to the single fax machine that we carried at that point.)

    Female Customer: *staring at me confused* “FAXMACHEEE?!”

    Me: “Yes, that’s a fax machi–”

    Male Customer: “FAXMACHEEE?!”

    Me: “Are you trying to ask if we carry any other fax machines?”

    Male Customer: *stares blankly at me for a few moments*

    Female Customer: *nods frantically* “FAXMACHEEEE!”

    Me: “I’m sorry, but this is the only one we carry currently.”

    Male Customer: “… faxmachee?” *hangs head and walks away with female customer*

    A Leaf Blower And An Acetylene Torch Should Do The Trick

    , | Denver, CO, USA |

    Customer: “Hi, do you sell hair dryers?”

    Me: “Um, this is a hardware store.”

    Customer: “Yes, yes, I know that. Do you sell them?”

    Me: “No, we sell hardware here. But I’m sure the Target up the road sells hair dryers.”

    Customer: “Well, I’ll just look around a bit.”

    (About ten minutes later…)

    Customer: “You could have TOLD me you only sold tools and nails here, BEFORE I wasted my time. Now I’ll have to go to Target!”

    Mmm, Pasty Nerds

    , | Exton, PA, USA | Top

    (A woman in her forties walks in…)

    Customer: “I’d like $5 worth of games for a Nintendo DS and the system itself. This should cover it all.”

    (The customer puts $20 on the counter.)

    Me: “I’m sorry. We don’t have any DS games for five bucks, and if you want a DS, you’re about sixty-five dollars short… $115 if you want a new one.”

    Customer: “…”

    Me: “Is there anything else I can help you with?”

    Customer: “Toys’R'Us has them for $15. You should price match.”

    Me: “Ma’am, we do not price match here, and even if we did, I’m only a seasonal employee and wouldn’t likely be allowed to.”

    Customer: *screaming* “Let me speak to your manager!”

    Me: “Alright…”

    (I go to get manager from the back room. She explains the situation. BTW, I’m a woman myself.)

    Customer: “THIS IS DISCRIMINATION! YOU AREN’T GIVING ME FAIR TREATMENT BECAUSE I’M NOT A FAT, PASTY NERD THAT KNOWS THINGS LIKE YOU TWO! AND BECAUSE I’M A WOMAN!”

    Manager: “I’d like you to leave the store, please.”

    Customer: “FINE! NERDS!”

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