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    Whoever Blinks First Loses

    | Clarksville, TN, USA |

    (It was Christmas time, and we were all extra weary of credit card fraud, so we were required to check IDs with all credit card purchases.)

    Me: “The total is $17.88.”

    (Customer pulls out a credit card.)

    Me: “Will that be credit or debit?”

    Customer: “Credit.”

    Me: “Alright. Do you mind if I see your ID?”

    Customer: “What if I do mind?”

    Me: “Then we’re at a stalemate.”

    (I fold my arms, and look at her straight in the eyes.)

    Good, Because Beagles Don’t Like Fridges

    | Chicago, IL, USA |

    (This guy with a thick Bosnian accent comes up to me.)

    Customer: “I am looking for beekels.”

    Me: “Beekels?”

    Customer: “Okay…”

    (I show him where are the bagels are.)

    Customer: “No, Not bread. Beekles.”

    Me: “Um…”

    Customer: “The kind you put in fridge.”

    Me: “Oh.”

    (I go to the freezers and show him the frozen bagels.)

    Customer: “NO! NOT BREAD! BEEKLES!”

    Me: “I can’t…I don’t know…uh…”

    (He walks away. A few Aisles away he sees it and picks up.)

    Customer: “This is what I was looking for.”

    Me: “Oh, pickles…”

    Believe Me, She’ll Be Back

    | Denver, CO, USA |

    (I was working for the electronics department for a well known retail chain when I was contacted by the customer service desk.)

    Customer Service: “A woman is headed your way who’s exchanging a phone, can you give her a hand?”

    Me: “Sure.”

    (Sure enough, a minute or two later, the woman appears.)

    Woman: “I’m here to get a new phone. The phone I bought had been used already; there were phone numbers in the caller ID.”

    Me: “Alright, lets get you a new one.”

    (I walk her to the phone aisle and we pick up another phone of the same make/model.)

    Woman: “Can you open it? I just want to make sure that it is brand new.”

    Me: “Sure.”

    (I proceed to open the box and pull out the phone.)

    Woman: “That one’s been used too! Look at the numbers on the caller ID!”

    (I now realize that she’s referring to the display sticker.)

    Me: “No, that’s just a sticker they put on the phone to show that it has caller ID.”

    Woman: “No, that phone has been used!”

    (I then peel the sticker off the phone. Without saying another word, she takes the phone over to customer service to finish the exchange.)

    Fun With Hypocrites

    | Melbourne, Australia |

    Me: “That’ll be $49.95, thank you sir.”

    (Customer takes out his credit card and his reward benefits card from his wallet and pointedly separates them before handing them over. I take the cards.)

    Customer: “No, you can’t touch the cards together like that, it ruins the magnetic strip.”

    Me: “Oh it’s okay, the strips on these cards are very durable.”

    (I continue on with the transaction.)

    Customer: “Are you deaf? I said don’t touch them together!! You’ll ruin my cards!”

    Me: “Sir, trust me–you could put a strong magnet on these cards and they wouldn’t be damaged. Touching them together is not going to affect them.”

    Customer: “Well, the customer is always right, so don’t touch my cards together, okay?!”

    Me: “Okay, okay, geez.”

    (I make a big show of keeping the cards separate.)

    Customer: “The service here is terrible.”

    Me: “Whatever.”

    (I hand his cards back, still making a show of keeping them separate. The customer then proceeds to put them back in his wallet, in the same flap, so they are rubbing against each other through a thin piece of material.)

    Me, trying not to laugh: “You just put them together in your wallet.”

    Customer: *embarrassed* “Yeah well…shut up and do your job!”

    Word Of The Day: Owned

    | Eau Claire, WI, USA |

    (As I am working in the department, refilling betta containers, dressed in company attire and name tag clearly displayed.)

    Customer: “Do you work here?”

    Me: “Yes ma’am, I do. What can I help you with?”

    Customer: “I was standing here for 10 minutes, waiting for someone to help me.”

    Me: “Oh, well I have been here for the last 20 minutes.”

    Customer: “Could you help me find this [competitor's can of cat food]?”

    Me: “I am sorry ma’am, we do not sell that brand here.”

    Customer: “DO NOT TELL ME THAT, I WAS JUST HERE LAST WEEK AND BOUGHT IT!! I KNOW YOU SELL IT!!”

    Me: “I’m sorry, we don’t.”

    Customer: “FINE THEN, PROVE IT!!”

    (I turn to the back of the can and read it.)

    Me:Marketed and sold by [competitor]. Anything else I can help you with?”

    Customer: *turns and walks away*

    Me: *smile*


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