So Much For A Discount

| Boston, MA, USA |

Me: “Hi, is there anything I can help you find today?”

Male Customer: “Well, yeah, I’m trying to get something for my wife. It’s her birthday.”

(He finally decides on a sweater.)

Me: “Okay, now what size would you say your wife is?”

Male Customer: “Um, well, she’s kind of small… maybe about your size. What size are you?”

Me: “Well, I’m a small, so if she’s a similar height and build–”

Male Customer: “She’s about the same size, I guess… except thinner and with bigger boobs.”

Me: “…”

If That Doesn’t Work, Try Hogwarts

, | Manchester, UK |

Customer: “Oi you! I need a coat and it’s not here!”

Me: “Certainly miss, do you have the catalogue number?”

Customer: “No! I’ve told you it’s not here!”

Me: “Okay, describe it.”

Customer: “I want one that will keep me dry and warm in winter, but cool in summer.”

Me: “Sorry, we don’t stock magic coats.”

Customer: “Well, where could I f***ing find one like it?!”

Me: “… Narnia?”

How Nicknames Are Born, Part 2

| Berkshire County, MA, USA |

Customer: “Hey, can you tell me where the rope is? I’ve been looking all over for it, but can’t seem to find it.”

Me: “Oh, yeah it’s just over this way.”

(I lead him to the hardware aisle, and halfway down there’s a big sign that says “Ropes” with a picture of a rope on it.)

Me: “Right down there.¬†There’s actually a sign there that says ‘Ropes’.”

Customer: “You’re f***ing douche bag, you know that?!”

Me: *laughs, thinking he’s joking*

Customer: “That was intentional, and I WILL talk to your manager!”

Me: “I apologize–”

Customer: “Anytime you wanna come to my house, you just lemme know, Dingleballs!”

(And from that day forward, my nickname at work was “Dingleballs”.)

How Nicknames Are Born

So That’s What Those Other Buttons Are For

| Costa Mesa, CA, USA |

Me: “Thank you for calling, how can I help?”

Caller: “Is there a Kristie there?”

Me: “We have a Kristie, but is she an older woman or younger woman?”

Caller: “Older. She’s like a manager.”

Me: “Oh… well, then you need to call the Newport Beach store. She’s at that one.”

Caller: “Oh! Okay, what’s their number?”

Me: *gives number*

Caller: “Okay… now, can you transfer me?”

Me: “Um… no, we don’t do that. We’re not a call center.”

Caller: “Okay, so how do I call them?”

Me: “… You dial the number I just gave you.”

Caller: “But how do I do that?”

Me: “You dial 1, then the numbers I gave you.”

Caller: “Is that it?”

Me: “Can I ask how you dialed this store?”

Caller: “I dialed 411!”

Me: “Have you been 411-ing your entire life with the phone?”

Caller: “Of course. How else do you dial other people?!”

Me: “Uhh… well, then you’re all set. Thanks and have a good day.”

So Much For Being Patriotic

| Adelaide, Australia |

Customer: “I’m looking for a clock radio.”

Me: “Certainly. Our clock radios are over on these shelves here. Is there any particular style or brand you’re looking for?”

Customer: “This one looks alright. It’s made here, isn’t it?”

Me: “Actually, ma’am, I believe that one is manufactured in China.”

Customer: “S***, you’re kidding! Well, what about this one?”

Me: “That’s also a [electronics brand], ma’am; that’s also made in China.”


Me: “Well, this particular model over here is a [another reputable electronics brand], with all of the same functions.”

Customer: “Not from China?”

Me: “No, this one’s made in Japan.”

Customer: “S***, I TOLD YOU I DON’T WANT ANY F****** CHINESE GARBAGE! *points to first radio* “Just give me that one there.”

Me: “Uh… ma’am, that one is made in China, and the last one wasn’t…”

Customer: “DO YOU THINK I GIVE A S***?!”

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