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    How About ‘W’ For I Dunno WTF I’m Doing

    | Philadelphia, PA, USA |

    (I greeted a customer in the ‘C’ section of the CD department.)

    Me: “Can I help you find something?”

    Customer: “Yeah, I’m trying to find a Red Hot Chili Peppers CD.”

    Me: “Well, that would be under ‘R’. I’ll show you.”

    Customer: “Oh. I was going to check under ‘H’ next.”

    Me: “…”

    Come To Think Of It, He Is Pretty Incredible

    , | Glen Rock, NJ, USA |

    (I was in the store buying my comics when a lady walked in.)

    Lady: “Hi, can I get some comics appraised?”

    Worker: “Okay, what comics are they, and where are they?”

    Lady: “The comics are in my car. I’ve got a bunch of Marvel comics that I don’t need. I got a bunch of Spider-Man and I got the Fantastic Four from the ’50′s. Oh, I also got that comic… whats it called… The Incredible Hulk Hogan?”

    Worker: “You mean, the Incredible Hulk?”

    Lady: “Yeah, that’s it!”

    Me/My friends: “…”

    (As soon as she walked out the store, everybody started to laugh.)

    Brown-Skinned Savage, I Come From Distant Shores

    | Reno, NV, USA | Geography, Top

    (I was called by the cashier to help an elderly lady out to her car. As I was loading the trunk, she says…)

    Elderly Customer: “How do you say it? Muchas gracious?”

    Me: “Um, I’m not Hispanic.”

    Elderly Customer: “Oh, really? Where are you from?”

    Me: “I’m actually from Bangladesh.”

    Elderly Customer: “Really? Is that near Mexico?”

    Me: “No… it’s actually right next to India.”

    Elderly Customer: “Oh, I see…”

    (I finish loading her trunk.)

    Elderly Customer: “Thanks and aaadios!”

    Me: “…”

    Sometimes, Free Just Ain’t Enough

    , | Duluth, MN, USA |

    (Many years ago, in an electronics store far, far away…)

    Woman: “I just bought this computer and I can’t connect to Prodigy.”

    (eMachine had offered a $400 rebate for users who signed up for a year of Prodigy ISP, but the modems in their PCs wouldn’t work with Prodigy. Doh!)

    Me: “Yes, there’s a problem with some of the eMachines not working with Prodigy. I’ll put a new modem in for you and it will work. You can come back in about an hour to pick it up.”

    Woman: “I don’t want you to do that!”

    Me: “Uh… what?”

    Woman: “I don’t see why I have to get this fixed!”

    Me: “Unfortunately, your computer has a faulty modem, and the problem was found after it left the factory. However, I can replace your broken modem with a brand new one for free, and that will take care of the problem.”

    Woman: “But I don’t want you messing around in my computer!”

    Me: “This is my job–I install computer components all day.”

    Woman: “Well, I don’t want you messing around in there breaking things!”

    Me: “Replacing a modem is not that complicated. It’s like putting a new tire on a car.”

    Woman: “But if I just bought a new car, I shouldn’t need to have the tires changed in order to get it to work!”

    Me: “Yes, I understand that. I apologize about the faulty modem, and I’m offering to fix it for free.”

    Woman: “Well, I changed my mind. I don’t want that! Just cancel my Prodigy subscription.”

    Me: “…so you’d want to keep the broken modem?”

    Woman: “Yes, I want to keep it. Cancel my Prodigy subscription.”

    Me: “Ok, you got a $400 rebate for signing up for a year’s worth of Prodigy. If you cancel it, you’ll owe us $400.”

    Woman: *yelling* “WHAAAATTTTT? I’M NOT PAYING EXTRA MONEY FOR A BROKEN MODEM! I SHOULDN’T HAVE TO PAY MORE MONEY! YOU’RE JUST TRYING TO RIP ME OFF!”

    Me: “You got $400 off of your computer because you signed up for a year of Prodigy. If you cancel, then you have to pay the full price! How can you not see that?”

    Woman: “THIS IS B*LLSH*T! YOU’RE TRYING TO STEAL FROM ME! I WANT TO SPEAK TO YOUR MANAGER!”

    (We got her security instead.)

    Just Wait ‘Till He Meets The Dwarves In The Urinals

    | Richmond, VA, USA | Top

    Man: “Hey! I put my card in the ATM machine over there and put in my numbers, but it won’t give me any money. Does that even make any sense?”

    Me: “I’m sorry sir, the ATM is owned by that bank. You’ll have to call them.”

    Man: “Oh, you would say that!”

    Me: “If you’d like, sir, I can try to give you cash back here at my register, but I cannot access your bank information.”

    Man: “I mean, I go to my bank and I can get out money just fine, but here… it won’t even work. I mean, does that make any sense?”

    Me: “Would you like me to call my manager for you, sir?”

    Man: “Oh, you’d try to save your job, wouldn’t you!”

    (And then it gets weird…)

    Man: “Wait!” *points at ceiling* “There used to be windows there! You people boarded them up!”

    Me: “WHAT?”

    Man: “Yeah! YEAH! The guys on the computers! I bet you have them up there watching me and keeping me from getting my money!”

    Me: *laughing* “Um, sir, there are no people living in our walls. Go to your bank, and have a nice day!”

    Man: *grumbles and leaves, turning back to look at the ceiling every few steps*

    (From that point on, my co-workers who witnessed this blame everything on the ‘people in the walls’.)

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