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    The Thing On The Thing With The Thing

    | Woonsocket, RI, USA |

    Me: “Thank you for calling ***. How can I direct your call?”

    Customer: “Do you have any of those things you can put on tables?”

    Me: “Like a table cloth?”

    Customer: “No. They’re those things you can put on tables.”

    Me: “Ma’am, you can put a lot of things on tables.”

    Customer: “Well I don’t know what they’re called! You’re the one who should know!”

    Me: *face on desk*

    Shoulda Filled It With Apples

    , | Tampa, FL, USA | Top

    Customer: “I want to return this computer.”

    Me: “Ok, I can help you with that. Where is it?”

    (The customer puts a badly damaged computer box on the counter. I open the box and find that it’s filled with oranges.)

    Me: “I’m sorry sir, I’m unable to accept this for return.”

    Customer: “When I opened the box, it was filled with oranges! I want my money back.”

    Me: “Can I see your receipt?”

    (The customer hands me a hand written receipt from a generic receipt book.)

    Me: “I’m sorry sir, this is not a store receipt. I’m unable to accept this.”

    Customer: “The guy I bought it from said he got it here for $99 dollars and if I didn’t like it, I could return it here. I want my money back, I got ripped off!”

    Me: “Sir, I apologize that you gave this guy your money, but it seems he gave you a box of oranges and a fake receipt. I’m unable to help you…”

    (At this point customer gets very loud and starts throwing oranges around the store. Someone calls the police and he is eventually arrested. To this day, I’m unsure if I should laugh or feel sorry for the guy.)

    Conscience: We Loves It

    | Madison, WI, USA | Top

    (Background story: This is around Halloween, and Halloween parties in Madison is THE biggest event of the year. My store had many Halloween costumes and other Halloween-related products during that time. I was at my cash register for check-out when a customer came to me.)

    Customer: “Hi. Uhh… I’d like to buy these.”

    (The customer puts down a wig, make-ups, a pantyhose, condoms, and lubes on my register.)

    Me: “Ok.” *starts scanning*

    Customer: “…”

    Me: *still scanning*

    Customer: “DON’T JUDGE ME!!!!” *runs out*

    Me: “!?!”

    Note To Self: Stop Wearing Ninja Outfit To Work

    | Mission Viejo, CA, USA |

    Customer: “Excuse me sir, where are the Exacto knives?”

    Me: “They’re on aisle 24, ma’am.”

    Customer: “Thank you, you do seem like someone who would know where the knives are.” *walks off*

    Me: “…”

    Two Words, Both Rhyme With Celebrate

    | Rohnert Park, CA |

    Me: “Anything else I can get for you today?”

    Female Customer: “Oh yeah! I need batteries?”

    Customer’s Boyfriend: “What do you need batteries for?”

    Female Customer: “I just need batteries, ok?”

    Me: “D Cells?”

    Female Customer: “Yeah…”

    Customer’s Boyfriend: “But really, what do you need batteries for?”

    Also seen on: Not Always Romantic.

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