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    Night Vision Might Be Good Too

    , | San Diego, CA, USA | Top

    (I’m selling a camcorder to a man and his girlfriend. The guy is clueless about cameras and the girl knows a little bit more.)

    Guy: “I don’t really know too much about cameras, she knows more than I do. I just want something good.”

    Me: “Well this one is good because…” *explaining*

    Guy to girl: “Honey, do you understand any of this?”

    Girl: “Yeah, don’t worry. I think I know what we want.”

    Guy to me: “Look, if you had to choose a camera to take naked pictures of her *points to girlfriend*, which would you choose?”

    Me: “Well…this one has a built in hard drive so you can tape for longer without changing tapes.”

    (The guy’s phone rings and he leaves me alone with girlfriend.)

    Girl: “Do you get that a lot?”

    Me: “More than you would think.”

    Postal Paranoia

    | St. Louis, MO, USA |

    Me: “Alright, ma’am. And may I have your zip code?”

    Woman: “No.”

    Me: “Well, it’s something I have to take. Don’t worry, we–”

    Woman: “No!”

    Me: “I, uh–”

    Woman: “No! You’re not getting my zip code.”

    Me: “Right. Because I’m going to TAKE that zip code and knock on the door of EVERY house in the code just to FIND YOU!”

    (The customer left, but I felt a lot better.)

    Even Owners Have A Stupid Quota, Part 2

    | Pennsylvania, USA | Top

    (A customer spent about 15 minutes asking every employee where the 9 inch taper candles were located that she bought the last time she visited the store. All the while, she was holding onto a 10 inch taper candle. Our store never carried a 9 inch taper candle–they only come in 6, 8, 10, 12 and 15 inches. The store owner is observing the customer during this whole time.)

    Customer: “I want to talk to the manager!”

    Manager/wife of the owner: “How may I help you?”

    Customer: “I know I bought 9 inch taper candles here before. Show me where they are located.”

    Wife of the owner: “I am sorry, but we have never sold a 9 inch taper candle. They do not come in that size.”

    Customer: “I know you had them, where are they!”

    (The owner reaches out and grabs the 10 inch taper from the customer’s hand. He bites off 1 inch of the taper and hands it back to the customer.)

    Owner: “THERE IS YOUR 9 INCH TAPER CANDLE!”

    Customer: *to the wife of the owner* “I want to talk to the OWNER!”

    Wife of the owner: “You just did.”

    Related:
    Even Owners Have A Stupid Quota
    Even Bosses Have A Stupid Quota

    At Least She’s Not Returning Used Diapers

    | Michigan, USA |

    (I was working checkouts the other day when I overheard this happening at the service desk.)

    Customer: “Hi, I’d like to return these outfits.”

    Coworker: “Alright, may I see your receipt?”

    (The customer hands over a receipt dated about 7 months ago.)

    Coworker: “I’m sorry, we can only accept returns within the first ninety days.”

    Customer: “But my child outgrew these! Am I supposed to just lose money on them?”

    Coworker: “Ma’am, children do tend to outgrow clothing.”

    Customer: “Well, what am -I- supposed to do with them? Why should -I- lose money because of this?!”

    Coworker: “…”

    A Mother’s Love

    | Spokane, WA, USA | Top

    (A pimply, overweight 18 year-old boy dumps a satin black flame-job man thong on the counter.)

    Boy: “Uh, can I return this? My mom got it for me.”

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