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  • Talking At-At Cross Purposes
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    I Can So See This On Broadway

    , | Willow Grove, PA, USA |

    (I’m hurrying to the bathroom as an Asian couple starts flailing at me.)

    Me: “How can I he–”

    Customers: “FAXMACHEEEEE!”

    Me: “A fax machine?”

    Male Customer: “FAXMACHEEEEEE!”

    Me: “Okay… well, if you follow me over here, I’ll show you what we have.”

    (I lead the customer over to the single fax machine that we carried at that point.)

    Female Customer: *staring at me confused* “FAXMACHEEE?!”

    Me: “Yes, that’s a fax machi–”

    Male Customer: “FAXMACHEEE?!”

    Me: “Are you trying to ask if we carry any other fax machines?”

    Male Customer: *stares blankly at me for a few moments*

    Female Customer: *nods frantically* “FAXMACHEEEE!”

    Me: “I’m sorry, but this is the only one we carry currently.”

    Male Customer: “… faxmachee?” *hangs head and walks away with female customer*

    A Leaf Blower And An Acetylene Torch Should Do The Trick

    , | Denver, CO, USA |

    Customer: “Hi, do you sell hair dryers?”

    Me: “Um, this is a hardware store.”

    Customer: “Yes, yes, I know that. Do you sell them?”

    Me: “No, we sell hardware here. But I’m sure the Target up the road sells hair dryers.”

    Customer: “Well, I’ll just look around a bit.”

    (About ten minutes later…)

    Customer: “You could have TOLD me you only sold tools and nails here, BEFORE I wasted my time. Now I’ll have to go to Target!”

    Mmm, Pasty Nerds

    , | Exton, PA, USA | Top

    (A woman in her forties walks in…)

    Customer: “I’d like $5 worth of games for a Nintendo DS and the system itself. This should cover it all.”

    (The customer puts $20 on the counter.)

    Me: “I’m sorry. We don’t have any DS games for five bucks, and if you want a DS, you’re about sixty-five dollars short… $115 if you want a new one.”

    Customer: “…”

    Me: “Is there anything else I can help you with?”

    Customer: “Toys’R'Us has them for $15. You should price match.”

    Me: “Ma’am, we do not price match here, and even if we did, I’m only a seasonal employee and wouldn’t likely be allowed to.”

    Customer: *screaming* “Let me speak to your manager!”

    Me: “Alright…”

    (I go to get manager from the back room. She explains the situation. BTW, I’m a woman myself.)

    Customer: “THIS IS DISCRIMINATION! YOU AREN’T GIVING ME FAIR TREATMENT BECAUSE I’M NOT A FAT, PASTY NERD THAT KNOWS THINGS LIKE YOU TWO! AND BECAUSE I’M A WOMAN!”

    Manager: “I’d like you to leave the store, please.”

    Customer: “FINE! NERDS!”

    The Customer Is Not Always Happy

    | Windsor, ON, Canada | Top

    Customer: “Since you don’t have the laptop in stock that I want, here’s what I want instead: a bag, a decent one, and a USB stick, at least a 4 gig but I’d prefer the 8. All for free.”

    Me: “Uh, I can’t do that.”

    Customer: “I thought it was about making the customer happy! I am not happy. You have to make me happy!”

    Me: “So, let me get this right. Since you’re not buying anything today, you want free stuff?

    Customer: “Yes.”

    Me: “No.”

    Customer: “Well, this isn’t very good customer service at all. You guys say you run a business, but this is just s**t.”

    Me: “Well, I’m sorry you feel that way, but like you said, it’s a business. You don’t stay in business by giving things away!”

    Customer: *stalks off*

    Hopefully, He Doesn’t Look As Stupid As He Sounds

    | Bakersfield, CA, USA |

    Me: “Hi, how can I help you sir?”

    Customer: “Do you guys sell pallets?”

    Me: “I’m sorry, sir, but we don’t.”

    Customer: “… but there’s a whole bunch behind your store just sitting there.”

    Me: “Yes, but we reuse those. We don’t sell them.”

    Customer: “Well, is it illegal if I steal one of them?”

    Me: “Repeat what you just said to yourself.”

    Customer: *thinks for a second* “Oh.”

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