Sticky, Tricky and Picky

| New Jersey, USA | Uncategorized

(I was working in Customer Service, and a woman walked up with a Nintendo DS and her receipt. She had our protection plan purchased, so I sent her to one of the agents to take a look at it. The following conversation took place.)

Agent: “Hello ma’am, how can I help you today?”

Customer: “I need you to take a look at my son’s DS. It isn’t working anymore.”

Agent: “Well, let’s see here.” *opens the DS and clears his throat* “Uh, ma’am? There’s jelly in here…”

Customer: “Oh! I know! My son was playing his DS while eating a peanut butter and jelly sandwich and dropped it on the DS. Is it unfixable? Am I going to have to get a new one? Can I get a DSi instead?”

Agent: “We can’t do anything for it, actually.”

Customer: *starting to get angry* “Why not?”

Agent: “This protection plan does not cover accidental damage.”

Customer: “This is ridiculous! I am not paying for another DS! You’re doing something for me!”

Agent: “I’m sorry, but I can’t. Like I said before, we don’t cover anything accidental.”

Customer: “Then I did it on purpose! Will you fix it now?!”

Agent: *sliding the DS back to the customer* “No…”

Destroying America, One Backwards Part At A Time

| Columbus, OH, USA | Uncategorized

(I’m working the returns desk, when a man comes in carrying a half assembled bookshelf and it’s box and slams it on my counter.)

Me: “Hi sir, how can I help you?”

Customer: “I’ve had it with this.”

Me: “What seems to be the problem?”

Customer: “I’ve spent six hours. SIX HOURS! I’m trying to get this together, my kids are crying because it doesn’t look cool. I’ve tried it every way, and I’m not incapable, but this is impossible!”

Me: “Hmm, it looks like some of the pieces were manufactured wrong. This appears to be upside down and this one the holes aren’t on the right side.”

Customer: “That’s not the problem. The problem is someone pissed off an employee in China and he’s taking it out on me!”

Make Sure The Crime Is Worth The Time

, | Mystic, CT, USA | Uncategorized

Me: “That’ll be $129.00.”

Customer: *hands me credit card*

Me: “And can I just see some ID with that please?”

Customer: *hands me ID*

Customer’s husband: “This just goes to show you that if you want to steal someone’s charge card, you’d better steal their ID, too!”

Customer: “Yeah, but they wouldn’t look like the ID.”

Customer’s husband: “Well, you could surgically alter your face to look like theirs.”

Me: “That seems like an awful lot of effort to get a couple of sweatshirts.”

Customer: “I know, at least do it and get some electronics or something!”

Disc Doctor, Not Disc Miracle Worker

| Erie, PA, USA | Top

(Our store sells a device called a Disc Doctor; it resurfaces CDs so they can be read again.)

Caller: “I bought a Disc Doctor and it isn’t working.”

Manager: “Well, I have one, and they can be difficult at times. Why don’t you tell me what you did, and I’ll try and talk you through it.”

Caller: “Okay. I sprayed it with the solution and then I put both halves in the tray–”

Manager: “Wait… did you just say ‘both halves’?”

Caller: “Yeah, both halves.”

Manager: “Yeah, that’s not going to work…”

Fourth Graders Going On Forty

| Toronto, ON, Canada | Rude & Risque

(I work for a custom blinds store and a couple is having their whole house done. We’re going over everything and placing the order.)

Me: “These windows will have an inside mount.”

Husband: “A what?”

Me: “Inside mount.”

Husband: “Oh, hehe.”

Me: “So, on this one that installer has recommended a reverse mount.”

Husband: “Haha!”

Wife: “Shhhh!”

Husband: “How do you people keep a straight face?”

Me: “I’m sorry? What do you mean?”

Husband: “I had no idea that blinds were so sexual!”

Me: “Oh, um…. I guess I never thought of it like that.”

Wife, to husband: “You’re such a child!”

Also seen on: Not Always Romantic

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