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    She Saw Seashells And Social Strata

    | Petaluma, CA, USA |

    Me: “Hello, thank you for calling ***, how may I help you?”

    Customer: “Do you have any floating candles?”

    Me: “Yes, sir, we have a Fourth of July set of red, white and blue star-shaped floating candles, and we also carry a set shaped like seashells.”

    Customer: “Yeah, I saw those. The seashells are too ghetto. Do you have any plain white ones?”

    Me: “No, I’m afraid the seashells and the stars are all we have. They’re too… ghetto, did you say?”

    Customer: “Yeah, this is for an outdoor party, you know? Thanks anyway.”

    How Cute, You Learned A New Vocab

    , | Upstate New York, USA |

    Customer: “I want this particular size in this particular style of jeans.”

    Me: “Well, I don’t see your size out here, so let me check the back.”

    (I go to check the stock room, even though I know we’re out.)

    Me: “I’m sorry, but we’re all out.”

    Customer: “You’re persecuting me.”

    Me: “Excuse me?”

    Customer: “You heard me; you’re persecuting me.”

    Me: “… I can check with the store across town to see if they have what you’re looking for.”

    Customer: “Fine.”

    (The store across town has a pair of the jeans in question. I ask the customer if she wants to go pick them up; the store will have them on hold for her.)

    Customer: “You mean I have to drive all the way across town?”

    Me: “Yes.”

    Customer: “You’re persecuting me.”

    Me: “Well, if you can wait until tomorrow afternoon, we can have the other store ship them and you can pick them up here.”

    Customer: “So, you want me to wait an extra day and make an extra trip back here for a pair of jeans.”

    Me: “Or drive across town for them today, yes.”

    Customer: “You’re persecuting me.”

    Me: “…”

    It’s For A Really Long Game Of Musical Chairs

    | Florida, USA |

    Man: “Hey! You guys are giving away 100 free tickets to the Friday show, right?”

    Me: “Yep! We have 24 left, and each customer can take up to four. How many do you need?”

    Man: “Awesome! Can I have the rest?”

    Me: “Sorry, sir. The limit is four per customer.”

    Man: “But they’re free… what do you care?”

    Me: “I care that the line of people behind you get some as well. Would you like four tickets?”

    Man: “Give me the rest! You don’t understand, I NEED them!”

    Me: “Sir, the limit is four. I’m sorry.”

    Man: “I want the rest! You have to give them to me! I’m a paying customer and I deserve it!”

    Me: “The tickets are free, sir… and you can have four of them. Would you like four FREE tickets?”

    Man: “I need the rest of them! Everyone in my party needs to have one!”

    Me: “Well, I can offer you four tickets for free and a discount if you wish to buy more. How many people are in your party?”

    Man: “It’s just me and my wife.”

    Me: “…”

    Dora The Exploder

    | Connecticut, USA |

    Customer: “Hi, I’d like one of those balloons. The Dora one, please?”

    Me: “Sure thing!”

    Customer: “What do you fill those with? Propane?”

    Me: “(!?) Uh, no. Helium.”

    Customer: “Is it going to explode in my car?”

    Me: “No, it shouldn’t…”

    TMI Redux

    | Belgium |

    (An older woman in her 50s needed some help picking out a new MP3 player.)

    Me: “Okay, so you got any preferences?”

    Woman: “Well, do you have any that are waterproof?”

    Me: “Not really…”

    Woman: “I had one before, but it’s broken.”

    Me: “Oh, okay.”

    Woman: “Yeah, it was my own fault though, I think.”

    Me: “How come?”

    Woman: “Well, I put it in here–” *points and looks at her breasts* “–while I was at the gym. I guess I was sweating a bit too much!”

    Me: “…”

    Related:
    Way Too Much Information
    TMI (Too Much Information)

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