November Theme Of The Month: Black Friday!

As Normal As A Nude Nymph With No Nails

| Oakville, ON, Canada | Uncategorized

(Working near the fitting rooms, my coworker hears a customer ask for help from inside one of the stalls.)

Customer: “Excuse me, I need some help.”

Coworker: “Alright–”

(My coworker turns around and notices the customer standing outside of the stall completely nude except for the bra she was trying on.)

Customer: “How does this look on me? I’m not sure if this works for me.”

Coworker: “Um…why did you happen to take off your clothes?”

Customer: “Oh, because I feel more comfortable like this. So, what do you think?”

Coworker: “It looks…good.”

(My coworker looks down to avoid seeing the woman and notices stickers on the woman’s toes.)

Coworker: “Why do you have stickers on your toes, ma’am?”

Customer: “Well, I don’t have any toenails. I think the stickers make them look prettier, and I feel more normal when I take off my shoes.”

We Live In That Kind Of Sue-ciety

, | Baton Rouge, LA, USA | Uncategorized

Me: “Hello, did you find what you wanted today?”

Customer: “Kind of. I would like to purchase this toy but there’s a problem.”

Me: “And what is that?”

Customer: “This toy doesn’t come with the manual.”

Me: “Oh, I’m sorry, sir, but most things sold here do not come with the manual. This is a second-hand store.”

Customer: “I understand that. but you obviously do not understand what I’m saying to you. I need the manual before I can buy this.”

Me: “And why is that, sir?”

Customer: “If this toy bursts into flames, how am I going to know who to sue?”

A Dollar In The Hand Is Worth Zero In The Wallet

| Indianapolis, IN, USA | Uncategorized

Me: “Your total is $10.27, ma’am.”

Customer: *waves a piece of paper* “Is this a coupon?”

Me: “Not exactly. If you put your email address on it, we’ll send it to corporate and they’ll send you store updates, which will also have a coupon in the first email you receive.”

Customer: “Oh, great! Thanks!” *turns to leave*

Me: “Ma’am, you still need to pay.”

Customer: “I just did.”

Me: “I don’t think so.”

Customer: “No?”

Me: “No, ma’am, you didn’t. Your total is $10.27.”

Customer: “Well, now I know I paid! I remember you saying $10.27 before.”

Me: “Yes, I did, but you didn’t pay me the last time I said it, either.”

Customer: “So, you know what that means?” *reaches for her unpaid items*

Me: *takes back her unpaid items* “…that you can’t have this until you pay for it?”

Customer: “I’m never shopping here again!”

Pants-Fulfilling Prophecy

| Salisbury, MD, USA | Uncategorized

(A coworker of mine is looking through racks of clothes, trying to find where a shirt goes. A customer and her friend approaches her as she’s doing this.)

Customer: “Why the h*** are you following us?”

Coworker: “Um…sorry?”

Customer: “You don’t have to follow us around the whole store. I’m not going to steal some cheap $5 shirt.”

Coworker: “Ma’am, I’m just trying to figure out where this shirt goes.”

Customer: “Shouldn’t you know where it goes? You do work here!”

Coworker: “Sorry, ma’am, they change the layout every few days.”

Customer: “I should sue you for discrimination!”

Coworker: “Ma’am, if I thought you were going to steal from us, the manager would be following you, not me.”

Customer: “Whatever! We’re leaving!”

(As the customer turns away, my coworker notices a tag sticking out from the pants of the woman who was with the angry customer.)

Coworker: “Tell your friend that she can pay for that shirt she’s trying to steal at the front of the store.”

Customer’s friend: “S**T!”

(The customer and her friend both bolt from the store, dropping the shirt in the process.)

Uncouth Bluetooth

| Lexington, KY, USA | Uncategorized

(A cellphone customer walks up to my counter with a suspicious look on her face.)

Customer: “Listen…you’ve got to help me! It’s my neighbors, they’re spying on me!”

Me: “I’ll be glad to assist you in any way I can, ma’am. Is this related to your cell phone in some way…?”

Customer: “Yes! They’re spying on me in my shower, with… bluetooths! And the camera on my phone!”

(I glance at her phone, noting that it is neither bluetooth-capable or a camera phone.)

Me: “Well, your phone lacks both of those capabilities, so I don’t think you need to worry.”


Me: “Have you tried calling the police about this?”

Customer: “You’re in on it, too, aren’t you?!” *grabs her things and scurries off*