A Match Made In Size 7

, | Toronto, ON, Canada | Awesome Customers

(A couple walk in, the lady in front, the man trailing tiredly behind. The lady spins around the store.)

Me: “Can I help you with anything today?”

Lady: “I need these pants in size 0, pronto.”

Me: “Who are you getting them for?”

Lady: “MYSELF! What do you think!”

(I get her what she wants, she takes them and goes into a change room.)

Lady: “HEY, these are defective! Get me another pair!”

Me: “May I suggest a bigger size?”

Lady: “Are you saying I look fat? That I can’t fit into these pants?! I’ll have you know, I always wear size 0… these pants must be made wrong! Now get me another pair!”

Man: “Honey, those are really small pants, just try a slightly bigger one.”

(Without a pause, she turns around and slaps the man.)

Lady: “Why can’t you just be on my side! That was so rude! You’re sleeping on the couch tonight!”

Man: “We don’t live together.”

Lady: “What do you mean! We moved in last week… remember?”

Man: “No… we don’t live together.”

(The lady realizes he’s not caving. She flicks a look at me, then tries a different route.)

Lady: “Well, I mean, you’re still sleeping on the couch in your own apartment! To show remorse for disrespecting me. Or else!”

Man: “Or else what?”

Lady: “Or else I’m dumping you!”

Man: “… Okay.”

Lady: “You just–you just like HER, don’t–” *walks out fast, sobbing*

(The man stayed behind and apologized to me. My shift was ending so we went for dinner, and long story short he’s now my fiance! Couldn’t ask for a better man, and I’ve got to thank that lady someday for making it all possible…)

Salvation Vs. Business Savvy

| Tampa, FL, USA |

Me: “Hi, how can I help you?”

Customer: “I’m looking for a metal business card case.”

Me: “Well, we really only carry leather here – would you like me to show them to you?”

Customer: “No, it needs to be metal. Where can I get one?”

Me: “Well, I know of a place in the mall, but they market them as cigarette cases. If you just ask the man at the counter for one, he can–”

Customer: *interrupting* “I ain’t buying no cigarette case, I ain’t no smoker.”

Me: “Ma’am, I can assure you they’re not used or anything, it’s just that the original concept came from cigarette cases, and people adapted them into wallets.”

Customer: “Well, I ain’t buyin no cigarette case, so you best tell me where I can get a business card case.”

Me: “Ma’am, that’s the only place I know of. They’re the exact same product: a metal case with two prongs on the inside for–”

Customer: “I ain’t no heathen woman, and I ain’t gonna carry around no wicked cigarette box while I’m at church! Do you expect me to?!”

Me: “No ma’am, I just don’t think you’ll find one at that store if you’re asking for a business card case.”

Customer: “No, you WON’T!” *storms out*

Me: “…what?”

Why You Never, Ever Share Toothbrushes

| Dallas, TX, USA |

Customer: “I need to return this toothbrush.”

Me: “Do you have a receipt?”

Customer: “No – I thought it would work.”

Me: “How did it not work?”

Customer: “Well, it said it had indicator bristles, and when I peed on them they didn’t change color! How is it supposed to indicate if I’m pregnant or not?!”

Me: “Ma’am…they’re to indicate whether the toothbrush needs replacing, not whether you’re pregnant.”

Customer: *looks sheepish and leaves*

Me: *to manager* “I’m going on break now…”

Customer Of The Week: Good Help

| Terrace, British Columbia, Canada | Old Comics

Customer Of The Week:  Good Help
Created by our friends at Quitting Time

Original Story

A Swing And A Miss

, | Saskatchewan, Canada |

Me: “Thank you for calling ****. How may I direct your call?”

Caller: “Electronics, please.”

Me: “We’re an electronics store, ma’am. Could you be more specific?”

Caller: “Umm…just one moment.”

(She hangs up. Five minutes later, she calls back.)

Me: “Thank you for calling ****. How may I direct your call?”

Caller: “Electronics DEPARTMENT, please.”

Me: “…”

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