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    Phrase Of The Day: Obesity Epidemic

    , | Montreal, QC, Canada |

    Customer: “Hi, do you work here?”

    Me: “Yeah, how can I help you?”

    Customer: “Do you sell baby mayonnaise?”

    Me: “… no. Seriously, I don’t think it even exists.”

    Customer: “Oh, okay…”

    Can You Say ‘Fire Sale’

    | Canada |

    (We had been having some issues with are fire alarm system and it happened to go off the night I was working. We are all standing outside and there are 5 firetrucks and firemen running everywhere. A man walks up to the doors and walks in.)

    Me: “Sir, you can not go inside just yet…”

    Customer: “I just need one thing. I will be real quick, just come in and ring me up!”

    Me: “Sir, can you not see that we have a possible fire situation? We are not allowed into the building until the fire department clears us.”

    Customer: “It’s probably nothing. I will be real quick. Just let me get my stuff and I will be gone and you guys can continue.”

    Me: “Sir, that is not up to me to decide. We have to let the fire department finish what they are doing. It is for our safety.”

    Customer: *frustrated* “Fine! If you are not going to let me just grab a few things, I will take my business somewhere else!”

    Bull In A China Shop

    , | Dubai, UAE | Top, Wild & Unruly

    (Back story: our local government has banned Grand Theft Auto 4, but this was never publicly announced. I put up a sign that said in big letters “GTA IV IS BANNED AND IS NOT AVAILABLE FOR SALE”.)

    Me: “Good evening, how can I help you?”

    Customer: “I wanna buy Grand Theft Auto 4.”

    Me: “I’m sorry, sir, but that game is unavailable as it is banned in Dubai.”

    Customer: “So… how much?”

    Me: “It’s banned. You can’t buy it in the country.”

    Customer: “Ahh, wait, I see the sign. Sorry, I didn’t notice it before…”

    (He spends several minutes studying the sign intently.)

    Customer: “Can you reserve a copy for me or what?”

    Me: “Sir, you cannot buy it. If I even had a copy and sold it to you, it would be illegal… do you understand?”

    Customer: “So, I can’t buy it?”

    Me: “That’s correct.”

    Customer: “Well, I think you’re keeping it for yourself!”

    Another Customer: “Hey why don’t you just leave? The guy said you can’t buy one and the huge sign explains why you can’t.”

    Customer: “Look f**ker! I just want the game so give it to me before I seriously hurt you!”

    Me: “Just piss off, alright? I don’t have it and I wouldn’t sell it to a prick like you anyway. Now get out of my shop!”

    (The other customers in line applaud and cheer.)

    Customer: “Well gee, sorry… you don’t have to be so rude!” *walks out*

    (My blood pressure is just returning to normal when the original customer suddenly runs in COMPLETELY NAKED. Before we can react he grabs a Guitar Hero 3 guitar that is on display and proceeds to HIT ME ON THE HEAD WITH IT. My customers in line jump him and we eventually subdue him. We call the police and he was never seen again. I lost 1000 dollars worth (about 3000 dirhams, our local currency) in broken merchandise.)

    Ouch … Sorry, Fido

    , | California |

    Customer: “Are there any thrift stores around here that support cancer research?”

    Clerk: “No, I think the only ones in town support the humane society.”

    Customer: “Oh, we have asthma. We don’t want to support that.”

    Clerk: “…”

    No Good Deed Goes Unpunished

    , | United Kingdom | Top

    (Note: I didn’t even work at this place. I was just looking at the games with my dad but I figured I’d help this lady out.)

    Customer: “Hi, my son wants a Star Wars game. How much will that be?”

    Me: “Well, there are lots of Star Wars games, because some are older than others. The older ones are more likely to be cheaper… sometimes the console changes the price as well.”

    Customer: “Console?”

    Me: “The thing you play it on.”

    Customer: “Oh he’s got a Gamestation.”

    Me: “Do you mean a Playstation or a Gamecube?”

    Customer: “I don’t know, it’s black.”

    Me: “Is it cube shaped?”

    Customer: “No.”

    Me: “Right so, it’s a Playstation 2. Did your son say which type of Star Wars game he wanted, or even the name?”

    Customer: “No he just said Star Wars. A shooting one, I think.”

    Me:Most of them are shooting games…”

    Customer: “Well, this is the one with the laser guns in it and the laser swords.”

    Me: *cringing* “Laser guns and laser swords are what Star Wars is famous for.”

    (My dad, who is behind me, starts laughing.)

    Customer: “I’m not some Star Wars computer genius you know! This is only the 21st century. I don’t even know why you work here if you don’t know what I should buy!”

    Me: “I don’t actually work here.”

    Customer: “Well, why are you wearing the employee t-shirt?!”

    (She points towards my Children of Bodom t-shirt.)

    Me: “Good point, go and speak to my boss if you are unhappy about me working here.”

    Customer: “I will, and you might get fired, so watch-out!”

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