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    Tornado 1, Whiny Caller 0

    | Wisconsin, USA |

    (This happened during the Midwest’s massive flooding in June, 2008.)

    Me: “Thank you for calling [store]. I’m sorry, but—”

    Caller: “Can you get me the price of a digital camera?”

    Me: “Sir, I am sorry but we are currently in a code black.”

    Caller: “What is that?”

    Me: “That is where the managers are telling the employees and the customers to move to the center of the store due to violent weather.”

    Caller: “But could you just look for me quick?”

    Me: “Sorry, but I have to get to the back of the store because there is a tornado coming!”

    Caller: “You people are so selfish. I am going to call your district manager and—”

    Me: *hangs up and runs for my life*

    Grab Bag: MMA-SF

    , | San Francisco, CA, USA |

    (I work for the Metropolitan Museum of Art’s retail store. Here are a few things customers have asked me.)

    1. “Do you sell doo-rags here?”

    2. “Do you want to come live in my condo with me, wrap my gifts and keep me company?”

    3. “What?! Iced tea makes you thirsty?!”

    4. “Do my earrings make me look like Greta Garbo? Do they scream ‘I want to be alone’?!”

    5. “Are these rainbow watches for the queers?”

    Related:
    911 Grab Bag: Define “Emergency”

    Exorcisms Not Included

    , | Rochester, NY, USA |

    (I was a cashier at a popular toy store chain when a woman came up to the register with an opened Ouija board.)

    Customer: “I’d like to return this, please.”

    Me: “Is there anything in particular that’s wrong with it?”

    Customer: “Well, no, it works. I’m returning it because it let evil spirits into my house!”

    Me: *laughs*

    Customer: “Why are you laughing? This game let spirits into my house, and I demand a refund!”

    Me: “Uh, oh, alright then.” *I process the return*

    Customer, on the way out: “You really shouldn’t be selling satanic toys like this. What if a demon had come through and possessed one of my children?”

    Me: “Yeah, you’re right. I’ll definitely pass that on to management.”

    When Not In Rome…

    , | Sacramento, CA, USA |

    (A customer came in looking for a specific FM transmitter. I pointed him in the right direction and he came back five minutes later with the device in hand.)

    Me: “Found it alright?”

    Customer: “Yup. I came, I saw, I conquered.”

    Me: “Veni, vidi, vici?”

    Customer: “What the h*** did you just call me?!”

    Fowl Play

    , | New Orleans, LA, USA | Top

    (A customer comes in to return a powerhorn. We’re often wary of these returns, as customers often put them under their car to increase their radio’s volume and blow them out within a day.)

    Customer: “I don’t need this. I didn’t open it.”

    Coworker: “Okay, let me take a look at it…”

    (The packaging HAS been opened, but it still might not be a big deal. However, my coworker finds a chicken bone in the box.)

    Coworker: “Ma’am, I think you left something in here.”

    Customer: “Oh! That’s my lunch!”

    Coworker: “You said you didn’t open it?”

    Customer: “Yeah.”

    Coworker: “But there’s a chicken bone in the box. And the wiring has been cut. And the unit is cracked.”

    Customer: “It CAME like that.”

    Coworker: “With a chicken bone in the box?!”

    Customer: “YEAH!”

    Related:
    Fowl Behavior

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