November Theme Of The Month: Black Friday!

Please Do Not Lather Up The Employees

| Sydney, Australia | Uncategorized

Customer: “Excuse me, dear, can you help me?”

Me: “Sure.”

Customer: “I want a body wash that doesn’t have soap in it.”

Me: “Sure. There are a few different types of this brand here, that does not contain soap.”

Customer: “But which one doesn’t contain soap?”

Me: “None of them do, madam. The entire range doesn’t contain any soap in their products.”

Customer: “I want one without soap. What about this one?” *picks up a bottle*

Me: “Yes, that’s one without soap.”

Customer: “Oh. Does it lather up?”

Me: “I haven’t tried this brand, but it’s popular. It’s also about 40% off, so now’s a good time to try it.”

Customer: “Well, you should have tried it so i know whether or not it lathers up! Next time I come in, I want you to have tried it so I know whether or not it lathers up!”

Please Do Not Creep Out The Employees
Please Do Not Titillate The Employees
Please Do Not Pet The Employees

Childlike, But Not So Innocent

| Charlottesville, VA, USA | Uncategorized

(Note: as our store is a small business, we have a strict no refunds policy.)

Customer: “Hi, I’d like to return these shoes.”

Manager: ¬†”Okay, any particular reason?”

Customer: ¬†”The shoe fits my right foot, but the left shoe is too big.”

Manager: ¬†”Did they both fit when you bought them?”

Customer: ¬†”Well, I didn’t try both of them on. The girl‚Ķ”*motions to me* “‚Ķtold me I should, but I didn’t.”

Manager: ¬†”Well, since they haven’t been worn, we can give you an exchange or a store credit.”

Customer: ¬†”I’d like a refund.”

Manager: ¬†”We could give you a refund if there was something wrong with the shoes, or if we had made a mistake.”

Customer: ¬†”But you did! You didn’t make me try on both shoes.”

Manager: ¬†”Ma’am, you said my co-worker encouraged you to. ¬†We can’t make you try on both shoes.”

Customer: “I still think I should get a refund. It’s your fault! You would make a child try on both shoes, wouldn’t you?!”

2D Thoughts For 1D Minds

| Norwood, MA, USA | Uncategorized

Customer: “Hi, why are these towels $4.99, but the others $6.99?”

Me: “The $6.99 towels are 6 feet long, and the $4.99 towels aren’t.”

Customer: “But why are they different prices?”

Me: “That’s because one is longer than the other.”

Customer: “I still don’t understand”

Customer’s Friend: “One is a bath sheet.”

Customer: “What does that mean?”

Customer’s Friend: “It’s 6 feet long. The other one is 4 feet long.”

Customer: “That doesn’t make any sense!”

Laptop Flop

| Oklahoma, USA | Uncategorized

Me: “Hi! How can I help you today?”

Customer: “I would like to purchase a laptop but want to customize it a little bit.”

Me: “Okay, great I can help you with that!” (I pulled up her account, pull up the laptop that she wants to customize.)

Customer: “Okay, I want 3gb of memory, 160gb hard-drive, oh and also, can you please move the ‘delete’ key next to the space bar? I hate having to go to the top of the keyboard to press that.”

An Open(ed) and Shut Case

| Minnesota, USA | Uncategorized

Customer: “I need to return this DVD player.”

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am. We actually can’t do a return on opened merchandise.”

Customer: “This isn’t open.”

Me: “It’s been opened and re-taped.”

Customer: “Why would you think that?”

Me: “Because no manufacturers use duct tape to seal boxes.”

Customer: “So you’re calling me a liar?”

Me: “I’m not trying to, but this has obviously been opened and re-taped and therefore can’t be returned.”

Customer: “What do you know? Where’s your manager?”

(I call my manager and he tells the customer the same things I told her and points out the duct tape. She starts cursing and pounding her fist the counter. My manager finally gives in just to get the customer out of the store. 20 minutes pass and the phone rings.)

Me: “Thank you calling ****. How may I help you?”

Customer: “I returned a DVD player 20 minutes ago and forgot my DVD in it.”