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  • November Theme Of The Month: Black Friday!

    Sometimes On The John But Always On The Job

    | California, USA | Uncategorized

    (I’m taking a restroom break in one of our single-person restrooms. I am also male. A female customer breaks the flimsy lock and barges in.)

    Me: “Whoa! What are you doing?”

    Customer: “I’m trying to use the restroom. Your door handle was broken.”

    Me: “Ma’am, it was locked, and there is another restroom for women to
    use right next to you!”

    Customer: “Huh? I didn’t notice that before.”

    (She continues to stand there for a bit, while I’m still covering myself up.)

    Me: “Um, I was hoping to use the restroom. Can you please close the door and let me finish?”

    Customer: “Actually I was wondering if you could help me find the baking stuff?”

    Me: “I can’t, I’m using the restroom. Can’t you see that?”

    Customer: “Good Lord, I’m never coming back here! Your service is awful!”

    Do As I Say, Not As I Say

    | Greensboro, NC, USA | Uncategorized

    (I’m ringing up a customer and her child.)

    Me: “Hi, how are you today?”

    Customer: *doesn’t answer*

    Customer’s child: “HELLO!”

    Me: “Hi!”

    Customer’s child: HELLO!”

    Me: “Hi!”

    (I do this a few more times with the child while I finish ringing up the items. I turn to the customer again, thinking she didn’t hear me the first time.)

    Me: “How are you today, ma’am? Your total is $xx.xx.”

    Customer: *messes in her bag and ignores me*

    Me: “Ma’am? Your total is $xx.xx.”

    Customer: “You know why I’m not answering you? Because you were too busy talking to speak to my child!”

    Me: “I did respond to her…several times, in fact.”

    Customer: “You did not!”

    Me: “I assure you I did. I looked right at her, and she was looking at me.”

    Customer: “Well, she must not have heard you or she wouldn’t have repeated herself so many times. Next time stop chatting and do your job!”

    A Question With No Good Manswers

    | Toronto, Canada | Uncategorized

    (I’m handing out fliers outside a women’s clothing store. A man walks up to me.)

    Customer: “Hello! How are you today?”

    Me: “I’m fine, thanks. Would you like a coupon to get 30 percent off all merchandise in the store?”

    Customer: “Do you sell sweaters here?”

    Me: “Yes, we do. Are you looking for a gift for someone?”

    Customer: “No. I’m done with my Christmas shopping.”

    Me: “Well, the coupon’s good until Boxing Day.”

    Customer: “What sizes do you have?”

    Me: “Extra small to extra large.”

    Customer: “What size am I?”

    Me: “Umm, I’m not sure sir. I’m not really good at guessing sizes.”

    Customer: “Well, if I were to try something on, what size should I try?”

    Me: “Well, this is a women’s clothing store. I’m not sure that you would fit the sizes here.”

    Customer: “Are you calling me fat?!”

    Not Quite A Family Business

    | Germany | Uncategorized

    (The shop work in gives their staff a 15% discount using a discount card. Staff are allowed to lend that card to family members. On this particular day, I had left my name-tag at home.)

    Me: “That will be 79.00, sir.”

    Customer: “Oh, I get a discount. I just haven’t got the card at the moment.”

    Me: “Okay, who do you know that works here?”

    Customer: “Miss ***.”

    Me: “How do you know her?”

    Customer: “She’s my daughter!”

    Me: “Dad, last time I saw you, you had a beard and glasses!”

    Customer: “Excuse me?”

    Me: “Sir, I’m Miss ***.”

    Customer: “Oh, haha, very funny. You’ve had your fun. Now give me my discount.”

    Me: “I’m afraid I can’t.”

    Customer: “You lying b***! You’re not Miss ***! I can’t believe my own daughter won’t give me a discount!”

    (The customer leaves in a huff. The next customer is an older woman and is laughing.)

    Next customer: “So, can I be your grandmother?”

    With Great Retail Power…

    | Staten Island, NY, USA | Uncategorized

    Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, but it seems like your credit card isn’t working. Would you like to pay in cash?”

    Customer: ‘What? That’s not possible. Try it again.”

    Me: *after trying a few more times* “Do you have a different card? This one might just be having problems. Or you could just pay in cash?”

    Customer: “No! I don’t have cash. Just give me the items.”

    Me: “I can’t do that, ma’am.”

    Customer: “Why not? I need them to stop the world from ending!”

    Me: “Sorry, I still can’t.”

    Customer: “What sort of a monster are you? If the world ends, you’re to blame!” *storms out*