Disc Doctor, Not Disc Miracle Worker

| Erie, PA, USA | Top

(Our store sells a device called a Disc Doctor; it resurfaces CDs so they can be read again.)

Caller: “I bought a Disc Doctor and it isn’t working.”

Manager: “Well, I have one, and they can be difficult at times. Why don’t you tell me what you did, and I’ll try and talk you through it.”

Caller: “Okay. I sprayed it with the solution and then I put both halves in the tray–”

Manager: “Wait… did you just say ‘both halves’?”

Caller: “Yeah, both halves.”

Manager: “Yeah, that’s not going to work…”

Fourth Graders Going On Forty

| Toronto, ON, Canada | Rude & Risque

(I work for a custom blinds store and a couple is having their whole house done. We’re going over everything and placing the order.)

Me: “These windows will have an inside mount.”

Husband: “A what?”

Me: “Inside mount.”

Husband: “Oh, hehe.”

Me: “So, on this one that installer has recommended a reverse mount.”

Husband: “Haha!”

Wife: “Shhhh!”

Husband: “How do you people keep a straight face?”

Me: “I’m sorry? What do you mean?”

Husband: “I had no idea that blinds were so sexual!”

Me: “Oh, um…. I guess I never thought of it like that.”

Wife, to husband: “You’re such a child!”

Also seen on: Not Always Romantic

Preserving Life, 1-Up At A Time

, | California, USA | Top

(Note: Pokemon is a game with various creatures that simulate animals in it. When a Pokemon has no hit points, or HP, is is considered “fainted.” Many mistake this for something serious, but it is easily remedied by healing your Pokemon in a specific building.)

Customer: *storms up to desk* “I DEMAND A REFUND!”

(She slams a copy of Pokemon Platinum on the counter.)

Me: “Certainly, what seems to be the problem?”

Customer: “My freaking fire monkey DIED! See?”

(She pulls the DS from her pocket, turns it on, enters game, and shows me that her Pokemon [a chimchar] has no HP.)

Me: “Well, I can…erm…revive your ‘fire monkey’ if you’d like.”

Customer: “What are you, some freaking Pokemon priest?! MY FIRE MONKEY IS DEAD!”

Me: “No, no, look.”

(I control her character to go to a Pokemon Center and heal up her Pokemon.)

Me: “There, all better.”

Customer: “THANK YOU! YOU SAVED MY FIRE MONKEY! HOW CAN I EVER REPAY YOU?!”

Me: “Um…no problem, ma’am. Glad to help.”

Customer: “AND SO HUMBLE! YOU SAVED MY FIRE MONKEY!” *leaves store*

Watering Wonders

, | New York, NY, USA | Uncategorized

Me: “Hi, how can I help you?”

Customer: “Hi. I have a faucet in my backyard, and I can’t get the water to the other side.”

Me: “You need a hose…”

Customer: “What is that?”

Me: “You connect it to the faucet, and the water travels through the hose to the other side.”

Customer: “These inventions these days – they’re incredible!”

Me: “…”

More Than He Bargained For

, | Middletown, NY, USA | Uncategorized

(My father is manning tables at the local flea market. A man comes up to the table and picks out an item that’s priced at $8.)

Customer: “Will you take $6 for this?”

Dad: “Sure.”

(The man finds another item, this one priced at $5.)

Customer: “Will you take $4?”

Dad: “Sure.”

(After a while, the man finds another item, this time priced at $6.)

Customer: “$5?”

Dad: “Sure.”

(Finally, the man gathers all of his items together and winds up for the ultimate bargaining ploy.)

Customer: “How about $20 for all three?”

Dad: “Sure.”

(Dad was always an agreeable sort.)

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