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    The Coddling Stops Here

    , | Phoenix, AZ, USA |

    (I’m at customer’s house to try and repair a desk…)

    Me: “Well, it can’t be repaired, so I’ll have to order a new desktop. It could be a couple of weeks.”

    Customer: “So you’re taking this one with you right?”

    Me: “No, I can’t fit it in my vehicle.”

    Customer: ¬†”So you’ll be back for it then?”

    Me: “No, we don’t do delivery; henceforth, we don’t do pickups, either.”

    Customer: “But I bought it from your store!”

    Me: “… and you took it home from my store.”

    Customer: “Yeah, and it barely fit in my SUV!”

    Me: “But it did fit, and you took it home with you.”

    Customer: “Well, you’re going to need to pick it up. I’m not bringing it all the way back.”

    Me: “Stay with me here: you bought it, picked it up, took it to your home and discovered it had a problem. Now you want to disavow all responsibility? That isn’t how it works. If you got a blender home and it didn’t work, would you call the store and tell them to come pick it up?”

    Customer: “…”

    Me: “You’re remodeling your home, not paying me to do it. Don’t forget what that Y stands for in DIY.”

    Customer: *sheepishly* “… can you help me put it in my car?”

    It Happens More Often Than You’d Think

    , | Vancouver, BC, Canada |

    (I just started working at a computer store, so my trainer has a phone call on speaker so I can listen in.)

    Lady: “You sold me a faulty piece of s*** laptop!”

    Trainer: “What seems to be the problem, ma’am?”

    Lady: “The ¬†f***ing thing won’t open!”

    Trainer: “Have you tried turning the laptop around, and opening it from the other side?”

    Lady: “Oh.” *click*

    But Is It Fully Armed And Operational?

    , | Birmingham, UK | Geeks Rule

    Customer: “Hi there, I was wondering if you could help me?”

    Me: “Of course. What are you after?”

    Customer: “Well, my son is a huge Star Wars fan and he really wants one of those Lightsabers.”

    Me: “Not a problem, we have plenty of them. Was there any particular one you were after.”

    Customer: “Do you have one of the ones that come out of the handle?”

    Me: “We have several pop-out ones, they also make a sound.”

    Customer: “Oh, okay.”

    (They walk off and pick some of the different designs up and walk back to me.)

    Customer: “Hi again.”

    Me: “Did you find one?”

    Customer: “Not the one that he wants.”

    Me: “Well we also have some better ones in the window, would you like to see?”

    Customer: “Yes, please”

    (I get a prop Lightsaber out of the window and show it to them.)

    Customer: “Hmm, it doesn’t seem to be the right one.”

    Me: “Unfortunately, that’s all we really do.”

    Customer: “So you don’t do the one that cuts things?”

    Me: “Erm, the ones that cut things?”

    Customer: “You know, the ones from the movies.”

    Me, giving up: “Erm… you could try the Entertainer, they should do them.”

    Customer: “Brilliant, thanks very much.”

    (If this wasn’t bad enough, it’s happened about 3 times in the past year.)

    Mission Impossible, Part 4

    , | Ogallala, NE, USA |

    (A customer is buying a file cabinet. ¬†As I’m taking it out for her, the cabinet falls off of the hand truck and the lock gets pushed in.)

    Me: “I’m very sorry, ma’am. The damage isn’t bad. Would you like us to fix it for you?”

    Customer: “I wanted to buy this undamaged!”

    Me: “Of course, we could put together a new one for you.”

    Customer: “I wanted this one.”

    Me: “So shall I take it back and have it repaired?”

    Customer: “I wanted it the way it was!”

    Me: “I understand that, but the damage has been done. If you like, we can refund your money.”

    Customer: “I don’t want a refund. ”

    Me: “Okay… what do you want to do?”

    Customer: “I wanted to buy this like it was.”

    Me: *getting frustrated* “Okay, so what do you want to do?”

    Customer: “I wanted to buy this cabinet like it was! Undamaged!”

    Me: “Well, once you decide what you want to do, you let me know.”

    (At this point, I take the cabinet into the back room and stay there. I never did find out what she did.)

    Related:
    Related:
    Mission: Impossible, Part 2
    Mission: Impossible

    Mission Impossible, Part 3

    Ah, Fathers, Part 2

    | Commack, NY, USA | Top

    (I’m working in an electronics retail store, and see a man in his late 40′s with a kid no older then 10.)

    Me: “Welcome sir, did you get…”

    (I look in his cart and see that it’s mostly filled with identical Spongebob DVDs.)

    Me: “… everything?”

    Man: “I guess so.”

    Boy: “MORE SPONGEBOB! SPONGEBOB! SPONGEBOB!”

    Man: “Alright, let’s go get some more.”

    (About 5 minutes later he comes back, with more Spongebob DVDs… the same ones, to be exact.)

    Man: “Alright, I think this is enough.”

    (I ring him up, and the total comes to about $550.00 USD.)

    Me: *whispering* “Uhh, sir… these are mostly the same thing.”

    Man: “Oh, don’t worry about it. I hate my life anyway.”

    Related:
    Ah, Fathers

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