, | Calgary, Alberta, Canada | Uncategorized

(A lady came in to buy an iMac computer. After leaving, she called me 30 minutes later.)

Me: “Yes ma’am, how may I help you?”

Customer: “I thought these things came with a monitor? You told me it had a monitor.”

Me: “Yes ma’am, it’s one big monitor with a keyboard and mouse.”

Customer: “Well this one doesn’t have one.”

Me: Um…it’s the big black square on the front.”

Customer: “There is NO big black square on here.”

Me: “What do you mean? The whole machine is just a monitor; it’s the big black square above the CD Slot and speakers.”

Customer: “There is NO big black square. There are no speakers. You told me it came with a monitor.”

Me: “Ma’am…the whole computer is just a monitor with speakers and a CD Drive built in. Spin it around; it’s the big black square on the front.”

(I can hear her turning the machine around and around, and she starts getting angry with me.)

Customer: “Listen, there is no big black square, there are no speakers, and there is no slot for a CD.”

Me: “Ma’am…do you have the computer face down on your desk?”

(I can hear a big clunk as the flips the computer upright on the desk.)

Customer: “Um…I have to go now.” *click*

Related: PEBKAC (Wikipedia definition)

Better Safe Than Smart

| Chicago, IL, USA | Uncategorized

Customer: “What is this?”

Me: “It’s a neoprene laptop case.”

Customer: “For what?”

Me: “It’s just a more snug case for your laptop.”

Customer: “For what?”

Me: “It’s just to protect your laptop if it’s put in a bag or briefcase.”

Customer: “You mean, to protect all of my other stuff?”

Me: “Well yes, to protect all your other stuff from damaging your laptop.”

Customer: “No. Will this case protect my computer from damaging all my stuff?”

Me: “It is padded…”

Customer: “Good, because it’s cheaper than the anti-virus software.”

Me: *gives up* “…it will definitely protect the things in your
backpack from getting viruses.”

Victoria’s Secret Is Out

| Texas, USA | Top

Me: “Hello, how may I help you?”

Customer: “Yes, I’d like to return this.” *pulls out a bra from a bag*

Me: “Ok, is there something wrong with it?”

Customer: Well yeah, duh. I wouldn’t be returning it if it was fine, would I?!”

Me: “Ok – what is the reason you are returning it?”

Customer: “It squeaks…”

Me: “The bra…? The bra squeaks?”

Customer: “Yes, it makes noises.”

Me: “The bra makes noises?”

(By this time everyone standing in line starts laughing at her and making comments.)

Customer: “Shut up! Don’t you dare laugh at me – inferior creatures!”

(People in line now really start to laugh.)

Me: “Ok ma’am, I’m really sorry the bra makes noises, but I cannot return this, you’ve worn it. You can’t return an–”

Customer: *interrupting* “LORD! Give me patience! Or I will strangle this creature of yours! Now, Mr. A**hole, you are going to give me my money back for this thing. I cannot be walking around with a talking bra on me – people will think I’m nuts!”

But How Do They Squeeze Him Into This Tiny Little Case

, , | Buffalo, NY, USA | Uncategorized

(A customer comes up to the counter with a DVD.)

Me: “You all set?”

Customer: “Is this a Rick James DVD?”

Me: “Yes, it is.”

Customer: “So you mean I can put this in my DVD player and look at Rick James!?”

Me: “Yes, I believe that is the technology.”

Customer: “Well, I’m gonna have to try it out, man!”

Satan Needs The Nougat

| Florida, USA | Uncategorized

(A mother and her young son come up to me, each with their own items to buy. I finish ringing up the mother and start with the little boy.)

Mother: *to son* “Isn’t it nice to buy your toys with your own money?”

Son: “Yeah.”

(The son begins to reach over the conveyor belt for some candy.)

Mother: “Oh, you don’t need that. Put it back.”

Me: *to the boy* “Your total is $6.66.”

Mother: “Oh, no, no, no! Buy that candy!”

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