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    Proof That Men Will Say Anything

    | Metrowest, MA, USA | Top

    (I’m a lesbian who works in a seedy area of my town, and I’m hit on constantly by these really old guys, or crackheads…or drunks…)

    Drunk guy: “Hey…are you single?”

    Me: “Nope. Gay too.”

    Drunk guy: “Oh. So you like women?”

    Me: “Yep.”

    Drunk guy: “I can be a woman!”

    Me: “I have standards.”

    (The drunk man leaves, and my coworker nearly pees herself laughing.)

    Also seen on: Not Always Romantic.

    Corporate To The Rescue

    | Dorset, UK |

    (I work in a shop that sells nothing other than boxes of chocolate, in various shapes and sizes. A customer strolls into the shop holding a very expensive box.)

    Customer: *brandishing the box* “I want to return this.”

    Me: “Okay…could I ask you why?”

    Customer: “Chocolate’s too soft.”

    Me: “Excuse me?”

    Customer: “Chocolate’s too soft. Gimme refund.”

    (I should point out here that the customer was a male forty-something.)

    Me: “Maybe it was just the single chocolate that you tried?”

    (To my absolute horror, he opened the lid to reveal that every single last chocolate had been eaten. Both layers.)

    Customer: “See? Too soft. Want refund. Give me now.”

    (I was about to say something, though I’m not entirely sure what. Thankfully, the day was saved by another customer.)

    Customer 2: “You just ate all the chocolates..?”

    Customer 1: “Uh?”

    Customer 2: “Are you mentally ill?”

    Customer 1: “Wha?”

    Customer 2: “How about you f**k off and leave this poor kid to do his job?”

    Customer 1: *suddenly talking normally* “I don’t think it’s any of your business–”

    Customer 2: “I do.”

    Customer 1: “Why!?”

    Customer 2: “Because I’m from Head Office.”

    Related:
    We Need One Of These In Every Store

    Granny Git Your Groove On

    | Rohnert Park, CA |

    Old Woman: “Excuse me sir…I need some batteries.”

    Me: “Of course. What kind do you need?”

    Old Woman: “I…I’m not sure.”

    Me: “Not a problem. What do you need the batteries for? I might be able to match them up to the product.”

    Old Woman: “…I need them for my ghetto blaster.”

    Shortest. Honeymoon. Ever.

    , | Vancouver, BC, Canada |

    (A woman approaches me at the cash desk and pulls out a pair of underwear to return.)

    Woman: “I’d like to return this.”

    Me: “I’m very sorry, but we cannot accept returns on intimate apparel.”

    Woman: “Why not? I haven’t worn it.”

    Me: “It’s against our company policy for health reasons.”

    Woman: “Well this is ridiculous! I bought these to wear on my honeymoon and I didn’t end up wearing them, so now they’re useless!”

    (The woman storms out of store, leaving the underwear on the counter.)

    Me: *wonders just what happened on the honeymoon*

    The Less They Know, The Better

    | Ontario, Canada, USA |

    (The customer decides to buy two children’s face towels, one for each child. They are $3.50 each, but you can get three for $7.00.)

    Me: “Just so you know, you can get three towels for $7.”

    Customer: “No thanks.”

    Me: “You are paying $7 anyway, since they’re $3.50 each…”

    Customer: “…”

    Me: “Essentially, if you buy two, you get a third one free!”

    Customer: “Free?”

    Me: “Yeah, one for yourself!”

    Customer: “I don’t want one!”

    Me: “Well, it’s an extra one for the kids, or you can give it away, or give it to me.” *I laugh lightly*

    Customer: “If I get three, I’ll have to get a fourth, or the kids will fight.”

    Me: “Ah, you can get a fourth one for only $2.33, because you get the discount if you buy three or more.”

    Customer: “But you said the third one is free!”

    Me: “It’s essentially free. When you get three or more, you’re actually paying $2.33 for each one, instead of $3.50. It works out the same.”

    Customer: “So I’m paying for it, even though it’s free?”

    Me: “The deal is actually three for $7, seven divided by three is $2.33; you end up paying only $2.33 for each one instead of $3.50.”

    Customer: “Whoa, so the first two are $3.50, the third one is free, and the fourth one is $2.33?”

    Me: “You could look at it that way, I guess…”

    Customer: “You guys have confusing prices, I’m getting a headache!”

    (The customer asks the kids if they want another one. They get excited and pick out two more. I scan them. Each one shows up at $3.50 each, but the computer discounts them automatically at the end).

    Customer: “Hey, they all scanned at $3.50!”

    Me: “Don’t worry, the discount is applied at the end.”

    Customer: “You’re trying to rip me off!”

    Me: “I’m not, see your subto–”

    Customer: “I’m never coming here again!”

    (The customer grabs the children, who start crying because they really wanted the face towels.)


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