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    Who Needs History When You Have Hollywood

    | Myrtle Beach, SC, USA | Bigotry, History

    (A tourist walks up to my register with a handful of trinkets. I ring her up, she pays, I bag the items, and hand her the coin change. As she steps away, I see a dollar still on the counter.)

    Me: “Ma’am, you forgot the rest of your change.”

    Tourist: “Oh! I guess I did, unless you were paying me in pesos.”

    Me: “Excuse me?”

    Tourist: “Pesos. The money in Mexico.”

    Me: “I know what a peso is, ma’am, but I’m not Mexican.”

    Tourist: “Puerto Rican?”

    Me: “Not even close.”

    Tourist: “Cuban?”

    Me: “No.”

    Tourist: “What are you, then?”

    Me: “I’m Native American.”

    Tourist: “So am I.” (She’s white as notebook paper.)

    Me: “No, I mean the people here before white people.”

    Tourist: “What do you mean?”

    Me: “You don’t know about Natives? Indians?”

    Tourist: “Oh, you mean the people John Wayne killed off.”

    Me: “Just take your change.”

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    … And We Wonder Why Everyone Hates Us

    Why It Pays To Listen

    | Jyväskylä, Finland |

    (A customer reserved an expensive feather blanket a week before, and it was on sale when he came to pick it up.)

    Customer: “This blanket is on sale!” *waves his reserve slip*

    Me: “Yes it is, sir.”

    Customer: “I’m not taking it, since I have to pay double the price!”

    Me: “You automatically get the discount even though your reservation slip says the price is higher.”

    Customer: “I’m not paying the full price for this blanket!”

    Me: “Sir, you don’t have to. You get the discount.”

    Customer: “Are you a f***ing idiot? I’m not paying the full price! It’s on sale, and I’m only paying the sale price!”

    Me, trying not to laugh: “Sir, I’ve been trying to tell you that our system will automatically sell it for the sale price.”

    Customer: “You don’t get it! Let me speak to your manager!”

    (I call the manager, and after about 5 minutes of this, he and I finally got the customer to believe he was getting his blanket for the sale price. We laughed a good ten minutes after the guy had left.)

    Everyone’s A Wiseguy

    , | St. Joseph, MO, USA |

    (Our store is located in a one-level strip mall.)

    Customer: “Do you carry lawnmowers?”

    Customer service rep: “Just one second and let me find out for you…” *parks call* “Hey guys, do we carry lawnmowers?”

    Salesman 1: “Yeah, they’re down in the basement.”

    Salesman 2: “No, I saw them back by the overstock shelves.”

    Salesman 3: “No, I moved them into the attic for storage last week.”

    Salesman 4: “OOH! I know! They’re four walls down, under a big orange sign that says ‘Home Depot!’”

    Customer service rep: *picks call back up* “No sir, I’m sorry, but we’re an electronics store.”

    What Happens When You Assume

    | Michigan, USA |

    (I worked at a shop that did passport photos. There was a fifteen minute wait on the pictures, so people normally just left and came back…)

    Me: “That’ll be ready in fifteen minutes.”

    Customer: “I’ll come back. Do you need my name?”

    Me: “No, I don’t need it.”

    Customer: “You little snot. It’s ’cause there’s a black man in here!”

    Me: “Sir, I am not racist. ”

    Customer: “Oh, sure you’re not, you racist snot.”

    Me: “Sir, I have your picture. That’s why I do not need your name.”

    (The customer walked out and I never saw him again.)

    How To Lose Your Marbles In Style

    , | Florida, USA | Top

    (Our store used to have a completely gutted 1957 Chevy truck as a center piece. It was part of the store’s trademark. Walking down the store past the truck, I am stopped by an old man.)

    Me: “Sir?”

    Old Man: “Young lady, how much are you selling this truck for?”

    Me: “Sorry sir, the truck isn’t for sale. It’s owned by [company].”

    Old Man: “I’ll give you 100 dollars for it.”

    Me: “Sir, the truck is not for sale. I apologize.”

    Old Man: “All right…I’ll give you two hundred!”

    Me: “Sir, the truck is not for sale. And even if it was, it would be for a LOT more than 200 dollars.”

    Old Man: “Yes, I suppose you’re right… SAY! SOMEONE STEALING, LOOK!” *points behind me*

    (As I turn to look behind me, the man climbs the crates next to the truck, opens the driver’s seat door and gets behind the wheel.)

    Old Man: “WHOOOOOOOOO-HAW! CAN’T CATCH ME NOW, CAN YOU!” *swings steering wheel around and starts to make gun noises* “PEW PEW! PEWW PEW!”

    (Mall Security ended up being called, after the old man was “trying” to run us over. I wish I was joking.)

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