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    He Just Talks Really Loudly

    , | Sydney, Australia |

    (A guy comes into our store and slaps a 56k dial-up modem down on the counter.)

    Guy: “I want to return this. I bought it a year ago and it’s broken.”

    Me: “I’m sorry, but you don’t have the box, the power supply, the driver CD or the receipt. I can’t let you return it.”

    Guy: “You will give me my money back, right now!”

    Me: “No, I can’t do that. You need to keep the receipt for warranty claims. I have no proof you even bought that from us.”

    (The conversation escalates and gets more and more heated until finally…)

    Guy: “If you don’t give me back my money, I’ll be waiting for you in the car park after work and I’ll f*** you up, you hear me?! I’LL BREAK YOUR F***ING FACE YOU LITTLE S***!”

    Me: “Are you threatening me?”

    Guy: “No!”

    A Little Bit Too Honest There

    | Toronto, ON, Canada |

    (I used to work at a sporting goods store, when a young guy of about 12-14 years of age came in.)

    Customer: “Hi, can you tell me where I can find a jock, like for playing baseball?”

    Me: “Oh, you mean a protective cup? Sure, they’re right over here.”

    Customer: “Thanks. Oh, are there sizes?”

    Me: “Yeah, they’re–”

    Customer: *whispers* “I think I’m a small.”

    Me: “They’re according to waistband.”

    Customer: “Oh…”

    Me: “I’ll be over there if you need anything else.”

    Only The Undead Ones

    | Georgia |

    (Our store is in a mall, but instead of having the gates like most stores, we have big glass doors. Th mall closes at 9 pm; at 9:30 pm, a customer comes up to the door.)

    Customer: *pulls at the door, then knocks*

    Employee: *goes over to the door and unlocks it*

    Customer: “Are ya’ll closed?”

    Employee: “Yes, and so is every other store in this mall.”

    Customer: “Why? Ya’ll should stay open at night. Ain’t that when your customers come out?”

    The Only Thing That Didn’t Arrive Is Your Brain

    | Ohio, USA |

    Me: “Hello, I see you opened a PayPal dispute for this item. It looks like your item was delivered, as shown by the delivery confirmation number. ”

    Customer: “I would like a refund. This item didn’t arrive in a timely manner.”

    Me: “All custom orders, like your ring, are shipped to be received within 14 business days from the date of purchase. It looks like your item arrived a day or so outside of that timeline. I’m sorry it was delayed in transit, but I’m happy that it wasn’t lost in the
    mail and did arrive safely! If you have any further questions, I’d be happy to help.”

    Customer: “This didn’t arrive in a timely matter. I’d like a refund.”

    Me: “If you’d like to return the ring, you can do so within 7 days from the date you received your purchase. If you wish to do so, please return the ring to the address on the package, and please include the receipt.”

    Customer: “I’d like a refund for this item, because it didn’t arrive in a timely manner. I like the ring, I just want a refund.”

    Me: “I’d be happy to accept a return on this item. Please send it, as I mentioned above, to the address on the package within the next 7 days.”

    Customer: “I like the ring, I just want a refund.”

    Me: “I’m sorry, I can’t issue a refund unless you send back the ring.”

    Customer: “But it didn’t arrive in a timely manner.”

    Me: “I’m very sorry you’re unhappy with the length of time the USPS took to deliver your package. I’m more than happy to issue a refund for your purchase price if you send the ring back to me.”

    Customer: “I want to keep the ring, and I want a refund. It didn’t arrive in a timely manner.”

    Me: *wants to die*

    Maybe They’re Having A Pow Wow At Starbucks

    | Tahlequah, OK, USA |

    Customer: “Excuse me.”

    Coworker: “Yes, may I help you?”

    Customer:¬†”I just wanted to say how disappointed I am with your town!”

    Coworker: “Okay, why is that?”

    Customer: “I haven’t seen an Indian! This is suppose to be Cherokee Nation, and I haven’t seen one Indian! We came all the way down here from Illinois and wanted to see Indians!”

    Coworker: “Come again?”

    Customer: “All we’ve seen are normal people! We want to see Indians!”

    Coworker: “Ma’am, they dress and look just like the rest of us.¬†If you want to see reenactments, you need to go to Tsa-La-Gi outside town.”

    Customer: “They don’t dress like that all the time?”

    Coworker: “No, ma’am.”

    Customer: “What about teepees?”

    Coworker: “That’s plains Indians, ma’am, and no. They don’t live in teepees.”

    Customer: “Oh…” *mutters while walking away* “… came to see Indians and all we get are regular people…”

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