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  • Had It Up To Their Neck With Bad Customers
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    Oh, Mary Jane

    | Tampa, FL, USA |

    (I swear this lady was high as a kite…She had this crazed out look and talked in this very airy voice. She comes up to register with a large pile of towels and turns to the lady checking out beside her.)

    Customer: “Wow! I love your purse! It would go with my shiny blue shoes, and my black jacket, and those cute Capri pants in my closet!”

    Other Customer: “Uh…thanks?”

    Customer: *turns to me* “You know, I have to keep changing the bathroom colors. I like the spring colors, but you know, Angel keeps peeling the paint off of the wall behind the toilet so I keep telling her Uncle Rico is going to have to repaint the bathroom if she keeps doing that…”

    Me: “Ok…well, I hope you enjoy your towels.” *hands her the receipt* “Thank you and have a nice day.”

    Customer: *eyes grow wide as she sprawls the receipt out* “WOW! This receipt is so…LONG! Its so…BIG! And there are so many ITEMS on it!”

    (She continued to stand at my register fawning over the length of the receipt for a good 5 minutes before she left.)

    Related:
    Oh, Crystal Meth

    Worst. Advertising. Ever.

    | Georgia, USA |

    (My first day on the job my manager decided that we weren’t getting enough business and proceeded to hand me a plastic pitchfork, wrap a feather boa around my neck and shove me out onto a street corner in the ghetto with a sign.)

    People in a passing car: “SATANIST B***H!” *throws ketchup packets at me*

    (A short time later, a white car driven by an older man pulls up.)

    Older Man: “Miss?”

    Me: *walks over* “Yes?”

    Older Man: “How much?”

    Me: “…excuse me?”

    Older Man: “Well I don’t usually go for the satanic looking type. I guess you could get out of all that black…”

    Me: “What the…oh….” *I start laughing hysterically*

    Older Man: “What? You aren’t?”

    Me: *I point up towards the store* “Mister, I work for the Halloween shop…”

    Older Man: “Oh, when do you open?”

    Me:I don’t. The store is open now though.”

    (The older man blushes and speeds away. After that, I picked up my sign, went back to the store and told my manager that I refused to do that ever again.)

    Speaking Stupidese

    | Santa Rosa, CA, USA |

    (A customer comes in and goes to a display rack of boots.)

    Me: “Can I help you?”

    Customer: “Where are the boxes with all the shoes in them?”

    Me:

    Her Friend: “She means, do you have these boots in a size 8…”

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    Egocentrism Meets Geocentrism
    You Be Telepathic So I Can Be Lazy
    (Telepathic) Help Wanted

    The Epitome of Lazy

    | Canada |

    Me: “Thank you for calling ***, how may I help you?”

    Lady: “I would like to make a return.”

    Me: “Alright, that should be fine. We allow returns on regularly priced clothing as long as it has the tags on it.”

    Lady: “Alright, great. So do I give you my phone number?”

    Me: “Pardon…?”

    Lady: “To do the return?”

    Me: “I’m sorry, you need to come into the store to do returns. We need to get the item you’re returning back.”

    Lady: “That’s ridiculous! You mean I need to get gas for my car and COME DOWN THERE?!”

    Me: “Yes…”

    Lady: *click*

    It Only Goes Downhill From Here

    | Bellingham, WA, USA |

    (Me standing between the CDs and DVDs sections of my department.)

    Me: “Is there anything I can help you with today?”

    Customer: “Yeah, I cant find [insert artist here], how are your CDs organized?”

    Me: “…alphabetically.”

    (Next Customer.)

    Customer: “Hi, do you guys sell DVDs?”

    Me: *Slowly turns head left and points* “Yes.”


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