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    We Stand Up For Our Own

    , | Ontario, Canada |

    (It’s Christmastime, which is always hellish at our video game store. There is a giant line running all the way to the back of the store, and I am serving a young boy and his grandfather.)

    Me: “Your total comes to $68.98.”

    Customer: “What? That’s too high. That game was fifty dollars.”

    Me: “Oh, the game is actually $59.99.”

    Customer: “I told you I didn’t want any of your extra s***. I just want this game thing he wants.”

    Me: “I’m sorry you misread the price sir, but that language in unacceptable in this store, especially with so many young people nearby.”

    Customer: “You know what, I didn’t come in here for your attitude. I came in here to buy my stupid grandson’s stupid game!”

    Me: “Then it’s $68.98…”

    Customer: “These games are so absolutely stupid. You people waste your time and your money on this s***! You people are all fat and unemployed and pathetic! You game people need to get f***ing jobs!”

    Another customer in line: “She’s doing her job right now, idiot.”

    Another customer in line #2: “Get lost, jerk!”

    Me: “That line behind you is composed of gamers, sir.”

    (At this point, the entire lineup starts yelling at the guy that he’s a jerk.)

    Customer: *flees the store*

    (For the next half hour every single customer, most of them probably gamers, tells me that I don’t deserve that kind of treatment, and apologizes for him. It is easily one of the best days I’ve ever had at work.)

    Permission To Abuse, Denied

    | St. John's, NL, Canada |

    (I’m trying to organize curtains, shams, valances, etc., when a customer approaches me.)

    Customer: “Excuse me, do you work here?”

    Me: “I certainly do, can I help you with anything?”

    Customer: *snotty* “Yeah, can you get out of my way, please?”

    Me: “…”

    Customer, to his wife: “I can say that to her because she works here!”

    $20k A Year For Beer And Bongs

    , | Midland, MI, USA |

    (A bunch of college-aged frat-looking boys walk into the shoe store while I’m shopping there.)

    Dude 1: “Duuuuuude this store smells like something.”

    Dude 2: “I know dude, it smells like shoes!”

    Getting A Word In Edgewise

    | Adelaide, Australia | Top

    Customer: “I want to see that brooch.”

    Me: “Here it is–”

    Customer: “How much is it?”

    Me: “Well, it’s–”

    Customer: “You don’t need to know where I get my money from!”

    Me: “Oh, okay. Well, it costs–”

    Customer: “I’m on a disability pension.”

    Me: “It costs thirty–”

    Customer: “And it’s none of your business why!”

    Me: “Thirty five dol–”

    Customer: “I had an accident and broke my leg.”

    Me: “…”

    Customer: “Do you want to know why I’m buying this?”

    Me: “Umm… no, it’s okay.”

    Customer: “BECAUSE GREEN IS MY FAVORITE COLOR!”

    Ask A Stupid Question, Part 4

    | Sault Ste Marie, MI, USA |

    (Back in high school, I used to work for a tourist shop downtown. In the park, there is a large fountain that sprays water roughly 8 feet high. This lady comes in one day with her children in tow.)

    Customer: “What’s that fountain for in the park?”

    Me: “What?”

    Customer: “That fountain, right next to the locks. What’s that for?”

    Me: “The fountain in the park?”

    Customer: “Yeah. What’s that for? It’s part of the locks, right?”

    Me: “No, it’s just a fountain.”

    Customer: “But what does it DO?”

    Me: “It sprays water up and looks pretty?”

    Customer: “Yeah, but what does it DO? It’s part of the locks right?”

    Me: “Uh… no. It’s just a fountain. It’s there for decoration.”

    Customer: “But what does it DO?”

    Me: *sarcastically* “It… drains the locks.”

    Customer: “OH! That’s so cool! Do you have any souvenirs of the fountain?”

    Me:“… No. It’s a fountain.”

    Customer: “Oh. Well, you should.”

    (She leaves with her kids and several tacky souvenirs. I turn to my coworker.)

    Me: “Did that just happen?”

    Coworker: “We have to remember that one.”

    (And that’s what we told tourists from then on: the fountain drains the locks. That is, until we decided it was more fun to tell them it filters the Great Lakes.)

    Related:
    Ask A Stupid Question, Part 3
    Ask A Stupid Question, Part 2
    Ask A Stupid Question …

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