Not A Planet You Want To Piss Off

| Tampa, FL, USA | Uncategorized

Me: “Hi, did you find everything all right?”

Customer: “Yeah, I brought in my old printer ink so I know which number to get.”

Me: “A very good idea. And would you like to recycle your ink cartridge? You can receive money back if you’re a rewards customer.”

Customer: “A what customer?”

Me: “It’s a frequent shoppers program that lets you rack up purchases and receive money back on them. When you recycle an ink cartridge, you get $3.00.”

Customer: “I don’t want no credit card.”

Me: “Oh, it’s not a credit card, sir. And it’s completely free to sign up.”

Customer: “No thanks.”

Me: “All right, would you like to recycle it anyway? We do that here for free.”

Customer: “Why would I recycle it?”

Me: “Well, because it’s empty, and you can’t recycle them yourself. It’s better than just throwing it away.”

Customer: “Why?”

Me: “…because it’s good for the earth?”

Customer: “What has Earth ever done for me?”

Me: “Oxygen, sir?”

Always Right, Even When They’re Not Your Customer

| Madison, Wisconsin, USA | Uncategorized

Caller: “I’m having a problem with this adapter. Can you help me out?”

Me: “I can certainly try. Can you describe it for me?”

Caller: “Well, it hooks up to a TV and it has these two things coming off of it… I don’t really know how to explain it.”

Me: “Well… maybe you can tell me what it does? I can go and grab a box off of the shelf and take a look at it.”

Caller: “I still have the package. Would it help if I read off the model number?”

Me: “That would be great.”

(The customer reads me a model number that is longer than anything I have ever seen in my department and it occurs to me…)

Me: “Sir, I don’t recognize that number. Did you buy this adapter at our store?”

Caller: “No, you guys didn’t have it so I went to Circuit City instead.”

Me: “Sir, I cannot help you with an item we don’t sell.”

Caller: “Well, THANKS a LOT!” *click*

Related:
Always Right, Even If It’s Child Labor
Always Right, Even When They Change Your God-Given Name

Introducing The Xbox Air

, | Cortlandt Manor, NY, USA | Uncategorized

(Note: this was the holiday season that the Xbox 360 came out.)

Me: “Hello, ma’am. How can I help you today?”

Customer: “I would like to purchase the “Box 360″.”

Me: “Oh, the Xbox 360. Well, unfortunately we do not have any more left in store to sell you.”

Customer: *pointing at display box* “Then what is this? Are you lying to me? Is it because I’m old that you think you can get away with this?!”

Me: “No, ma’am. Those boxes are for display purposes only.”

Customer: “Well, I want one right now.”

Me: “We don’t have any in stock, but I can special order one for–”

Customer: “Now listen here, you idiot! I see this box right here and I want to buy my son the Box 360!”

Me: “Ma’am, I can’t sell you a display box. The only thing I can do is special order you one. However, I can guarantee it will be there before Christmas.”

Customer: “I will take this Box 360 and I am not paying for it!”

(The customer suddenly throws the display box, resulting in security coming over.)

Me, to the little boy with her: “Is she usually like that?”

Little Boy: “Yes, and if she would listen I wanted a PS2!”

I Sense Another Frivolous Lawsuit, Part 2

, | El Paso, TX, USA | Uncategorized

(My checkout is right at the top of the escalators, with four kids ranging in age from about 7-13 were playing on them.)

Me: “Guys, please don’t play on the escalators, you could get hurt.”

(The kids go away for all of a minute, then return.)

Me: “I asked you to please stop playing on the escalator.”

(A woman emerges from a display a few yards away.)

Customer: “Don’t tell my kids what to do!”

Me: “Ma’am, then please keep them away from the escalators, its dangerous.”

Customer: “Don’t tell me what to do!”

(Just then, one of her little kids falls down the escalator.)

Me: “You were saying, ma’am?”

Customer: *storms off*

Related: I Sense Another Frivolous Lawsuit

An Unsalvageable Lie

| Ottawa, Canada | Uncategorized

Customer: “Hi, I’d like to return this. *hands me a metal, foot-operated garbage bin*

Me: “Sure, I’ll need the receipt please.”

Customer: “I don’t have it.”

Me: “OK, is there any reason why you’re returning it?”

Customer: “Yeah, my wife didn’t want it.”

Me: “Did you use it?”

Customer: “No.”

(I open it to find an old dirty sock.)

Me: “Sir, I can’t take this. There’s a dirty sock in there.”

Customer: “That was already in there.”

Me: “…”

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