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    Watering Wonders

    , | New York, NY, USA | Uncategorized

    Me: “Hi, how can I help you?”

    Customer: “Hi. I have a faucet in my backyard, and I can’t get the water to the other side.”

    Me: “You need a hose…”

    Customer: “What is that?”

    Me: “You connect it to the faucet, and the water travels through the hose to the other side.”

    Customer: “These inventions these days – they’re incredible!”

    Me: “…”

    More Than He Bargained For

    , | Middletown, NY, USA | Uncategorized

    (My father is manning tables at the local flea market. A man comes up to the table and picks out an item that’s priced at $8.)

    Customer: “Will you take $6 for this?”

    Dad: “Sure.”

    (The man finds another item, this one priced at $5.)

    Customer: “Will you take $4?”

    Dad: “Sure.”

    (After a while, the man finds another item, this time priced at $6.)

    Customer: “$5?”

    Dad: “Sure.”

    (Finally, the man gathers all of his items together and winds up for the ultimate bargaining ploy.)

    Customer: “How about $20 for all three?”

    Dad: “Sure.”

    (Dad was always an agreeable sort.)

    Ah, Mothers, Part 2

    , | Fort Worth, TX, USA | Uncategorized

    (I overhear the following conversation as I’m stocking crafts; it’s a forty-something mother and her teenage daughter.)

    Mother: “… okay, we need beads.”

    Daughter: “Just make it fast.”

    Mother: “Don’t take that attitude with me.”

    Daughter: “I don’t know why I go anywhere with you!”

    Mother: “Oh, look! Gift boxes! With Rudolph on them!”

    Daughter: “Mom, be quiet. Just shut up… please.”

    Mother: “Look! Rudolph! You see Rudolph?”

    Daughter: “Mom, shut up! Can we leave?”

    Mother: “It’s just so godd**n a** f**king cute!”

    Daughter: *rolls her eyes and stomps off*

    Related:
    Ah, Mothers
    Mom In A Thong: Wrong
    A Mother’s Love

    It’s A Low Maintenance Affair

    | Cleveland, OH, USA | Uncategorized

    Me: “Happy Holidays! How can I help you today?”

    Customer: “Well, I need two gifts.”

    Me: “Okay, who are you shopping for and what did you have in mind?”

    Customer: “I need one for my wife, and one for my girlfriend. I got them the same thing last year, so we can just do that again.”

    It’s A Miracle She’s Still On The Ground…

    | Adelaide, Australia | Uncategorized

    (A very angry customer storms up to the counter at the party shop I was working at.)

    Customer: “These balloons are no good! I spent all afternoon blowing them up, and none of them will float!”

    Me: “What did you fill them with?”

    Customer: “What do you mean? I just blew them up, and none of them will float.”

    Me: “Did you fill them with air or helium?”

    Customer: “Air.”

    Me: “They won’t float unless you use a helium tank.”

    Customer: “NO! Look, it says on the packet, ‘Helium Balloons’.”

    Me: “…”

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