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  • November Theme Of The Month: Black Friday!

    Bagging A Deal

    , | Vancouver, Canada | Uncategorized

    Me: “Hello. Just so you know you with your purchase you can get any of these movies for $5.99, you save–”

    Customer: “No! You know what? I am sick and tired of you people offering me things. I can’t come to the d*** mall without getting offered a deal. If I want something I will tell you, and you will give it to me. Understand?”

    Me: “I’m sorry. Here’s your purchase.”

    Customer: “Aren’t you going to offer me a bag?”

    When Free Advice Gets Expensive

    | Vernon, BC, Canada | Top

    (A customer approaches me with a new Blu-ray movie.)

    Me: “Ah. Blu-ray is a great choice, it looks amazing.”

    Customer: “Great! I’m so excited to watch my first Blu-ray. We just setup the PVR this morning.”

    Me: “PVR?”

    Customer: “Yeah our PVR machine to watch Blu-rays.”

    Me: “I’m hate to say this, but PVR’s don’t play Blu-rays. They record live television.”

    Customer: *rolls eyes* “Yes, but they play Blu-rays as well!”

    Me: “I am sorry, but they don’t. If you buy this, open up the movie and then figure out that your machine won’t play it then I can’t give you a refund. I can’t do refunds on new products that are opened.”

    Customer: “Don’t treat me like I’m an idiot, and don’t threaten me! I know this plays Blu-rays! My friend Steve told it does, and he used to work for a major retailer.”

    Me: “Okay, I will. Just to ask, where is the disc tray on your PVR?”

    Customer: *thinks* “You know, on second thought, Steve also got fired for fraud.”

    Sweaty Confetti

    | Colorado, USA | Uncategorized

    Customer: “I bought one of your bath balls with the confetti in it. It never dissolved and it just left a mess.”

    (He points to a bath ball with confetti.)

    Me: “We’ve never had a problem with that ball before, but I’ll keep that in mind. I would be happy to give you one without confetti for free so you can enjoy our products.”

    Customer: “Oh no, that’s not necessary. I just wanted to tell you guys about it so you can warn other people.”

    Me: “Thank you, I’ll definitely let everybody know about that.”

    Customer: “Yeah, you should! I mean, now I have confetti all over my house. On my floor, my carpet, my bed, even my couch and living room!”

    Me: “Wow, sounds like you had a lot of confetti!”

    Customer: “I did! It even got lodged in places.”

    Me: “Lodged in places?”

    Customer: “Yeah crevices, my crevices! I mean I have to dig it out of places. Anyway, I just came by to warn you guys.”

    (He starts heading out, and as he reaches the door he turns around.)


    Death Becomes Her

    | Newfoundland, Canada | Uncategorized

    Me: “Hello, ma’am. Did you find everything you were looking for today?”

    Customer: “Yes, yes. Sure is busy here.”

    Me: “I guess that’s because of the season, ma’am. Everyone’s out getting last-minute holiday gifts.”

    Customer: “Oh, I see, yes. I haven’t needed to buy any gifts for a while. Everyone I love is dead.”

    Me: “Oh, I’m so sorry to hear that!”

    Customer: *stares at me intently* “Someday, everyone you love will be dead, too.”

    Me: “Uh…”

    Customer: “Merry Christmas, now!”

    Ah, Mothers, Part 3

    | Morristown, TN, USA | Uncategorized

    (A customer comes in with a friend to translate for her, since she does not speak very good English.)

    Me: “Hello, how may I help you today?”

    Customer: “Hello. You remember me?”

    Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, I don’t. I see a lot of people every day.”

    Customer: “Well, you remember my daughter, right?”

    Me: “No, I don’t…sorry. Is she with you?”

    Customer: “No, but you two would look good together!”

    Me: *laughing* “I’m sorry, but I’m engaged.”

    Customer: “You gay? I sorry! Sorry!”

    Customer’s friend: *translating* “No, he said engaged.”

    Customer: “Oh, you getting married. Well she no care if you married. She very pretty, and tall!”

    Ah, Mothers, Part 2
    Ah, Mothers

    Also seen on: Not Always Romantic