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    Ask A Stupid Question, Part 4

    | Sault Ste Marie, MI, USA |

    (Back in high school, I used to work for a tourist shop downtown. In the park, there is a large fountain that sprays water roughly 8 feet high. This lady comes in one day with her children in tow.)

    Customer: “What’s that fountain for in the park?”

    Me: “What?”

    Customer: “That fountain, right next to the locks. What’s that for?”

    Me: “The fountain in the park?”

    Customer: “Yeah. What’s that for? It’s part of the locks, right?”

    Me: “No, it’s just a fountain.”

    Customer: “But what does it DO?”

    Me: “It sprays water up and looks pretty?”

    Customer: “Yeah, but what does it DO? It’s part of the locks right?”

    Me: “Uh… no. It’s just a fountain. It’s there for decoration.”

    Customer: “But what does it DO?”

    Me: *sarcastically* “It… drains the locks.”

    Customer: “OH! That’s so cool! Do you have any souvenirs of the fountain?”

    Me:“… No. It’s a fountain.”

    Customer: “Oh. Well, you should.”

    (She leaves with her kids and several tacky souvenirs. I turn to my coworker.)

    Me: “Did that just happen?”

    Coworker: “We have to remember that one.”

    (And that’s what we told tourists from then on: the fountain drains the locks. That is, until we decided it was more fun to tell them it filters the Great Lakes.)

    Related:
    Ask A Stupid Question, Part 3
    Ask A Stupid Question, Part 2
    Ask A Stupid Question …

    A Good Ol’ Fashioned A** Whoopin’

    | Philadelphia, PA, USA | Top

    Me: “Sir, would you like to use any coupons today?”

    Customer: “Yes, I’ve been saving them. Here you go!”

    (He hands me a coupon that had expired five years previously.)

    Me: “Sir, your coupon is expired.”

    Customer: “WHAT?! What do you mean its expired? You f***ing b****, you’re just trying to steal my f***ing money! You’re trying to rob me! You and this f***ing company are trying to steal my f***ing money!”

    (The customer attempts to climb over the counter and attack me. Thankfully, my manager intercepts him.)

    Manager: “Sir, I need you to come with me.”

    (My manager hauls the customer off counter by the back of his collar and drags him outside. Ten minutes pass, and he comes back in hauling a very disheveled customer by the shirt.)

    Customer: “Your manager told me that I need to apologize to you. I’m sorry for yelling.”

    Manager: “Now, apologize for cursing at her.”

    Customer: “I’m sorry for cursing at you.”

    Manager: “Now, what’s our policy on expired coupons?”

    Customer: “You don’t accept them.”

    Manager, to me: “Is he forgiven, or would you like to have him arrested?”

    Me: “No, it’s okay. ”

    Manager, to customer: “Now get out, and don’t come back.” *throws customer out*

    Che Guevara, Rapping Revolutionary

    | Vancouver, BC, Canada |

    (I overheard this in a comic book store in a trendy area of town.)

    Teenager: *points to t-shirt of Che Guevara* “Hey look, it’s the lead singer of Rage Against The Machine!”

    Teenager’s friend: “I am totally buying one!”

    Renamed: The iPod Please Touch The Frigging Screen

    , | Toronto, Canada |

    Customer: “Hello, I just bought this iPod, and I can’t make it go.”

    Me: “What’s the problem?”

    Customer: “It won’t go.”

    Me: “Okay, how exactly?”

    Customer: “IT WON’T GO.”

    Me: “Can I see your iPod?”

    (The customer takes out iPod Touch and shows it to me. I turn it on and open up Safari.)

    Me: “It seems to be working fine.”

    (I hand it back to her. She presses the home button multiple times.)

    Customer: “How did you do that? It’s not working.”

    Me: “Ma’am, what kind of iPod is that?”

    Customer: “iPod Touch.”

    Me: “Yeah… so try touching one of the icons on the screen.”

    (She does.)

    Customer: “OH MY GOD, THAT IS SO COOL! YOU’RE A GENIUS!”

    Me: “Yeah, well.”

    Straight Into The Lion’s Den

    , | Israel |

    Customer: “Hi, can you help me?”

    Me: “Sure, what seems to be the problem?”

    Customer: “I have Windows on my computer and it’s not booting up properly anymore.”

    Me: “Did you buy the PC here?”

    Customer: “No.”

    Me: “Did you buy Windows here?”

    Customer: “No.”

    Me: “Then I’m afraid I can’t really help you with that.”

    Customer: “Look here, you sell Windows. I downloaded and installed Windows, and it’s not working. You’re supposed to help me.”

    Me: “Let me just get it right. You’ve downloaded a copy of Windows, installed it and now it’s giving you problems.”

    Customer: “Yes, and it’s your job to help me.”

    Me: “Oh, okay. Here’s Microsoft Israel support phone number. Call them and tell them exactly what you told me.”

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