All Roads Lead To Rome China

| San Jose, CA, USA | Top

(A customer is looking at our lamp displays).

Customer: “Where in China are these made?”

Me: “They’re not made in China; they’re all made in Italy.”

Customer: “But where in China are these made?”

Me: “They’re not made in China. All these lamps are made in Italy.”

Customer: “But where in China are these made?!”

Me: “None of these lamps are made in China. They’re made in Italy. It’s a country in Europe.”

Customer: “But where in China are these made?!”

Science, Stripped Down To A Soundbite

| Long Island, NY, USA | Uncategorized

Customer: “The counter is wet.”

Me: “Oh, it’s from condensation.”

Customer: *blank stare*

Me: “When someone takes the milk out of the refrigerator, and it starts to become room temperature…it drips…”

Customer: *blank stare*

Me: “It’s water.”

Customer: “Oh!”

Putting The LOL In Little Old Lady

| Wichita, KS, USA | Top

(I’m checking out my last customer, a little old lady, before covering a break when another customer starts unloading his stuff into the register. Note that I’ve shut off my light and put a “lane closed” sign up.)

Me: “I’m sorry, sir, my lane is closed. I have to go to another department and cover a break.”

Other customer: “Well, isn’t that just f***ing convenient for you!”

(Right on cue, the little old lady I was helping turns to the other customer.)

Little old lady: “Who the h*** peed in your cornflakes this morning?!”

Other customer: *storms off*

(I hugged the lady and she is now a regular of mine.)

A Man Of Two Words

| Canada | Uncategorized

Me: *ringing up a sale* “…and did you find everything you were looking for today?”

Customer: “No.”

Me: “Oh, that’s too bad. Would you like some assistance finding those items?”

Customer: “Yes.”

Me: “Okay. What was it that you couldn’t find?”

Customer: “No.”

Me: “…pardon?”

Customer: “Yes.”

Me: “So…did you not need any help today?”

Customer: “No.”

Me: “Then you have everything you need?”

Customer: “Yes.”

Me: “Well then, have a wonderful day!”

Customer: “No.” *takes bag and leaves*

MSRP: My Suggested Retail Price

| Wanganui, New Zealand | Top

Customer: “Ooh, don’t you have lovely eyes? You’re like a little china doll!”

Me: “Uh, thanks…is that like a porcelain doll?”

Customer: “Yes! Yes! A porcelain doll! from Europe! Your skin is so pale, and your eyes are so big! Oh my, you do look just like a china doll! I bet you have so many different outfits! And a little house! And lots of hats!

Coworker: *joking* “Actually, she’s a collector’s item. Very rare. A one-off, in fact.”

Customer, to me: “LIFT UP YOUR HAIR!”

Me: “Why?!”

Customer: “I need to see your stamp of authenticity!”

Page 358/471First...356357358359360...Last