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    Baptism On A Budget

    | Michigan, USA |

    Customer: “I need some help with the animal watering troughs.”

    Me: “Sure, they are outside. Let’s go look at them.”

    (Outside…)

    Customer: “Can I see if I fit in it?”

    Me: “Um, ok.”

    (The customer climbs in.)

    Customer to companion: “Ok, now you get in too, see if we will both fit.”

    (The customer’s companion climbs in.)

    Customer: “Ok, this will work, but do you have any nicer looking ones, without dents? We are using it for a baptismal font.”

    More Like The Gas Beneath My Pants

    | Alberta, Canada |

    Me: “Hello, ¬†*** Music. How may I help you?”

    Customer: “I was wondering if you had the sheet music for ‘Hero’.”

    Me: “Mariah Carey?”

    Customer: “No! Bette Midler!”

    Me: “Oh! ‘Wind Beneath My Wings!’ Sure, ¬†we’ve got it!”

    Customer: “Huh?”

    Me: “The song is called ‘Wind Beneath My Wings.’ It’s one of the most popular vocal arrangements on the market.”

    Customer: “No, it’s that one about her hero.”

    Me:¬†”Yeah…” *sings* “… did you ever know that you’re my hero?¬†You’re everything I wish I could be…¬†I can fly higher than an eagle… and you are the WIND BENEATH MY WINGS.”

    Customer: “Yes! That’s the one!” *sings* “‘Did you ever know that you’re my HERO!’¬†Can you hold a copy for me?”

    Me, giving up: “Of course…”

    (Later on…)

    Coworker 1: “So, who was on the phone?”

    Coworker 2: “… and why are they the wind beneath your wings?”

    The Logic Is Weak In This One

    | Victoria, BC, Canada |

    (A man comes out of the fitting room with a pair of pants and talks to my coworker.)

    Customer: “So… it says here on the hanger, that it’s size 34. The tag says 34, and this other tag says 34. But there’s no freaking way I can fit into these! So what does that mean?

    Coworker: “Well, I guess that means you’re not a size 34…”

    Customer: “Oh. Thanks.”

    We Stand Up For Our Own

    , | Ontario, Canada |

    (It’s Christmastime, which is always hellish at our video game store. There is a giant line running all the way to the back of the store, and I am serving a young boy and his grandfather.)

    Me: “Your total comes to $68.98.”

    Customer: “What? That’s too high. That game was fifty dollars.”

    Me: “Oh, the game is actually $59.99.”

    Customer: “I told you I didn’t want any of your extra s***. I just want this game thing he wants.”

    Me: “I’m sorry you misread the price sir, but that language in unacceptable in this store, especially with so many young people nearby.”

    Customer: “You know what, I didn’t come in here for your attitude. I came in here to buy my stupid grandson’s stupid game!”

    Me: “Then it’s $68.98…”

    Customer: “These games are so absolutely stupid. You people waste your time and your money on this s***! You people are all fat and unemployed and pathetic! You game people need to get f***ing jobs!”

    Another customer in line: “She’s doing her job right now, idiot.”

    Another customer in line #2: “Get lost, jerk!”

    Me: “That line behind you is composed of gamers, sir.”

    (At this point, the entire lineup starts yelling at the guy that he’s a jerk.)

    Customer: *flees the store*

    (For the next half hour every single customer, most of them probably gamers, tells me that I don’t deserve that kind of treatment, and apologizes for him. It is easily one of the best days I’ve ever had at work.)

    Permission To Abuse, Denied

    | St. John's, NL, Canada |

    (I’m trying to organize curtains, shams, valances, etc., when a customer approaches me.)

    Customer: “Excuse me, do you work here?”

    Me: “I certainly do, can I help you with anything?”

    Customer: *snotty* “Yeah, can you get out of my way, please?”

    Me: “…”

    Customer, to his wife: “I can say that to her because she works here!”

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