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    The Fairweather Fan

    | Parsippany, NJ, USA |

    (In my line are a preteen girl, an older woman behind her, and lastly a middle-aged woman.)

    Me: “Can I have your zip code, please?”

    Young girl: “Wait, what?”

    Me: “We’re just doing a survey.”

    Middle-aged woman: “Don’t listen to her, honey. You don’t have to give her any information if you don’t want to. They’re just going to use it to help the government to watch you! The government is already in enough things. You shouldn’t give them any more opportunities to watch what you’re doing! I never give my information when sales girls ask for it; that’s my right, and it’s your right to refuse!”

    Young girl: “Um…”

    Me: *I punch in my own zip code* “It’s fine, never mind. That’ll be $6.34.”

    (Next is the older woman…)

    Older woman: “You can have my zip code. I shop here all the time, and I love getting coupons and fliers in the mail because the company knows people in my town shop here often. In fact, I have a coupon with me today!”

    Me: “Well, thank you, ma’am!”

    (The older woman pays and leaves and I ring up the middle-aged woman’s purchases. I punch in my own zip code again for her because I don’t want to hear another speech about the government stalking people via zip code.)

    Me: “That’ll be $24.56.”

    Middle-aged woman: “What? I wanted to give you my zip code!”

    Speed Bumps With Name Tags

    | Ontario, Canada |

    (I’m picking up overstock on the floor, and an elderly lad hits my heel with her shopping cart.)

    Me: “Ow!”

    (The elderly lady proceeds to RAM the shopping cart into my foot until she succeeds in rolling over it completely.)

    Me: “OWW! OWWWWW!”

    Elderly lady: “Hmmm? Ehhh? Did I bump ya?”

    Me: “You rammed right over my foot!”

    Elderly lady: “Well, it shouldn’t be on the floor.”

    Me: “… I’m going on my break.”

    (Turns out she bruised a bone in my foot and tore a ligament by ramming into it.)

    Just Another Day At Work

    | Shreveport, LA, USA |

    (Okay, for starters: I am wearing clown makeup, a bright pink wig, and a bright orange shirt with our store’s logo on it in HUGE font. A woman with a bible in one hand and a cross in another comes up to me.)

    Woman: “Do you work here?”

    Me: “… yes.”

    Woman: “YOU WILL ALL BURN IN H*** FOR SELLING THESE ITEMS CELEBRATING SATAN’S HOLIDAY!” *turns to customers* “…AND YOU WILL BURN FOR SUPPORTING THEM!”

    Manager, over loudspeaker: “Thank you for shopping at H***Mart! All items are now 6.66% off for the next 6 minutes, 66 seconds. Thank you, and have a nice day!”

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    We All Snap At Some Point

    | Winona, MN, USA |

    (I work at a store that is open 24/7, and only closed for 36 hours out of the entire year.  Around EVERY holiday, there is someone who calls the store wondering if the store is open. This past 4th of July, I decided to have a little fun with it.)

    Me: “Thank you for calling [store].¬†How may I help you?”

    Customer: “Hi,¬†I was wondering if you guys were open today?”

    Me: “No, I’m the only one here to answer the phone.”

    Customer: “Oh. Well, I’m out in the parking lot and there are a lot of cars parked out here.”

    Me: “Yeah, I like to drive a lot.”

    Tornado 1, Whiny Caller 0

    | Wisconsin, USA |

    (This happened during the Midwest’s massive flooding in June, 2008.)

    Me: “Thank you for calling [store]. I’m sorry, but—”

    Caller: “Can you get me the price of a digital camera?”

    Me: “Sir, I am sorry but we are currently in a code black.”

    Caller: “What is that?”

    Me: “That is where the managers are telling the employees and the customers to move to the center of the store due to violent weather.”

    Caller: “But could you just look for me quick?”

    Me: “Sorry, but I have to get to the back of the store because there is a tornado coming!”

    Caller: “You people are so selfish. I am going to call your district manager and—”

    Me: *hangs up and runs for my life*

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