Looking Forward To Backward Logic

| Missouri, USA | Top

Customer: “I’m here to return this shirt. I’m not satisfied with it.”

Me: “I’m sorry to hear that. Could you explain what’s wrong with it?”

Customer: “The writing on it is all backward.”

(She pulls the shirt from her bag, but the lettering looks fine.)

Me: “Ma’am, I’m looking at it right now, and this shirt is definitely not backward.”

Customer: “No, I went home and tried it on, and it was backward!”

Me: “Were you looking in a mirror?”

Customer: “Yes, but it should still read from right to left!”

A Man Of Many Faces, All Of Them Dumb

| Dallas, TX, USA | Top

(I had lost my entire wallet just a week prior. A customer approaches my check stand. He has an 18-pack of beer on the belt, and he looks about 20 years old.)

Me: *ringing him up* “ID, please.”

Customer: “You got it!”

(The customer pulls out a wallet that looks exactly like mine, broken chain and all. He then proceeds to show me my own ID.)

Me: *taking my wallet back from him* “Two problems with this.”

Customer: “What the h***, man?!”

Me: “First off, this is MY ID; MY wallet. Secondly, I’m not 21, and neither is this thing.”

Customer: *runs out of the store*

Hope For The Best, Prepare For The 50 Megaton Blast

| Jersey, Channel Islands | Uncategorized

(I work in an electronics & gas appliance store. A customer is inquiring about fireplaces.)

Customer: “I would like a power flue, but if the electricity cuts out I’ll be left with no heating!”

Supervisor: “We’re pretty lucky here, though. The electricity very rarely cuts out.”

Customer: “But…what if they drop a bomb?!”

Supervisor: “Well, um…we’d all be dead, so it wouldn’t matter anyway.”

Customer: “No, not necessarily. Unfortunately, some of us will survive, and we will be left with no heating!”

Supervisor: “How…unfortunate?”

Security Insecurity

| Albany, NY, USA | Uncategorized

Customer: “I want to pay my cell phone bill.”

Me: “Sure. May I have your wireless number?”

Customer: “Oh, I don’t give that out.”

Me: “Well, I’m sorry, sir, I need your wireless number in order to pull up your account.”

Customer: “No! I don’t give anyone my number. That’s personal and private. Let me give you my social…”

Even Poltergeists Worry About Identity Theft

| Weatherford, TX, USA | Uncategorized

(A lady came and returned a paper shredder to the store because the one she had was running its motor at odd intervals when no one was in the room. I exchanged her shredder for a new one and offered to carry it out to her car for her.)

Customer: “You know, if I hadn’t moved recently, I wouldn’t have thought twice about my old shredder acting up.”

Me: “Really? Why is that?”

Customer: “Well, my old house was haunted!”

Me: “Really…”

Customer: “Really. My old house was haunted by the ghosts of my ex husband and his crazy, dead aunt. You know, most people would think I’m crazy, but you seem really receptive to this!”

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