A lady approaches my register with a kids’ snowsuit.

Lady: “I bought this in season, and I want to return it. I don’t have the receipt.”

The snowsuit was now super cheap on clearance.

Me: “I can’t process the return without a receipt, ma’am.”

She finally produced the receipt which, shocker, showed that she had purchased it on clearance. I still denied her the return, and the manager denied it, too.

I work at a place that can’t cash checks; I don’t even have a function on my register. I haven’t been here very long — just a few months. An older man comes to my register and pays for his items. He then puts down a rebate check from a cable company and doesn’t say anything. I pick it up.

Me: “I’m sorry, what did you need?”

Customer: “I need cash.”

Me: “Um, I’m sorry, but we can’t do that here.”

I point out the big sign behind me that says, “No third-party checks”. I put it back on the counter but he pushes it back toward me.

Customer: *Rather rudely* “Then I want to pay for my things.” 

Uh… you already paid…

Me: “I’m sorry, we can’t do that here.”

I point again to the big sign behind me. The man abruptly picks up his check and starts walking out.

Customer: “What a crappy place. I might be back, no thanks to you.”

I actually started laughing.

A customer comes to my register to purchase some dolls.

Customer: “Please don’t put them in a bag. It will suffocate them!”

Me: “Um, okay, ma’am.”

Customer: “I take them home and make birth certificates for them and give them names!”

She was very strange. Very.

We sell farm and ranch equipment, as well as western wear. We have pretty good clearance in our clothing department most of the time. We’re running some boots on clearance, and all the boots that are on clearance are marked. A lady comes up to buy some boots.

Customer: “No, that’s not right. Those are on clearance.”

Me: “Unfortunately, they aren’t on clearance, because they would have a red sticker.”

Customer: “Well, they must have missed them. That whole aisle was marked on clearance.”

Me: “Let me check.”

I call on the radio, and a coworker in the clothing department tells me that they are not marked on clearance.

Customer: “Give me your manager. That whole aisle is on clearance!”

The manager came up and told the customer that those boots were not on clearance. The customer didn’t believe her, either, and left without the boots. I went to check and wouldn’t you know it? The whole aisle was NOT marked, only certain boots, and it was pretty obvious which ones were on clearance.

I’m a shift lead at a local discount retailer, getting ready to close for the night.

I get a call to cash for a void. As I’m arriving, my cashier indicates her suspicion that the customer has filled her bag with unpaid merchandise, while the customer is suspiciously closing her bulging bag.

The customer begins telling me what items she wants removed from her transaction, my cashier politely asks her if there’s anything else in her bag she wants to pay for. The customer puts an abashed look on her face and sheepishly pulls out a tube of toothpaste.

Me: “As you’ve already admitted to attempting to steal this, I’m going to have to ask to check your bag for other merchandise.”

Shoplifter: “Rude!”

Me: “I’m sorry you feel that way, but again, you’ve already admitted to attempting to steal someth—”

Shoplifter: *Cutting me off* “IT’S JUST TOOTHPASTE!”

Me: “It’s still theft.”

Shoplifter: “IT’S JUST TOOTHPASTE!”

I come around the counter to block the door. The shoplifter comes closer but doesn’t try leaving yet.

Me: “It’s still theft. I’m going to need to check your bag for our own peace of mind that nothing else is being stolen. If everything is on the up and up, this should be no problem.”

The shoplifter partially opens her bag to sneak another item out in an attempt to satisfy me, but I can see multiple products peeking out.

Me: “Nuh-uh, no, these are all ours.”

I proceed to pull all the hidden, unpaid items from the bag, leaving a few items of trash at the bottom.

Me: “You are now banned. Please leave and don’t come back.”

Shoplifter: “Good! I’m never coming back!”

Me: “Good thing, ‘cause next time I see you here, you’ll be charged with trespassing!” *Turning to the next customer* “Hi, how can I help you?”

Just another day at the office.