November Theme Of The Month: Black Friday!

Ask Me Questions, I Tell You Lies

| Dallas, TX, USA | Uncategorized

(A customer brings in a 20 year old pool cleaner.)

Customer: “I need you to wet-test this for me!”

Me: “I’m sorry sir, we don’t offer that service. If you like, we can check it in, and bench test it.”

Customer: “Fine, but I wanna watch what you’re doing. I just had it in here last week, and it’s broken again!”

Me: “Do you remember who worked on it?”

Customer: “It was that kid with all those tattoos”

(One of our employees has a small tattoo on his arm. While he flips out, I find the problem: a part was put in up-side-down.)

Me: “You sure [name] worked on this?”

Customer: “Yes! I knew he would mess it up!”

Me: “Well here is your problem. This part was up side down. Did you install this yourself?

Customer: “Yes, I bought it here last week! And your guys came to my house last week, he cut off all my pipes, and he ruined my equipment!”

Me: “Sir, the last service done at your house was 3 months ago…a filter clean.”

Customer: “You’re not helpful at all!” *leaves*


| Florida, USA | Uncategorized

Customer: “Why was my return denied?”

Me: “Ma’am, the system is showing us that you have recently made a lot of returns without a receipt. When this happens, corporate flags your ID and you can’t make any non-receipt returns for a while. It’s to prevent theft.”

Customer: “I’m not stealing. In fact, I have a lot of money. My boyfriend is a street pharmacist and he has a lot of money.”

Me: “A what, ma’am?”

Customer: “A street pharmacist! He sells dope.”

Me: “That is more information than I want to know ma’am. You have a good day.”

Looking For A Bullseye In A Haystack

| Coon Rapids, MN, USA | Uncategorized

(I work at a major big box retailer known for its employees that wear red shirts and khaki pants.)

Customer: “I lost my credit card!”

Me: “What is your name and what kind of card is it?”

(The customer gives that information and I check the lost and found.)

Me: “Sorry, ma’am. I don’t have it here. Do you know where you lost it?”

Customer: “At the checkout.”

Me: “Do you remember which one? Do you have your receipt? That would help me figure it out.”

Customer: “No.”

Me: “Do you remember who helped you?”

Customer: “Well, she was wearing a red shirt…”

Elixirs Of Everlasting Life Are On Aisle 5

| Evansville, IN, USA | Uncategorized

(While ringing up a customer, the computer flags cold medicine and asks for age verification.)

Me: “Sir, I need to verify your date of birth.”

Customer: “Why?”

Me: “You’re trying to buy medicine and I just need your date of birth to confirm you are over the age of 18.”

Customer: “Oh. April 20th, 1420.”

Me: “Sir, I really need your actual birth date to continue.”

Customer: “4-20-1420. Put it in.”

(I enter the date. The system accepts. I look in disbelief.)

Customer: “Told you.”

Candid Camera, Candid Answer

| England, UK | Uncategorized

Me: “Hello there, can I help you?”

Customer: “I’d like some batteries for my camera.”

Me: “Okay, what does it take?”

Customer: “Pictures.”