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    Faux Naturale

    | Kingston, NY, USA | Uncategorized

    Me: “Good morning! What can I help you with today?”

    Customer: *stares*

    Me: “Ma’am, did you need help with something?”

    Customer: “How old are you?”

    Me: “I just turned 21 this week.”

    Customer: “21, eh? You know what I’m going to tell you next, don’t you?”

    Me: “Um, drink more?”

    Customer: “No! I was gonna tell you to shave your eyebrows! You look all…natural.”

    Me: “Oh…thank you?”

    Customer: “A girl your age shouldn’t look natural!”

    Not Too Hot To Pot

    | Atlanta, GA, USA | Uncategorized

    (I work at a paint-your-own-pottery studio where we fire the ceramics in our own kilns.)

    Customer: “How long does it take to get the pottery back?”

    Me: “It takes one week, sir.”

    Customer: “Well I need my pottery in two days. Can I just take it home and cook it in my oven?”

    Me: “I’m sorry sir, but that won’t work. The pottery needs to be fired in a kiln.”

    Customer: “But my oven gets really hot.”

    Me: “I’m sure it does sir, but it still won’t work.”

    Customer: “But you don’t know hot my oven gets. It gets really, really, hot!”

    Me: “Well, sir, we fire our pottery at 1800 degrees Fahrenheit.”

    Customer: “Oh.”

    May We Suggest A Troublemaker Instead

    | Edinburgh, Scotland, UK | Uncategorized

    Me: “Hi there, how can I help you?”

    Customer: “Hello dear, I was wondering if I could return this coffee machine? It’s not making any coffee.”

    Me: “Oh, right. Well, normally you would send it to the manufacturer and they would repair it.”

    Customer: “Who?”

    Me: “The manufacturer.”

    Customer: “But I bought it here. Have a look at it anyway, son.”

    Me: “Okay, I’ll have a quick look.”

    (I open the box to find the machine wrapped in plastic and only slightly wet, but otherwise as clean as a brand new one.)

    Me: “When you tried it out, did you put coffee in it?”

    Customer: “Coffee?”

    Me: “Yes, did you put coffee powder or granules in it?”

    Customer: “No, of course not! Don’t be silly, it’s a coffee machine. It’s meant to MAKE coffee, is it not? Why buy a coffee machine that needs coffee in it to make coffee?!”

    Fun With Photons

    | California, USA | Uncategorized

    Me: “Hi sir, was there anything I could help you find today?”

    Customer: “Yes, I was wondering something. Why do all these glasses have the same white circles on the lenses? It’s really unstylish. I’m surprised people like this store!”

    Me: “Sir, that’s the reflection of the light on the glasses.”

    Customer: “Oh.”


    | Wisconsin, USA | Top

    Customer: “Hey, you know them laptops over there? Do they come with the internet?”

    Me: “They are internet capable and also have wi-fi.”

    Customer: “So, I buy it and send it to the warehouse and they put the internet on it for me?”

    Me: “You just need to select a company and purchase their internet services.”

    Customer: “What? Then what the h*** is that Visto thing that comes on it? I need to buy two internets?”

    Me: “No. Windows Vista is an operating system.”

    Customer: *blank stare*

    Me: “Getting the internet is kinda like getting cable television.”

    Customer: “Cable?”

    (The conversation only went downhill from there.)

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