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    Fibbing Fail

    | Denver, CO, USA | Top

    Me: “Hi, how can I help you?”

    Customer: “I need to return this d*** camera.”

    Me: “Sure, was it not working?”

    Customer: “I just don’t want it, okay?”

    Me: “Okay. Have you opened the box yet?”

    Customer: “Why does that matter?”

    Me: “Well, as the sticker on the box says, if the box is opened and you return it, I have to charge you a restocking fee.”

    Customer: “Oh. No… no, it hasn’t been opened.”

    (I look and the box has been clearly opened, with a torn seal.)

    Me: “Uh… are you sure it hasn’t been opened?”

    Customer: ¬†”LOOK! ARE YOU CALLING ME A F***ING LIAR? Where is your manager?¬†I spend hundreds of thousands of dollars here and this is how I’m treated?!”

    Me: “Ma’am, if you just–”

    Customer: “THESE PEOPLE CALL CUSTOMERS LIARS! DON’T SHOP HERE!”

    Me: “Ma’am, I believe you! I will return it!”

    Customer: “That’s right you will!”

    Me: “Can I see your receipt?”

    Customer: “It’s in the box.”

    Go MacGuyver Go

    | Ontario, Canada |

    (I work at a bulk food store, where prices are given on the bins for 100 grams, and 1 pound of the product.)

    Customer: “Why isn’t this weighing in pounds? The sign had it in pounds!”

    Me: “The signs have it in both pounds and grams, and since Canada uses the metric system, we weigh according to kilograms.”

    Customer: “Kilograms are not grams!”

    Me: “Grams go into kilograms, sir.”

    Customer: “No they don’t! I am the customer, and I want this scale to weigh in pounds!”

    (Note that this is a scale only weighs in kilograms, with ‘kg’ painted on permanently next to the display.)

    Me: “That’s impossible, sir.”

    Customer: “No it’s not, it’s what I want. I work with computers. I can change this.”

    Me: “… You do that.”

    Same Disgusting Difference

    | USA |

    Customer: “I need to return these bladder control pads. They won’t work for me.”

    Me: “Sorry, you can no longer return anything to this store of that nature.”

    Customer: “Why?!”

    Me: “Not only has it been opened, but you used a pad and put it back in the package.”

    Customer: “I didn’t use it! I only tried it on!”

    Wherever You Go, There You Are

    | Bar Harbor, ME, USA |

    Customer: “Can you tell me how to get to Mount Desert Island?”

    Me: “Ma’am, we’re on Mount Desert Island right now.”

    Customer: “But, can you drive there?”

    Me: “… Yes… remember that bridge you had to cross to get here?”

    Customer: “Yeah.”

    Me: “Okay, just head back that way, and when you cross the bridge, make a u-turn and come back.”

    Customer’s husband: *laughs*

    Pantzilla Gets Schooled

    , | Columbus, OH, USA |

    (At the clothing store where I work, I’ve spent hours folding and sizing jeans into a wall display. A customer comes up starts to look for her size.)

    Me: “Hi there! How are you today? My name is ***. Can I help you find the size or style of jeans you are looking for today?”

    Customer: “No, I’m just looking… thanks.”

    Me: “Alright. Well, you just let me know if you need any help.”

    (As I go back to folding jeans, she pulls out a pile I’ve already fixed, proceeds to destroy it and shoves it back in the wall.)

    Me: “Are you sure I can’t help you find what you are looking for?”

    Customer: “Nah, I’m alright.”

    (She destroys pile number #2.)

    Me: *wincing* “I might be able to help you find the size you are looking for a little faster…”

    Customer: “It’s okay, I’m fine.”

    (She destroys pile number #3.)

    Me: “Ma’am, please let me help you since I know where everything is.”

    Customer: “I said I was okay! Don’t you people have better things to do than bug your shoppers?! I don’t need your help!”

    Me: “Well, ma’am, I’m going to help you anyway. I’ve spent nearly six hours refolding and fixing this wall because customers like you come in and ruin it with no regard to the people who have to clean up your mess. Since we size things with the smallest size at the top and the largest size at the bottom, I suggest that you look somewhere near the bottom pile for your jeans!”

    Customer: *jaw drops* “ARE YOU CALLING ME FAT?!”

    Me: “No, I’m implying it.”

    Customer: “WELL I NEVER!” *storms out*

    (I got written up, but it was totally worth it!)

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