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    A Heady Proposition

    | Pennsylvania, USA | Top

    Customer: “I have a big problem. You cut off my head!”

    Me: “I’m sorry? How did I cut off your head?”

    (The customer shows me an obviously self-taken picture, with the top of his head removed.)

    Me: “Sir, it looks like it was taken that way.”

    Customer: “No it wasn’t! My whole head was there when I took it. I’m sure!”

    Me: “Okay, let me see your memory card…”

    (The customer hands it to me, and I go in the lab and pull it up on the computer. Sure enough, he chopped his own head off in the picture.)

    Me: “Sir, that is the whole image, and the top of your head isn’t in it.”

    Customer: “But it’s DIGITAL, can’t you fix it?”

    Me: “You can’t create something from nothing.”

    Customer: “But… but… but… I need a photo for a dating website!”

    Me: “Give me the camera and go stand over there.”

    Customer: *excited* “Hot d***! You can be my best man!”

    Me: “A thank you card will be enough.”

    (Skip ahead 9 months…)

    Female customer: “Is your name ***?”

    Me: “Yes, can I help you?”

    Female customer: “My husband wanted you to have this.” *hands me an envelope*

    (I open the envelope, and sure enough there’s a thank you card with a picture of him and his wife. He actually got married and sent her in with the card!)

    Also seen on: Not Always Romantic.

    Slightly Better Than The Answer To Life, The Universe And Everything

    | California, USA |

    Customer: “I want to buy some lottery tickets.”

    Me: “Okay. Which game, and how many?”

    Customer: “I don’t want to give away my secret plan!”

    Me: “Ma’am, if you don’t tell me what you want, I can’t sell you the appropriate ticket. I need to know what you want to get it for you.”

    (There’s a long pause during which she just blinks at me and the clerks behind me.)

    Customer: “… oh. Well, I’ll take two Super Lottos, then…”

    Foldering The Blame

    , | Orlando, FL, USA |

    Customer: “Excuse me, where are the red pocket folders? I don’t see them here.”

    Me: “I’m sorry, we are all sold out of that color.”

    Customer: “Well, my son HAS to have one for his class.”

    Me: “I’m sorry, we are all sold out. We may have more on Saturday.”

    Customer: “What do you mean by ‘may have?’ Don’t you know?”

    Me: “Well, they come to us in assorted colors. We don’t have a choice of what we receive.”

    Customer: “My son has been getting an ‘F’ every day from his teacher for the past week! He will keep getting an ‘F’ until he brings one in!”

    Me: “Have you tried the office supply store across the street?”

    Customer: “Is this how you treat your customers? It will be YOUR fault when he flunks out for this!”

    Poor, Albeit Tasty Substitutes

    | Concord, CA, USA |

    Me: “Hi, welcome to ***. Do you need any help finding anything?”

    Customer: “Yeah, I need diapers and condoms.”

    Me: “Um, we don’t sell those here. We’re a beverage store.”

    Customer: “Oh okay, then give me some fruit roll ups and towels.”

    Decision Making Make Oggwina Confused

    | Norfolk, UK |

    Customer: “Hi, I’d like to book in for my photo session.”

    Me: “Great, what kind of date were you looking for?”

    Customer: “June.”

    Me: “Okay, we only book up to two weeks in advance but I can put something on hold for you. What kind of day and time were you looking for?”

    Customer: “June, maybe a weekend.”

    Me: “Okay, just pick a time and date and I can get that sorted for you.”

    Customer: “I find this very unprofessional!”

    Me: “… why?”

    Customer: “You should show me what dates you have free!”

    Me: “Every date and time in June; no one else is booked in yet.”

    Customer: *glares at me*

    Me: “Do you want to have a look at the diary?”

    Customer: “Yes, I think I’d better.”

    (I bring her into the office and show her the screen with our June diary on. It is COMPLETELY blank.)

    Customer: “So what date can I have?”

    Me: “What date do you want?”

    (This goes on and on until I finally give her a random date and time.)

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