Truth In Advertising

| Bloomingdale, IL, USA | Uncategorized

(A customer brings up four panties with a free pair of panties coupon.)

Me: “If you grab one more pair of panties, you can get the five for $25 promotion.”

Customer: “I don’t want to.”

Me: “Well, with the coupon and the promotion you will be saving money.”

Customer: “Why are you forcing me to buy more?! I want these panties only!”

Me: “Well, ma’am, you are paying $24.50 right now for only four panties. When you purchase a fifth one, you will actually save money.”

Customer: “Well, I don’t want to! You can’t make me buy another one!”

Me: “Ma’am, please…I am not trying to make you pay more. I am trying to save you money!”

Customer: “You…want to save me…money?

(The customer reluctantly grabs one more pair of panties and I ring it up.)

Me: “Now, your total is $21.52.”

Customer: “You actually did want to save me money! *whispers* “I’m kind of slow…”

I Put A Spell On You… And You.. And You…

, | Canada | Uncategorized

(I’ve just helped a customer find a pair of shoes.)

Customer: “Thanks so much. It’s so great the last pair was in my size!”

Me: “Yeah, that was pretty lucky.”

Customer: *completely serious* “Oh, it wasn’t luck. I put a curse on everyone with the same shoe size as me so they wouldn’t buy these shoes.”

Marriage: The Ultimate Slippery Slope

, | East Greenwich, RI, USA | Top

(I work in the shipping and receiving department of a furniture store, where customers ring a bell so I can give them their box. We also have a loading dock for semi’s.)

Outside: *BANG! BANG!*

(Alarmed, I go to the loading dock where I see an E-class Mercedes sliding repeatedly down the icy incline and crashing into the building.)

Me: “Sir! Sir! What are you doing?”

Customer: “I’m trying to pick up my f***ing table! You call this customer pick-up?”

Me: “No, Sir. We call this the loading dock. The customer service door is right over here.” *points at door*

Customer: “F***! Would you come down here and help push my car up the grade while I floor it?”

Me: “Sir, that incline is solid ice. If I slip or your car slides down, I could be killed. So, no, I won’t do that.”

Customer: “Well, f*** you!”

Me: “Okay, sir. Just ring this bell over here when you get out.”

(After a few more minutes and several more crashing noises, the bell rings. I open the door and it’s the same customer standing outside.)

Me: “Hello, sir. How may I help you?”

Customer: “I need this.” *hands me slip*

Me: “Okay, sir, I’ll have that ready right here for you. Would you like some help getting it into the car?”

Customer: “F*** you!”

(The customer takes the box by himself and attempts to fit box into his back seat but fails, as it’s filled with various items. He pulls out a child’s stroller and throws it across the road and into the woods, where it catches and hangs on a tree branch. He then proceeds to throw all other items in his car out onto road. The whole time, his wife is standing with me and watching.)

Customer’s wife: “Here you go.” *gives me a $10 tip*

Me: “Good luck with that guy.”

Customer’s wife: “Yeah, thanks. He’s still got to put that table together!”

Also seen on: Not Always Romantic

All Roads Lead To Rome China

| San Jose, CA, USA | Top

(A customer is looking at our lamp displays).

Customer: “Where in China are these made?”

Me: “They’re not made in China; they’re all made in Italy.”

Customer: “But where in China are these made?”

Me: “They’re not made in China. All these lamps are made in Italy.”

Customer: “But where in China are these made?!”

Me: “None of these lamps are made in China. They’re made in Italy. It’s a country in Europe.”

Customer: “But where in China are these made?!”

Science, Stripped Down To A Soundbite

| Long Island, NY, USA | Uncategorized

Customer: “The counter is wet.”

Me: “Oh, it’s from condensation.”

Customer: *blank stare*

Me: “When someone takes the milk out of the refrigerator, and it starts to become room temperature…it drips…”

Customer: *blank stare*

Me: “It’s water.”

Customer: “Oh!”

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