November Theme Of The Month: Black Friday!

To Have And To Hold On To The Remote

| Glasgow, Scotland, UK | Uncategorized

Customer: “I bought a TV from you last week, and one of my friends told me I need a universal remote control for it.”

Me: “Right. Was it a TV off display?”

Customer: “No, a new one in a box.”

Me: “Did you not get one in the box?”

Customer: “Yes, but the wife has that! If she’s sitting on one couch and I’m on the other couch and I want to change the channel, what is she supposed to do, throw it to me?”

Me: “You could ask her to change the channel for you.”

Customer: *chuckles* “That’s not how marriage works son. I’ll just buy this one.”

Me: “Right, but if you both have a remote then you’ll keep changing the channel on each other and never see a full programme.”

Customer: *chuckles again* “Oh son, one day you’ll learn how the world works.”

We Prefer Not To Watch Dr. Manhattan’s Project

, | Fort Wayne, Indiana, USA | Uncategorized

Customer: “Hi, do you sell stuff from the Watchmen movie?”

Me: “No, ma’am, we don’t. Since the movie was rated R, there are no licensed Watchmen products marketed to children.”

Customer: “Well, do you know where I can find Watchmen stuff?”

Me: “Do you have something that you’re looking for in particular?”

Customer: “Well, my son’s school is having a superhero themed day where all the kids are supposed to come to school in costume. My son wanted to go as Dr. Manhattan.”

Me: “Dr. Manhattan? Ma’am, do you know anything about him?”

Customer: “I know that he’s blue. Don’t you have anything at all?”

Me: “Ma’am, with all due respect, Dr. Manhattan walks around completely naked. Part of the reason the movie is rated R is because you see…everything…when he’s on screen.”

Customer: “Uh-huh. Do you think [other store] sells Watchmen stuff?”

Me: *giving up* “I’m sure it would be worth a shot…”

Unobservant About The Unmentionables

| Saint Peters, MO, USA | Top

(It’s my first day at work, and I’m putting away packages of little girls’ underwear. I don’t know the section, so I walk around for several minutes, holding the packages of underwear, trying to figure out where they go. A customer walks up with two of her kids in tow.)

Customer: “What the h*** are you doing?”

Me: “What?”

Customer: “I can’t believe this! You’re disgusting. This is a public place, you pervert!”

Me: “Uh, miss–”

Customer: *jabs me in the chest with a finger* “You’re a filthy pervert! This is appalling! People can see you, you know!*

Me: “Ma’am, I work here.”

(I point to my logo’d shirt and my lanyard with my name tag on it.)

Customer: “Oh. My. God. I am so sorry!” *runs out of the store with her kids*

Yes To Dismember, No To His Member

| Leeds, UK | Uncategorized

(A customer comes to the counter with his son with a Grand Theft Auto game.)

Me: “Sir, you are aware this is an 18 rated game?”

Customer: “Yes, I am aware of that.”

Me: “It contains sex.”

Customer: “Okay.”

Me: “Violence.”

Customer: “Okay.”

Me: “Bad Language.”

Customer: “Okay.”

Me: “Drug Usage.”

Customer: “Okay.”

Me: “Full frontal male nudity.”

Customer: “He’s bloody well not having this!”

(The customer hands the game over to me and walks out.)

(Bra)ce Yourself

| Nova Scotia, Canada | Uncategorized

(A very elderly female customer walks up to the register and hands over an empty hanger.)

Me: “Excuse me ma’am, but what exactly was on this empty hanger?”

Customer: “This!” *very elderly customer lifts up shirt to reveal bra*

Me: “Oh…oh God.”