Reach Out And Touch Someone’s Nerve

| Canada | Uncategorized

Me: *on the phone* “Good morning, **** speaking.”

Customer: “I need to speak to a computer technician.”

Me: “I’m sorry, but nobody’s in right now. We don’t open for another 20 minutes or so. Did you want to try calling back in about half an hour?”

Customer: “No.”

Me: “… um, OK. Can I take a message for them to call you back?”

Customer: “No! I called NOW, so I want to talk to a computer technician NOW!”

Me: “…but there’s nobody in to take your call.”

Customer: “I need to speak with your manager.”

Me: “Uh, why?”

Customer: *angry* “I’M GOING TO GET YOU FIRED BECAUSE YOU MADE ME THINK YOU WERE OPEN BY ANSWERING YOUR F***ING PHONE!”

Me: “So…you would’ve been happier if nobody answered?”

Customer: “OH, YOU KNOW WHAT I MEANT!”

Me: “I think I do. Bye now!” *click*

This Barter Be A Good Deal

, | Pennsylvania, USA | Uncategorized

Me: “OK, so this suit will be $500.”

Customer: “Oh wow – that’s way too much. Can you take the price down?”

Me: “No sir, I can’t do anything about the price.”

Customer: “Well…how about I give you my watch?”

Me: “…are you serious? I can’t do that.”

Customer: “How about my watch?”

Me: “All right. You give me your watch, two of your daughters, a goat and a chicken, and the suit is yours.”

Customer: “OK, deal!”

(The customer walked out of the store. He never came back.)

The Grim Reaper Goes Shopping

| Hadley, MA, USA | Uncategorized

(I am stocking our stationary section, and a customer walks up to me.)

Customer: “Do you sell condolence cards?”

Me: “No. Perhaps try Target or Walmart?”

Customer: “I’m looking for them in bulk.”

Food Chain Brain Drain

| Oregon, USA | Uncategorized

(I work at a supplement store, and a customer asked if we had any samples other than what was available at the register.)

Me: “I do have this omega-3 dark chocolate if you’d like to try it. It’s made by a chocolatier instead a supplement company, and you really can tell.”

Customer: “I love dark chocolate! I’ll try that.”

Me: “Wait…if you can’t have fish for whatever reason, then you
can’t have this. The omega-3 in here comes from fish.”

Customer: “Oh, no, I stopped eating meat, but I still eat fish.”

Me: “Well, if you want to get technical about it, fish is meat.”

Customer: *shocked* “REALLY?!”

Me: “…well, it’s not a vegetable.”

Another Blow To The Disney Slave Trade

| Massachusetts, USA | Uncategorized

(This took place in a music store where there was a Jonas Brothers poster on display. A young female customer comes in, walks past the poster, stops, then walks back again.)

Customer: “O. M. G.”

Me: “Can I help you?”

Customer: “Can I get them?”

Me: “Um, who?”

Customer: “The Jonas Brothers.”

Me: “Yes, you can purchase that poster and their CDs.”

Customer: “No, I mean do you sell them? Like the real them?”

Me: “Um…what?”

Customer: *getting frustrated* “Can I buy the Jonas Brothers?!”

Me: “…I’m sorry, but we don’t sell people…”

Customer: “Well, that is just plain STUPID. WHY would you have an advertisement for them if I can’t buy them?! *storms away angrily*

Me: “…”

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