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    Go MacGuyver Go

    | Ontario, Canada |

    (I work at a bulk food store, where prices are given on the bins for 100 grams, and 1 pound of the product.)

    Customer: “Why isn’t this weighing in pounds? The sign had it in pounds!”

    Me: “The signs have it in both pounds and grams, and since Canada uses the metric system, we weigh according to kilograms.”

    Customer: “Kilograms are not grams!”

    Me: “Grams go into kilograms, sir.”

    Customer: “No they don’t! I am the customer, and I want this scale to weigh in pounds!”

    (Note that this is a scale only weighs in kilograms, with ‘kg’ painted on permanently next to the display.)

    Me: “That’s impossible, sir.”

    Customer: “No it’s not, it’s what I want. I work with computers. I can change this.”

    Me: “… You do that.”

    Same Disgusting Difference

    | USA |

    Customer: “I need to return these bladder control pads. They won’t work for me.”

    Me: “Sorry, you can no longer return anything to this store of that nature.”

    Customer: “Why?!”

    Me: “Not only has it been opened, but you used a pad and put it back in the package.”

    Customer: “I didn’t use it! I only tried it on!”

    Wherever You Go, There You Are

    | Bar Harbor, ME, USA |

    Customer: “Can you tell me how to get to Mount Desert Island?”

    Me: “Ma’am, we’re on Mount Desert Island right now.”

    Customer: “But, can you drive there?”

    Me: “… Yes… remember that bridge you had to cross to get here?”

    Customer: “Yeah.”

    Me: “Okay, just head back that way, and when you cross the bridge, make a u-turn and come back.”

    Customer’s husband: *laughs*

    Pantzilla Gets Schooled

    , | Columbus, OH, USA |

    (At the clothing store where I work, I’ve spent hours folding and sizing jeans into a wall display. A customer comes up starts to look for her size.)

    Me: “Hi there! How are you today? My name is ***. Can I help you find the size or style of jeans you are looking for today?”

    Customer: “No, I’m just looking… thanks.”

    Me: “Alright. Well, you just let me know if you need any help.”

    (As I go back to folding jeans, she pulls out a pile I’ve already fixed, proceeds to destroy it and shoves it back in the wall.)

    Me: “Are you sure I can’t help you find what you are looking for?”

    Customer: “Nah, I’m alright.”

    (She destroys pile number #2.)

    Me: *wincing* “I might be able to help you find the size you are looking for a little faster…”

    Customer: “It’s okay, I’m fine.”

    (She destroys pile number #3.)

    Me: “Ma’am, please let me help you since I know where everything is.”

    Customer: “I said I was okay! Don’t you people have better things to do than bug your shoppers?! I don’t need your help!”

    Me: “Well, ma’am, I’m going to help you anyway. I’ve spent nearly six hours refolding and fixing this wall because customers like you come in and ruin it with no regard to the people who have to clean up your mess. Since we size things with the smallest size at the top and the largest size at the bottom, I suggest that you look somewhere near the bottom pile for your jeans!”

    Customer: *jaw drops* “ARE YOU CALLING ME FAT?!”

    Me: “No, I’m implying it.”

    Customer: “WELL I NEVER!” *storms out*

    (I got written up, but it was totally worth it!)

    Speak For Yourself, Part 2

    , | Chicago, IL, USA |

    Me: “Thank you for calling ***, how can I help you?”

    Caller: “Hi, do you carry [garbled]? It’s a spice.”

    Me: “No, I’m sorry, this is a retail clothing store.”

    Caller: “So, you don’t have it?”

    Me: “No, I’m sorry, you may have dialed the wrong number.”

    Caller: “I did NOT dial wrong. ¬†I looked you up in the phone book and this IS the right number, so just tell me if you have it!”

    Me: “We do not.”

    Caller: “What spices do you carry?”

    Me: “We don’t carry spices. We only carry women’s clothing.”


    Speak For Yourself

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