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  • August Theme Of The Month: Best. Customer. Ever!

    Let The Flamewars Commence

    | Stockton, CA, USA | Uncategorized

    Me: “Hi, how can I help you?”

    Customer: “I want to buy a PS3.”

    Me: “That’s great. Which one would you like?”

    Customer: “What do you mean?”

    Me: “Well, I have an 80GB and a 160GB available.”

    Customer: “What does that mean?”

    Me: “One has twice the memory of the other.”

    Customer: “What does that mean?”

    Me: “One system can store two times the amount of data as the other.”

    Customer: “What does that mean?”

    Me: “The 160GB system can hold twice the amount of songs, videos and game saves.”

    Customer: “Well, what is the difference between the two?”

    Me: “One system has twice the memory of the other.”

    Customer: “Can they both play PS3 games?”

    Me: “Yes, sir…”

    Customer: “Then what is the difference between the two?”

    (This went on for awhile. He ended up buying an Xbox 360.)

    I Can See Clearly Now The Brain Is Gone

    | Saarland, Germany | Uncategorized

    Me: “Hello, may I help you?”

    Customer: “I need binoculars.”

    (I show him a selection of binoculars.)

    Customer: “No, no, no. Not one of these. I want one with a magnification of fifty or so.”

    Me: “I’m sorry, there are no binoculars with a magnification of fifty.”

    Customer: “Are you saying I’m wrong? I’m an engineer. I have two diplomas. Two! I know how things work, thank you!”

    (He grabs one of the binoculars, holds it the wrong way round and looks through it.)

    Customer: “This one’s broken!”

    Solid Answer

    | PA, USA | Uncategorized

    (Our store phrase is “filled with love” and is printed on all of our products.)

    Customer: “So‚Ķ. if I bite into this… Will love pour out?”

    Me: “No, it’s solid love.”

    Closing The Barn Door After The Barn Has Burned Down

    | Victoria, BC, Canada | Uncategorized

    Customer: “I want to return this toaster.”

    Me: “Alright, ma’am, was there something wrong with it?”

    Customer: “There’s a hole in the plug!”

    Me: “Oh, that’s a safety feature with this brand. It’s so when you unplug it you’re not tugging on the cord itself.”

    Customer: “Why does it matter? ”

    Me: “Well, tugging on the cord can fray the wires and increase the risk of electric shock or electrical fire.”

    Customer: “That’s stupid. I didn’t buy the toaster to protect me from fire. That’s what smoke detectors are for!”

    Related:
    Closing The Barn Door After The Udders Have Gotten Out

    Please Do Not Lather Up The Employees

    | Sydney, Australia | Uncategorized

    Customer: “Excuse me, dear, can you help me?”

    Me: “Sure.”

    Customer: “I want a body wash that doesn’t have soap in it.”

    Me: “Sure. There are a few different types of this brand here, that does not contain soap.”

    Customer: “But which one doesn’t contain soap?”

    Me: “None of them do, madam. The entire range doesn’t contain any soap in their products.”

    Customer: “I want one without soap. What about this one?” *picks up a bottle*

    Me: “Yes, that’s one without soap.”

    Customer: “Oh. Does it lather up?”

    Me: “I haven’t tried this brand, but it’s popular. It’s also about 40% off, so now’s a good time to try it.”

    Customer: “Well, you should have tried it so i know whether or not it lathers up! Next time I come in, I want you to have tried it so I know whether or not it lathers up!”

    Related:
    Please Do Not Creep Out The Employees
    Please Do Not Titillate The Employees
    Please Do Not Pet The Employees

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