October Theme Of The Month: Halloween!

Jesus On The Dance Floor

, | Calgary, AB, Canada | Uncategorized

Customer: “Hey, you guys shouldn’t have this DVD on the shelf! It’s very inappropriate!”

(The customer hands me a copy of “Jesus Christ: Superstar”.)

Me: “What’s so bad about it?”

Customer: “It is inappropriate to portray the son of God like this! He is not a rockstar!”

Me: “Okay. Well, you can submit a complaint with our corporate office, because I can’t control what gets put on our shelves.”

Customer: “Okay, well I’m definitely adding in the fact that this DVD was horribly placed!”

Me: “Where was it?”

Customer: “It was on the floor! The son of God should not be on the floor!”

The Devil Is In The Retailers

| Ohio, USA | Uncategorized

Me: “Good morning, ma’am. What can I help you with today?”

Customer: “Do you have this product here?” *points to a video game in our ad*

Me: “Certainly, ma’am. Just take that aisle down here and turn right. Near the doors are the video games.”

Customer: “Oh, alright! Thank you.”

(Shortly after, I get a call about TVs so head towards that section. After helping another guest out, the first guest shows up.)

Me: “Hello again, ma’am! Want me to show you where that game is you were looking for?”

Customer: “How did you do that?”

Me: “Do what, ma’am?”

Customer: “How did you appear like that? Magic?”

Me: “No, ma’am. I just–”

Customer: “It’s magic! You kids and your devil ways!”

Me: “I promise it’s not magic, ma’am. I just took a shortcut.”

Customer: “Through h***! Demon!” *storms out*

Why Contracts Are A Gazillion Pages Long, Part 2

| Melbourne, Australia | Uncategorized

Customer: “My phone is broken, but it’s only two months old. I need a replacement.”

Me: “If your phone is less than 3 months old, I can give you a replacement today. Just let me have a look at it.”

Customer: “Why do you need to see it? It doesn’t work, and I was told if it broke within 3 months I get a new phone straight away.”

Me: “That’s right, but there are conditions, one being that the phone can’t have any liquid or physical damage. I need to check for that.”

Customer: “Fine, here.”

(When I open up the phone, it stinks of alcohol.)

Me: “Sorry, this smells like it has alcohol on it.”

Customer: “Oh, well, I dropped it in the sink and I know you won’t fix it if it has water damage, but I didn’t have any ethylated spirits, so I soaked it in vodka for 2 days to dry it out.”

Me: “You’ve just ruined your phone, and now I can’t give you another one.”

Customer: “What?! This is ridiculous! You should be more specific when you sell phones! You need to tell people that they can’t soak it in vodka!”

Why Our Contracts Are A Gazillion Pages Long

Over(bear)ing Demand

, | Louisville, KY, USA | Uncategorized

(A customer in his late 20s walks into the store looking confused.)

Me: “Can I help you find anything today?”

Customer: “My niece is asking for something. I don’t know if it exists or not, but she asked for a rainbow colored bear that smells like fruit.”

Me: “Actually, sir, I know exactly what you are talking about.”

(I lead him to the girls section where there is a new toy bear in stock. It’s multicolored and is scented like bubble gum.)

Me: “Here you go, sir!”

Customer: “Oh, is this all you have?”

Me: “Well, there are other bears but this is the only scented one.”

Customer: “I’m just not sure this is it.”

Me: “I can assure you sir, this is the only rainbow colored and fruit scented bear toy in the entire store.”

Bagging A Deal

, | Vancouver, Canada | Uncategorized

Me: “Hello. Just so you know you with your purchase you can get any of these movies for $5.99, you save–”

Customer: “No! You know what? I am sick and tired of you people offering me things. I can’t come to the d*** mall without getting offered a deal. If I want something I will tell you, and you will give it to me. Understand?”

Me: “I’m sorry. Here’s your purchase.”

Customer: “Aren’t you going to offer me a bag?”

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