Thanks For Shopping At Quadruped, Inc.

| Springfield, MO, USA | Uncategorized

(I witnessed this interaction between a girl and her dad.)

Dad: “Are you as picky about your toilet paper as your ex-step mom was?”

Girl: “No, not really.”

Dad: “OK, grab one of those then.”

(The girl reaches for a pack that’s on its side.)

Dad: “No, no, not that one. I want one that hasn’t been touched by human hands!”

Girl: “Are you saying the store employees aren’t human?”

Dad: “Well, you’ve seen them…you be the judge.”

(I had to walk off so they wouldn’t hear me laughing.)

From Sprinting In Stilettos To Shin Splints & Sprains

| San Francisco, CA, USA | Uncategorized

Customer: “Hi, I’m looking for high-heeled running shoes.”

Me: “Um…we don’t make high-heeled running shoes.”

Customer: “That’s impossible! I bought some here last year!”

Me: “Ma’am, I’ve been working here for 2 years, and I can assure you that we have never carried high-heeled running shoes.”

Customer: “Well, where can I find some?”

Me: “I’m pretty sure those don’t exist. Heels would defeat the purpose of a running shoe.”

Customer: “Fine! I’m not shopping here ever again!” *storms out*

Me: “Have a nice day, ma’am!”

Delicious Deals

| Melbourne, Australia | Uncategorized

Me: “Would you like this gift wrapped?”

Customer: “Yes I would.”

Me: “OK – here’s your receipt. Just head to the back of the store in about 5 min–”

(The customer eats the receipt.)

Me: “Oh…um, you actually need that to collect your purchase from gift wrap…”

(The customer spits the receipt onto the counter.)

Customer: “It didn’t taste very good anyway.”

The Child May Get A Himself Complex

| Eugene, OR, USA | Uncategorized

(I was working at the registers as a lady walked in with a child in a stroller. One of the other employees walked up to her.)

Employee: “Aw, what a cute baby. What’s his name?”

Customer: “God.”

Employee: “You named the kid after God?”

Customer: “No, I named him God.”

The Force Is Strong In This One

, | Canada | Uncategorized

Customer: “Hello, I would like to return this item.”

Me: “Ok, what was the problem?”

Customer: “I just don’t need it anymore.”

Me: “Ok, do you have the receipt?”

Customer: “Yes, here it is.”

Me: “I’m sorry, I can’t return this. It’s from six months ago.”

Customer: “Yes you can…” *waves hands in the air*

Me: “I’m sorry, no I can’t. I would get in a lot of trouble.”

Customer: “No you won’t…” *waves hands in the air again*

Me: “I’m sorry, sir, I’m not going to do that.”

Customer: *turns and leaves*

Me, to coworker: “Did I just get Jedi mind-tricked?”

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