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  • August Theme Of The Month: Best. Customer. Ever!

    Do As I Say, Not As I Say

    | Greensboro, NC, USA | Uncategorized

    (I’m ringing up a customer and her child.)

    Me: “Hi, how are you today?”

    Customer: *doesn’t answer*

    Customer’s child: “HELLO!”

    Me: “Hi!”

    Customer’s child: HELLO!”

    Me: “Hi!”

    (I do this a few more times with the child while I finish ringing up the items. I turn to the customer again, thinking she didn’t hear me the first time.)

    Me: “How are you today, ma’am? Your total is $xx.xx.”

    Customer: *messes in her bag and ignores me*

    Me: “Ma’am? Your total is $xx.xx.”

    Customer: “You know why I’m not answering you? Because you were too busy talking to speak to my child!”

    Me: “I did respond to her…several times, in fact.”

    Customer: “You did not!”

    Me: “I assure you I did. I looked right at her, and she was looking at me.”

    Customer: “Well, she must not have heard you or she wouldn’t have repeated herself so many times. Next time stop chatting and do your job!”

    A Question With No Good Manswers

    | Toronto, Canada | Uncategorized

    (I’m handing out fliers outside a women’s clothing store. A man walks up to me.)

    Customer: “Hello! How are you today?”

    Me: “I’m fine, thanks. Would you like a coupon to get 30 percent off all merchandise in the store?”

    Customer: “Do you sell sweaters here?”

    Me: “Yes, we do. Are you looking for a gift for someone?”

    Customer: “No. I’m done with my Christmas shopping.”

    Me: “Well, the coupon’s good until Boxing Day.”

    Customer: “What sizes do you have?”

    Me: “Extra small to extra large.”

    Customer: “What size am I?”

    Me: “Umm, I’m not sure sir. I’m not really good at guessing sizes.”

    Customer: “Well, if I were to try something on, what size should I try?”

    Me: “Well, this is a women’s clothing store. I’m not sure that you would fit the sizes here.”

    Customer: “Are you calling me fat?!”

    Not Quite A Family Business

    | Germany | Uncategorized

    (The shop work in gives their staff a 15% discount using a discount card. Staff are allowed to lend that card to family members. On this particular day, I had left my name-tag at home.)

    Me: “That will be 79.00, sir.”

    Customer: “Oh, I get a discount. I just haven’t got the card at the moment.”

    Me: “Okay, who do you know that works here?”

    Customer: “Miss ***.”

    Me: “How do you know her?”

    Customer: “She’s my daughter!”

    Me: “Dad, last time I saw you, you had a beard and glasses!”

    Customer: “Excuse me?”

    Me: “Sir, I’m Miss ***.”

    Customer: “Oh, haha, very funny. You’ve had your fun. Now give me my discount.”

    Me: “I’m afraid I can’t.”

    Customer: “You lying b***! You’re not Miss ***! I can’t believe my own daughter won’t give me a discount!”

    (The customer leaves in a huff. The next customer is an older woman and is laughing.)

    Next customer: “So, can I be your grandmother?”

    With Great Retail Power…

    | Staten Island, NY, USA | Uncategorized

    Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, but it seems like your credit card isn’t working. Would you like to pay in cash?”

    Customer: ‘What? That’s not possible. Try it again.”

    Me: *after trying a few more times* “Do you have a different card? This one might just be having problems. Or you could just pay in cash?”

    Customer: “No! I don’t have cash. Just give me the items.”

    Me: “I can’t do that, ma’am.”

    Customer: “Why not? I need them to stop the world from ending!”

    Me: “Sorry, I still can’t.”

    Customer: “What sort of a monster are you? If the world ends, you’re to blame!” *storms out*

    Part-Time Customer, Full-Time Cavity Crusader

    | New Zealand | Uncategorized

    (I’m restocking the confectionery section and have a trolley almost overloaded with boxes of candy and sweets.)

    Customer: *gasping* “Young man! How dare you! What’s your parents’ names and number? I’m going to call them and tell them you’re buying so many sweets!”

    (I point to my name badge.)

    Me: “I work here. I’m just restocking the shelves.”

    Customer: “Well…they shouldn’t have someone like you doing that then!”

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