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    Moms: Gotta Love ‘Em

    | Texas, USA |

    (My mother told me this story, which happened to her as a cashier when she was in college.)

    My mom: “Are you going to pay for that other Coke?”

    Male customer: “What Coke?”

    My mom: “… The one in your pants?”

    Male customer: “That’s not a Coke, that’s my penis!”

    My mom: “If that’s your penis, I am going home with you right now!”

    Male customer: *slams coke on the counter and walks out*

    Related:
    Grannies: Gotta Love ‘Em
    Dads: Gotta Love ‘Em

    Fibbing Fail

    | Denver, CO, USA | Top

    Me: “Hi, how can I help you?”

    Customer: “I need to return this d*** camera.”

    Me: “Sure, was it not working?”

    Customer: “I just don’t want it, okay?”

    Me: “Okay. Have you opened the box yet?”

    Customer: “Why does that matter?”

    Me: “Well, as the sticker on the box says, if the box is opened and you return it, I have to charge you a restocking fee.”

    Customer: “Oh. No… no, it hasn’t been opened.”

    (I look and the box has been clearly opened, with a torn seal.)

    Me: “Uh… are you sure it hasn’t been opened?”

    Customer: ¬†”LOOK! ARE YOU CALLING ME A F***ING LIAR? Where is your manager?¬†I spend hundreds of thousands of dollars here and this is how I’m treated?!”

    Me: “Ma’am, if you just–”

    Customer: “THESE PEOPLE CALL CUSTOMERS LIARS! DON’T SHOP HERE!”

    Me: “Ma’am, I believe you! I will return it!”

    Customer: “That’s right you will!”

    Me: “Can I see your receipt?”

    Customer: “It’s in the box.”

    Go MacGuyver Go

    | Ontario, Canada |

    (I work at a bulk food store, where prices are given on the bins for 100 grams, and 1 pound of the product.)

    Customer: “Why isn’t this weighing in pounds? The sign had it in pounds!”

    Me: “The signs have it in both pounds and grams, and since Canada uses the metric system, we weigh according to kilograms.”

    Customer: “Kilograms are not grams!”

    Me: “Grams go into kilograms, sir.”

    Customer: “No they don’t! I am the customer, and I want this scale to weigh in pounds!”

    (Note that this is a scale only weighs in kilograms, with ‘kg’ painted on permanently next to the display.)

    Me: “That’s impossible, sir.”

    Customer: “No it’s not, it’s what I want. I work with computers. I can change this.”

    Me: “… You do that.”

    Same Disgusting Difference

    | USA |

    Customer: “I need to return these bladder control pads. They won’t work for me.”

    Me: “Sorry, you can no longer return anything to this store of that nature.”

    Customer: “Why?!”

    Me: “Not only has it been opened, but you used a pad and put it back in the package.”

    Customer: “I didn’t use it! I only tried it on!”

    Wherever You Go, There You Are

    | Bar Harbor, ME, USA |

    Customer: “Can you tell me how to get to Mount Desert Island?”

    Me: “Ma’am, we’re on Mount Desert Island right now.”

    Customer: “But, can you drive there?”

    Me: “… Yes… remember that bridge you had to cross to get here?”

    Customer: “Yeah.”

    Me: “Okay, just head back that way, and when you cross the bridge, make a u-turn and come back.”

    Customer’s husband: *laughs*

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