Mommy Sincerest

| Annapolis, MD, USA | Uncategorized

(I’m in a dressing room when I overhear a mother a few rooms down having this conversation with her two children she had brought in with her. She’s adding up aloud how much her items will cost.)

Mom: $57…$64…”

Child #1: “Uh-oh, mommy! Daddy said your limit was 50 dollars! That is more than 50 dollars!”

Child #2: “Yeah, daddy said you can’t spend any more than $50!”

Mom: “Well, you know what?! Since daddy gets to go to work everyday and I’m stuck with you two, I can spend however much I want! So you can tell daddy that he can kiss mommy’s fat a**! How about that?!”

Child #2: *giggles* “I can’t wait to tell daddy that! You’re so funny, mommy!”

Batteries And Brains Not Included

| Surrey, BC, Canada | Uncategorized

Me: “[Video game store], how can I help you?”

Caller: “I’d like to return my 320.”

Me: “You mean your Xbox 360?”

Caller: “Yeah, whatever, it has numbers in it.”

Me: “Okay, has it been opened?”

Caller: “Yes.”

Me: “Then I can’t return the 360 for you. I can only give you a defective exchange.”

(At this point, caller gets very agitated and begins yelling and cursing on the phone.)

Me: “Ma’am, can you stop yelling?”

Caller: “I demand to speak to your manager! This is outrageous, you have no idea what you are doing in the retail business. Customers are ALWAYS right.”

Me: “To a certain extent, yes. I can give you a defective exchange, but that’s it.”

Caller: “Well, how the h*** am I supposed to know if my 360 works or not with the exchange?!”

Me: “You’ll know if it blinks green lights or red lights when you plug it into the TV.”

Caller: “I don’t have a f***ing TV!”

Size Matters Of The Heart

| Attleboro, MA, USA | Top

(A customer and his wife came in to look for a TV to buy.)

Me: “Well, we have this 52″ Toshiba…”

Husband: *to his wife* “Well, bigger is always better. Right, hon?”

Wife: “I wouldn’t know…”

Also seen on: Not Always Romantic

Being Fashionable Is Kids’ Play

| San Francisco, CA, USA | Uncategorized

Customer: “What kind of sunglasses are these?”

Me: “Those are Ray-Ban, but they’re children’s glasses.”

Customer: “I really like this one.”

Me: “Again, those are children’s glasses. I can help you find a similar style for adults.”

Customer: *pointing to the same pair of glasses* “Can I try these on?”

Me: “Well, they are children’s glasses, but you are more than welcome to try them on.”

Customer: *tries on the glasses* “These are really small!”

Yogi Says Yum To Spicy Humans

, | Edmonton, AB, Canada | Uncategorized

(Note: Bear spray is basically just pepper spray that you use if you are attacked by a bear.)

Me: “Hello, thank you for calling [outdoor supply store]. How can I help you?”

Customer: “Yeah, um…I bought some bear spray from you earlier today and now my skin is burning.”

Me: “Your skin is burning? Did the bear spray come into contact with your skin?”

Customer: “Of course! I sprayed it all over myself!”

Me: “Did you read the instructions?”

Customer: “No, I thought it was like bug spray.”

Me: “Sir, you’re not supposed to spray it on your skin. You’re supposed to spray it in the bear’s eyes. You should probably go take a shower.”

Customer: “So I can’t repel the bears by putting bear spray on my skin?”

Me: “No, sir…are you sure bear country is the right place for you?

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