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    Thou Shalt Not Wear Boot Cut

    | Michigan, USA | Uncategorized

    Customer: “Excuse me, miss. These jeans just don’t seem to fit right.”

    Me: “Well these are men’s jeans. We have plenty of women’s jeans over here, in the women’s department. Is there a size I can help you find?”

    Customer: “You mean I just tried on men’s jeans?” *horrified look*

    Me: “Yes, ma’am. These are men’s jeans. This is the men’s department.”

    Customer: “OH MY GOD! The Bible forbids women to wear men’s clothes! I’m going to h***!”

    Me: “I’m sure you’ll be fine. You didn’t know. God won’t be angry.”

    Customer: “That’s what you think. You obviously don’t know God then.” *storms off*

    No Flirting A-Loud

    | Midland, MI, USA | Uncategorized

    (I’m scanning out an elderly couple. The man is obviously hard of hearing.)

    Me: “Hello, and how are you folks today?”

    Customer: “You look so young. Why is that?”

    Me: “I’m only 19.”

    Customer: “What?”

    Customer’s wife: “SHE SAYS SHE’S NINETEEN!”

    Customer: “Oh…do you have a boyfriend?”

    Me: “I’m engaged, actually.”

    Customer: “What?”

    Customer’s wife: “SHE SAYS SHE’S ENGAGED!”

    Customer: “Oh…do you want to go out with me sometime?”

    Me: “Uh…here, I’ll just finish scanning your items for you.”

    Customer: “What?”

    Customer’s Wife: “SHE TURNED YOU DOWN!”

    Also seen on: Not Always Romantic

    Future Underwater Basketweaving Majors

    | Perth, Australia | Uncategorized

    (I work in a clothing clearance outlet and I’m helping a kid pick out a pair of shoes whilst his mother is on the phone.)

    Customer: “How much are these shoes?”

    Me: “$100, but we’re having a sale with 50% off the price of
    everything in store, so those will end up being $50.”

    Customer: “So they’re free?”

    Me: “No, they’re $50.”

    Customer: “But 50% off $50 equals nothing, so they’re free!”

    Me: “No, the original price is $100. It’s 50% off that price, which ends up being $50.”

    Customer: “Hey mum, these shoes are free!”

    Un-Four-tunate Inch-uendo

    , | Portland, OR, USA | Top

    (I am selling a TV to a middle aged man and his wife.)

    Me: “So it’s between the 32 and the 36 inch TV, right?”

    Husband: “Yes, but I don’t understand the difference between them.”

    Me: “Well, they have the same specs all the way down the line. One is just bigger.”

    Husband: “Who in the h*** would pay almost $350 more for four more inches?”

    Wife: “I would!”

    Not On The Cutting Edge

    | Pittsburgh, PA, USA | Uncategorized

    (I receive the following call while working at a home decor store.)

    Me: “Hello, [store name], how may I help you?”

    Customer: “Do you have table pads?”

    Me: “Yes, we have custom ones, and we have ones you can buy here and cut yourself to fit your table.”

    Customer: “Okay, how much are the ones you cut?”

    Me: “$12.97.”

    Customer: “Okay, I’ll be in. Thanks.”

    (A little while passes and the caller comes in.)

    Customer: Hi, I called about the table pads. Could you show me where they are?

    Me: “Sure, they’re right over here.” *takes them to the pads*

    Customer: “Okay, thanks. I need it to be 14 by 11, so when are you going to cut it?”

    Me: “I don’t cut it in the store. You have to cut it at home to fit your table.”

    Customer: “You said you cut it here!”

    Me: “No, I said you cut it yourself to fit the table.”

    Customer: “Well, I don’t know how to do that!”

    Me: “You just lay it on the table and cut around the shape of the table.”

    Customer: “Well, what am I supposed to use to cut it?! I don’t have a special table pad cutting machine!”

    Me: “How about scissors?”

    Customer: “Oh…okay, I’ll take it.”

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