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    You’re Just Compounding The Issue

    , | Kitchener, Ontario, Canada |

    (A customer had purchased a few items and was double-checking her receipt after the transaction went through. She had a membership card at the store, so she got a 10% discount.)

    Customer: “So I got my discount on this?”

    Me: “Yep, see there on each item it says ‘Member 10%’, and it shows what you saved.”

    Customer: “Wait…is it 10% off each item, or 10% off the total?”

    Me: “10% off the total. Well, it works out the same either way.”

    Customer: “I thought it was supposed to be 10% off each item. I should be getting a bigger discount on the total.”

    Me: “No, you got your discount! 10% off each item adds up to the same amount as 10% off the total.”

    Customer: “No, I got 10% off the first item. Then 10% off the second item, so that’s 20%. And 10% off the third item; that’s 30%!”

    Me: *pause* “No, that’s…that’s not how percentages work… I can show you on a calculator; it works out the same. You are getting the right discount.”

    Customer: “No, it’s all right. But I know I won’t be getting this card again. I was told I was going to be getting a 10% discount on each item, and this really isn’t fair.”

    (Maybe I should have mentioned to her that I’m a math major…)

    Who You Gonna Call?

    | Portland, OR, USA |

    Me: “Hi, can I help you?”

    Customer: “Yeah, do you sell ghost vacuums?”

    Me: “Umm… no?”

    Customer: “Ok, well… thanks anyway.”

    Another Repressed Memory

    , | Los Angeles, CA, USA |

    (I have a flat screen TV near my workplace that was showing a recent cartoon on DVD: “Tinkerbell”. A customer comes by with
    her toddler daughter in the cart, and watches a bit of the movie with the child.)

    Customer: “Aw, that’s cute! What movie is that?”

    Me: “It’s Tinkerbell“.

    Customer: “My little girl likes that one. How much is it?”

    Me: “It’s new, so it should be around 15 to 20 dollars.”

    Customer: “15 to 20 dollars?! That’s almost all of my beer money!”

    Geography, My Arch Nemesis, We Meet Again…

    , | San Jose, CA, USA |

    Me: “Thank you for calling **** at Santana Row. How may I help you?”

    Customer: “Your stores are having midnight releases for ‘World of Warcraft: Wrath of the Lich King’, right?”

    Me: “Yes, certain locations are going to be open, but our store–”

    Customer: *interrupting* “It’s already midnight in the East coast – you can’t you sell them now?”

    Me: “Uhh… unfortunately not.”

    Customer: “BUT WHY?! IT’S MIDNIGHT IN THE EAST COAST!”

    Me: “Well, it’s not midnight here, so, NO, we can’t sell it.”

    Customer: “But people will be leveling up before me!! AGHHH! This is bulls***!”

    Me: “Either way, our location isn’t going to be open for the midnight release. The closest location that will be open for the midnight release is 45 minutes away.”

    Customer: “So if I go there, they should be selling them?!”

    Me: “Probably not. They’re still on Pacific Standard Time.”

    Customer: “What should I do then?! Everyone on the East coast will have a head start!”

    Me: “Maybe you should move to the East Coast.”

    Customer: “What time are you closing?”

    Me: “10:00 pm.”

    Customer: “I’m coming right now!”

    Me: “Ok…?”

    I Just Lost My Appetite…

    | Moscow, ID, USA |

    (A customer comes in with “artistic” nude pictures of herself and her husband, and throws them on the counter.)

    Customer: “What kind of frame should I put on these? They are going in the kitchen.”

    Me: “The kitchen, huh? Well, I can start you off with a few options.” *I show her a few frames*

    Customer: “…and how much would this be?”

    Me: “$350.00 each.”

    Customer: “For $350.00 I’d expect something a little more… phallic.”

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