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    Closing The Barn Door After The Udders Have Gotten Out

    | Edmonton, AB, Canada | Top

    (A customer comes into our swimsuit store wearing one of our swimsuits, dripping wet. She’s obviously come straight from the pool.)

    Me: “Hello, can I help you?”

    Customer: “I need a refund for this suit. It’s defective!”

    Me: “What’s the problem with it?”

    (Without hesitating, the customer pulls down the front of the suit, flashing her top to me, the store, and the security cameras. The rest of the customers clear out. She’s attempting to show me that the removable cup liners in the bra have curled up.)

    Me: “I’m sorry, that’s not a defect. It just curled up. You can straighten it out yourself, or you can go into our changeroom, take off the suit. I’ll fix it and you can put it back on.”

    Customer: “But this suit is defective! I need a refund!”

    (My supervisor comes over and she flashes the store again to show the “defect”.)

    Supervisor: “That’s not a defect, and as it’s clearly posted, there are no refunds on swimwear.”

    Customer: “So I’m just out $90 then? I demand a refund! I did not waste my money on a defective suit!”

    Me: “Those liners are removable. We can just take them out and they won’t roll up on you any more.”

    Customer: “What?! I’ll show my nipples to the whole f***ing pool!”

    He’s Got The Look

    | Ireland | Uncategorized

    Male Customer: “Excuse me, could I get some boyfriend jeans?”

    Me: “Sorry, what?”

    Customer: “You know, the baggy jeans – ‘boyfriend’ jeans.” *looks at me like I’m stupid*

    Me: “You mean…normal jeans?”

    Customer: *adamantly* “NO! My girlfriend calls them ‘boyfriend’ jeans.”

    Me: “She’s female…for guys they’re just ‘jeans’…”

    Customer: “Well, whatever they are, can you get me a pair?”

    Bad Combinations: Sharp Knives And Dull Minds

    | Ontario, Canada | Uncategorized

    Customer: “I’d like to return these knives.”

    Me: “Okay, was there anything wrong with them at all?”

    Customer: “Well, they were very sharp and my wife cut herself.”

    Me: “Sir, knives are usually sharp. Unfortunately, because you’ve used them there is nothing I can do.”

    Customer: “But they were extremely sharp! We were hoping to find a set that wasn’t so…sharp?”

    Me: “So you’re looking for a set of dull knives?”

    Customer: “Yes, do you have any that are more dull than this?”

    Me: “No…have a nice day!”

    Desperate Times Call For Half-Hearted Measures

    , | Canada | Uncategorized

    Me: “Three items? Here’s your fitting room, let me know if you need a hand.”

    (The customer goes in, stands there for five minutes and searches the fitting room.)

    Customer: “There’s no mirror.”

    Me: “Nope, but as you can see there’s a mirror right outside.”

    Customer: “That won’t do. Can I have the handicap room, please?” (The handicap room is a larger room with a bench and mirrors.)

    Me: “I’m sorry…that’s reserved for customers with wheelchairs and strollers.”

    Customer: “But I want it.”

    Me: “Sorry, it’s a store policy…obviously someone with a stroller or a wheelchair can’t fit in a normal fitting room, so we have to keep that one free.”

    (The customer lifts one arm, laden with jeans and shopping bags. She waves it around, and points to it with her other arm.)

    Customer: “…but, my arm is broken!”

    Honesty Against The Best Policies

    | Staffordshire, England | Uncategorized

    (We have a 5-item max policy for our changing rooms. One lady walked out with arms full of stuff, then went back for more.)

    Me: “Excuse me, it’s only 5 items in the changing rooms.”

    Customer: “Well, it’s never been that before.”

    Me: “Actually, we’ve been enforcing it for the last 18 months. See, there’s a sign.” *points at sign on wall*

    Customer: “I don’t actually read signs.”

    Me: “Well, at least you’ll know for next time.”

    Customer: “Oh, I won’t read it next time, either.”

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