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    Fowl Play

    , | New Orleans, LA, USA | Top

    (A customer comes in to return a powerhorn. We’re often wary of these returns, as customers often put them under their car to increase their radio’s volume and blow them out within a day.)

    Customer: “I don’t need this. I didn’t open it.”

    Coworker: “Okay, let me take a look at it…”

    (The packaging HAS been opened, but it still might not be a big deal. However, my coworker finds a chicken bone in the box.)

    Coworker: “Ma’am, I think you left something in here.”

    Customer: “Oh! That’s my lunch!”

    Coworker: “You said you didn’t open it?”

    Customer: “Yeah.”

    Coworker: “But there’s a chicken bone in the box. And the wiring has been cut. And the unit is cracked.”

    Customer: “It CAME like that.”

    Coworker: “With a chicken bone in the box?!”

    Customer: “YEAH!”

    Related:
    Fowl Behavior

    And The Angels Sang

    | Sandy, OR, USA |

    Me, on overhead: “Good evening shoppers, the time is now 11 PM and your shopping center is now closed for the evening. Please bring all final purchases to the lit registers and thank you for shopping with us. Good night.”

    (5 minutes later…)

    Customer: “Can I still check out?”

    Cashier next to me: “Yes, come on in.”

    Customer: “I need to check some prices on a few items, can you do that for me?”

    Cashier: “I think everyone in that department has gone home, but I can check for you.”

    (10 minutes later…)

    Cashier: “That will be $174.34, please.”

    Customer: “Oh, I don’t have enough money. Can I write you an IOU? I shop here all the time.”

    Cashier: “I’m sorry, we can’t take IOU’s.”

    Customer: “Then can you hold this until the morning, and I can come back?”

    Cashier: “I’m sorry, we can’t hold things overnight. Our policy states we can’t do that.”

    Customer: “So what… you’re trying to kick me out of the store?!”

    Cashier: “No, ma’am. If you’d like to take a few things off to afford your purchase, I’d be more than happy to check you out.”

    Customer: “FINE! I’m done!” *storms out of the store*

    Me, on overhead: “Hallelujah! Hallelujah!”

    No Means No Means No

    | Vancouver, BC, Canada |

    Customer: “I just got a new fish tank, and I was wondering what kind of fish I could put in it.”

    Me: “Sure, no problem.”

    (I proceed to show her some good starter fish. I point out some tetras, when she says…)

    Customer: “I thought that you needed a bubbler for those kinds of fish.”

    Me: “Oh! You don’t have a filter or anything?”

    Customer: “No. Just a tank.”

    Me: “Okay, well the only type of fish that can live in a bowl like environment are bettas.”

    Customer: “But I don’t want these kinds of fish!”

    Me: “Well, if you want to get anything else, you will have to purchase a filter and everything for your tank.”

    Customer: *points to some guppies* “So I can’t get these?”

    Me: “No.”

    Customer: *points to some mollies* “What about these?”

    Me: “No. With the tank set up you have, you can only get bettas.”

    Customer: “What about the platties?”

    Me: “No.”

    Customer: “So I can’t get anything else?”

    Me: “No.”

    Customer: “So I can’t get the barbs?”

    Me: *facepalm*

    The Coddling Stops Here

    , | Phoenix, AZ, USA |

    (I’m at customer’s house to try and repair a desk…)

    Me: “Well, it can’t be repaired, so I’ll have to order a new desktop. It could be a couple of weeks.”

    Customer: “So you’re taking this one with you right?”

    Me: “No, I can’t fit it in my vehicle.”

    Customer: ¬†”So you’ll be back for it then?”

    Me: “No, we don’t do delivery; henceforth, we don’t do pickups, either.”

    Customer: “But I bought it from your store!”

    Me: “… and you took it home from my store.”

    Customer: “Yeah, and it barely fit in my SUV!”

    Me: “But it did fit, and you took it home with you.”

    Customer: “Well, you’re going to need to pick it up. I’m not bringing it all the way back.”

    Me: “Stay with me here: you bought it, picked it up, took it to your home and discovered it had a problem. Now you want to disavow all responsibility? That isn’t how it works. If you got a blender home and it didn’t work, would you call the store and tell them to come pick it up?”

    Customer: “…”

    Me: “You’re remodeling your home, not paying me to do it. Don’t forget what that Y stands for in DIY.”

    Customer: *sheepishly* “… can you help me put it in my car?”

    It Happens More Often Than You’d Think

    , | Vancouver, BC, Canada |

    (I just started working at a computer store, so my trainer has a phone call on speaker so I can listen in.)

    Lady: “You sold me a faulty piece of s*** laptop!”

    Trainer: “What seems to be the problem, ma’am?”

    Lady: “The ¬†f***ing thing won’t open!”

    Trainer: “Have you tried turning the laptop around, and opening it from the other side?”

    Lady: “Oh.” *click*


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