Solid Answer

| PA, USA | Uncategorized

(Our store phrase is “filled with love” and is printed on all of our products.)

Customer: “So‚Ķ. if I bite into this… Will love pour out?”

Me: “No, it’s solid love.”

Closing The Barn Door After The Barn Has Burned Down

| Victoria, BC, Canada | Uncategorized

Customer: “I want to return this toaster.”

Me: “Alright, ma’am, was there something wrong with it?”

Customer: “There’s a hole in the plug!”

Me: “Oh, that’s a safety feature with this brand. It’s so when you unplug it you’re not tugging on the cord itself.”

Customer: “Why does it matter? ”

Me: “Well, tugging on the cord can fray the wires and increase the risk of electric shock or electrical fire.”

Customer: “That’s stupid. I didn’t buy the toaster to protect me from fire. That’s what smoke detectors are for!”

Closing The Barn Door After The Udders Have Gotten Out

Please Do Not Lather Up The Employees

| Sydney, Australia | Uncategorized

Customer: “Excuse me, dear, can you help me?”

Me: “Sure.”

Customer: “I want a body wash that doesn’t have soap in it.”

Me: “Sure. There are a few different types of this brand here, that does not contain soap.”

Customer: “But which one doesn’t contain soap?”

Me: “None of them do, madam. The entire range doesn’t contain any soap in their products.”

Customer: “I want one without soap. What about this one?” *picks up a bottle*

Me: “Yes, that’s one without soap.”

Customer: “Oh. Does it lather up?”

Me: “I haven’t tried this brand, but it’s popular. It’s also about 40% off, so now’s a good time to try it.”

Customer: “Well, you should have tried it so i know whether or not it lathers up! Next time I come in, I want you to have tried it so I know whether or not it lathers up!”

Please Do Not Creep Out The Employees
Please Do Not Titillate The Employees
Please Do Not Pet The Employees

Childlike, But Not So Innocent

| Charlottesville, VA, USA | Uncategorized

(Note: as our store is a small business, we have a strict no refunds policy.)

Customer: “Hi, I’d like to return these shoes.”

Manager: ¬†”Okay, any particular reason?”

Customer: ¬†”The shoe fits my right foot, but the left shoe is too big.”

Manager: ¬†”Did they both fit when you bought them?”

Customer: ¬†”Well, I didn’t try both of them on. The girl‚Ķ”*motions to me* “‚Ķtold me I should, but I didn’t.”

Manager: ¬†”Well, since they haven’t been worn, we can give you an exchange or a store credit.”

Customer: ¬†”I’d like a refund.”

Manager: ¬†”We could give you a refund if there was something wrong with the shoes, or if we had made a mistake.”

Customer: ¬†”But you did! You didn’t make me try on both shoes.”

Manager: ¬†”Ma’am, you said my co-worker encouraged you to. ¬†We can’t make you try on both shoes.”

Customer: “I still think I should get a refund. It’s your fault! You would make a child try on both shoes, wouldn’t you?!”

2D Thoughts For 1D Minds

| Norwood, MA, USA | Uncategorized

Customer: “Hi, why are these towels $4.99, but the others $6.99?”

Me: “The $6.99 towels are 6 feet long, and the $4.99 towels aren’t.”

Customer: “But why are they different prices?”

Me: “That’s because one is longer than the other.”

Customer: “I still don’t understand”

Customer’s Friend: “One is a bath sheet.”

Customer: “What does that mean?”

Customer’s Friend: “It’s 6 feet long. The other one is 4 feet long.”

Customer: “That doesn’t make any sense!”

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