Solid Answer

| PA, USA | Uncategorized

(Our store phrase is “filled with love” and is printed on all of our products.)

Customer: “So‚Ķ. if I bite into this… Will love pour out?”

Me: “No, it’s solid love.”

Closing The Barn Door After The Barn Has Burned Down

| Victoria, BC, Canada | Uncategorized

Customer: “I want to return this toaster.”

Me: “Alright, ma’am, was there something wrong with it?”

Customer: “There’s a hole in the plug!”

Me: “Oh, that’s a safety feature with this brand. It’s so when you unplug it you’re not tugging on the cord itself.”

Customer: “Why does it matter? ”

Me: “Well, tugging on the cord can fray the wires and increase the risk of electric shock or electrical fire.”

Customer: “That’s stupid. I didn’t buy the toaster to protect me from fire. That’s what smoke detectors are for!”

Related:
Closing The Barn Door After The Udders Have Gotten Out

Please Do Not Lather Up The Employees

| Sydney, Australia | Uncategorized

Customer: “Excuse me, dear, can you help me?”

Me: “Sure.”

Customer: “I want a body wash that doesn’t have soap in it.”

Me: “Sure. There are a few different types of this brand here, that does not contain soap.”

Customer: “But which one doesn’t contain soap?”

Me: “None of them do, madam. The entire range doesn’t contain any soap in their products.”

Customer: “I want one without soap. What about this one?” *picks up a bottle*

Me: “Yes, that’s one without soap.”

Customer: “Oh. Does it lather up?”

Me: “I haven’t tried this brand, but it’s popular. It’s also about 40% off, so now’s a good time to try it.”

Customer: “Well, you should have tried it so i know whether or not it lathers up! Next time I come in, I want you to have tried it so I know whether or not it lathers up!”

Related:
Please Do Not Creep Out The Employees
Please Do Not Titillate The Employees
Please Do Not Pet The Employees

Childlike, But Not So Innocent

| Charlottesville, VA, USA | Uncategorized

(Note: as our store is a small business, we have a strict no refunds policy.)

Customer: “Hi, I’d like to return these shoes.”

Manager: ¬†”Okay, any particular reason?”

Customer: ¬†”The shoe fits my right foot, but the left shoe is too big.”

Manager: ¬†”Did they both fit when you bought them?”

Customer: ¬†”Well, I didn’t try both of them on. The girl‚Ķ”*motions to me* “‚Ķtold me I should, but I didn’t.”

Manager: ¬†”Well, since they haven’t been worn, we can give you an exchange or a store credit.”

Customer: ¬†”I’d like a refund.”

Manager: ¬†”We could give you a refund if there was something wrong with the shoes, or if we had made a mistake.”

Customer: ¬†”But you did! You didn’t make me try on both shoes.”

Manager: ¬†”Ma’am, you said my co-worker encouraged you to. ¬†We can’t make you try on both shoes.”

Customer: “I still think I should get a refund. It’s your fault! You would make a child try on both shoes, wouldn’t you?!”

2D Thoughts For 1D Minds

| Norwood, MA, USA | Uncategorized

Customer: “Hi, why are these towels $4.99, but the others $6.99?”

Me: “The $6.99 towels are 6 feet long, and the $4.99 towels aren’t.”

Customer: “But why are they different prices?”

Me: “That’s because one is longer than the other.”

Customer: “I still don’t understand”

Customer’s Friend: “One is a bath sheet.”

Customer: “What does that mean?”

Customer’s Friend: “It’s 6 feet long. The other one is 4 feet long.”

Customer: “That doesn’t make any sense!”

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