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    A Little Bit Too Honest There

    | Toronto, ON, Canada |

    (I used to work at a sporting goods store, when a young guy of about 12-14 years of age came in.)

    Customer: “Hi, can you tell me where I can find a jock, like for playing baseball?”

    Me: “Oh, you mean a protective cup? Sure, they’re right over here.”

    Customer: “Thanks. Oh, are there sizes?”

    Me: “Yeah, they’re–”

    Customer: *whispers* “I think I’m a small.”

    Me: “They’re according to waistband.”

    Customer: “Oh…”

    Me: “I’ll be over there if you need anything else.”

    Only The Undead Ones

    | Georgia |

    (Our store is in a mall, but instead of having the gates like most stores, we have big glass doors. Th mall closes at 9 pm; at 9:30 pm, a customer comes up to the door.)

    Customer: *pulls at the door, then knocks*

    Employee: *goes over to the door and unlocks it*

    Customer: “Are ya’ll closed?”

    Employee: “Yes, and so is every other store in this mall.”

    Customer: “Why? Ya’ll should stay open at night. Ain’t that when your customers come out?”

    The Only Thing That Didn’t Arrive Is Your Brain

    | Ohio, USA |

    Me: “Hello, I see you opened a PayPal dispute for this item. It looks like your item was delivered, as shown by the delivery confirmation number. ”

    Customer: “I would like a refund. This item didn’t arrive in a timely manner.”

    Me: “All custom orders, like your ring, are shipped to be received within 14 business days from the date of purchase. It looks like your item arrived a day or so outside of that timeline. I’m sorry it was delayed in transit, but I’m happy that it wasn’t lost in the
    mail and did arrive safely! If you have any further questions, I’d be happy to help.”

    Customer: “This didn’t arrive in a timely matter. I’d like a refund.”

    Me: “If you’d like to return the ring, you can do so within 7 days from the date you received your purchase. If you wish to do so, please return the ring to the address on the package, and please include the receipt.”

    Customer: “I’d like a refund for this item, because it didn’t arrive in a timely manner. I like the ring, I just want a refund.”

    Me: “I’d be happy to accept a return on this item. Please send it, as I mentioned above, to the address on the package within the next 7 days.”

    Customer: “I like the ring, I just want a refund.”

    Me: “I’m sorry, I can’t issue a refund unless you send back the ring.”

    Customer: “But it didn’t arrive in a timely manner.”

    Me: “I’m very sorry you’re unhappy with the length of time the USPS took to deliver your package. I’m more than happy to issue a refund for your purchase price if you send the ring back to me.”

    Customer: “I want to keep the ring, and I want a refund. It didn’t arrive in a timely manner.”

    Me: *wants to die*

    Maybe They’re Having A Pow Wow At Starbucks

    | Tahlequah, OK, USA |

    Customer: “Excuse me.”

    Coworker: “Yes, may I help you?”

    Customer:¬†”I just wanted to say how disappointed I am with your town!”

    Coworker: “Okay, why is that?”

    Customer: “I haven’t seen an Indian! This is suppose to be Cherokee Nation, and I haven’t seen one Indian! We came all the way down here from Illinois and wanted to see Indians!”

    Coworker: “Come again?”

    Customer: “All we’ve seen are normal people! We want to see Indians!”

    Coworker: “Ma’am, they dress and look just like the rest of us.¬†If you want to see reenactments, you need to go to Tsa-La-Gi outside town.”

    Customer: “They don’t dress like that all the time?”

    Coworker: “No, ma’am.”

    Customer: “What about teepees?”

    Coworker: “That’s plains Indians, ma’am, and no. They don’t live in teepees.”

    Customer: “Oh…” *mutters while walking away* “… came to see Indians and all we get are regular people…”

    Well Whadya Know, It’s Working Now

    | Peoria, IL, USA |

    Me: “Thanks for calling ***, how can I help you?”

    Customer: “My phone service isn’t working.”

    Me: “Okay, I’ll see what I can do. What wireless company do you have?”

    Customer: “I don’t have wireless.”

    Me: “… I’m not sure I’m following you, ma’am.”

    Customer: “What’s not to follow? I said my PHONES AREN’T WORKING!”

    Me: “Okay, but in order to assist you, I need to know what service you have.”

    Customer: “AT&T.”

    Me: “I’m sorry, but we don’t contract AT&T wireless in the store.”

    Customer: “Look, lady, it’s not WIRELESS. My HOME PHONES aren’t working, and I can’t get a hold of my son and I’m worried. The service has been on the fritz all day. I need you to FIX IT!”

    Me: “I’m sorry ma’am, I can’t fix your home phone service. You’ll have to call your provider.”

    Customer: “What are you, stupid? I bought the phone from you!”

    (She probably had bought the telephone through us, because we sell some made by/for AT&T. But we don’t do the service at all.)

    Me: “Ma’am, we don’t do the service. We are just the phone retailer. Is there something wrong with the phone itself?”

    Customer: “NO. It works fine, but I can’t actually CALL anywhere. Now, I need this FIXED. I’ve been without a phone all day, every phone in the house is messed up, and I can’t call my SON. I don’t have a phone at ALL! Do you understand?”

    Me: “Yes ma’am, I do, but like I said, we have nothing to do with your service. We just sell the PHONES. You have to call AT&T to see what’s wrong with your service.”

    Customer: “And just how am I supposed to do that, smarty-pants? I DON’T have a PHONE that WORKS!”

    Me: “With all due respect, ma’am, how did you call US?”

    Customer: “B*tch.” *click*


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